Tired of the same old metaphor? Check these out.

[Raven Hawk]

Actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays:


1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently
compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy
who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high
schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of
those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room
temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just
before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of
his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
surcharge free ATM.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled
with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,
surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and
Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you
fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across
the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19
p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15 They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the
East River.

18. Even in his last years, Grand pappy had a mind like a steel trap,
only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,
this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating
for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but
a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or
something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg
behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with
power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as
if she were a garbage truck backing up.

26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in
any pH cleanser.

27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

28. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to
the wall

[MikeVic]

Awesome. Some of these actually made me laugh when I visualize them.

[dbd1963]

As a former high school and cc English teacher I say Ha! Those are mostly similes, btw.

[Raven Hawk]

My favorite is #20. I just crack up everytime I read it.

[Travis]

14 and 20 are personal favorites and will make their way into my next report

[saldana]

Originally Posted by dbd1963

As a former high school and cc English teacher I say Ha! Those are mostly similes, btw.

damn, you beat me to it...i was thinking exactly the same thing as i was reading through them.


that and some of them are really funny.

[kcchief19]

Originally Posted by dbd1963

Those are mostly similes, btw.

I thought that was the funny part.

[Lathum]

glad to see that todays youth still has some imagination

[oliegirl]

Either I'm really tired, or these are hysterical...my stomach actually hurts from laughing.

And #22 is my favorite...

[Izulde]

hahaha this made my morning.

[ThunderingHERD]

It should be immediately obvious that these were not written by high school students--a quick google search reveals that they are largely culled from the results of a "bad analogy" contest put on by the Washington Post.

[Passacaglia]

I like 11 and 20. Re: 24, I was teaching at an after-school program, and one of my students (maybe 6 or 7) had to write a sentence using the word "hit." He wrote "My father hit me" and I started to panic. When I asked him if that actually happened, he looked at me like I was crazy, and said no! Pretty scary for a second there.

And yeah, none of these are metaphors.

[Raven Hawk]

Originally Posted by ThunderingHERD

It should be immediately obvious that these were not written by high school students--a quick google search reveals that they are largely culled from the results of a "bad analogy" contest put on by the Washington Post.

That's what I get for trusting information in random e-mails. Similies, schmimilies. I swear that some of you can't see the forest for the trees.

And that, my friends, IS a metaphor.

[George]

Whenever I see analogies or metaphors like this, it reminds me of LT. Frank Drebin of Police Squad. He had a knack for such.