Does anyone know an operation that can connect my brain to my mouth?

sposfan · 04-29-2010, 11:07 AM

Came home from work yesterday and noticed the wife's hair looked different, I *thought* it looked a little redder, but didn't say anything at first since I wasn't 100% sure, me being an idiot and all. We were outside later and then I noticed it was definitely redder than usual.

me: what did you do to your hair? (in a perfectly normal tone of voice)
her: I coloured it.
me: wtf did you do that for?
her: just to experiment and have fun.
me: what's wrong with doing that with other women instead?
her: silence
her: do you like it?

Now, what I wish I had said, what I really WISH I had said was "yes".

What actually came out was something that *might* have sounded like "I always wanted to have sex with Raggedy Ann" but possibly a little cruder.

Guess who got to watch sportscenter all by himself?

Why don't I ever learn?!?!?

spleen1015 · 04-29-2010, 11:10 AM

No matter what you said, it would have been wrong.

MikeVic · 04-29-2010, 11:10 AM

And that's why the Expos are out of Montreal.

Mizzou B-ball fan · 04-29-2010, 11:12 AM

And we now know why the divorce rate is 50%.

Ronnie Dobbs2 · 04-29-2010, 11:23 AM

sterlingice · 04-29-2010, 11:30 AM

See- I have the opposite problem. I need something to build in about a 2 second delay between my brain and mouth

SI

DaddyTorgo · 04-29-2010, 11:33 AM

LMAO

Raggady Ann...LMAO

Subby · 04-29-2010, 11:39 AM

send her to cuervo

Shkspr · 04-29-2010, 11:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sposfan

Guess who got to watch sportscenter all by himself?

Why don't I ever learn?!?!?

Learn what? I'd kill for the chance to be left alone in peace to watch SportsCenter. No, if my wife and I had had that conversation, we'd be watching about six episodes of NCIS in a row, followed by an encore presentation of "Sydney White (now on DVD!)". After she kicked my ass, of course, because, you know, she's built like Terrell Owens.

SirFozzie · 04-29-2010, 11:53 AM

I'm reminded about the old old old Doonesbury strip touring Ronald Reagan's brain, and about the vocal end run that he was famous for.

Something like "Normally, the unconscious mind comes up with something, the conscious mind filters it and edits it as necessary, and then it goes out. In Reagan's brain, occasionally something from the unconscious brain will make an end run straight to his mouth, and come out"

Icy · 04-29-2010, 02:00 PM

Reminds me past year, when we had a friend's weeding on Saturday. Friday night, my wife told me she wanted to go to the hairdresser to get pretty for the wedding that was on Saturday afternoon.

Saturday morning I went out to the gym and after that to do some shopping. When i came back home, i saw her in the kitchen cooking, we talked some stuff and then i asked, btw, when are you going to the hairdresser? the wedding is this afternoon... and she answered... i went already...darling...

Luckily she knows i'm not the guy who pays the most attention to aesthetic

M GO BLUE!!! · 04-29-2010, 03:26 PM

The only thing I think you can do to purge this from her memory is to look her directly in her eyes, smile tenderly and tell her how fat she looks.

SackAttack · 04-29-2010, 03:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Icy

Reminds me past year, when we had a friend's weeding on Saturday. Friday night, my wife told me she wanted to go to the hairdresser to get pretty for the weeding that was on Saturday afternoon.

Saturday morning I went out to the gym and after that to do some shopping. When i came back home, i saw her in the kitchen cooking, we talked some stuff and then i asked, btw, when are you going to the hairdresser? the weeding is this afternoon... and she answered... i went already...darling...

Luckily she knows i'm not the guy who pays the most attention to aesthetic

Who knew Spanish women liked to get all dolled up for gardening?

sposfan · 04-29-2010, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shkspr

Learn what? I'd kill for the chance to be left alone in peace to watch SportsCenter. No, if my wife and I had had that conversation, we'd be watching about six episodes of NCIS in a row, followed by an encore presentation of "Sydney White (now on DVD!)". After she kicked my ass, of course, because, you know, she's built like Terrell Owens.

Never said it wasn't a win-win situation!

Icy · 04-30-2010, 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SackAttack

Who knew Spanish women liked to get all dolled up for gardening?

ROFL had to re-read it a few times to understand the joke, ok, edited

Greyroofoo · 04-30-2010, 11:39 AM

nice to see sposfan finally upping his post count

Autumn · 04-30-2010, 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Icy

ROFL had to re-read it a few times to understand the joke, ok, edited

lol, try again?

sterlingice · 05-03-2010, 12:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by M GO BLUE!!!

The only thing I think you can do to purge this from her memory is to look her directly in her eyes, smile tenderly and tell her how fat she looks.

Awesome

SI

Mac Howard · 05-03-2010, 01:04 AM

I think you're lucky to get to that last statement. I don't think I'd have been allowed beyond "wtf did you do that for?"

Sgran · 05-03-2010, 06:44 AM

I actually pulled a variation of the old Elvis line "a little less conversation a little more action" with my wife (with even less subtlety than the king) when we first started dating. She's never let me forget it, but my opinion is you should never censor great art.

sposfan · 05-03-2010, 07:13 AM

Let's just say, that in the 10 years that we've been married, I've set that expectation bar mighty low.

This way, when I miss it (which is a lot more often than not), it's not by that much!

04-29-2010, 11:10 AM	#2
spleen1015 Coordinator Join Date: Sep 2003	No matter what you said, it would have been wrong. __________________ Why choose failure when success is an option?

04-29-2010, 11:23 AM	#5
Ronnie Dobbs2 Pro Rookie Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Bahston Mass	__________________ There's no I in Teamocil, at least not where you'd think

04-29-2010, 11:30 AM	#6
sterlingice Hall Of Famer Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Back in Houston!	See- I have the opposite problem. I need something to build in about a 2 second delay between my brain and mouth SI __________________ Houston Hippopotami, III.3: 20th Anniversary Thread - All former HT players are encouraged to check it out! Janos: "Only America could produce an imbecile of your caliber!" Freakazoid: "That's because we make lots of things better than other people!"

04-29-2010, 11:33 AM	#7
DaddyTorgo Hall Of Famer Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Massachusetts	LMAO Raggady Ann...LMAO __________________ If I've ever helped you and you'd like to buy me a coffee, or just to say thanks, I have my Bitcoin and Ethereum addressed listed below :) BTC: bc1qykhsfyn9vw4ntqfgr0svj4n9tjdgufryh2pxn5 ETH: 0x2AcdC5cd88EA537063553F5b240073bE067BaCa9

04-29-2010, 11:39 AM	#8
Subby lolzcat Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: sans pants	send her to cuervo __________________ Superman was flying around and saw Wonder Woman getting a tan in the nude on her balcony. Superman said I going to hit that real fast. So he flys down toward Wonder Woman to hit it and their is a loud scream. The Invincible Man scream what just hit me in the ass!!!!! I do shit, I take pictures, I write about it: chrisshue.com

04-29-2010, 11:10 AM	#3
MikeVic Head Coach Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Hometown of Canada	And that's why the Expos are out of Montreal.

04-29-2010, 11:12 AM	#4
Mizzou B-ball fan General Manager Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Kansas City, MO	And we now know why the divorce rate is 50%.

04-29-2010, 11:53 AM	#10
SirFozzie Hall Of Famer Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: The State of Insanity	I'm reminded about the old old old Doonesbury strip touring Ronald Reagan's brain, and about the vocal end run that he was famous for. Something like "Normally, the unconscious mind comes up with something, the conscious mind filters it and edits it as necessary, and then it goes out. In Reagan's brain, occasionally something from the unconscious brain will make an end run straight to his mouth, and come out" __________________ Check out Foz's New Video Game Site, An 8-bit Mind in an 8GB world! http://an8bitmind.com

04-29-2010, 02:00 PM	#11
Icy Pro Starter Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Toledo - Spain	Reminds me past year, when we had a friend's weeding on Saturday. Friday night, my wife told me she wanted to go to the hairdresser to get pretty for the wedding that was on Saturday afternoon. Saturday morning I went out to the gym and after that to do some shopping. When i came back home, i saw her in the kitchen cooking, we talked some stuff and then i asked, btw, when are you going to the hairdresser? the wedding is this afternoon... and she answered... i went already...darling... Luckily she knows i'm not the guy who pays the most attention to aesthetic __________________ Last edited by Icy : 04-30-2010 at 11:35 AM.

04-29-2010, 03:26 PM	#12
M GO BLUE!!! Pro Starter Join Date: Sep 2005	The only thing I think you can do to purge this from her memory is to look her directly in her eyes, smile tenderly and tell her how fat she looks.

04-30-2010, 11:39 AM	#16
Greyroofoo Pro Starter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Alabama	nice to see sposfan finally upping his post count

05-03-2010, 01:04 AM	#19
Mac Howard Sick as a Parrot Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Surfers Paradise, Australia	I think you're lucky to get to that last statement. I don't think I'd have been allowed beyond "wtf did you do that for?" __________________ Mac Howard - a Pom in Paradise

05-03-2010, 06:44 AM	#20
Sgran High School Varsity Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Budapest	I actually pulled a variation of the old Elvis line "a little less conversation a little more action" with my wife (with even less subtlety than the king) when we first started dating. She's never let me forget it, but my opinion is you should never censor great art. __________________ What the hell is Mike Brown diagramming for them during timeouts? Is he like the guy from "Memento" or something? Guys, I just thought of something … what if we ran a high screen for LeBron?

05-03-2010, 07:13 AM	#21
sposfan Mascot Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Montreal, Canada	Let's just say, that in the 10 years that we've been married, I've set that expectation bar mighty low. This way, when I miss it (which is a lot more often than not), it's not by that much!

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