OT- Relationship problems

[Ragone]

I've been seeing this woman for 6 months now, and i think its going fairly well.. my schedule doesn't really give me much free time during the week, so weekends is really all i have.

Over the past 3 weekends(including this long fri-mon weekend for me) she has stood me up on plans without as much as a call.. But this weekend really takes the cake.. Had planned to take her for a nice weekend retreat to the lake.. But she instead jetted off to be with her Friend in San Diego without telling me.. and She knew and agreed to go with me to the lake.. Only reason i even know that is her roommate told me.

I value my time off too much to continue wasting it on someone who doesn't have the courtesy to even call... What do you guys think?

And no, being cocky and funny won't work :P

[bosshogg23]

If weekends are all you have and she knows this, then it sounds like the end of the relationship IMO. 3 weekends in a row is alot if that is all the available time you have.

If she respected your relationship you would be at the lake. Talk to her ASAP.

[NoMyths]

Stick a fork in it. Not even sure I'd bother to get in touch with her about the decision either, depending on how long "some time" means.

[ACStrider]

Yeah, the better side of us always wants these things to work out. I've been in this kind of situation before and it's really not fun. The best advice that I can give to you is to look elsewhere. It's not worth wasting your time on someone who won't give you the respect to honor the time you set aside. Seriously, consider being married to someone who is more concerned with a friend on the other side of the country (or close to home ) and decided to jet without notice. Not good.

[Fritz]

NoMyths and I agree on something

[Fritz]

dola

but try to doink her one last time - and be a pig

[NoMyths]

Nah...just track down her friends and doink them instead.

[astralhaze]

Originally posted by NoMyths
Nah...just track down her friends and doink them instead.

Yes yes. Much better that way.

[lynchjm24]

There is no crime in doinking both her and her friends.
Be creative!

[Draft Dodger]

ditch the bitch.

[TroyF]

Get out. She's been trying to break up with you for three weeks and you didn't pick up on the signs. I wouldn't even bother with a phone call.

Good luck, no matter what you decide.

TroyF

[astralhaze]

Originally posted by Draft Dodger
ditch the bitch.

I think we are all in agreement on this point, we are now just debating who he needs to tag on the way out.

[ACStrider]

Gosh I HATE it when girls just hope that you "get the hint."

[Fritz]

Originally posted by NoMyths
Nah...just track down her friends and doink them instead.

and be a pig

[oykib]

I agree with the other guys here. She is not only breaking up with you. She is being an asshole. I'm usually not so petty. But it won't hurt your self esteem to do something moderately spiteful nd destructive to her.

If you can bag any of her friends while getting your revenge...

Well, that's two birds with one stone ( pun intended ).

[ACStrider]

I'd disagree with oykib. Yeah, it may feel good in the heat of the moment to do something in spite, but for one, word might get around (reputation) and two, you don't want to do something you can't take back (regret). She is being inconsiderate, but the best thing is probably to just walk away. The greater revenge is to have her live with the fact that she didn't know what a good thing she had until it was gone.

[bbor]

What's her number?

[Travis]

Try and have some breakup sex on her room-mates homework. Either that or on their PS 2 controller, and we'll see if a thread pops up on here at the same time...

[oykib]

Originally posted by ACStrider
I'd disagree with oykib. Yeah, it may feel good in the heat of the moment to do something in spite, but for one, word might get around (reputation) and two, you don't want to do something you can't take back (regret). She is being inconsiderate, but the best thing is probably to just walk away. The greater revenge is to have her live with the fact that she didn't know what a good thing she had until it was gone.

She is being more than incosiderate. Come on, three weekends in a row... And sher knows he only haas free times on weekends. She must have been talking to him to agree to these dates. That she stood him up three weeks in a row without even a call.

I'll just say that she'd make a good mother for a litter of puppies.

As to the revenge factor. It's up to him. But some people feel better after getting back at a hurtful person. I, personally, don't go in for it much. But feeling like a chump after getting stomped on doesn't always sit well.

Sometimes, a guy's gotta wash the chump out of his mouth.

[ACStrider]

I guess it is perogitave. My perogitive is to turn the other cheek and to kill with kindness.

Originally posted by Ragone
And no, being cocky and funny won't work :P

You are right on, my friend. C&F won't work now, but if you had been a man with testosterone, used a little C&F, and generally avoided being a wussy she would not be so bored with you now.

Be honest with me now, okay? Did you try REALLY hard to make her the happiest woman you could?

I thought so, and that is why she is gone now. You have to challenge them, stimulate them, and keep things fresh and exciting if you want to keep them around for the long term. Being a wussy, a doormat, or engaging in any other supplicant's behavior will almost always end up just like this did.

She is not attracted to you anymore and there is nothing you can do to turn her on again. Attraction is not a choice people make and there is nothing that can be done to persuade a woman (or man) in one way or the other. In her mind you are a wussy now and will most likely always be one. You have no choice but to move on to the next one and avoid making the same mistakes next time.

Good luck.

HornsManiac

[Marmel]

Another Classic HM "I know exactly who you are and how you act even though I never met you, but I will put in my useless 2 cents which I know makes everybody laugh" post.

[Swaggs]

I dunno Marm.

I think if you add a good hook to it, HM has the makings of a best selling love ballad.

[Bishop]

Originally posted by HornsManiac
You are right on, my friend. C&F won't work now, but if you had been a man with testerone, used a little C&F, and generally avoided being a wussy she would not be so bored with you now.

Be honest with me now, okay? Did you try REALLY hard to make her the happiest woman you could?

I thought so, and that is why she is gone now. You have to challenge them, stimulate them, and keep things fresh and exciting if you want to keep them around for the long term. Being a wussy, a doormat, or engaging in any other supplicant's behavior will almost always end up just like this did.

She is not attracted to you anymore and there is nothing you can do to turn her on again. Attraction is not a choice people make and there is nothing that can be done to persuade a woman (or man) in one way or the other. In her mind you are a wussy now and will most likely always be one. You have no choice but to move on to the next one and avoid making the same mistakes next time.

Good luck.

HornsManiac

I wonder how you can say all this stuff with a straight face, especially with everyone laughing at how pathetic it is.

[Easy Mac]

I went out with this girl freshman year of college. We tried dating over the summer (bad idea), and she blew me off for like a month. So me and her best friend at college are from the same town. We hung out all summer, and I fooled around with her to get back at my girl then.

Now, I'm still good friends with the girl from the summer, my ex is good friends with the girl, and she has no idea. Thank god my current girl is cool with all this.

[ctmason]

Flip the bird and squeal the tires, my man.

The better part of valor is to run when you have the chance.

I've been through the exact same thing, and just recognize that there are some people in this world (both men and women) who simply don't have the courage to face the consequences of their decisions. This is where all this "get the hint" horsesh** comes from.

If I were you, I'd call her and tell her to kiss your royal ass, then move on.

Best of luck to you

[Fritz]

am I the only one in the "be a pig" camp?

[ColtCrazy]

Sorry to say it Ragone, but it sounds like this one is indeed on the way out.
At this point, I would simply stop trying. Make no effort to make plans, call, anything. See what she does as her next move. If you have no plans by Thursday, make different ones for Friday and go out and have fun. Don't hang around wondering if she'll call, she won't. Don't plan, and don't smother.....just play it low and get out and have fun. 6 months is a long relationship, but if she cares this little about it, why should you give her the satifaction of fighting for something that isn't there.

Originally posted by Bishop
I wonder how you can say all this stuff with a straight face, especially with everyone laughing at how pathetic it is.

LMAO I don't think I am the one who is pathetic this time. Anyone who thinks the secret to keeping a new relationship strong is kissing her ass and bending over backwards to make her feel like a queen is the one who is pathetic. Hell, all you have to do is ask any beautiful woman and if she is honest she will tell you what I am saying is accurate. Trust me, a fine woman can have some loser buy her a diamond watch and offer her the vacation of a lifetime EVERY day. Knowing that do you think "the royal treatment" means anything to her? It means you are a wussy guy who is below her just like all of the rest. She wants a man to treat her as an equal or less, but never more. If a man acts like he isn't sure if he deserves this beautiful woman I can guarantee you she knows immediately that he doesn't and will not give him a chance.

DISCLAIMER - I reallize EVERY woman in the world doesn't think like this and I know some of you will have wives that laugh and say I am not right when you ask them. However, the majority of women are like I say they are and the smart man focuses his attention on the majority.

I am finished here. I was merely offering a little hope for the future and not wanting to start major drama here in this thread. I will respond to PMs if anyone wants to discuss this further, but not here in this thread.

HornsManiac

[Ben E Lou]

Actually, considering the low-self-esteem issues that many, many women have, Horns may have a point--unfortunately. It may apply to much more than just beautiful women though. MANY women do NOT have a clue how to handle being treated like the made-in-the-image-of-God, God's-highest-creation people that they are.

Originally posted by HornsManiac
LMAO I don't think I am the one who is pathetic this time. Anyone who thinks the secret to keeping a new relationship strong is kissing her ass and bending over backwards to make her feel like a queen is the one who is pathetic. Hell, all you have to do is ask any beautiful woman and if she is honest she will tell you what I am saying is accurate. Trust me, a fine woman can have some loser buy her a diamond watch and offer her the vacation of a lifetime EVERY day. Knowing that do you think "the royal treatment" means anything to her? It means you are a wussy guy who is below her just like all of the rest. She wants a man to treat her as an equal or less, but never more. If a man acts like he isn't sure if he deserves this beautiful woman I can guarantee you she knows immediately that he doesn't and will not give him a chance.

DISCLAIMER - I reallize EVERY woman in the world doesn't think like this and I know some of you will have wives that laugh and say I am not right when you ask them. However, the majority of women are like I say they are and the smart man focuses his attention on the majority.

I am finished here. I was merely offering a little hope for the future and not wanting to start major drama here in this thread. I will respond to PMs if anyone wants to discuss this further, but not here in this thread.

HornsManiac

[Coffee Warlord]

Use the broken-hearted, "hi! I'm mister sensitive! see!" guy approach on one of her hot friends/roommates, and try and get some good sympathy sex from them.

Because as has been said many times before...you be done with her. Tag one of her friends as a parting gift.

[Ksyrup]

Originally posted by HornsManiac
DISCLAIMER - I reallize EVERY woman in the world doesn't think like this and I know some of you will have wives that laugh and say I am not right when you ask them. However, the majority of women are like I say they are and the smart man focuses his attention on the majority.

This is why you are dead wrong on these issues, HM. In order to focus on the "majority" of women, most guys will have to change the way they act. And those women very frequently end up being more trouble than they are worth in the end. What is wrong with being yourself and finding someone you can be comfortable with, rather than acting like a jackass in order to attract a bitch?

If you enjoy living your life that way, fine. But don't pretend like it's the only way to find happiness in a relationship. Sometimes things - like relationships - are worth a little effort, even if that means passing by the "majority" of women to find someone compatible with who you are. It may be easy to put on a show once a week at a crowded bar, but you can't successfully pull it off every day. OIr, if you do, you will be one unhappy person. Eventually, you just have to be yourself - so why put on an act you can't possibly continue with, just to get a woman you wouldn't want if she wouldn't like you for who you are?

[Bishop]

Originally posted by HornsManiac


I will respond to PMs if anyone wants to discuss this further, but not here in this thread.

HornsManiac

That's the best advice yet, and nobody gave it to you.



Not real sure who you've been dating, and I really don't wanna know either so spare me, but if you think being 'cocky and funny' and treating a woman like shit is what any woman wants, your sadly mistaken.

*Most* women don't want someone who is arrogant, they want someone who is straight forward and honest... no BS... no emotional attachment to some past love, and most importantly, not a know it all. plenty of other stuff but most of that is just an added bonus.

As far as Ragone goes, your best off moving on without a word... find someone else an treat her how you want... There is no 'secret' to everyones relationship that everyone is gonna do and is gonna work.... but there are some outlines for what will and won't work.

Best way to get at anyone is move on and don't let it affect you... like it never even happen.

[Ksyrup]

Dola. What's wrong with discussing it in the thread? I think it's useful, even if I disagree with you, HM.

dola....

One last thing I forgot...

Women are not wired like men and they don't think rationally like we do. As men we tend to think like this:

"I gave her everything I had, so how could that not be enough for her?"

"I gave up all of my favorite hobbies and my drinking buddies to make her and her kids as happy as I could, so why doesn't she appreciate it?"

"Damn, my world revolved around her and now she is gone. How in the hell is that possible?"

"All women love roses so sending my girlfriend roses on Valentines Day is guaranteed to make her happy and show her how much she really means to me."

"If I offer to take her to dinner she will think I am a nice guy who is kind and will treat her well. Therefore, doing so is the way to win her attention."

"I love this woman so the bigger the diamond the better. She loves me too, so a REALLY nice diamond is crucial to how likely she is to say, 'Yes.' No amount of money will express how much she means to me, so give me that credit application and let's get her the largest and finest ring in this store."

All of these scenarios sound logical to us men and that is why we think this way so damned often. However, women are COMPLETELY OPPOSITE of men and they do not think logically. That is why so many women are attracted to bad boys, violent men, alcoholics, abusive partners, etc. I am NOT saying you should be one of these guys by any means. I am just saying you have to challenge them with the general attitude that faintly reeks "Sweetie, you need me because I am the catch and not the other way around."

HornsManiac

PS... Now I am finished for good here.

[Ksyrup]

That is why so many women are attracted to bad boys, violent men, alcoholics, abusive partners, etc. [/b]

And to continue my point above, those are the wrong women, so why focus on them?

[Fritz]

Originally posted by Ksyrup
And to continue my point above, those are the wrong women, so why focus on them?

because you can make them get on all fours and oink?

[Easy Mac]

Actually, these things you list aren't limited to women's thinking:

Originally posted by HornsManiac
dola....

One last thing I forgot...

Women are not wired like men and they don't think rationally like we do. As men we tend to think like this:

"I gave her everything I had, so how could that not be enough for her?"
I've dumped girls who did everything for me b/c it wasn't any fun

"I gave up all of my favorite hobbies and my drinking buddies to make her and her kids as happy as I could, so why doesn't she appreciate it?"
This just shows you're obsessive, neither sex likes this

"Damn, my world revolved around her and now she is gone. How in the hell is that possible?"
I'm sure women have never thought like this, I'm sure they don't think this when dumped

"All women love roses so sending my girlfriend roses on Valentines Day is guaranteed to make her happy and show her how much she really means to me."
Personally, I'd rather want a thoughtful gift instead of one that falls in line with what should be expected.

"If I offer to take her to dinner she will think I am a nice guy who is kind and will treat her well. Therefore, doing so is the way to win her attention."
I've found something more creative than "dinner/movie" shows the opposite sex that you're more interested in them

"I love this woman so the bigger the diamond the better. She loves me too, so a REALLY nice diamond is crucial to how likely she is to say, 'Yes.' No amount of money will express how much she means to me, so give me that credit application and let's get her thelargest and finest ring in this store."
I've had a girl spend $1000 in a month on me hoping to keep me, this isn't a guy-centric thought.

All of these scenarios sound logical to us men and that is why we think this way so damned often. However, women are COMPLETELY OPPOSITE of men and they do not think logically. That is why so many women are attracted to bad boys, violent men, alcoholics, abusive partners, etc. I am NOT saying you should be one of these guys by any means. I am just saying you have to challenge them with the general attitude that faintly reeks "Sweetie, you need me because I am the catch and not the other way around."

HornsManiac

PS... Now I am finished for good here. [/b]

In the end, we're not that different. Relationships destroy and gender-specific thinking we might have, and we all turn into stupid, free spending idiots in order to attract/keep people we feel strongly about.

But of course, you bought a mink for your wife, so what does that say about you?

[Ksyrup]

Well, besides that reason - which is a good one. But I'm talking about for a relationship. You can't sustain a relationship built on simulating farm animal sex - it quickly grows tiresome.

[Easy Mac]

I dunno man, it doesn't grow tiresome, unless you do it for 16 straight hours.

[Bee]

Originally posted by Ksyrup
Well, besides that reason - which is a good one. But I'm talking about for a relationship. You can't sustain a relationship built on simulating farm animal sex - it quickly grows tiresome.

You must not be doing it right.

[Franklinnoble]

Try to doink her once more before you dump her... I'm with the "be a pig" crowd... do her in the butt and walk out while she's still crying about it.

[Easy Mac]

ok, gay sex isnt the way to go.

Take pictures of her the next time you have sex, then dump her over the phone and post the pics here... i have a website.

[Franklinnoble]

Originally posted by Easy Mac
ok, gay sex isnt the way to go.

Take pictures of her the next time you have sex, then dump her over the phone and post the pics here... i have a website.

Doing a woman in the ass isn't gay, but it's definately brutal if done without warning.

I agree wholeheartedly about the pictures, though. Nothing says "Kiss my ass" like posting nudes of your ex on the internet.

Originally posted by Easy Mac
But of course, you bought a mink for your wife, so what does that say about you?

It says a helluva lot. The gift was given to her on my terms which doesn't hint that I am trying to buy her love or attention. My attitude about it and the situation surrounding it made it obvious to her that I was buying it because I wanted to and not because I was trying to impress her and/or hoped to benefit in any way from it. She is already my wife and has been for a long time and not my girlfriend of six months. Huge difference there.

Not real sure who you've been dating, and I really don't wanna know either so spare me, but if you think being 'cocky and funny' and treating a woman like shit is what any woman wants, your sadly mistaken.

*Most* women don't want someone who is arrogant, they want someone who is straight forward and honest... no BS... no emotional attachment to some past love, and most importantly, not a know it all. plenty of other stuff but most of that is just an added bonus.

When or where did I ever say or imply that I treat women like shit and that doing so is the way to do it? I've never said that and I happen to treat women very well. Thank you.

Also, when have I said that women like or want arrogant jerks? You are right about that, Bishop, they DON'T like arrogance one bit. However, cockiness/confidence are totally different than arrogance.

EXAMPLE.....

In the old movie Top Gun Cruise drives the hot blonde nuts by being confident, cocky, and making her laugh... a lot. Never - not once - in the movie is he rude to her, treats her like shit, like a piece of meat, or anything else you allude to in your senseless rant. His behavior in that movie is a great example of what I am trying to say here. I know it's only a movie, but what he did works and works very, very well.

This is why you are dead wrong on these issues, HM. In order to focus on the "majority" of women, most guys will have to change the way they act.

Of course they will, but it is worth it. Women read Cosmo to learn all about positive changes they can make in their life. Men read Men's Health for the same reasons, so if you are willing to change your appearance, car, job, physique, etc. what is wrong with being willing to change your attitude as well if it will bring you more success? It is not an act or a game for us men who understand it. It is truly the way we are at all times and not just on weekends when we are at our local nightclub trying to get laid.

What is wrong with being yourself and finding someone you can be comfortable with, rather than acting like a jackass in order to attract a bitch?

When you first decide to start working out five days a week you don't feel like it is really "being yourself" because in the past you have always spent that time playing FOF and CM. However, once you get used to it and start to see results you will grow to love working out and it will become a part of the real you and when you go to the gym it will be you just being yourself.

You are the one that just refered to women as "a bitch". You have never heard me say that about them, so who is being the jackass now?

HornsManiac

[Fritz]

Originally posted by Ksyrup
Well, besides that reason - which is a good one. But I'm talking about for a relationship. You can't sustain a relationship built on simulating farm animal sex - it quickly grows tiresome.

not all the animals have to be from the farm. You just as easily mock domesticated pets or "wild" animals. I guess you could use marine life if your imagination was up to it.

[Ksyrup]

Originally posted by HornsManiac
You are the one that just refered to women as "a bitch". You have never heard me say that about them, so who is being the jackass now?

I wasn't referring to all women, I was referring to the ones you think we should all change ourselves for to try to attract. From my experiences, those women have usually turned out to be bitches. The problem is, most of those women who need a "challenge" will either tire of the challenge you give them, or not find it to be a challenge anymore, and look elsewhere for a "challenge," regardless of what you do - it's just a matter of time. I've seen this from personal experience, as well as from watching relationships of friends. More often than not, that type of woman simply wants what no one can give them over a long period of time, so they ultimately move on.

And I find it telling that the first example of "changing" that you refer to is appearance. Why should I have to work out to attract a woman, if that's not who I am? Do I need to be Buff, Cocky and Funny now?

[Ksyrup]

Originally posted by Fritz
not all the animals have to be from the farm. You just as easily mock domesticated pets or "wild" animals. I guess you could use marine life if your imagination was up to it.

You mean a ... squid?

[Qwikshot]

Originally posted by Ksyrup
You mean a ... squid?

a collosal squid.

[Mountain]

Give a "Dirty Sanchez" and then dump her.