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Old 05-04-2011, 03:17 PM   #251
MacroGuru
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Well...it's been a year now...and lets look back on things.

1) Tried to talk through things, work things out to see if there is anything there between us.....nope, she hasn't attempted or even tried to, so I moved on.

2) Kids are in counseling to help with this situation, we have now entered family counseling sessions.

3) One year of legal separation now makes it able for me to file for divorce. I am now looking into lawyers and saving up for the filing fee.

4) I have dated some the past year, I have found a woman that is very fun and nice to be around, but definitely not super duper relationship material.

I have put it all behind me, I am looking to move forward in my life. Anyone asks me do I still love her, and I will always answer without a doubt.

Work has changed over the past few months as well. I was placed on a 90 day probationary status in January because my numbers weren't up there (Go through what I went through last year and show positive results). I was removed off the status 30 days before because my numbers were so good.

I was $2.85 away from a promotion, and I will be working hard for it this next quarter.

I have all of July off and I am taking my spiritual trip to Michigan (UP) again as well as one other trip which will involve my kids, more than likely to DC for a few days to visit the Smithsonian.

All in all, I wouldn't say it's super happy right now, but I am in a good place and happy where everything else is falling.
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Old 05-04-2011, 03:45 PM   #252
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Awesome update MacroG. Keep on plugging away man and don't let anything stop you.
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Old 05-04-2011, 04:06 PM   #253
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Good to hear you are in a much better place Dennis, it has been a year I can't imagine having to endure and despite all you were going through you remained a strong Father and without a doubt your children know how lucky they are to have you......When all is said and done that is the measure of a man and you are a helluva man (in a totally hetro way)

You know I will always be there for you to talk to or just vent, and thank you again for the help you have given me.

Anthony

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Old 05-04-2011, 05:35 PM   #254
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um, $2.85 and you didnt come on here for one of us to buy $2.85 worth. shame on you!
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Old 05-04-2011, 05:51 PM   #255
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um, $2.85 and you didnt come on here for one of us to buy $2.85 worth. shame on you!



Heck I don't even know what you're selling and I'd send $3.00 your way to help you get a promotion.

Btw, I'm pretty sure you're winning. Nice job on keeping your shit together.
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Old 05-04-2011, 06:14 PM   #256
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um, $2.85 and you didnt come on here for one of us to buy $2.85 worth. shame on you!

Trust me, that $2.85 is really more than $2.85...We do workshop sales and our packages are 3K and 6K....that was over a quarter....It would have taken several cash deals at 6K to equal that $2.85.

Thanks for the props guys.
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Old 05-04-2011, 09:41 PM   #257
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I can picture a "MacroGuru's Dating Thread" to go along side Chief's dating thread.
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Old 05-04-2011, 10:09 PM   #258
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Good to hear things are going well.
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Old 07-31-2011, 07:56 PM   #259
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Little update here.

I was laid off at the beginning of July, July 5th to be exact at a job I had been with for 4 years. It's all I had ever known. Travel and Sales...

I start a new job tomorrow, in sales for an IT company here locally in Buffalo. Honestly, I am excited at the fact I don't have to travel anymore and I get to be home and spend more time with the kids. I had them for the past 3 weeks while their mother corrected some issues in her life (namely dumping the loser boyfriend she left me for and starting her business).

So all in all, I think I have found a calm peaceful circle and we will see how it is...the one thing about this job, it's a desk job in essence. I will be going to clients sites, but mainly I am working out of an office...I haven't had my own office for years....
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Old 07-31-2011, 08:11 PM   #260
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Good luck. I've gone from a lot of regional travel to a lot of national travel. Somewhere in between those two I had a desk job, really is a huge difference. Your mind gets used to all that change, takes some getting used to when it's gone.
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Old 07-31-2011, 09:03 PM   #261
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Good luck with the new gig, you think you will be able to handle the slow pace?

Definitely awesome to get to stay home with the kids though, so will you be strictly in Buffalo or doing some travel in the NY area?
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Old 07-31-2011, 09:08 PM   #262
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Good luck with the new gig, you think you will be able to handle the slow pace?

Definitely awesome to get to stay home with the kids though, so will you be strictly in Buffalo or doing some travel in the NY area?

Western New York will be my region, and I may have to slide to somewhere for a day or two for one of our clients in like Boston or PA...but I don't think I will have to do any of that for a while.

I am going to try and get into some coaching here, but the biggest improvement for me will be the fact I can hit a gym again...
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Old 07-31-2011, 09:13 PM   #263
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Western New York will be my region, and I may have to slide to somewhere for a day or two for one of our clients in like Boston or PA...but I don't think I will have to do any of that for a while.

I am going to try and get into some coaching here, but the biggest improvement for me will be the fact I can hit a gym again...

Being able to coach will be a nice side benefit, did you end up doing it at all last year? I know you were planning to at one point.
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Old 07-31-2011, 09:17 PM   #264
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Being able to coach will be a nice side benefit, did you end up doing it at all last year? I know you were planning to at one point.

Not at all, I have to call in some favors this week and see if I can get it worked out. The main issue I might have will be the job. When we do installs and such with our customers, I am also the project manager. My IT background has this company drooling over what I can do..so there is a lot of pressure on me there. I do not know if I can do the bail at 3 or 4 to coach...I know I could bail at 5 unless there were installs happening...so as I said, we will see what I can do, and I will work my way into a school somewhere here to coach.
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Old 07-31-2011, 09:27 PM   #265
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Happy for you MG. Given the pace you've maintained previously, the biggest worry I've got might be driving folks (and yourself) crazy sitting in an office ... which beats the hell out of a lot of other worries to have.
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Old 08-02-2011, 07:55 PM   #266
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2 days into the new job and I am pretty excited with it. Not being to active as I am getting my certifications right now.

But one of the bigger pieces of news is I might have an in at one of the Catholic High Schools here as a DB coach. If that happens, I will be on cloud 9.
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Old 03-09-2012, 06:58 PM   #267
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Wow, been a while since I updated.

Things are going great at the new job (3/4's of the way to my annual quota and it's only March), the relationship has had it's moments but is pretty good and the ex is well, an ex. (ie, pain in the ass)

Right now though, the girlfriend needs a few prayers. Her Uncle has had prostate cancer for a while and is in his final stages. He called the family yesterday to come visit him, today he is downhill. The family has been prepared, but he is a great guy and she has a good relationship with him. I just don't want him to hurt, and I don't want her to see him suffer.
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Old 03-09-2012, 06:59 PM   #268
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Prayers are on the way and glad to hear you are doing well otherwise Macro!
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Old 03-09-2012, 11:12 PM   #269
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Prayers sent Dennis, hoping your girl and her family will find the strength they need as they go through this.
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Old 05-30-2012, 04:08 PM   #270
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Well...

A new update and one I am happy to write and yet sad.

So this all began two years ago. In the state of NY separation has to be for 1 year then divorce proceedings can begin...well, I was destroyed financially with a layoff last year and unable to afford a lawyer up until just recently. Money is still tight as I am creating the income stream with work, but I was able to find a good lawyer that is about parental rights and is willing to work with me on the retainer.

I officially signed that retainer today and the ex who has had me by the balls in regards to my kids for the past 2 years will be served divorce papers within the next 2 weeks.

I am happy and the stress is lifted, but I am sad because I am having to be a complete asshole towards this end to get my rights because the ex has turned into a serious nut job and it is the official end of the marriage.
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Old 05-30-2012, 04:33 PM   #271
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Well...

A new update and one I am happy to write and yet sad.

So this all began two years ago. In the state of NY separation has to be for 1 year then divorce proceedings can begin...well, I was destroyed financially with a layoff last year and unable to afford a lawyer up until just recently. Money is still tight as I am creating the income stream with work, but I was able to find a good lawyer that is about parental rights and is willing to work with me on the retainer.

I officially signed that retainer today and the ex who has had me by the balls in regards to my kids for the past 2 years will be served divorce papers within the next 2 weeks.

I am happy and the stress is lifted, but I am sad because I am having to be a complete asshole towards this end to get my rights because the ex has turned into a serious nut job and it is the official end of the marriage.

Sorry to hear that. My business partner is just nearing his (hopeful) settlement, but at every stage it's been ridiculously drama-filled from even what I hear (which isn't even everything I'm sure).

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Old 05-31-2012, 10:53 AM   #272
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The good news is, the end can finally be accomplished. I'm sure already are, but, be prepared for some stupid, wild and wacky shit coming from your ex, as she is more than likely going to try and squeeze every last nickel and dime out of you as she possibly can and make up shit to make you look like the bad guy to the court. Quite honestly, given the little bit of history about her, she's the one that should be paying you child support and thankful, no, grateful, that her kids have an awesome dad like you.
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Old 05-31-2012, 10:57 AM   #273
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She is in for one seriously RUDE awakening when everything come out before thee judge. I hope she wakes up from her "yer gonna pay me everything" dream because thats not gonna happen.
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Old 05-31-2012, 11:02 AM   #274
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Still in your corner cheering, MG.

A little bit more of the hard (and yes, likely wild and wacky) shit to get through, but stay strong. You're modeling what it means to be a man to your kids.
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Old 05-31-2012, 01:37 PM   #275
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Thanks guys....as I said it was a bit of a rough night for me last night.

One other thing I forgot to mention. The kids will be heading back to Utah for the summer to spend time with family they haven't seen in almost 4 years. They will be there from July until August. It will be right as the initial fur of this flies so they won't have to experience it.

I have planned it and timed it that way.
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Old 05-31-2012, 01:45 PM   #276
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I have planned it and timed it that way.

Well done sir.

Just try to ride the waves, you know they're coming (they always do) but don't lose sight of the fact that you're gonna come out of them on the other side.
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Old 05-31-2012, 03:01 PM   #277
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Happy and sad for you at the same time buddy. I know you tried hard and have had so much to endure, but at least resolution is now in sight. some bumps ahead for sure, but it will definitely get better. You will find that your happiness increases beyond what you may think is possible right now when it is all behind you.

Best of luck and you know I am here for you if you need anything!
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Old 09-04-2012, 11:11 AM   #278
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Ok..brief update.

Didn't get the stuff done I wanted to over the summer due to finances but the lawyer told me to bag it and get everything in, he will work it out.

Que to last week. I ended up getting into a heated discussion with the ex about the kids and the weekend and she said some choice words and I told her where to go.

This leads her going home and venting about me to the boyfriend who in turns feels it was his right to issue an ultimatum to the kids. The boys were obviously scared with how their mother would react...instantly responded with her.

My daughter on the other hand has been planning for a year of how to approach her mother on moving in with me, wouldn't answer and wanted to wait until she started school so she could get the assistance of the guidance counselor. Well, the ex pushed the issue and my daughter didn't bat an eye as she said me.

So my 15 year old daughter is now living with me. I informed my lawyer of what happened and I am in the process of him getting everything ready now for finalizing.

I just need to get this done and I am happy I found a lawyer who is willing to work with me on such a horrendous situation.
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Old 09-04-2012, 11:24 AM   #279
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Best of luck, Macro. Hope everything works out for you.
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Old 09-04-2012, 11:57 AM   #280
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Congrats, Macro. I hope it all works out.
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Old 10-25-2012, 12:55 PM   #281
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Ok..brief update.

Didn't get the stuff done I wanted to over the summer due to finances but the lawyer told me to bag it and get everything in, he will work it out.

Que to last week. I ended up getting into a heated discussion with the ex about the kids and the weekend and she said some choice words and I told her where to go.

This leads her going home and venting about me to the boyfriend who in turns feels it was his right to issue an ultimatum to the kids. The boys were obviously scared with how their mother would react...instantly responded with her.

My daughter on the other hand has been planning for a year of how to approach her mother on moving in with me, wouldn't answer and wanted to wait until she started school so she could get the assistance of the guidance counselor. Well, the ex pushed the issue and my daughter didn't bat an eye as she said me.

So my 15 year old daughter is now living with me. I informed my lawyer of what happened and I am in the process of him getting everything ready now for finalizing.

I just need to get this done and I am happy I found a lawyer who is willing to work with me on such a horrendous situation.

Just over a month.

I received court papers for a petition for support and custody last week. She was pissed my daughter moved in with me and that things didn't go her way. So she is going the legal way.

However, I have had the paperwork finished, just not signed for the finalization of the divorce. Well, they were signed today and will be filed officially next week.

I lost it in the lawyers parking lot after I signed them. I know why, because it's an official door closing on (16 years legally, 14 together) someone that was special to me. But I have known it has been dead for a while and no chance. Part of me was chicken shit to not do it sooner, the other part inside of me I think held out hope that she would "wise" up, apologize and we would figure things out.

So, everything should be finalized within the next month and I will officially have this "burden" off of my back....
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Old 10-25-2012, 01:01 PM   #282
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Sorry to hear Macro, but at the same time, glad to hear that it's reaching its conclusion. Hang in there.
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Old 10-25-2012, 01:01 PM   #283
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Old 10-25-2012, 01:06 PM   #284
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On the outside that is a very big step in the right direction for your future. The anger is totally normal and expected but it'll fade and you are right, this burden will be gone and you'll never know how you made it before.
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Old 10-25-2012, 01:39 PM   #285
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I did pretty much the same thing. Got the paperwork and just sat on them for a few months. It's not easy, even though everything they've done should make it easy.

Time to write some new chapters in your life and start to feel relieved soon, now that this part is all behind you.
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Old 10-25-2012, 01:44 PM   #286
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Good luck, man.
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Old 10-26-2012, 09:38 AM   #287
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Hang in there, Macro.
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Old 10-26-2012, 10:04 AM   #288
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Onward.
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Old 02-01-2013, 07:23 AM   #289
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So...my lawyer was a heaping pile of dung. The bastard tried to take me for my $ and the minute the ex found out I lawyered up...she has been withholding my kids for all things...$!

I have not seen my kids for three months. I have spoken to them on the phone maybe three times at the max in that time frame.

I have held out, fought the battle, called to speak to them every other day to be denied.

I have been pleading with my lawyer to get this shit done, and he hasn't responded. two times since I hired him has he responded. 2 weeks ago he was given I need a response or your fired voice mail and email.

He never responded. I then asked for a refund that was due to me...still no response. I then filed a charge back with my bank, cancelled my card he had billed and sent an email I have done such.

Still no response. I don't know where he is at, what he is doing, but he has disappeared and I am now back to square one. I have now managed on my own to file an order for visitation and I may convert it to an order of custody.

The big thing that has happened though is I am finally getting my kids. I think the Ex realized I wasn't paying her extortion and has given in. So for those I am FB friends with, expect to see a bunch of excited photos of me with my kids, opening their Christmas presents and just having a blast with me this weekend!
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Old 02-01-2013, 07:30 AM   #290
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My lawyer was a dirtbag, etc.

Just had a friend go through something very similar in another state. YMMV but in his case, the state bar association was an enormous help. They were not amused by his slackass lawyer's antics & cracked a major whip over his head. They were involved earlier in the process than you are now, but I think it'd be worth a call next week, just to make the asshole jump through some hoops & defend himself against a formal complaint.

But not until after you've enjoyed the weekend, at this point, busting the lawyer's chops can wait 'til more important things are done
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Old 02-01-2013, 07:53 AM   #291
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Wow, you definitely don't expect this from the person that is on 'your side'. Agree with Jon, notify the Bar of his antics, what a bastard. Gogin through this is hard enough without the added crap from your lawyer.

Enjoy this weekend buddy and I will be expecting plenty of pictures!!
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Old 02-01-2013, 08:01 AM   #292
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Enjoy the weekend Dennis, then blast the lawyer with a formal complaint!!
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Old 02-01-2013, 10:07 AM   #293
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Please blast the lawyer for that with the bar. Lawyers charge enough for what they do as it is, to then not do the job is just complete and total douchebaggery. He deserves to have his ass handed to him.
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Old 02-01-2013, 10:13 AM   #294
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What a douche. File a complaint for sure. Have fun with your kids. I'm sure they'll be excited to see you!
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Old 02-01-2013, 11:49 AM   #295
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So...my lawyer was a heaping pile of dung. The bastard tried to take me for my $ and the minute the ex found out I lawyered up...she has been withholding my kids for all things...$!

I have not seen my kids for three months. I have spoken to them on the phone maybe three times at the max in that time frame.

I have held out, fought the battle, called to speak to them every other day to be denied.

I have been pleading with my lawyer to get this shit done, and he hasn't responded. two times since I hired him has he responded. 2 weeks ago he was given I need a response or your fired voice mail and email.

He never responded. I then asked for a refund that was due to me...still no response. I then filed a charge back with my bank, cancelled my card he had billed and sent an email I have done such.

Still no response. I don't know where he is at, what he is doing, but he has disappeared and I am now back to square one. I have now managed on my own to file an order for visitation and I may convert it to an order of custody.

The big thing that has happened though is I am finally getting my kids. I think the Ex realized I wasn't paying her extortion and has given in. So for those I am FB friends with, expect to see a bunch of excited photos of me with my kids, opening their Christmas presents and just having a blast with me this weekend!

You should file a complaint with the state's attorney grievance committee:

Attorney Grievence Committees
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Old 02-01-2013, 11:55 AM   #296
JediKooter
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: San Diego via Sausalito via San Jose via San Diego
That really sucks man. Just wow. Hopefully you will get your money back and also get a lawyer that actually wants to help.

Sounds like it will be an awesome weekend for you and your kids. From everything I've read and seen, you're a great dad Macro!
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Old 02-02-2013, 10:34 AM   #297
Dodgerchick
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Austin, TX
Whatta piece of shit lawyer, wtf is wrong with people? "DO UNTO OTHERS..." and all that.

Have a blast with your kiddos and looking forward to pics on FB.
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Old 05-06-2013, 11:02 AM   #298
MacroGuru
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: Utah
Wow, it's been awhile and some pretty heavy changes.

First off, I had the kids for the 3 weekends of Feb and then I was promptly told I wasn't getting them again and they were being with held from me because I let my 12 yr old play black ops with me.

I promptly submitted the order for Visitation was granted a date of April 5 for the court date and asked for an advocate for my kids.

The full court press was on by my Ex to get the kids to hate me, and tell their advocate that they do hate me and don't want anything to do with me.

April 5th rolls around, I knew my ex wasn't going to show up and she said she was going to drag this out as long as possible. I informed the judge of the statement so the Judge issues her a warrant to appear (Strike 1 of looking good to the judge.) on the 26th and assigns my kids their advocate.

My 15 yr old and 12 yr old stand up for themselves and tell the advocate the truth while my 7 yr old is afraid and because he wasn't going to was assigned another advocate.

26th rolls around and I have a court appointed attorney now and I roll into court, meet the kids advocate and she sits down and talks to me. After our discussion she tells me she wants me to petition for custody. The kids shouldn't be in that house. She also tells me she is coming in guns loaded for the court.

We go into court, and I am granted immediate visitation and what I requested for, on top of that there are other orders.

The boyfriend has been forcing them to call him dad, she was verbally beat down by the judge over that. The boyfriend has been disciplining my kids to the point of abuse, she was verbally beat down by the judge over that as well. (Strike 2 looking good in the judges eyes)

The final was open communication to my kids. Meaning I should be able to call and speak to my kids whenever.

So I have had the two oldest on my visitation days because the youngest has said he doesn't want to go with him and he hates me, all due to fear of them and she isn't making him even though there is an order. Weds is my daughters birthday and I get them that day. I expect him to join us and if he doesn't, I will be enforcing the order through my attorney.

I am now filing for full custody and I begin building out the third bedroom this week in the apartment with Render's help. Hope to have the walls up, taped, mudded and sanded by Friday when I get my kids so my daughter has her own room.

Right now, things look positive for me as I have the support of the two advocates (Yes, my little guys advocate has major red flags on the house as well).
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Old 05-06-2013, 11:21 AM   #299
BYU 14
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Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: The scorched Desert
Wow what a saga Dennis, I really feel for you buddy, but it is great to see things going your way and it looks like the worst might be over.

It just amazes me how someone can be so unconcerned with the welfare of the kids, just to try and make your life miserable.
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Old 05-06-2013, 11:24 AM   #300
molson
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Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: The Mountains
Quote:
Originally Posted by MacroGuru View Post

The full court press was on by my Ex to get the kids to hate me

I can't imagine anything more frustrating than that. It takes real courage and restraint to stay above all that. And of course, ultimately, that kind of full court press never actually "works" in the long run.
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