Have you ever cheated on a spouse/long-term other?

[Neon_Chaos]

I think a majority of the board are happy that we even found our own significant other.

[BYU 14]

Originally Posted by Neon_Chaos

I think a majority of the board are happy that we even found our own significant other.

Good point, you may have answered the question

[MacroGuru]

Actually, I appreciate RendeR sharing his open and uncensored view on things...to me and the people watching tendencies I have (Hell a fun night out is heading to the mall after dinner and drinks and just watching people) it shows a bit more of the person on the other end.

I also applaud the fact he isn't scared to post and admit his beliefs

[Anthony]

Originally Posted by Oilers9911

Actually, in almost all cases that is exactly what it means.

LOL, exactly. human society (at least American society in particular since we're not discussing other cultures here) has had many many years to evolve and develop. it's taken centuries, literally, for us to get to this point where we can definitively say the various things an individual can do with their life and still be considered a normal part of society. and here we have Render kicking down the door and stating society has it all wrong and his ideas for alternative lifestyles work just as good, if not better, is just funny. again, i don't care about the open marriage thing, that's a choice among adults. but to say an open marriage works with children involved, knowing 98% of America is geared towards the normal 2 parent household (and i think we're at the point where a single family household has shed its social stigma) is setting them up for the same type of ridicule that render apparently went through.

you can allow someone the right to live the way they want, but nothing says you have to blindly accept that what their doing is completely normal and acceptable. we are fully clothed in our society. and try as you might, you just can't say "clothes are too conformist and who am i to say everyone should wear clothes" and applaud your neighbor who mows his lawn with exposed genitalia. clearly, there needs to be some boundaries in life, there needs to be a commonly agreed-upon path we all try to follow, so that when we see someone deviate from that path we can say "that person is wrong." no one is saying you have to be a worker ant, we're all allowed to be unique, but that uniqueness has does have its limitations. at least in America, it does.

i'll try to move on now, the least posted phrase in the internet is "you're actually right, and i'm wrong, i'm going to change my way of thinking". render will still think the way he does and nothing anyone writes will change it.

[Anthony]

Originally Posted by MacroGuru

Actually, I appreciate RendeR sharing his open and uncensored view on things...to me and the people watching tendencies I have (Hell a fun night out is heading to the mall after dinner and drinks and just watching people) it shows a bit more of the person on the other end.

I also applaud the fact he isn't scared to post and admit his beliefs

true dat. he's been rather consistent throughout. he may be wrong in his views, but he's consistent.

[RendeR]

Originally Posted by Oilers9911

Actually, in almost all cases that is exactly what it means.

Are you now the sultan of absolutes? If its not 100% then my point is valid. verifying that some cases, even a high eprcentage of them, are true, still does not make them all true.

Society says religion is a good thing, that does not make it true. Society says drinking is bad, this does not make it true (to excess perhaps)

Society in general is the most people finding the most in common and agreeing to live that way. Society is not always right, thats all I'm saying.

[RendeR]

Originally Posted by Hell Atlantic

true dat. he's been rather consistent throughout.

I appreciate the fact that even you can admit this much.

Originally Posted by Hell Atlantic

he may be wrong in his views, but he's consistent.

But then you say something like this. See this is where you keep spouting ignorance

I am not wrong, YOU simply disagree with me, many people do, it doesn't make me wrong. Simply different. And your example is actually a perfect example of where we disagree entirely. if my neighbor (god forbid as he's 60+ and sagging) decides he wants to mow his lawn naked. more power to him, its HIS property and His body, he can do whatever he damn well pleases. And while I may not want to LOOK at him, I will stand right there next to him and defend his right to do so.

This above all is why you piss everyone off MOST of the time, you're short sighted, pig headed attitude that everyone should conform to some semblance of what you think is right. THAT is what is really wrong with society in general. Mob rule is ugly and destructive. People need to learn to live and think for themselves.

Macro: Thank you, its nice to actually see someone appreciating a different point of view without spouting stupidity.

[BYU 14]

Originally Posted by MacroGuru

Actually, I appreciate RendeR sharing his open and uncensored view on things...to me and the people watching tendencies I have (Hell a fun night out is heading to the mall after dinner and drinks and just watching people) it shows a bit more of the person on the other end.

I also applaud the fact he isn't scared to post and admit his beliefs

I agree as well, it is ballsy knowing the backlash that was sure to come. Live and let live, whether you agree or not, you have to respect his freedom to choose and courage to share his views.

It has really taken this thread in a different direction though

[Eaglesfan27]

Originally Posted by RendeR

Are you now the sultan of absolutes? If its not 100% then my point is valid. verifying that some cases, even a high eprcentage of them, are true, still does not make them all true.

Society says religion is a good thing, that does not make it true. Society says drinking is bad, this does not make it true (to excess perhaps)

Society in general is the most people finding the most in common and agreeing to live that way. Society is not always right, thats all I'm saying.

I was/am going to stay out of this argument as I'm biting my tongue from gong with it any further, but where do you get that society says drinking is bad? Society glamorizes drinking. Society says underage drinking is bad, except they do so with a wink and a nudge most of the time. Society does say that drinking and driving is bad. However, with that exception, drinking is promoted in society by the media and most other mainstream forces. There are happy hours. People get together all of the time for social drinks. Drinking is generally not shunned. Now if someone is an alcoholic, then they might hear they shouldn't drink any more.

[RendeR]

Originally Posted by BYU 14

I agree as well, it is ballsy knowing the backlash that was sure to come. Live and let live, whether you agree or not, you have to respect his freedom to choose and courage to share his views.

It has really taken this thread in a different direction though

Thank you. And yes, I had noted earlier that we should let this thread resume its more tedious direction

[RendeR]

Originally Posted by Eaglesfan27

I was/am going to stay out of this argument as I'm biting my tongue from gong with it any further, but where do you get that society says drinking is bad? Society glamorizes drinking. Society says underage drinking is bad, except they do so with a wink and a nudge most of the time. Society does say that drinking and driving is bad. However, with that exception, drinking is promoted in society by the media and most other mainstream forces. There are happy hours. People get together all of the time for social drinks. Drinking is generally not shunned. Now if someone is an alcoholic, then they might hear they shouldn't drink any more.

The drinking analogy is a weak one, i freely admit. I'm at work and really didn't have time to come up with a second really solid one. So drinking was it.

For the most part you're right, It is glamorized to the extreme, but depending on the age group you talk to, and the demographic, you'll get many differeing points of view.

I think the direction I took it from is that the majority of those who would most vehemently disagree with me on the extended family ideal would also state that drinking is, in general, a bad thing. I coul be wrong, like I said, it was a weak choice of examples.

Please don't hesitate to PM me with further discussoin if you' rather not appear to argue in thread. I'm always willing to listen and at least consider other's opinions, unlike some on this board *wink*

[Telle]

Originally Posted by Eaglesfan27

What about the psychological impact of children in that family? Most of society is not understanding of such a family, and there are going to be questions from outside families, from other kids, etc. There are going to be many issues brought up that are going to be very hard for kids in such a "family" to deal with.

There are all sorts of situations in which a particular family will be different from those around it, resulting in questions and potentially stress from other kids and others in the community. Not too long ago, children from a divorced family fell into this category.. these days, children of homosexual parents are the ones everybody is concerned about. How about mixed-race parents? How about a family whose religion and/or culture is radically different than those around them? There are countless ways in which a family could be seen as "different" from those around them.

ALL parents should be aware of potential stresses on their children, and actively find ways help them deal with that. Having a two-parent household in happy suburbia with a white picket fence is not a guarantee against having children with psychological problems.

[Telle]

And for what it's worth, I don't have the slightest idea how a 4-5 parent household would work either. And I don't think it would be the ideal for the vast majority of people. But I don't discount the idea that somebody, somewhere, could make it work.. and for those unique individuals, it could be a very good thing.

[MacroGuru]

Originally Posted by Telle

How about a family whose religion and/or culture is radically different than those around them? There are countless ways in which a family could be seen as "different" from those around them.

Bingo! This statement rings true for me. I grew up Catholic in a predominantly Mormon society, to top it off...my mother was Divorced...oh and she smoked...I think I hit the trifecta for the community standards of do not let your children play with this child.

The point is, people have their life, we have free will to choose and live it how we want to, even if it doesn't construe to societies standards. Now as a whole, is it mainstreams societies job to try and change someones point of view? The governments? No, granted it has been going on for quite a while though.

Society can and will adapt, it may take centuries for it to happen, but it eventually will, and the ability to move beyond has been what has kept the American society moving forward.

Stagnation and the unwillingness to change is what has been the downfall of societies in the past (ie....the Romans)

[Oilers9911]

Originally Posted by RendeR

Society says drinking is bad, this does not make it true

My bad bro, because obviously we live on different planets because the society I am part of does not say drinking is bad. Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to watch 1000 beer commercials, get drunk and throw up on myself.

[RendeR]

Originally Posted by Oilers9911

My bad bro, because obviously we live on different planets because the society I am part of does not say drinking is bad. Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to watch 1000 beer commercials, get drunk and throw up on myself.

Much to your shock and horror there is a fairly hefty contingent of society that would indeed view that activity and you as a bad thing. The peer group you interact with my endorse it, but other entire subsections of the populace would dislike or even shun you for the activity.

We don't live on different planets, simply within differeing social groupings they do SEEM like planets at times though.

[RendeR]

I just gotta say, I love my wife =)

[jeff061]

Originally Posted by MacroGuru

Actually, I appreciate RendeR sharing his open and uncensored view on things...to me and the people watching tendencies I have (Hell a fun night out is heading to the mall after dinner and drinks and just watching people) it shows a bit more of the person on the other end.

I also applaud the fact he isn't scared to post and admit his beliefs

My thoughts exactly.

[Galaxy]

The mix of ideas, cultures and values here are pretty interesting. This must be what makes FOFC a great place.

[MrBug708]

Originally Posted by RendeR

Ahh, see now that is my experience of havng people be negative to the idea exerting pressure on my reaction to your comment!

Excellent stuff! I wish I could quit my job in the late summer and work the sterling festival myself. We always have such a grea time up there. We spend the entire weekend camping and then attend the fest saturday and sunday.

Telle and I are actrually renewing our wedding vows this coming summer at the festival. Its our 5th anniversary this year so we thought i would be a nice special occasion kind of thing.

Again, sory for the instant reaction before. I'm not used to getting positive feedback for being a Ren-fest guy =)

First day I part of it, one of the other guys told me that even Quasimoto could get laid twice in one night at the Ren Faire. For my experiences, it's probably true.

Are you doing a handfasting? A bunch of people I know ended up doing that. Sadly though, most of them ended up splitting up. Most cannot conform to the ideals that you seem to enjoy. Whatever works though.

Sadly, I cannot make it but once during the season, but I still see some of my old group and know a few of the Irish calls towards the woman

[RendeR]

The stirling Festival has a group renewal, vows type thing thats part of a whole package. Its something fun and lets us really commemorate our 5th anniversary, I think it'll be a hoot.

[Mizzou B-ball fan]

Just to alter the thread direction once again, I hear there's nothing wrong with masturbating.

[RendeR]

Originally Posted by Mizzou B-ball fan

Just to alter the thread direction once again, I hear there's nothing wrong with masturbating.

Of course there isn't. its perfectly natural and a healthy expression of one's sexuality.


Well, not for Pumpy, but hey, I'm just sayin....

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by Mizzou B-ball fan

Just to alter the thread direction once again, I hear there's nothing wrong with masturbating.

The masturbating bear.

[SFL Cat]

During my 25 years of marriage, I've had my fair share opportunities to cheat, but have never yielded to the temptation.

I have never seen an open relationship with a happy ending. Yes, I suppose its nice for a time when you can have your cake and eat it too, especially if you can find others to play along. But ultimately feelings change, as they always do, and without commitment, there is no lasting relationship, and heartache is always the result.

[Cringer]

Has anyone else ever had the unfortunate situation of having to screw their wife right after you just finished with you girlfriend?

[RendeR]

Originally Posted by Cringer

Has anyone else ever had the unfortunate situation of having to screw their wife right after you just finished with you girlfriend?

I am trying to fathon how that could be unfortunate.....


Its not a matter of having to, its a matter of getting to =) and I have had this opportunity in the past. I guess I don't understand your question....

[BishopMVP]

Originally Posted by BYU 14

I find it interesting that most surveys/studies show 45-60% of Men have cheated in relationships at some time and 35-45% of Women have. But on FOFC just over 10% of the board that has responded has EVER cheated? Is this board population just made up of people with high moral values, are the cheaters not responding or are some of us fibbing?

As part of the 90% that voted not my style, I'll be honest, I'm still in college and have never been good/particularly interested (depending on what light I want to be portrayed in) in transitioning into the long-term relationship.

I've watched way too many of my friends cheat or be cheated upon, and would rather just avoid hurting someone/bring hurt like that, especially when I know any relationship wouldn't last more than a year anyway.

Plus, if you can get the girl without buying dinner, why spend the money? (Note to self, this will rapidly cease to exist post-college.)

[Telle]

Originally Posted by SFL Cat

I have never seen an open relationship with a happy ending. Yes, I suppose its nice for a time when you can have your cake and eat it too, especially if you can find others to play along. But ultimately feelings change, as they always do, and without commitment, there is no lasting relationship, and heartache is always the result.

Why do you assume there's a lack of commitment?

And for RendeR and I.. let's see.. we've been a couple for 11 years now, had some variation of an open relationship for about six or seven years I think, and been married for four and a half years.. and we have every intention of remaining married "until one of us is dead"

[st.cronin]

I was thinking about this (the original question, not the tangents) last night for some reason, and the question that I couldn't answer was: What would be the point? I guess it would be one thing if I were in a relationship where sexual satisfaction was somehow impossible, but that's hard for me to imagine. Otherwise, it just seems like pointless destruction.

[MrBug708]

Originally Posted by Telle

Why do you assume there's a lack of commitment?

And for RendeR and I.. let's see.. we've been a couple for 11 years now, had some variation of an open relationship for about six or seven years I think, and been married for four and a half years.. and we have every intention of remaining married "until one of us is dead"

That is what we are afraid might be the end result

[Cringer]

Originally Posted by RendeR

I am trying to fathon how that could be unfortunate.....


Its not a matter of having to, its a matter of getting to =) and I have had this opportunity in the past. I guess I don't understand your question....

Just being a smart ass, don't worry about it. After posting it I thought I should have changed the wording, but I was lazy.

I don't have a problem with it, though at the same time would be best.

[Pumpy Tudors]

Originally Posted by RendeR

Of course there isn't. its perfectly natural and a healthy expression of one's sexuality.


Well, not for Pumpy, but hey, I'm just sayin....

I'm masturbating and crying right now, as a matter of fact.

[molson]

So why are people beating up on RendeR and not hitting on Telle????

[Butter]

I think we're all just hoping that the most uncomfortable thread in the history of the internets would just sort of die off... but then douches like me keep posting in it.

[Radii]

Man this thread went weird.

I never understand how people can be so critical of what others choose to do in their own homes on their own time.

[Radii]

Originally Posted by Pumpy Tudors

I'm masturbating and crying right now, as a matter of fact.

You may not be doing it the right way.

[RendeR]

Originally Posted by molson

So why are people beating up on RendeR and not hitting on Telle????

Seriously, you folks jumping all over me got your priorities all screwed up ===> She's HOT

[RendeR]

Originally Posted by Radii

You may not be doing it the right way.

+1

[RendeR]

Originally Posted by Butter_of_69

I think we're all just hoping that the most uncomfortable thread in the history of the internets would just sort of die off... but then douches like me keep posting in it.

Why do you say this? Or are you joking? I haven't been the slightest bit uncomfortable. I know that Telle and I are happy and will be together as she says, till one of us is dead, and that will be from old age. I have no issues with such a topic, in fact I welcome questions.

I do get tired of the backlash from those unwilling to accept us as we are, but due to society having a closed mind, that will never go away entirely =)

[molson]

Originally Posted by RendeR

I do get tired of the backlash from those unwilling to accept us as we are, but due to society having a closed mind, that will never go away entirely =)

Do you have kids? Do you ever want any? That's the only issue I can see with this. Otherwise, I'm just jealous.

People are saying that "Open relationships don't end well". Well the truth is, MOST relationships, open or not, don't end well (including marriages). Maybe being open speeds up the failure, maybe it slows it down (the later would seem more likely).

[path12]

Originally Posted by Radii

I never understand how people can be so critical of what others choose to do in their own homes on their own time.

+ eleventy billion.

[Subby]

Hey - I think it's awesome that you could find someone that was willing to fuck you!

[RendeR]

Originally Posted by molson

Do you have kids? Do you ever want any? That's the only issue I can see with this. Otherwise, I'm just jealous.

People are saying that "Open relationships don't end well". Well the truth is, MOST relationships, open or not, don't end well (including marriages). Maybe being open speeds up the failure, maybe it slows it down (the later would seem more likely).

Actually we have two beautiful children. And we're open to having more. My gf visits the house and my kids adore her. They love having another person in their lives as well.

I really think the main issues people have stem from simply not knowing enough about such things. They know what they see as 'right/wrong' and simply dismiss anything else out of hand.

It makes me feel very good that there are a number of FOFCer's that are NOT like that and are very open to new ideas.

What issues do you have regarding the kids? I'd love to hear them. Perhaps our situation can be an example to learn from.

[RendeR]

Originally Posted by Subby

Hey - I think it's awesome that you could find someone that was willing to fuck you!

Awe, thank you subby. Thats the first kind words you've ever uttered to me. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside now.

[Subby]

That's your repressed shame and regret.

[RendeR]

Originally Posted by Subby

That's your repressed shame and regret.

Over...what? I have a lot of repressed issues, but I don't think we've hit on any of them here yet =)

I love you subby =)

[CamEdwards]

RendeR's trolling for ass!!!!!


And since he's hitting on Subby, he just may get it.

[Eaglesfan27]

Originally Posted by Radii

Man this thread went weird.

I never understand how people can be so critical of what others choose to do in their own homes on their own time.

Against my better judgment, I'm going to respond to this. I couldn't care less what consenting adults do in their own homes, until kids are involved. I strongly believe all parents have a responsibility to put their children #1, and I don't think enough do so. I think an open relationship is unhealthy for children who absorb an amazing amount of subtle (and not so subtle) things around them, no matter how discreet the adults around them think they are being.

[Izulde]

FWIW, regarding the kids issue, I would think the disruption would be minimal so long as there's no confusion who the child's mother and father is and that the other partners in the open relationship would be like either very good friends of the family or the proverbial aunts/uncles.