Another relationship thread

[Lorena]

Fighting for someone's love is the ultimate flattery... but make sure you give her a little breathing room otherwise, you might scare her away. I wasn't able to read all 6 pages of this thread but is there another guy involved? If there is, she might be a little confused. Give her your best and always be honest.

Good luck with the date on Friday and let us know how it went.

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by Dodgerchick

Fighting for someone's love is the ultimate flattery... but make sure you give her a little breathing room otherwise, you might scare her away.

See- this is the scary dichotomy you risk walking. You're willing to do anything for her, which is ultimately flattering for her. But you're not quite worthy of her doing it to you. And the even more dangerous part is that she's the one who gets to draw the line instead of both of you drawing it together. Leads to that imbalance that dawgfan was talking about.

SI

[Johnny93g]

there isnt any other guy involved....she wouldnt do that, she probably is incapable of doing that....if there was, theres no doubt she would have told me.....the things she wants arent really that big a deal....its not like id be changing myself.....which is why i think its doable to work things out.....ive got everything planned for tommorow, and if i dont screw it up, hopefully, she'll have a really great time.....

[Balldog]

Originally Posted by Johnny93g

there isnt any other guy involved....she wouldnt do that, she probably is incapable of doing that....if there was, theres no doubt she would have told me.....

The girl isn't going to tell you she is fucking someone else!

Anyway good luck.

[FrogMan]

it's a pretty entertaining thread...but the writing...like that...is...driving...me...INSANE...




FM

[Karlifornia]

If you really want her to like you that bad, don't lay any sort of guilt trip on her tonight. Make her think like you're gonna be fine either way. Just make the whole scene completely positive......and maybe be a little cocky and funny

[Klinglerware]

Originally Posted by RadioFriendlyUnitShifter

If you really want her to like you that bad, don't lay any sort of guilt trip on her tonight. Make her think like you're gonna be fine either way. Just make the whole scene completely positive......and maybe be a little cocky and funny

Yeah, watch "Swingers" or something.

I can't believe that was my only contribution to this thread. But I guess I would echo the sentiments of a lot of posters on this board: I wish you well, this probably won't turn out as you would hope--especially looking at both of your ages and the scenario you mention, but it is certainly something that you should experience first hand.

Good luck...


P.S. The only reason I mention Swingers is because it seems a good example of how a little clutchiness may come off as desperation. People tend to find desperation in potential romantic partners a bit unattractive since it calls their own attractiveness into question. That's not to say that is what is going on here, just throwing it out there...

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by Klinglerware

P.S. The only reason I mention Swingers is because it seems a good example of how a little clutchiness may come off as desperation. People tend to find desperation in potential romantic partners a bit unattractive since it calls their own attractiveness into question. That's not to say that is what is going on here, just throwing it out there...

I figured the only reason someone would suggest he watch Swingers is to put him through the same pain they were feeling while reading this thread.

SI

[rkmsuf]

All this thread needs is three old dudes having sex.

[Klinglerware]

Originally Posted by rkmsuf

All this thread needs is three old dudes having sex.

Ping: Franklinnoble?

[oliegirl]

Originally Posted by Johnny93g

there isnt any other guy involved....she wouldnt do that, she probably is incapable of doing that....if there was, theres no doubt she would have told me.....the things she wants arent really that big a deal....its not like id be changing myself.....which is why i think its doable to work things out.....ive got everything planned for tommorow, and if i dont screw it up, hopefully, she'll have a really great time.....

Just don't come on too strong...after radii and I had been dating for about 6 months, we broke up - it just didn't feel right - we didn't talk at all for about 3 months and then he emailed me about some CD's I'd borrowed...we started talking and realized that we had both kind of worked through some of the stuff that was keeping our relationship from working the first time. We talked on email for about a week, then had lunch and immediately knew things were different and much better. Less than a month later we got engaged and moved in together. I am not saying you have to break up or that you might end up getting engaged, but my point is that neither of us were trying to prove anything when we re-connected. Don't feel that Friday night is a "do or die" situation...if you think from her phone calls that she wants it to work out, then just take it slow and see how things happen...good luck!

[mrsimperless]

I second RFUS's thoughts. The more you act like you want her, the less she'll want you. the more you act like you don't give a shit, the more she'll wonder why and want to be with you. You have to strike a fine balance here. And err on the side of apathy.

[Johnny93g]

Originally Posted by oliegirl

Just don't come on too strong...after radii and I had been dating for about 6 months, we broke up - it just didn't feel right - we didn't talk at all for about 3 months and then he emailed me about some CD's I'd borrowed...we started talking and realized that we had both kind of worked through some of the stuff that was keeping our relationship from working the first time. We talked on email for about a week, then had lunch and immediately knew things were different and much better. Less than a month later we got engaged and moved in together. I am not saying you have to break up or that you might end up getting engaged, but my point is that neither of us were trying to prove anything when we re-connected. Don't feel that Friday night is a "do or die" situation...if you think from her phone calls that she wants it to work out, then just take it slow and see how things happen...good luck!

Friday night definatly isnt do or die.....infact, on the phone yesterday, she told me her best days for going out next week were.....i told her to slow down, and id ask her out again after our date tommorow......I am determined not to move to fast, i want to get her to remember why she fell for me in the1st place, and right now, im pretty damn pumped about it....I can't wait to see her, i miss her as i type this. As for the whole not seeming to desperate.....I dont think its desperation.....it may read that way, but it isnt.....she knows how i feel about her....so playing like i dont care wont work.....its just not me

[Suicane75]

Originally Posted by Balldog

Does this mean I can pass the torch now?

NO!

[Balldog]

Originally Posted by Suicane75

NO!

[Solecismic]

Originally Posted by Johnny93g

there isnt any other guy involved....she wouldnt do that, she probably is incapable of doing that....if there was, theres no doubt she would have told me.....the things she wants arent really that big a deal....its not like id be changing myself.....which is why i think its doable to work things out.....ive got everything planned for tommorow, and if i dont screw it up, hopefully, she'll have a really great time.....

Just like in the movies...



Tonight's the big night. Keep us posted.

[CraigSca]

Make sure to call her by another female name a few times...that'll get her to thinkin'.

[CraigSca]

Soooooo.......?

[timmynausea]

I'll give him 'til noon before I pronounce her dead.

[Flasch186]

roflmao

[Johnny93g]

so....its now a little more complicated.......some things came up, that in all seriousness, wont be talked about here....these are things i wouldn't joke about, or any of you guys would joke about either......lets just say that right now, she needs me as a supportive friend for a little while, instead of a boyfriend.....

[Flasch186]

no joke?

[CraigSca]

okayyy......best of luck to the both of you.

[mrsimperless]

why would posting it here suddenly turn it into a joke?

Oh wait. Nevermind.

Pix plz.

[oliegirl]

Originally Posted by Johnny93g

so....its now a little more complicated.......some things came up, that in all seriousness, wont be talked about here....these are things i wouldn't joke about, or any of you guys would joke about either......lets just say that right now, she needs me as a supportive friend for a little while, instead of a boyfriend.....

If you wouldn't joke about it, and no one here would joke about it, then why can't you just tell us what it's regarding? No details, just an overview??? My experiences here is that there is almost always someone who has gone through a similar situation and might be able to give you some insight or help you (and her)...

[Johnny93g]

Originally Posted by oliegirl

If you wouldn't joke about it, and no one here would joke about it, then why can't you just tell us what it's regarding? No details, just an overview??? My experiences here is that there is almost always someone who has gone through a similar situation and might be able to give you some insight or help you (and her)...

Well, i really dont want to make it public, i know you dont know who she is, or who i am, but im the only person she has ever talked about this too.....um, its has to do with her depression recently, and all the things that go through her mind when she's feeling down.......i almost dont want to say it, but ya, its probably what your thinking.......she has a theory that her birth control pills are doing some of this, and maybe effecting how she is feeling about me......There's no way she could have a relationship with anyone based on how she is feeling now......she has made a doctors appointment, and until then, im just gonna try and support her, as a friend would, and not be the boyfriend........she got very angry at me when i dragged it out of her, but i think she is thankful that i wouldnt leave until we discussed the matter.....my main concern right now is she gets better, and we'll take it from there......it breaks my heart to see her struggle like this

[Maple Leafs]

Sounds reasonable.

[Eaglesfan27]

Good luck.

[dawgfan]

Hope everything works out for you guys. Depression is a serious matter and should be addressed promptly and with great care. I won't presume to know in her case what the best course of action is, but in general depression should be treated with a combination of pharmacy (antidepressants) and therapy. Regardless of what fucktards like Tom Cruise may think, antidepressants save lives by keeping people from committing suicide. They can have major side effects, so if prescribed she'll probably go through periods of having to adjust her dosage and perhaps switching to different types to find the one that best works for her. Some of them are known to severely inhibit sex drive.

In combination with pharmacological treatments, it's a good idea to also go into therapy. We still can't be sure what comes first - the chemical imbalances that are associated with depression, or events that affect a person in such a way as to cause those chemical imbalances. Regardless, people with a history of depression usually have issues they'd be well-advised to work through with a trained counselor.

Good luck to both of you.

[Balldog]

Good luck to you guys.

[mrsimperless]

I do not agree with pharmacological treatments for "depression". And psychology is a pseudo-science.

[Eaglesfan27]

Originally Posted by mrsimperless

I do not agree with pharmacological treatments for "depression". And psychology is a pseudo-science.

To each his own.

[dawgfan]

Originally Posted by mrsimperless

I do not agree with pharmacological treatments for "depression". And psychology is a pseudo-science.

I could care less whether you agree with pharmacological treatments for depression or not - the practice saves lives, stabilizing severely depressed people and keeping them from attempting suicide and providing a more stable base from which to engage in therapy. Psychology is a young science (relatively speaking) and given the nature of what is being studied, it's obviously difficult to imagine we'll ever know everything about how the human psyche works. But to say that it's pseudo-science is a major discredit to the legitimate work that has been done in the field.

I graduated with a degree in psychology, so I'm perhaps biased (though I certainly have a lot of skepticism about certain aspects of the field). I definitely had a bias against psychiatry for a long time; my opinion was that the field relied too much on drugs and not enough on therapy. However, I had a person very close to me go through severe depression, and if it weren't for the antidepressants, that person could very well be dead right now from suicide.

Are some patients overly medicated? Are some patients relying on the drugs as a crutch and avoiding dealing with factors that contribute/cause their psychological issues? Are there some lousy therapists out there who do more harm than good? Yes. But to tar and feather pharmacological treatment and the field of psychology as a whole is ignorant and misguided.

[Suicane75]

Im almost sure Imperless was being Tom Cruise and making a joke.

[Neuqua]

Originally Posted by mrsimperless

I do not agree with pharmacological treatments for "depression". And psychology is a pseudo-science.

Tom?

[Eaglesfan27]

Originally Posted by Suicane75

Im almost sure Imperless was being Tom Cruise and making a joke.

I hope so. However, if he was being serious, I don't think it is worthwile trying to convince him as people who rashly dismiss an entire field are unlikely to be convinced otherwise.

[sabotai]

Originally Posted by Suicane75

Im almost sure Imperless was being Tom Cruise and making a joke.

I thought it was quite obvious that he was...

[Izulde]

I'm not a proponent of pharmalogical means of addressing mental disorders myself... I've known too many people who have been negatively affected by it to ever be a supporter of it, though I could see the value of it in more advanced cases of mental illness.

I'm a real big fan of therapy though. Even though it can take months or even years to battle through the issues, and sometimes the breakthrough doesn't even come until after therapy, but if nothing else, with a competent therapist, the groundwork can be laid for the person to make progress in dealing and coping with their particular flavour of malaise.

That being said, I wish the girl all the best of luck and you can tell her that this bipolar guy you know said she's doing a damn smart thing in just wanting you there as a friend and not putting the pressure of a relationship on you both while she works through her problems.

[Neon_Chaos]

Is it Mr Simperless or Mrs Imperless?

[dawgfan]

Originally Posted by Izulde

I'm a real big fan of therapy though. Even though it can take months or even years to battle through the issues, and sometimes the breakthrough doesn't even come until after therapy, but if nothing else, with a competent therapist, the groundwork can be laid for the person to make progress in dealing and coping with their particular flavour of malaise.

That's all fine and good in some situations (and I'd have agreed with this statement completely about 7 years ago) but when you're talking about severe depression where suicide is a real possibility, the patients usually don't have months or years to work with.

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by dawgfan

That's all fine and good in some situations (and I'd have agreed with this statement completely about 7 years ago) but when you're talking about severe depression where suicide is a real possibility, the patients usually don't have months or years to work with.

Hence my caveat about the value of pharmalogical assistance in cases of advanced illness.

[mrsimperless]

Originally Posted by Neon_Chaos

Is it Mr Simperless or Mrs Imperless?

You can just call me Mrs. Kippy

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by dawgfan

I graduated with a degree in psychology, so I'm perhaps biased (though I certainly have a lot of skepticism about certain aspects of the field).

Not that I don't agree with some of what you said, but, in this case: Perhaps?

SI

[PilotMan]

I also have experience from both sides of the fence in psychology. I would say that therapy should be the first step. There is a lot that can be done without drugs. I am a proponenet of drugs as an assistance to therapy when the circumstance is extreme, and in cases like PPD, where there truly is an imbalance of neurotransmitters in the brain.

In this case I would think that therapy should be the first action.

I'm not a proponent of pharmalogical means of addressing mental disorders myself... I've known too many people who have been negatively affected by it to ever be a supporter of it, though I could see the value of it in more advanced cases of mental illness.

I find this to be akin to the person who says that they won't wear a seatbelt because they knew too many people who were killed in car accidents while wearing seatbelts, or because of the seatbelt.

While that idea might be true for a small percentage of the population, research suggests that the vast majority of people benefit from drugs to assist therapy in clients who are emotionally disturbed.

[Johnny93g]

you guys seem to know much more about this then i do, so let me ask you guys a question.....

This girl has a very poor self image, which is also completly inaccurate.....she was depressed during high school, and never dealt with stress very well.....she thought awful things in high school, but says she doesnt think like that anymore......she starts taking the birth control pills, (which were her idea) now the birth control pills have a potential side effect of depression.....is it possible, and is it probable that the pills are making her feel so down and crappy......the only times when she seems to be happy lately are when she is working, or doing something where she is too busy to think about her life........she's a very strong person, i dont know if id have the courage to see a doctor about this stuff, but she is......so, what do you guys think?

[Silver Owl]

My wife went through a similar bout of depression while on birth control. I would definately have her talk to a doctor about that.

[JW]

Let me ask a blunt question here, Johnny. This is not a joke. I am very serious. Have you considered the possibility that the relationship is making her unhappy and depressed? I bet you have asked her that, and that she has said no. But I think you really need to look at that as a possibility. What if....she is unable to end something that she wants to end? I think for the longterm you need to look at that angle. If it is not meant to be, it is probably better for it to end now than later.

[Klinglerware]

Originally Posted by JW

Let me ask a blunt question here, Johnny. This is not a joke. I am very serious. Have you considered the possibility that the relationship is making her unhappy and depressed? I bet you have asked her that, and that she has said no. But I think you really need to look at that as a possibility. What if....she is unable to end something that she wants to end? I think for the longterm you need to look at that angle. If it is not meant to be, it is probably better for it to end now than later.

That's a possibility, therapy could help in uncovering whether that is truly the case.

It's also a real possibility that the birth control is affecting her mood, the pills are hormones, after all. I've known people who have gone off of birth control for those reasons. Doctors could prescribe birth control pills with lower hormone content (I think there is a type that doesn't have one of the two types of hormones found in traditional pills), and that can help some women.

Bottom line... she should obviously see a doctor and think about counseling. That should be a no-brainer.

[Ksyrup]

Interesting to know about birth control pills. The only real disadvantage I can ever recall my wife mentioning was that it increases the chances of developing varicose veins.

[Klinglerware]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

Interesting to know about birth control pills. The only real disadvantage I can ever recall my wife mentioning was that it increases the chances of developing varicose veins.

They're certainly not foolproof. They're much less effective if one is also on antibiotics, for example...