Another relationship thread

[rkmsuf]

Originally Posted by Franklinnoble

I must be slipping.

I did drop the Cleveland Steamer recommendation, though....

I did go back and see that. The sentiment was there even if the Ladies Man was not.

[DanGarion]

Originally Posted by Johnny93g

oddly enough, the people ive talked to the last 2 days here, all think i should try and save it....they can see how much she means to me, and know im gonna do my best.....I dont know if they think i can make it work, but i think they see i need to try for myself atleast...just tought id point that out...bash away

Go out into the forest and punch a tree.

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by Johnny93g

oddly enough, the people ive talked to the last 2 days here, all think i should try and save it....they can see how much she means to me, and know im gonna do my best.....I dont know if they think i can make it work, but i think they see i need to try for myself atleast...just tought id point that out...bash away

That's because they know you personally, as opposed to on a message board. Who do you think is giving you the most objective advice?

[Neuqua]

You guys are all going to end up feeling real salty when Johnny ends up marrying this chick.

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by Neuqua

You guys are all going to end up feeling real salty when Johnny ends up marrying this chick.

Yeah, I'm sure everyone will feel really bad about the advice they've given, once they realize he's married a chick who doesn't love him.

[hhiipp]

The people you're talking to are hearing your mope around and give your sorry ass story and they don't want to hurt your feelings any more than they've already been hurt. Of course they are telling you to "Follow your heart" "if you really love her don't let her go so easy". While what they are thinking is "Does he ever stop crying?" and "stfu and move on pussy".

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by Shorty3281

um.. you mean Lloyd

"Forget it, he's rolling"

SI

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by Neuqua

You guys are all going to end up feeling real salty when Johnny ends up marrying this chick.

Yeah, until he finds her in the bedroom with their insurance agent and the plumber who came to fix the leak... at the same time.

[rkmsuf]

Originally Posted by Neuqua

You guys are all going to end up feeling real salty when Johnny ends up marrying this chick.

How can I say this delicately....

I could give a f*ck.

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by Franklinnoble

I did drop the Cleveland Steamer recommendation, though....

Good (unintentional?) use of the English language.

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

Yeah, I'm sure everyone will feel really bad about the advice they've given, once they realize he's married a chick who doesn't love him.

Wasn't there a CSI episode like this where the beaten down husband ends up killing whatever the opposite of a dominatrix is, because his wife is the dominant one and he has a loveless marriage? So can I have that scenario in the result pool?

Seriously, tho- anything I would say is the blind leading the blind. Just don't hold it too much against people who are having fun with this thread.

SI

[Johnny93g]

Originally Posted by hhiipp

The people you're talking to are hearing your mope around and give your sorry ass story and they don't want to hurt your feelings any more than they've already been hurt. Of course they are telling you to "Follow your heart" "if you really love her don't let her go so easy". While what they are thinking is "Does he ever stop crying?" and "stfu and move on pussy".

I dont think my friends are saying that, i think that they want it to work out for me, cuz they have seen us together....you guys dont have to deal with me if it doesnt work out, they will, so they want whats best.....

[CraigSca]

Originally Posted by Johnny93g

i called her to leave a message saying the flowers arent intended to get her back, that infact were ordered before i knew what was going on.....

ugh - this is horrible to even read.

[scooper]

What's best for you or what's best for her?

Or what's best for their own peace and not having to listen to you?

[rkmsuf]

Originally Posted by scooper

What's best for you or what's best for her?

Or what's best for their own peace and not having to listen to you?

Now that was funny.

[Johnny93g]

Originally Posted by scooper

What's best for you or what's best for her?

Or what's best for their own peace and not having to listen to you?

I guess we have different definatitions of what friends are

[Glengoyne]

Originally Posted by CraigSca

ugh - this is horrible to even read.

Ugh this reminded me that I sent flowers to that miserable cheating bitch just a few days before she walked out on me.

"the I sent them before I knew" bit brings a new touch of desperation to the thread though.

painful

[scooper]

Originally Posted by Johnny93g

I guess we have different definatitions of what friends are

Well, my friends don't always tell me what they think I want to hear, if that's what you mean. If that's what you're looking for, why not just look in a mirror and tell yourself over and over that everything's OK.

Sometimes, it takes a true friend to help take the blinders off. Painful as it may be.

[Swaggs]

This thread is like fingernails on a blackboard.

[CraigSca]

I can remember a particular time in high school. I had no girlfriend at the time and my best friend met some girl named Gina and dated her for 3 years. Finally, she decided she wanted to call it quits and he immediately comes over to my house WITH her. He rings the doorbell, I open it and see them both standing there. My friend says, "Gina doesn't love me anymore, Craig. What do you think of that?"

Ok.....thanks for dragging ME into this. Anyway...he eventually took her home and then comes over my house to sleep over. Big mistake. It was like one of those tortuous LeMans races that never seem to end. Over and over again he would ask, "do you think we're through? I still have a chance, right? I'm going to fight for her, Craig, I love her." As a friend, you feel compelled to say, "It might not be over - do what your heart says, if you really love her, don't give up, etc." Now...I knew the proverbial door had already slammed itself shut but you trying to be a friend.

Of course, it really WAS over...I lost 8 hours of sleep, he looked like an idiot and I learned nothing from the experience. good times.

[Solecismic]

The flowers story isn't a good sign. I know this guy, at 40.

Last year, he threw away $1,000 on a Russian personals scam. This was after spending two years with a mentally unstable woman who he wasn't even attracted to. Every time he went away for business (and his job requires a lot of travel) she would freak out, and assume he was spending his nights in hotel bars, trolling for women (which he wasn't).

I used to think he just had bad luck, and was attracted to women who needed psychiatric help. Then I decided to be more than just a supportive friend and really listen to the details (he tends to call only when he's in crisis). I tried to give real advice, which he ignored and just repeated whatever cycle he was in.

I hope you can break this cycle, Johnny. Because we're not all friends here, we say what's on our minds instead of what you want to hear. Friends offer support and play computer solitaire while you're torturing them on the phone. With a forum, we're more interested in sounding world-wise and entertaining each other (hopefully while playing FOF). You'll get better advice here.

[sabotai]

If she's wanting to break up with you after just 5 months because you are not everything she wants in a guy, it sounds to me that she is not mature enough to handle a serious relationship.

That was pretty much the death knell of my first, serious relationship. (I posted a thread on here when it happened, but it quickly turned into a Princess Bride quote thread, which was fine by me. ). After 2 1/2 years of going out with this girl, she decided that I wasn't everything she (well, her mother) wanted and that was that.

Here's the thing. She wasn't everything I wanted either. But I loved her and wanted to be with her. I wasn't everything she wanted and she ended the relationship. Every single person on this message board who is married did not marry someone that is EVERYTHING they dreamed of in a girl (Arles, Radaii and several others have a free pass to disagree with me here. I know why they would. ).

Sounds to me that she went out with you, found out you do not fill out every check box on her list nicely and wants out to continue her search for her perfect guy. She may not want to, but she feels the need to. That's why this try for you to win her over will not work. She's just not mature enough to handle the fact that her perect guy is not out there. She's not mature enough to realize that people and relationships can't be broken down into a neat list of attributes.

After you are mature enough to handle a serious relationship, the definition of "perfect guy" or "perfect girl" changes from a list of check boxes to something very abstract and intangible. This clearly has not happened for her yet, and you trying to fill out her list won't make it happen.

[sterlingice]

(FYI: I think it's "death knell")

SI

[Johnny93g]

Originally Posted by Solecismic

The flowers story isn't a good sign. I know this guy, at 40.

Last year, he threw away $1,000 on a Russian personals scam. This was after spending two years with a mentally unstable woman who he wasn't even attracted to. Every time he went away for business (and his job requires a lot of travel) she would freak out, and assume he was spending his nights in hotel bars, trolling for women (which he wasn't).

I used to think he just had bad luck, and was attracted to women who needed psychiatric help. Then I decided to be more than just a supportive friend and really listen to the details (he tends to call only when he's in crisis). I tried to give real advice, which he ignored and just repeated whatever cycle he was in.

I hope you can break this cycle, Johnny. Because we're not all friends here, we say what's on our minds instead of what you want to hear. Friends offer support and play computer solitaire while you're torturing them on the phone. With a forum, we're more interested in sounding world-wise and entertaining each other (hopefully while playing FOF). You'll get better advice here.

I agree, and i understand what your saying......except for the whole russian personals scam....but ya, i might not like reading that realistically its over, but i do realize that realistically its over, unless a miracle happens, and im gonna try for the miracle....if it hurts me more in the long run, then so be it......my friends probably are saying what i want to here, and i can use that support, but id be there for them in any situation

[sabotai]

Originally Posted by sterlingice

(FYI: I think it's "death knell")

SI

thanks.

[hhiipp]

You may as well just get your friends to hit you in the stomach repeatedly cause that's what it's going to feel like when she finally stops giving you these "1 week at a time" chances bs.

[Johnny93g]

its not actually like that.....when i was talking about a chance....she was thinking 3 months, 6 months, sometihng like that.....im the one that said we dont need that long to figure out if things are gonna change....lets take it a week at a time, lets be more open about things, lets try some of the stuff we talked about, but lets not put a time limit on it.......

[Maple Leafs]

You know... I think there are two things worth pointing out here:

1. Johnny seems to have a much better grip on the situation than most of you are giving him credit for. I know it's more fun to pile on if we act like he's in total denial, but if you actual read his posts he seems to realize what he's up against.

2. Yes, the odds are against him, but it wouldn't be the first time in the history of the world that a couple almost broke up but got back together. You all act like it's unprecedented for a girl to change her mind on something. Would it be that surprising if she said she wanted something, then realized she didn't? My wife does that four or five times a day.

[CraigSca]

It's no use guys - Johnny just downed another quart of relationship Kool-aid.

[CraigSca]

Johnny - I don't want to come across like I'm ridiculing you, so I'm going to refrain from piling on from this point forward. I think a lot of people have "been there, done that" regarding what you're going through. The great majority of us would LOVE to go back in time and make a wrong a right. I'm willing to bet 99% of us did what you're about to do and only later did we realize what a complete moron we were for doing so. It's almost like we all have a chance to go back in time (through you) and correct our own errors. That's probably why you're getting a lot of flippant responses.

In the future, I'll refrain...the best of luck to you...but I still think you're making a mistake and will realize that in that in the all not-too-distant future.

-Craig

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by sabotai

thanks.

Well, I'm not a very good grammar Nazi but I think that particular one is correct. Hence the little font

SI

[Johnny93g]

so, do i have a cheering section here.....lol......people rooting for it to work out.....hehe

my work has definatly suffered from this....my mind isnt all there, and i made a couple of bonehead mistakes today.....nothing serious, and easily correctable, but still boneheaded....

Thanks ML, i do know what im up against, thats pretty much why im scared out of my mind

[sabotai]

Originally Posted by Johnny93g

so, do i have a cheering section here.....lol......people rooting for it to work out.....hehe

I think it goes without saying that everyone hopes this works out for you. We're just giving you our honest view on the situation you gave us.

I hope after a little while, she realizes the mistake she made, and you two dance in the field of flowers as the credits play. But, given the information you gave us, I've seen this movie many times before and it always has ended the same way.

[Neuqua]

Basically what sabotai says.

I don't think there are any (ok probably a couple) people here who do not want this to work out in the end for you. They are just making sure you realize (and to me its obvious that you do) that the likelihood of things working out the way you want them is very, very small. Some speak of past experiences, which is why they may be saying the things they are so that you do not end up down the same set up for heartbreak as they do.

Whatever happens Friday, good luck.

[CraigSca]

If she wants to go to the carnival on Friday, don't do it.

[Ragone]

Originally Posted by sterlingice

"Forget it, he's rolling"

SI

Was it over when the germans bombed pearl harbor... hell no!

[bbor]

ML....It's Tuesday!

[Johnny93g]

just got off the phone with a good friend of mine, and some of the advice i recieved from him has given me alot of hope......He made so much sense, and im hoping i can parlay that......considering how shitty and down ive felt all day, this is a huge pick me up....thats the kind of support i need.....now to figure out how to sweep her off her feet on friday

[Desnudo]

Originally Posted by Ragone

Was it over when the germans bombed pearl harbor... hell no!

I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part.

[Johnny93g]

Originally Posted by Franklinnoble

Dude... I feel for you ... I really do... but you're going down in flames. Big Time.

In one year, I'm gonna bump this thread, and I expect you to have a clearer picture of the situation.

if you remember this a year from now, ill be pretty impressed

[Desnudo]

You can subscribe to threads, so don't be suprised if this gets bumped back up in 6-12 months.

[CraigSca]

Originally Posted by Johnny93g

now to figure out how to sweep her off her feet on friday

Sigh...I knew he wasn't "getting" it.

[Balldog]

Does this mean I can pass the torch now?

[hhiipp]

Originally Posted by Balldog

Does this mean I can pass the torch now?

Not until you hit 2000 posts.

[Balldog]

Originally Posted by hhiipp

Not until you hit 2000 posts.

Sweetness.

[mhass]

Coming here for relationship advice is like asking Mrs. O'Leary's cow for a fire protection plan.

[Johnny93g]

just an update for anyone still interested.....I talked to her tonight, and the conversation was about 50 times better then i expected it to be.....I definatly believe now that not only am i gonna be working at making it work, that so is she.......I still dont like my chances of getting it to work, but i think she wants it to work too

[Desnudo]

Originally Posted by mhass

Coming here for relationship advice is like asking Mrs. O'Leary's cow for a fire protection plan.

Despite the inherent nerdiness of the subject matter of the title of the board, I think it's actually a pretty cool place and most people are normal.

That said, I'll die before I let my girlfriend catch me posting on here.

[Izulde]

String, meet Johnny.

Johnny, meet String.

[stevew]

Originally Posted by Balldog

Does this mean I can pass the torch now?

I think so.

[dawgfan]

Originally Posted by Johnny93g

just an update for anyone still interested.....I talked to her tonight, and the conversation was about 50 times better then i expected it to be.....I definatly believe now that not only am i gonna be working at making it work, that so is she.......I still dont like my chances of getting it to work, but i think she wants it to work too

Good luck, I hope it works out for you.

It's not impossible that things might still work out for you two, but there's good reason for the skepticism you've seen in the responses here. It's up to you to weigh whether it's worth obsessively working to "fix" whatever is wrong in this relationship knowing that it still might not matter, or whether it's better to cut your losses now and not potentially waste a lot of time and countless amounts of emotional energy on something with a high probability of failure. You might think that you're avoiding the pain of splitting up with her, but like in many other situations, it may just be better to get that pain over with now and get the process of moving on started ASAP.

Think long and hard about whatever changes you've agreed to make. Are they things that are going to be easy for you to do, and are you willing to make the sacrifices that these changes entail for the rest of your life, or do they carry the potential for making you bitter? Are these changes things that you think will make you a better person and closer to the ideal you, or are they simply things to please her that you don't feel strongly about?

Think also very carefully about the point Solecismic has been trying to make - while every relationship goes through some times of imbalance, and all relationships require some level of give and take, you really shouldn't have to settle for a relationship that requires you to do a major amount of work in order for the other person to be interested in you - that's a sign of a relationship that's fatally out of balance.