Online dating

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by sterlingice

I look forward to hearing about your grizzly murder on some true crime show

SI

Hopefully my death will be as entertaining as I hope it will be.

[Blackadar]

Originally Posted by JediKooter

She saw the expression on my face and asked me what was wrong and I said, "You're annoying me".

This story is even funnier if you read the above line as if Arnold Schwarzenegger was saying it.

[DaddyTorgo]

Yeah - I guess the "You're annoying me" line was when you just kind of metaphorically threw in the towel and said "fuck it" hmm?

Not sure if that's the route I would have gone with it necessarily, but it worked out for ya, so here's to that.

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by Blackadar

This story is even funnier if you read the above line as if Arnold Schwarzenegger was saying it.

Nice! It would be great if Arnold did the voice over for the entire thing.

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

Yeah - I guess the "You're annoying me" line was when you just kind of metaphorically threw in the towel and said "fuck it" hmm?

Not sure if that's the route I would have gone with it necessarily, but it worked out for ya, so here's to that.

I threw in the towel well before that to be honest. It's just that I have a very low tolerance for people who can't hold their alcohol and turn into loud obnoxious megaphones. She asked a question and I answered it honestly: She was indeed annoying me and from the looks from other people, they were being annoyed too.

Definitely didn't think that saying that would be the catalyst of getting out of the relationship, so it did work out, but, in an unexpected way.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by JediKooter

Nice! It would be great if Arnold did the voice over for the entire thing.




I threw in the towel well before that to be honest. It's just that I have a very low tolerance for people who can't hold their alcohol and turn into loud obnoxious megaphones. She asked a question and I answered it honestly: She was indeed annoying me and from the looks from other people, they were being annoyed too.

Definitely didn't think that saying that would be the catalyst of getting out of the relationship, so it did work out, but, in an unexpected way.

Well yeah - I mean obviously you had thrown in the towel earlier. Poor choice of words. More like...that was when you...I dunno...just said "fuck it" and got honest.

Which is cool. More power to you. I like to think I'd do the same.

[molson]

Originally Posted by JediKooter

Hopefully my death will be as entertaining as I hope it will be.

Grizzly murders are always the most interesting murders.

[Butter]

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by molson

Grizzly murders are always the most interesting murders.

Mysterious grizzly murders are even better I think. The kind that show up on unexplained mystery shows or some wikipedia page.

Originally Posted by Butter_of_69

Now that guy...sometimes you just can't fix stupid.

[molson]

Ya, it's not technically "murder" if the killing was the right thing to do. (Talking about the bear's actions, not JediKooter's dame).

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by molson

Ya, it's not technically "murder" if the killing was the right thing to do. (Talking about the bear's actions, not JediKooter's dame).

You shoulda seen the gams on that dame.

[Izulde]

Broke down and restarted OKC a few days ago, making a few adjustments to profile and pics and all that.

And the same oh so lovely complete lack of responses. At least with FM I win every once in a great while. It's one of the things I hate most about Vegas - it's impossible to have an actual fucking relationship in this town. Or as a Vegas native in my masters program wryly put it "That's why everybody in the program dates each other. There's no opportunities in this city"

How true that shit is

[Julio Riddols]

I'm getting responses roughly 15% of the time. It all seems to depend on being able to say (and mean or truly believe in) exactly what a prospective lady wants to hear in that first message, along with having a vague profile. Couple of blurbs, nothing specific, basic "get to know me if you want to know more" stuff. I have my "favorites" list filled out extensively though. I don't see that as being a detriment. I shuffled my photos a few times, went from a serious approach to simply stating that I am perfectly happy being alone, and that as an average looking guy I bring cultivated personality to the table. A few puns in there.. That seems to be the best formula for me yet. I think it helps that I honestly don't care if someone swoons over me. I really am happy on my own, have been since I learned the difference between freedom and servitude.

My best bet so far seems to be a casual encounter seeking girl who is looking for a dom.. I guess it helps that I am perfectly capable of deviance on a fairly exceptional level compared to most dudes in my area. I figure I would be glad to fill that role on an intermittent recurring basis with no strings attached.

I think I am saying too much. OKC is one of those YMMV things, for sure. I'd tend to lean toward believing that Vegas is probably one of the worst places to be when looking for someone to date though. The type of people a city like that attracts are generally very "temporary" in nature.

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by Julio Riddols

My best bet so far seems to be a casual encounter seeking girl who is looking for a dom..

Dom? Okay, I only know one way to interpret that, and actually it's rare that the girl seeking that is "casual." Lol

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by Izulde

Broke down and restarted OKC a few days ago, making a few adjustments to profile and pics and all that.

And the same oh so lovely complete lack of responses. At least with FM I win every once in a great while. It's one of the things I hate most about Vegas - it's impossible to have an actual fucking relationship in this town. Or as a Vegas native in my masters program wryly put it "That's why everybody in the program dates each other. There's no opportunities in this city"

How true that shit is

OKC is just...weird in my opinion. Don't really like how it matches me, but, it doesn't do the age restriction like POF does. I'm done paying for online dating sites, the return on investment just isn't great enough to justify the cost and since I'm picky and won't just hook up with anything that has two legs and two X chromosomes, and I'm still not the greatest looking guy in the universe, the prospect pool is a bit shallow.

Vegas is a very 'transient' city, so I can see if you are looking in the parts of town that caters to non residents, it would be harder to meet someone. There's obviously enough people that live there that are able to keep local businesses running, so it seems crazy that it's hard to meet someone. However, I don't live there so haven't had the experience of trying to date in Vegas.

[Galaxy]

Trashy hottie - m4w

Gold! A Craigslist personal.

[Izulde]

So I'm sitting next to this really cute girl during the usual drearily long orientation session, and she asks me for my name. I tell her Izulde and she's like oh, right! I knew I knew who you were but couldn't remember.

Funny thing is, I'm having the very definitive sense that I know who she is too, but can't remember. So when the session *finally* wraps up, I catch her eye and mention that I didn't catch her name. She tells me Ovelia and I think to myself oh fuck! I can't believe I forgot that. But I was like "Oh, duh. I knew that. Summer fog melting away name memory and all that." She laughed and said, "Yeah, like I said earlier I knew who you were too, but just couldn't remember."

So this vein continues a bit as I get up to take my leave and say bye and all that. I'm halfway to the door when I look back, and she gives me this absolute megawatt smile that actually reaches her eyes and says, "I'll see you later." "Yep see you later" and Izulde exits, thinking he hasn't had a girl smile like that at him in probably 15 years. And it wasn't a fake smile either - I'm real good at detecting that kind of thing.

Now I'm just like now what? Was there actually some kind of moment there? Was it my imagination? Do I do something about it? We've known who each other is for at least the last 4-5 years, but our paths have never crossed much, really.

[aston217]

Do something about it! If she's not interested, she'll decline.

[Eaglesfan27]

Go for it. Worst thing that can happen is she declines - no big deal. But, if she gave you that amazing smile, it is much more likely she'll accept.

[Matthean]

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by Izulde

So I'm sitting next to this really cute girl during the usual drearily long orientation session, and she asks me for my name. I tell her Izulde and she's like oh, right! I knew I knew who you were but couldn't remember.

Funny thing is, I'm having the very definitive sense that I know who she is too, but can't remember. So when the session *finally* wraps up, I catch her eye and mention that I didn't catch her name. She tells me Ovelia and I think to myself oh fuck! I can't believe I forgot that. But I was like "Oh, duh. I knew that. Summer fog melting away name memory and all that." She laughed and said, "Yeah, like I said earlier I knew who you were too, but just couldn't remember."

So this vein continues a bit as I get up to take my leave and say bye and all that. I'm halfway to the door when I look back, and she gives me this absolute megawatt smile that actually reaches her eyes and says, "I'll see you later." "Yep see you later" and Izulde exits, thinking he hasn't had a girl smile like that at him in probably 15 years. And it wasn't a fake smile either - I'm real good at detecting that kind of thing.

Now I'm just like now what? Was there actually some kind of moment there? Was it my imagination? Do I do something about it? We've known who each other is for at least the last 4-5 years, but our paths have never crossed much, really.

I have the perfect line for you too!

"Hey! So are you on OK Cupid?"

[Danny]

Originally Posted by Izulde

So I'm sitting next to this really cute girl during the usual drearily long orientation session, and she asks me for my name. I tell her Izulde and she's like oh, right! I knew I knew who you were but couldn't remember.

Funny thing is, I'm having the very definitive sense that I know who she is too, but can't remember. So when the session *finally* wraps up, I catch her eye and mention that I didn't catch her name. She tells me Ovelia and I think to myself oh fuck! I can't believe I forgot that. But I was like "Oh, duh. I knew that. Summer fog melting away name memory and all that." She laughed and said, "Yeah, like I said earlier I knew who you were too, but just couldn't remember."

So this vein continues a bit as I get up to take my leave and say bye and all that. I'm halfway to the door when I look back, and she gives me this absolute megawatt smile that actually reaches her eyes and says, "I'll see you later." "Yep see you later" and Izulde exits, thinking he hasn't had a girl smile like that at him in probably 15 years. And it wasn't a fake smile either - I'm real good at detecting that kind of thing.

Now I'm just like now what? Was there actually some kind of moment there? Was it my imagination? Do I do something about it? We've known who each other is for at least the last 4-5 years, but our paths have never crossed much, really.

Chief is too subtle

Find out where she lives and sneak into her home when she is away and wait naked in her bed

Probably won't work and you might end up in jail, but if it does, oh yeah!

[CraigSca]

Just make sure she doesn't run off to pick blackberries (or whatever berry it was).

[Lathum]

Originally Posted by Izulde

Now I'm just like now what? Was there actually some kind of moment there? Was it my imagination? Do I do something about it? We've known who each other is for at least the last 4-5 years, but our paths have never crossed much, really.

This may be overly harsh but shit like this is why you are languishing on all these on line dating sites. Get some cock and balls and go talk to her, ask her out for a drink or whatever. Don't hesitate, girls smell weakness, you have to be the aggressor. What do you have to lose?

[Autumn]

Just get her number, give us your phone, and we'll take care of the rest.

[Blackadar]

Originally Posted by Lathum

This may be overly harsh but shit like this is why you are languishing on all these on line dating sites. Get some cock and balls and go talk to her, ask her out for a drink or whatever. Don't hesitate, girls smell weakness, you have to be the aggressor. What do you have to lose?

+1000

I don't get it -the moment was there, just ask her out!

[Galaril]

Originally Posted by Lathum

This may be overly harsh but shit like this is why you are languishing on all these on line dating sites. Get some cock and balls and go talk to her, ask her out for a drink or whatever. Don't hesitate, girls smell weakness, you have to be the aggressor. What do you have to lose?

Great post and spot on.

[Karim]

Originally Posted by Lathum

This may be overly harsh but shit like this is why you are languishing on all these on line dating sites. Get some cock and balls and go talk to her, ask her out for a drink or whatever. Don't hesitate, girls smell weakness, you have to be the aggressor. What do you have to lose?

What about if you're just not cut from that cloth? I guess I'm a pussy in most peoples' eyes but I'm as far away from aggressive as one can get so I can totally relate to Izulde not doing anything in the moment.

I know you guys are ultimately right though, based on my horrible lack of dating experience and complete ineptitude in trying to attract women. I just don't see how one can become a pursuer/aggressor when your whole personality is the exact opposite. Fake it until you make it?

[Flasch186]

Yes

[Lathum]

Originally Posted by Karim

What about if you're just not cut from that cloth? I guess I'm a pussy in most peoples' eyes but I'm as far away from aggressive as one can get so I can totally relate to Izulde not doing anything in the moment.

I know you guys are ultimately right though, based on my horrible lack of dating experience and complete ineptitude in trying to attract women. I just don't see how one can become a pursuer/aggressor when your whole personality is the exact opposite. Fake it until you make it?

Find a way to change.

No one is saying you have to be Joe alpha male, but if you can't at least exude some confidence in yourself you have no chance.

[CraigSca]

Well, it's been 2 months, Izulde. Any kind of update?

[Izulde]

Not really, no. I haven't even really bothered with dating. Teaching four classes on two campuses, plus taking two classes myself doesn't leave much room for it.

[DanGarion]

Just check out Red Pill on Reddit and all your dating woes will be solved.

/sarcasm

[SegRat]

Well I went on my first real date last night since my divorce was final back in February. I haven't had a whole lot of interest in dating as I was just focused on making sure my kids were ok.

So I met a girl on a dating website. She asks to add me to facebook. No problem. So I'm looking through her pictures and see she has a picture of her and an inmate that is at my institution. So I made it clear I can't date her. A couple days later and she said she has a friend who wants to meet me. So her friend adds me to facebook. I look at her pictures and she is georgous. So she asks me if I would like to meet and I said yes. I was going to be out by her town last Friday for deer hunting. My hunting group always goes out for pizza on that Friday. So I go out to eat, have a few drinks, then go to a bar close by and meet both girls. I thought it went well, but I had a lot to drink, and by the end of the night she was really drunk. So we talked on the phone a couple times and the conversations went well. So last night I went back out by her and took her to dinner. We went back to her house and watched tv. Holy crap, I had so much anxiety sitting with her. She is 7 years younger than me and like I said, I think she is georgous. All I could help but think is what in the world does this girl see in me? I relized I have 0 self confidence right now. She said she wants to see me again, but I honestly feel I blew it. All I know is dating sure feels a hell of a lot harder than it was when I was 25 than it is now that I'm 37. I sure hope this gets easier, or I'm just going to be single the rest of my life. A lot less stressful!

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by SegRat

Well I went on my first real date last night since my divorce was final back in February. I haven't had a whole lot of interest in dating as I was just focused on making sure my kids were ok.

So I met a girl on a dating website. She asks to add me to facebook. No problem. So I'm looking through her pictures and see she has a picture of her and an inmate that is at my institution. So I made it clear I can't date her. A couple days later and she said she has a friend who wants to meet me. So her friend adds me to facebook. I look at her pictures and she is georgous. So she asks me if I would like to meet and I said yes. I was going to be out by her town last Friday for deer hunting. My hunting group always goes out for pizza on that Friday. So I go out to eat, have a few drinks, then go to a bar close by and meet both girls. I thought it went well, but I had a lot to drink, and by the end of the night she was really drunk. So we talked on the phone a couple times and the conversations went well. So last night I went back out by her and took her to dinner. We went back to her house and watched tv. Holy crap, I had so much anxiety sitting with her. She is 7 years younger than me and like I said, I think she is georgous. All I could help but think is what in the world does this girl see in me? I relized I have 0 self confidence right now. She said she wants to see me again, but I honestly feel I blew it. All I know is dating sure feels a hell of a lot harder than it was when I was 25 than it is now that I'm 37. I sure hope this gets easier, or I'm just going to be single the rest of my life. A lot less stressful!

Way to go, SegRat!

And trust in yourself. You'll be fine. Don't ask yourself why she should be interested in you. You should ask yourself why (and if) she's good enough for you. It's all in your perspective.

She sounds like fun, so go have fun lol.

[PilotMan]

Totally echoing what CR said. Way to GO! That's a great first step.

[Izulde]

This isn't online dating, but fuck it... I'll call it an omnibus dating thread, rather than start a new one.

Anyway, there's this girl. She just got divorced about a month ago (verbally abusive husband with all the classic escalation signs), and we'd been communicating and stuff via email, graduated to texting a couple weeks ago.

We've had lunch twice (three weeks ago, then texted daily while I was out of town for Spring Break, and then lunch again this week). Having coffee Monday afternoon before I head to campus.

Yesterday we were texting during her break at work, and she mentioned needing a Tylenol due to pain from dental procedure, so I offered to bring her some. Got hit with the "Aw thank you." and that she would just ask one of her coworkers, but she thanked me again for offering.

Classic friends zone/deflection phrase, really. But one of my female friends says not to read too much into that - that she did similar things after her own similar relationship ended, even with guys she was genuinely interested in. Told me to keep taking it slow and letting it develop organically like I've been doing.

So we'll see what happens. At least I'm smarter now than when I was younger, where I would have admitted liking her after first lunch. At the very least, I'm enjoying the time with her, and I actually wrote 11 pages of a story the night after I got back from second lunch - the most I've done in one sitting in months.

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by Izulde

This isn't online dating, but fuck it... I'll call it an omnibus dating thread, rather than start a new one.

Anyway, there's this girl. She just got divorced about a month ago (verbally abusive husband with all the classic escalation signs), and we'd been communicating and stuff via email, graduated to texting a couple weeks ago.

We've had lunch twice (three weeks ago, then texted daily while I was out of town for Spring Break, and then lunch again this week). Having coffee Monday afternoon before I head to campus.

Yesterday we were texting during her break at work, and she mentioned needing a Tylenol due to pain from dental procedure, so I offered to bring her some. Got hit with the "Aw thank you." and that she would just ask one of her coworkers, but she thanked me again for offering.

Classic friends zone/deflection phrase, really. But one of my female friends says not to read too much into that - that she did similar things after her own similar relationship ended, even with guys she was genuinely interested in. Told me to keep taking it slow and letting it develop organically like I've been doing.

So we'll see what happens. At least I'm smarter now than when I was younger, where I would have admitted liking her after first lunch. At the very least, I'm enjoying the time with her, and I actually wrote 11 pages of a story the night after I got back from second lunch - the most I've done in one sitting in months.

You don't work with her and you're not right near her when she's working either right?

It's nice of you to offer, and us guys, we are problem solvers and want to "fix" the issues. But offering to bring her a readily available pill like that is quite abit above necessity. It makes it look like you'll do anything to be near her. Women don't find that attractive.

I don't know if I'm misreading but that's my impression. Your female friend who suggests to let this develop organically is on the right track.

[Lathum]

Originally Posted by Chief Rum

You don't work with her and you're not right near her when she's working either right?

It's nice of you to offer, and us guys, we are problem solvers and want to "fix" the issues. But offering to bring her a readily available pill like that is quite abit above necessity. It makes it look like you'll do anything to be near her. Women don't find that attractive.

I don't know if I'm misreading but that's my impression. Your female friend who suggests to let this develop organically is on the right track.

This

You should have told her seamen is good for dental pain.

[timmae]

Originally Posted by Lathum

This

You should have told her seamen is good for dental pain.

Wait, Izulde is a sailor?!

[Izulde]

Yeah, I defaulted to problem solving mode. And I would have done the same for anybody in my social circle in the same situation. Funny thing was, immediately after I sent it, the whole discussion between Woody Harrelson and Rosie Perez about water in White Men Can't Jump popped up in my head, and I was like, fuck, total misplay there.

Oh well. A misplay, but not an irrevocable screwup.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Izulde

Oh well. A misplay, but not an irrevocable screwup.

At the risk of trying to anticipate how a woman will think or interpret something -- always a fool's errand really -- I agree with your take here.

I think I know you well enough at this point to know that you really would have said/offered the same for people close to you in a variety of categories, not just the romantically inclined group.

If it IS a fatal error, so be it. That's just you being you, can't be nothing else on a permanent basis anyway.

[Izulde]

So, appears it wasn't a fatal error. Things are still pretty much the same - texting a bit daily, meeting at least once a week and sometimes twice for lunch or coffee (Note we both have evening schedules so lunch for us is closer to 3-4 in the afternoon.)

Smoothly flowing conversation, to the point where the last couple times we've hung out, one of us will glance at our phone to check on the time and realize, crap, one of us has to get to campus or work. So then we mad dash out to her car, and away we go.

Lot of shoulder/arm touching, mostly on her end, some reciprocation on mine. I've noticed the last couple times, she's sat either perpendicular, or right next to me, despite there being options to sit across, so we lean in close to each other a lot.

At the very least, the friendship and trust is there, and even if nothing else happens, I have the sense we'll always be close. Now, whether she has interest in me, or if it's a friends zone thing, who knows? Near as I can tell, it's 50/50 right now.

[Eaglesfan27]

Sounds to me like she is giving you a lot of opportunities to make a move.

[Lathum]

Originally Posted by Izulde

So, appears it wasn't a fatal error. Things are still pretty much the same - texting a bit daily, meeting at least once a week and sometimes twice for lunch or coffee (Note we both have evening schedules so lunch for us is closer to 3-4 in the afternoon.)

Smoothly flowing conversation, to the point where the last couple times we've hung out, one of us will glance at our phone to check on the time and realize, crap, one of us has to get to campus or work. So then we mad dash out to her car, and away we go.

Lot of shoulder/arm touching, mostly on her end, some reciprocation on mine. I've noticed the last couple times, she's sat either perpendicular, or right next to me, despite there being options to sit across, so we lean in close to each other a lot.

At the very least, the friendship and trust is there, and even if nothing else happens, I have the sense we'll always be close. Now, whether she has interest in me, or if it's a friends zone thing, who knows? Near as I can tell, it's 50/50 right now.

Just grow a set and make a move or you will be in the friend zone.

Don't overthink it, just do it already...

[MrBug708]

Yup. If you are cool with always friendzoning, keep doing what your doing. Make a move. If it fails and you lose a almost new friend, so be it, but at least you knew you didnt miss an opportunity. Becoming friends with girls doesnt seem to be the problem.

And worst case, she likes it and uses you as a rebound guy and nothing more, but you did gain some more relationship knowledge

[Chief Rum]

What everyone else said. Make a move, Izulde. Don't dance around it. Just do it.

[PilotMan]

If you're interested it seems to me that she is giving you all the signs. If she didn't want to spend time with you, she wouldn't. So it's not 50/50 really, it's that you are 50% of the way to something else. You've hit the friend zone and if you want to stay there keep doing what you are doing. If you want to push for something more then you'll need to try. If you are reading things accurately she is giving you some pretty solid signs that there's a chance for more. If you miss the chance then she'll just move on and you will stay in the friend zone.

[Ajaxab]

I'll be the contrarian. Right now, you're the potential rebound guy. If she would date someone one month after a divorce, you cannot help but be the rebound guy. Undoubtedly, she has an incredible amount of hurt and pain that she has to deal with. She has to be emotionally broken. Depending on how long she was married, it might take a long time for her to become whole again.

So, for your own sake, even if the signs are telling you to go for it, find someone who is emotionally healthy rather than reach for someone who isn't in any kind of place to be or give what you need. It's not what you want to hear, but it might save you some pain in the long run.

[JAG]

If you're interested in her, then show her now because she is giving signs of wanting more than a friendship (or in short, I agree with what everyone else is saying). And frankly, even if you're not 100% sure you do but you have at least some interest in seeing if something romantic can develop, I would give it a shot anyway.

[Galaril]

Originally Posted by Ajaxab

I'll be the contrarian. Right now, you're the potential rebound guy. If she would date someone one month after a divorce, you cannot help but be the rebound guy. Undoubtedly, she has an incredible amount of hurt and pain that she has to deal with. She has to be emotionally broken. Depending on how long she was married, it might take a long time for her to become whole again.

So, for your own sake, even if the signs are telling you to go for it, find someone who is emotionally healthy rather than reach for someone who isn't in any kind of place to be or give what you need. It's not what you want to hear, but it might save you some pain in the long run.

Partly what I was thinking too.