ZFL Season 6

[revrew]

Week 9 results
"Blowouts galore this week, so let's do some quick recaps.

Beginning in Albuquerque, where the 7-1 Isotopes smoked the 4-4 El Paso Busters.

The Busters got some offensive push, especially in the running game, where Albuquerque had no answer for the powerful EP FB Rashaan Salaam (87 yards, 3 TDs).

But the Albuquerque offense was just too powerful. Sizzlack put up 3 scores to add to 3 on the ground. Only El Paso's MLB Brian Bosworth had an impressive game for the Buster D, as he battled with AQ rookie Drederick Tatum and showed why both players are destined for great things in this league.

AQ wins easier than the score reflects, 42-28."

*****
Knoxville (4-4) opened the offensive floodgates wide versus toothless Fargo (0-8).

Fargo's offense showed some spark against Knoxville, especially Glutton for Punishment, who broke off some big gains to the tune of 141 yards and 2 scores.

But again, it was the opponents' offense that killed a decent day for the losing squad in this one. Knoxville's multi-pronged attack came from every direction. HB Leon Jackson topped 100, as did WRs Jackson Jackson and Luke Jackson. QB 'Thumbless' Jackson dominated with a brilliant performance, tossing 4 TDs on the way to a 49-21 victory."

*****
"An eye-opening squashing in San Antonio as the Margaritas (5-3) did something ZFL teams only dream about, obliterating (0-8) Little Rock's Rajah Saleem.

Rajah was held to fewer than 50 yards total rushing as the offensive middle was no match for SA DTs Aragorn and Sack U. With the middle bottled up, and DE All-Pro giving LR OT star Keith Slapinski all he could handle, SA MLB Ray Lewis was left free to spy on Saleem. Lewis pulled in 17 tackles, most of them on Rajah. On a side note, SA DE All Pro's sack count may be a bit down this year, but his run containment has been brilliant. He's definitely emerging as one of the game's all-time greats.

For San Antonio, the much criticized rookie QB Dip Dipperson managed to have a fair day, and tossed a TD pass to aging WR Revrew.

San Antonio garners another shutout, another victory, 28-0."

*****
"Another shutout in Birmingham, as the (4-4) Olympians took on the (3-4) Cincinnati Chaps. But it might not be the shutout you were thinking of.

The Cincinnati defense stepped it up huge against the Olympians, especially CB The Blacksmith, who blanketed BH WR Arnold Schwartzennegar. BH's passing game was completely frutstrated, as CN DE Strong Mad burned young BH OT Cronus for 3.5 sacks, and The Blacksmith gave Cinci great field position with an INT run back to the 6-yard line.

Furthermore, DROY candidate Fluffy Puff Marshmallow played an excellent ballgame, shedding the block and stuffing BH HB Roman on several key downs, and recovering an important fumble.

Though the Olympian defense played tough as well, Cinci had better field position and won the turnover battle. CN OGs Stinkoman and So and So gave HB Bubs just enough room on big-time goalline plunges, and Cinci wins an upset, 14-0."

*****
"Speaking of upset, there appeared to be one brewing on Lake Michigan as the Chicago Eagles (1-7) gave Milwaukee (5-3) a heckuva game.

The 'Wrecking Ball' Offense hit Milwaukee right in their weakness (DT), preventing MW OLB Superman from making the tackle until Randy Steele was already 4 or 5 yards downfield.

The game raged back and forth as Randy Steele piled up the yards and scores, but Milwuakee answered with Ricky Williams and Bulldozer sweeping off the corners to big gains of their own.

One of those big gains, a 19-yard TD scamper by Ricky Williams, proved the gamewinner as Milwaukee walks away with a close shave, winning 28-21."

*****
"And now, for the big game. Portland (8-0) vs. LA (7-1). A win here for the Sea Biscuits will virtually guarantee them the title. A win for LA, and the Stars and 'Topes will be clamoring for the crown.

Viewing other game films, Portland knew they would have an edge in the middle, with OGs Erik Flamebeard and Tim the Troll bowling over the LA DTs. Early on, Lothar Dirtpounder rolled behind his gargantuan guards. Portland 7-0.

But LA MLB Brad Pitt began wearing down PT FB Boris Boriche, and soon Pitt was plugging up the running lanes on the inside.

For the LA offense, the name of the game was 'off tackle'. Against Portland's 'Military Middle', LA needed OTs Matthew McConaughey and Freddie Prinze, Jr. to lead the way. Game tied, 7-7.

Paddy O tried a couple of deep balls to speedster Khan Ogadai, but LA safety Ray Liotta held perfect coverage. After LA DE Toby McGwire recorded a sack, Portland switched to a shorter passing attack.

LA's passing attack, meanwhile, got hit hard as PT DTs Colonel Joseph and Captain Bipto collapsed the pocket and shut down the passing lanes. A pair of PT DT sacks sent the Stars looking for firepower elsewhere.

On a Portland 3rd and 8, Paddy O hit WR Manfred von Richthofen in front of LA CB Paul Sorvino. The move Manfred put down on Sorvino will be played in highlights for generations. While Sorvino attempted to pull his backside from the turf, Manfred outraced everyone for a 42-yard TD streak. PT 14-7.

Remarkably, this game saw zero turnovers as both teams played solidly. LA gave up the ball on downs with only a few minutes left. If they could hold Portland, they'd have one more chance to bring it to a tie.

Hold Portland...not with 'Manchild' Richthofen running loose. Another short-yardage situation, a killer move on LA OLB The Real Gus, and Manfred was loose. He was pulled down from behind by safety Ray Liotta, but not before he put the Sea Biscuits in range. Lothar Dirtpounder followed Erik Flamebeard (get used to hearing that!) in for one more score, a TD that put it out of reach. Portland wins, 21-7."

****
Commish's recap
"Congratulations, Portland! Though the title isn't yours yet, you have overcome the biggest obstacles, and one more victory will assure the crown!

Two more victories, and Portland racks up an undefeated season. Next week, however, the clash of the Titans as Portland takes on the Margaritas. Don't think San Antonio is going to roll over! Some thought the Margaritas would win it all this year, and a win over Portland would prove the Margaritas worthy, even if their record disqualifies them.

PT/SA isn't the only act in town, however, as something very important is yet to be decided. Who will get the #1 pick? 0-9 Little Rock vs. 0-9 Fargo next week!

Going down the homestretch, it appears MW OLB Superman is the clear favorite to win DPOY. It would be hard to argue with Sizzlack for OPOY or even MVP. But how about this rookie class? Lothar Dirtpounder...or Drederick Tatum? Master Hu Li...or Fluffy Puff Marshmallow? Or even 'Ell Capone'? And the way he's come up just huge this year, anybody givin' props to Manfred von Richthofen? Is Albuquerque's WR The Cheat the game's most underrated player? If not, how about AQ's HB Guy Incognito? I see some tough battles for the end of season awards. Could Rajah Saleem lose his grip on first team? You gotta admit, Randy Steele is looking awfully good...

Fun times ahead as Portland can seal the title with a win over San Antonio next week, and Fargo could seal the #1 pick with a loss to Little Rock. Stay tuned...

Standings (order of teams with same record may not necessarily reflect standings according to defensive points):

PT 9-0
AQ 8-1
LA 7-2
MW 6-3
SA 6-3
KX 5-4
CN 4-5
BH 4-5
EP 4-5
CH 1-8
FG 0-9
LR 0-9

[Coffee Warlord]

Whooooooooooooo hoooooooooooooooo!

[NevStar]

Go San Antonio!

[Coffee Warlord]

And still no love for Portland. What are we, the Raiders?

[tucker342]

Congrats Shorty. Looks like you've done a great job so far making Cinci in to a solid team....

[korme]

Thankya sir

[illinifan999]

Blump...i mean bump

[revrew]

Week 10 results

"Los Angeles (7-2) MLB Brad Pitt returned to MVP form in a great game against the El Paso Busters (4-5).

Buster FB Rashaan Salaam, who has bowled over and eluded so many this year, met his match in the 'Pitt-bull', as Brad amassed 16 tackles and forced a fumble.

EP safety Patrick Bates also had a fine game, grabbing an INT and holding LA WR Joe Pesci to only 3 catches.

But the smothering LA Defense, led by Pitt and a smothering secondary, ruled the day. DE Toby McGwire added a couple of sacks, and the Star Crunch shutout their opponents.

Meanwhile, the LA offense ran off tackle to the tune of a pair of TDs, and WR Ashton Kucher added another. LA, 21-0."

*****
"Knoxville (5-4) vs. Chicago (1-8) went pretty much as expected, Chicago's 'wrecking ball' running game plastering the Rednecks, while the Rednecks ran up the score.

Kudos to CH OG Tom Sanders, who knocked over Redneck D-Line anchor Josiah Jackson, opening up the lanes for HB Randy Steele, who followed Josh Hacksenstein's killer blocks for 172 yards and 3 scores.

But even though CH MLB 'Ell Capone' scrambled for 13 tackles and a sack, he couldn't even slow down the Redneck multi-pronged attack. The Rednecks passing game forced Capone back deep, and then Fort Sumter plowed the way for Leon to run shallow. JJ caught 11 balls for 143 yards and a pair. Leon Jackson ran for 103 and a pair. Too many weapons, too many scores, as the Rednecks run it up to 42-14."

****
"The Albuquerque (8-1) vs. Cinci (4-5) was almost identical. Cinci HB Bubs followed OGs Stinkoman and So and So, while FB Pom Pom took it to AQ MLB Lenny. The occasional off tackle OT The King of Town, and Bubs racked up 128 yards rushing and 3 TDs.

But not even the Cinci much-improved defense could but the brakes on Albuquerque. CN DE Strong Mad has led this squad, but against AQ OT Ralph Wiggum, Strong Mad was taken out of the game.

AQ FB Drederick Tatum collided with CN MLB Fluffy Puff Marshmallow, giving AQ HB Guy Incognito just the room he needed.

But the real star of the game was AQ QB Moe Sizzlack. CN CB The Blacksmith was blanketing favorite target The Cheat, and with CN DEs Strong Mad and The Ugly One giving pressure, Sizzlack didn't have much time to go deep to Quagmire. But Sizzlack used picture-perfect precision and thread-the-needle accuracy to hit his wide receivers and backs perfectly in stride, where only the receiver could catch it. An outstanding display of accuracy, and a great day of up-front blocking gives the Isotopes the win in a hard fought battle that nonetheless demonstrated Albuquerque's superiority. AQ, 35-21."
*****
"In the battle of the winless, Little Rock (0-9) and Fargo (0-9) provided one of the week's best games.

Both teams rely on their running game to right the ship, as passing and defense are suspect. The result was some fine running, and a back-and-forth battle that came down to the end.

Fargo's DT The Defense put up a wall in the middle, so LR HB Rajah Saleem had to resort to some outside running. OT Keith Slapinski paved the way, but Saleem couldn't have managed his 199 yards without rookie FB Johnny 'Kid' Rock getting ahead on the sweep. Rock showed some good jets getting to the outside ahead of Saleem, and the Rajah benefited to the total of triple TDs.

But even as the Slick Willies marched down the field, FG HB Glutton for Punishment pounded up the middle. With LR DEs Mark and L.L.JeeberD containing on the outside, Glutton turned up the middle behind FB Ty Wick and the impressive rookie OG, Ray. By midway through the fourth, Glutton had 111 yards and a pair of scores.

With Little Rock leading, Fargo QB Killer scrambled wide, just eluded the grasp of LR DE L.L.JeeberD, and noticed young WR Kaptain Insano floating across the back of the endzone. A deep heave tied it up, and the game had all the makings of a nail-biter.

As well as Johnny 'Kid' Rock played today, he would eventually become the goat. FG DT The Defense layed him out with a 'somebody's got to feel this' kind of tackle, and the ball jarred loose. In great field position, FG FB Ty Wick knocked in the winning TD, and Fargo gets its first win, 28-21."
*****
"The Defensive Clash of the Titans as DPOY candidate Superman's Milwaukee Muscle Men (6-3) took on the Olympians from Birmingham (4-5).

Birmingham hit Milwaukee hard in the middle, running HB Roman behind all-star OG Another Troy. The Muscle Men gave a little, but flexed hard as MLB Zach Thomas and OLB Superman prevented Roman from getting much more than minimal gains. BH QB Zeus Reloaded hit WR Arnold Schwartzeneggar now and then, but a defended pass by MW CB Patrick Surtain, a sack by MW DE Rocky, or any of a variety of other well-timed big plays from the Milwuakee D prevented Birmingham from ever sustaining a scoring drive.

For Milwuakee, QB Dan Marino Jr. was completely shut down. BH DE duo Atlantis and Another Atlantis added to the mayhem with a sack each, while DT Hera added 3 of his own. The Olympian secondary held fast, and Milwaukee barely managed 100 yards in the air.

On the ground, Milwuakee's only real success came on the sweep, as OT No Sacks Allowed held the corner and FB Bulldozer pulled out to lead. MW HB Ricky Williams scored the game's only offensive touchdown on one of those sweeps, a scamper he took for 23 yards. Still, Williams didn't manage to break the century mark.

But Williams TD wasn't the game winner. No, it only tied the contest. For BH safety Odysseus had grabbed a wobbly Dan Marino Jr pass (perhaps BH DE Another Atlantis plastering him from the blindside had something to do with it), and weaved 43 yards for a defensive score. When MW HB Ricky Williams tied it, it stayed that way till the gun. Bring on the Kickers!

Birmingham's Uranus drew a tough match against Milwaukee's king of kickers, Bruce 'I'll kick your butt' Handily. Uranus is a strong fellow, but not as purely athletic as Handily. A three-event event would determine the winner. 2 minutes of pushups, 2 minutes of sit ups, and 2 minutes of chin ups. The most reps in the 6 minutes wins. On your mark...get set...go!

Handily outpushupped by 4, out sat up by 5, and outchinupped by 9. No contest. A great game, but a blowout in overtime. Milwaukee wins, 10-7."

******
"Big Game Time! Portland (9-0) vs. San Antonio (6-3). Don't let the Margarita's record fool you, this San Antonio team came ready to defend their home turf. Hey Portland, don't mess with Texas.

Everyone knows the strength of San Antonio's offense is running up the middle. But against Portland's 'Military Middle', the Margaritas got nowhere. Giving up bad field position, failing to put up any points, if San Antonio would have a prayer in this one, it would come from the defense.

Consider the prayer answered. Portland tried hammering the rock down San Antonio's throat. Flamebeard and the Troll paving the way for Dirtpounder.

Not gonna happen. The quick SA DTs Aragorn and Sack U found a way to disrupt the backfield, get an angle, or just plain slow things down. That was enough for SA MLB Ray Lewis, who played like a god today. Lewis completely stuffed the middle run, including two bruising tackles on 4th down goalline stands.

Portland should have had an advantage in the air with Manfred von Richthofen and Khan Ogadai, but San Antonio brought the house to bear on Portland. Not even PT OT Leonardo Ruiz Al Elvaro could stop SA DE All Pro, who kept Paddy O' uncharacteristically sweating and dirt-stained. Paddy O may have hit the dirt more often in this game than he has all year. Unexpected blitzes, from SA safety Godzilla Blitz and MLB Ray Lewis got to Paddy, and the pressure razzled him. Paddy O did not have a good game. He gave up INTs to Ray Lewis, Godzilla Blitz, and DT Aragorn (on a deflection). Young Lothar Dirtpounder and FB Boris Boriche proved completely inept at picking up the blitzes, and the potent PT passing attack was shut down.

Somehow...some amazing way...the San Antonio 'Remember the Alamo' defense kept the Sea Biscuits out of the endzone. If this was the NFL, Portland would have won for field goals, 30-0. But since this is the ZFL, it's only TDs, baby. And PT got just as many as San Antonio. Zero.

At the gun, the score was tied, 0-0. Bring on the kickers!

San Antonio's Steve McLaughlin would get his first test in a Margarita uniform, a test against PT kicker Bob Sunesson. And from the starting gun, McLaughlin's advantage became apparent.

The event? A bold, audacious, daring, death-defying...and definitely illegal jetski race along San Antonio's RiverWalk. McLaughlin and Sunesson started in the same place, but running opposite directions. The first one to pass two checkpoints, then cross a finishline equidistant from the starting point would be declared the winner.

After checkpoint 1, McLaughlin had the lead.

After checkpoint 2, McLaughlin extended that lead, though there was quite a buzz about some nuns he scared the bejeebers out of along the way.

At the finishline, Sunesson recorded a finish....

...but where was McLaughlin?? He didn't cross his finish line!

He didn't cross...because the police caught him. He was apprehended forcibly only a few hundred yards from his finish line. McLaughlin off to jail, and Portland wins, 3-0."

*****
Commish's recap
"Congratulations, Portland! With this win, you officially have claimed the title. Even a loss next week, and the title is still yours.

And congratulations, Albuquerque. Regardless of next week's outcome, 2nd place is yours.

3rd and down, however....

And how about the race for first pick?? Fargo and Chicago are at at 1-9. Little Rock is 0-10. And Little Rock plays Chicago next week. So here's the breakdown...Fargo will likely lose to Portland. That makes Fargo 1-10.

If Chicago wins, Little Rock is 0-11, thus guaranteeing the first pick.

But if Little Rock wins...that makes LR, FG, and CH 1-10. Thus, it would come down to ordering by fewest points allowed. With these three miserable defenses, who the heck is that? Stay tuned...

(And for those of you worried about Steve McLaughlin. McLaughlin is out on bail right now, and can compete next week if necessary. Once the media frenzy dies down in San Antonio, McLaughlin will very quietly be pardoned by the mayor of San Antonio. The mayor is a big ZFL fan, and he was in on it the whole time. But we can't tell anyone. The ZFL will pay a big fine--no big deal--and everyone will be happy. Especially the city of San Antonio. The riverwalk jetski race has been a huge media frenzy attention-getter.)

Next week: CN plays EP in the heated battle of the expansion clubs. (Might Cinci actually be favored in this one? Vegas thinks so, by 3 1/2). MW plays AQ in a killer battle of O vs. D. Speaking of which, KX plays BH in a similar test. A matchup many have been waiting for, SA/LA also highlights the week. Even though the title is decided, could the matchups possibly get any better?? Who's number 3? LA needs a win, MW does too. And the battle for 4-5-6? KX, SA, and MW all need wins, and then they need others to lose. Wowsa. And finally, the first overall pick gets decided in the toilet bowl, Little Rock vs. Chicago! Great action, coming your way.

Standings (order of teams with same record may not necessarily reflect standings according to defensive points):

PT 10-0
AQ 9-1
LA 8-2
MW 7-3
KX 6-4
SA 6-4
CN 4-6
BH 4-6
EP 4-6
CH 1-9
FG 1-9
LR 0-10

[revrew]

oops, I goofed on the Chicago score. Knoxville 42, Chicago 21.

[JAG]

Congrats Portland!

[Coffee Warlord]

Boooyah!

Bob seals the championship!

[NevStar]

Go, Fargo!??

I mean... Congrats to Portland. We'll all need to get used to saying that.

[Coffee Warlord]

Damn haters.

[sachmo71]

Better kicker, same result.

[revrew]

Sorry, sachmo. You were the favorite in that one. The Rook cards screwed you, what can I say?

By the way...next week's games...not only are the matchups awesome, you aren't going to BELIEVE the games! I just simmed it up...we're looking at 3 ties, a few upsets, a few surprises, and a pair of records set. Wow. I'm looking forward to writing this one up!

[sachmo71]

So go ahead and write!!!

No worries, Rev. While I definately upgraded my team, so of the other teams upgraded more. Our time will come...

[digamma]

On the records front, how do the Isotopes and Rednecks compare in points scored this season vs. the season record?

[tucker342]

congrats portland!



Good game Milwaukee.

[tucker342]

dola-

It seems like I've had a lot of close losses this year.....

I guess that's what happens when you have a good defence and a bad offense

[revrew]

Originally posted by digamma
On the records front, how do the Isotopes and Rednecks compare in points scored this season vs. the season record?

That's a great question, but I don't have a file keeping all the various records. It's possible the 'Topes have eclipsed the old Redneck record, but the only way to know would be to go back through the old threads and add em up.

For a while, I thought Coffee's website would keep rolling and kind of supply that kind of supplementary information. But at the same time, running a league, or even supplementing a league, like this takes a lot of time and commitment.

To be perfectly honest, I talk a bit about records every now and then for fun and to add a measure of "reality", but I only have a vague memory of what actually is a record.

[The Afoci]

With the number 2 pick in the draft, fargo selects a bust.

Too early?

[Coffee Warlord]

Originally posted by revrew
For a while, I thought Coffee's website would keep rolling and kind of supply that kind of supplementary information. But at the same time, running a league, or even supplementing a league, like this takes a lot of time and commitment.

Yeah, sorry about 'dat. I just don't/didn't have time to keep it updated on a prompt basis, and add the extra functionality I wanted to put into it.

[DolphinFan1]

Originally posted by Coffee Warlord
Yeah, sorry about 'dat. I just don't/didn't have time to keep it updated on a prompt basis, and add the extra functionality I wanted to put into it.

Coffee, I understand completely. The Website I have going for the now on Hiatus FOFC Wrestlling takes a lot of time.

[illinifan999]

Congrats Portland!

(If only you knew how hard it was to say that)

We've still got the best offensive lineman in the game.

[Coffee Warlord]

Originally posted by illinifan999
Congrats Portland!

(If only you knew how hard it was to say that)

We've still got the best offensive lineman in the game.

Erik disagrees.

[illinifan999]

Originally posted by Coffee Warlord
Erik disagrees.

Erik can disagree all he wants, Tom Sanders is still all-univese.

[Coffee Warlord]

Erik however, is all universe.

[NevStar]

Originally posted by Coffee Warlord
Erik however, is all universe.

Ralph Wiggum has issued a press release to address the pathetic losers that think are better than him.

My cat's breath smells like cat food. I bent my Wookie. Thank You.

[revrew]

FINAL WEEK results!

"Let's get ready to rumble in a rowdy finish to an amazing year of ZFL football!

Let's begin in Cincinnati, where the upstart Chaps (4-6) match up against fellow expansion club, the El Paso Busters (4-6). The clubs have identical records, but not an identical history. Cincinnati found it's first win this season, and nothing could be sweeter than capping off a great campaign with a win over a team they've never beaten, the Busters.

Cincinnati's defense has been a big catalyst this season, and it would be a huge catalyst in this game. DE Strong Mad, making a bid for this year's sack title, upped the stakes with a huge game. Beginning on the first drive, on 3rd and 9, Strong Mad beat EP OT Billy Milner for an 8-yard sack of QB Ryan Leaf. Strong Mad switched back and forth from RE to LE and back, coming from every direction and gobbling up 3.5 sacks. Fellow DE The Ugly One grabbed 1.5 sacks of his own, and with CB The Blacksmith playing EP WR Rae Carruth tight, the Buster passing game fizzled to a dud.

And as for the Buster running game, the superior CN D-line beat up the El Paso hogs, leaving vet OLB Homsar and rookie stand-out Fluffy Puff Marshmallow free to key in on the Buster Backs. El Paso's offense was rendered toothless in this affair.

The Chap's D gave their offense great field position, and the O capitalized on it. #1 pick QB Mr. Shmallow zeroed in on favorite target WR Homestar Runner, who outdueled EP CB Tommy Knight all day. Runner racked up 12 catches and a TD. With the passing game giving EP fits, CN blasted up the middle behind OGs Stinkoman and So and So. The occasional off-tackle OT The King of Town proved to be the straw that broke the camel's back. Cinci just came at El Paso from too many directions. In reality, the Chaps crushed El Paso today, by the dominating score of 28-0."

*****
"This week's only other blowout set some ZFL records as this year's champion Portlad Sea Biscuits (10-0) trounced the Fargo Fighting Crawfish (1-9).

The strength of Fargo's game lies in running up the gut. But against Portland's 'Military Middle'? Fargo got nowhere. Not even rookie bright spot WR Kaptain Insano could crack the Biscuit D, as fellow rookie, CB Master Hu Li shut him down.

Giving that Portland O-line and WR tandem good field position is like throwing blood into shark-infested waters. The floodgates opened up, and Portland came down in a feeding frenzy. HB Lothar Dirtpounder pounded out 87 yards and 2 scores. FB Boris Boriche added 22 and a tuddy. WR Khan Ogadai added 94 yards and a score, but the Man-Child, WR Manfred von Richthofen sealed up a 1st Team All-Pro spot with another HUGE day. Richthofen gets a hattrick of endzone dances, and Portland rolls to the most lopsided victory in ZFL history, 49-0."

*****
"That's it for lopsided, however, as our remaining 4 games were decided by an average of 4 points. Perhaps this week's episode should be called "Terminator 3: The Rise of the Defenses"

The first defense to give it a go would face the toughest competition as Milwaukee (7-3) took on the seemingly unstoppable Sizzlack and the Albuquerque Isotopes (9-1).

Milwaukee's strategy in this one proved a brilliant, valiant effort. The AQ WRs were covered man to man, the lineman squared up to do battle in the trenches, MLB Zach Thomas shadowed AQ FB Drederick Tatum, and OLB Superman went wherever AQ HB Guy Incognito went.

Incognito up the middle? Superman was there. Off Ralph Wiggum? Superman was there? On the screen (Incognito is the Isotopes second leading receiver)? Superman was there.

Apparently, Milwaukee realized how much of a security blanket Incognito is for Sizzlack, and Moe was seriously hampered by the strategy. While Superman racked up 15 tackles on Incognito, Sizzlack had to turn elsewhere.

To favorite WR target The Cheat? MW CB Patrick Surtain had him covered. Deep to WR Quagmire? Okay, that netted one touchdown. To Tatum? Not really, but Drederick did manage to punch in one (yet MW MLB Zach Thomas will deny to his grave that Tatum broke the plane).

The Isotopes were clearly slowed down by the MW defense. Making it worse, the MW offense opted to run down the clock...and run...and run...and run. With MW FB Bulldozer leading the way, HB Ricky Williams ran off tackle No Sacks allowed 12 times, off tackle King Kong 11 times, behind Guard Run behind me 8 times, and behind guard Odysseus 6 times. Bulldozer carried the ball 14 times himself, giving MW 51 carries in the contest. The result was a domination of the time of possession and 21 points. Sizzlack managed to tie the score in the fourth quarter with a shovel pass that caught MW slightly off guard, and at the gun, a tie. Bring on the Kickers!

AQ Capital City Goofball pulled some big upsets last year. Could he pull off one against Bruce Handily? Hardly.

Each kicker was hooked to a safety harness (to break any fall of a story or more) and given 10 minutes to grab as many flags off the side of a skyscraper as possible. The kickers crawled out of window on the 13th floor, and using only window ledges and the sculptures on the building, sprang from ledge to ledge, grabbing flags that were stuck on the building at various places. Goofball managed to fall 6 times, but only grabbed 2 flags. Bruce 'call me Spidey' Handily fell once, but successfully grabbed 5 flags.

Milwaukee takes the upset, 24-21."

*****
"If Milwaukee's D could put the brakes on Albuquerque, could Birmingham (4-6) do the same to Knoxville (6-4)?

One of the ZFL's most exciting, nail-biting, back and forth games began as the Olympian D stepped it up to make a ballgame.

The Rednecks are used to running up the middle on anyone they want. OG Fort Sumter Jackson has had a HOF year, and even BH's mighty DT Hera would have trouble holding the line today. But with DT Cyclopes by his side, the Olypian DTs made very little running room for KX HB Leon Jackson. And on the ends? Knoxville's OTs were no match for BH DEs Atlantis and Another Atlantis. The 'Double A' sack machine harrassed Thumbless, too. Thumbless was sacked 6 times, several of which were clearly coverage sacks, as BH safey Odysseus destroyed KX WR Luke Jackson, and BH CB He's not JeeberD played a solid game.

But certain stars are not held down forever. Leon Jackson managed to squeek through and run right past the BH LBs for a 14-yard TD in the first.

But the Olympians matched it with a QB Zeus Reloaded TD pass to rookie WR Hercules before the quarter ended.

In the second, KX WR Jackson Jackson finally broke free of He's not JeeberD for a 23-yard TD. But BH answered as HB Roman followed OG Another Troy to paydirt. 14-14 at the half.

In the third, Jackson Jackson struck again. But so did Another Troy, paving the way for Roman to grab another.

In the fourth, Leon Jackson leapt over the pile to give KX their fourth lead of the game. And BH QB 'ZR' tossed it to Roman to preserve the fourth tie of the game. The gun sounded, the score was tied at the end of each and every quarter...Bring on the Kickers!

Birmingham's Uranus looked the slight underdog against Knoxville's Eli Manning in this fun-filled match of 'bombs away'. Each kicker was given 5 jumps from the top of a 30-foot platform into a pool of water. In the water were several floating rings of different point values, so each kicker could pick their ring and jump for it. But Uranus looked mighty nervous up there; sweating bullets and gingerly taking each jump.

On jump one, Manning hit a 1 point ring, while Uranus splashed into open water.

The sputtering kickers climbed up for round 2. Manning 2, Uranus 0.

Round 3: Manning misses, while Uranus manages to hit a 1-pt ring.

Round 4: Manning gets his 1-pt, but Uranus took a leap for the 2-ring and bullseye'd it! Manning 3, Uranus 3. Final jump coming up.

Round 5: Manning goes for the two...and misses! All Uranus has to do is hit the 1-ring. But he's missed it twice before...

he jumps...

his eyes are closed all the way down...

Bullseye! Uranus hits it! The Rise of the Defenses reigns again, BH wins, 31-28."

*****
"Speaking of defense, could the day be complete without the Star Crunch (8-2) taking on the Margarita monsters (6-4)?

Could either club score? Both defense came up huge as the game's best MLBs, Brad Pitt and Ray Lewis patrolled the middle like panthers on the hunt.

San Antonio got an early TD as HB Mutt ran up behind FB Metalhead and all-pro guard Lone Star. The LA DTs were overpowered, and Pitt was a split second too late.

That was the last time Pitt was late. Mutt never ran for more than 3 yards at a time after that.

For LA, the relentless pressure from SA DTs Aragorn and Sack U, proved too frustrating for QB Bernie Mac. Mac threw for less than 150, 0 TDs, and 2 INTs.

Running up the middle didn't work either, as the DT animals and Ray Lewis stuffed it there.

But LA doesn't usually run up the middle. No, it's off bookend all-pros, OTs Matthew McConaughey and Freddie Prinze, Jr. But SA has an all-pro of their own, DE All Pro. Though prevented from gobbling up sacks, All Pro did manage to shut down the running game on his side. LA almost didn't score at all, but in the third quarter, McConaughey sprung HB Rodney Dangerfield for 4 yards and a TD plunge. At the end of 4, 7-7. Bring on the Kickers!

Now, San Antonio kicker Steve McLaughlin was bailed out of jail so he could compete, but he drew a tough match in Little Val Kilmer.

Still, McLaughlin was confident. 'San Antonio has had a rough record in overtime,' McLaughlin said. 'That should have ended last week, if it weren't for those $%#&$ cops. All that ends this week. I'm taking Kilmer down.'

He'd get his chance in yet another water race. But this time, human powered. Each kicker sat in a rowboat. But not one of those slick, Yale or Oxford numbers. No, a rickety, wooden fishing rowboat complete with leaks and dinged up oars. To be fair, the kickers were give the choice from among five boats. McLaughlin chose 'Ol Betsy' and Kilmer chose 'Riptide'. Each kicker was given a pair of oars and a bucket for bailing (notice the cute pun on McLaughlin's current legal situation). From the same starting point, around the bouoy, and back onto the beach. Ready, set, go!

The kickers dragged their crafts into the water and began to row furiously. But soon, each craft began to fill with water. Kilmer's strategy was to stop to bail often, keep a lighter ship. But 'Ol Besty' kept right on churning, getting a lead before stopping to bail. So it was a game of back and forth: 'Ol Betsy' getting ahead, and the lighter 'Riptide' catching up.

As they rounded the bouoy, the boats got close. They bumped. McLaughlin got upset, pulled out his oar, and swung at Kilmer. Kilmer went to block, but the blow sent Kilmer's oar out to sea! Kilmer's down to one oar!

McLaughlin laughed and began rowing again. But the blow to Kilmer's oar had cracked McLauglin's oar. On the next stroke, it snapped in half. Now 'Ol Betsy' is down to one oar too!

The kickers, dead in the water for a moment, stopped to eye one another. They drifted for a second...then McLaughlin got up, turned around, kneeled in the front of the boat, and began to paddle it like a canoe! He's getting the lead...

Kilmer began bailing. He wanted a light ship to make one last charge. When he was confident he was light enough to streak to the goal, he pulled the same canoe maneuver and took off like a shot!

'Ol Betsy' is huffing and puffing to get her water-laded tub to shore...'Riptide' is coming up fast...'Ol Betsy' doesn't have time to stop and bail now; she's gotta go all the way half-submerged...'Riptide' is coming up the outside...both kickers have jumped ship...they're hauling thier tubs up on shore...it's going to be a photo finish....

And 'Ol Betsy' crosses the line first! 'Ol Betsy' is the winner!

'The Riptide had a deeper hull,' Kilmer said afterwards, 'I thought I had it at the end because Riptide was lighter. But she was dragging deeper in the sand than Ol Betsy. Heckuva job McLaughlin did of muscling Betsy up on shore.'

San Antonio wins, 10-7."

*****
"The final game of the season determines our first overall draft pick next season. Portland, San Antonio, and the other Juggernauts of the ZFL kicked back to watch a solid piece of running and some outstanding young players duke it out as Little Rock (0-10) did battle with Chicago (1-9).

The game's two best runners, Rajah Saleem and Randy Steele duked it out for the league rushing title in this match, Steele coming into the game with a slim, 17-yard lead over Saleem.

Both runners lit up the field. Rajah followed FB Johnny Rock right past Chicago's aging DTs and into the Eagle secondary. Saleem tallied 146 yards and 3 TDs as the Willies made a charge to climb out of the cellar.

For the Eagles, Randy Steele followed FB Hackenstein and OG Tom Sanders, like he did all season. But Little Rock OLB Little Ray showed the jets to catch Steele, and prevented a couple of huge runs.

A pass from CH QB Mike Marino to FB Josh Hackenstein tied it up at the start of the fourth, and it looked like we were on our way to yet another overtime.

But then it happened. Great seasons and great games often come down to a single play, and the ZFL got a sniff of what may be to come, as the great play today came down to a rookie. Facing 2nd and 4, Little Rock handed the ball to Rajah Saleem. Saleem followed FB Rock around OT Keith Slapinski, looking for a big run. FB Johnny Rock laid down the block on CH OLB Ray Brown, and Rajah sprinted past the first down marker. He cut inside when CH CB Deniable Cook denied the sideline. Chicago rookie safety Shut Down was waiting for him.

Suddenly, Rajah stopped to put a stutter-step move and blow past Shut Down. That's when it happened. In a streak, flying from behind, CH rookie MLB 'Ell Capone' dove at Saleem and punched the ball loose. Shut Down fell on it, and the Eagles had one more chance.

That one more chance gave Randy Steele 16 more rushing yards, the rushing title, and gave FB Josh Hackenstein the opportunity to punch in the winning score. Eagles win, 28-21."

*****
Commish's recap
"Congratulations, Portland, on an undefeated season! Congratulations, Randy Steele, on taking the running title away from Rajah Saleem (didn't think anyone could do that). Congratulations, San Antonio, on finally getting an overtime win. And Congratulations, Cinci, on an excellent season, and a big momentum win this week.

End of season awards to follow in the next couple of weeks, ProBowl balloting, and a Christmas break. Look for the draft to be in January.

FINAL Standings (order of teams in reverse of next year's draft order):

PT 11-0
AQ 9-2
LA 8-3
MW 8-3
SA 7-4
KX 6-5
CN 5-6
BH 5-6
EP 4-7
CH 2-9
FG 1-10
LR 0-11

[tucker342]

WOW!!! Great game Knoxville!


Once again, congrats to Portland on going undefeated!

[illinifan999]

Now we just need to have another good draft. Fill out our defense, and let Randy Steele defend his rushing title!

[sachmo71]

That second round pick was worth it...and overtime victory! Sorry Marm, but whoo hoo!

[revrew]

Sorry, I've been out of action. That nasty flu hit our house. I thought for sure on Tuesday and Wednesday I was going to be in the hospital. That or a casualty. 3 of my kids got it, too, but none of them as bad as me.

Whew! I've lost 10 pounds and counting (day 5 for this bug), but hey, I did manage to choke down a sandwich today! I'm turning the corner, but man, does this one hurt. Looks like the weekend might be enough to knock this bug out. I hope. The kids are on the mend; they should be fine.

Next week, I hope, we'll see some more movement with the league. Later...

[DolphinFan1]

We understand revrew. Take time to recover with the holidays coming up.

[tucker342]

That's fine Rev. Take time to recover

[The Afoci]

Good Luck Rev.

[illinifan999]

Get well soon Rev

[revrew]

Season End Stats and Awards

Passing Yards
Thumbless Jackson - KX
Moe Sizzlack - AQ
Paddy O'Leary - PT

Passing TDs
Moe Sizzlack - AQ
Thumbless Jackson - KX
Paddy O'Leary - PT

QB Rating
Paddy O'Leary - PT
Moe Sizzlack - AQ
Thumbless Jackson - KX

Rushing Yards
Randy Steele - CH
Rajah Saleem - LR
Lothar Dirtpounder - PT

Rushing TDs
Randy Steele - CH
Lothar Dirtpounder - PT
Rajah Saleem - LR

Receiving Yards
Jackson Jackson - KX
Manfred von Richthofen - PT
Luke Jackson - KX

Receiving Touchdowns
Jackson Jackson - KX
The Cheat - AQ
Manfred von Richthofen - PT

*New record for combined yards
Guy Incognito - AQ

*New record for total touchdowns, combined
Guy Incognito - AQ

Tackles
Superman - MW
Brad Pitt - LA
Ray Lewis - SA

Sacks
Strong Mad - CN
All Pro - SA
Superman - MW

INTs
Odysseus (safety) - BH
Patrick Surtain (cb) - MW
Ray Liotta (safety) - LA

Top Team Defense
San Antonio Margaritas

Top Team Run Defense
San Antonio Margaritas

Top Team Pass Defense
Birmingham Olympians

Top Team Offense, combined
Albuquerque Isotopes

Top Team Offense, rushing
Chicago Eagles

Top Team Offense, passing
Knoxville Rednecks

Offensive Player of the Year
QB Moe Sizzlack - PT

Defensive Player of the Year
OLB Superman - MW

MVP
QB Moe Sizzlack - AQ

Offensive Rookie of the Year
HB Lothar Dirtpounder - PT

Defensive Rookie of the Year
CB Master Hu Li - PT

[revrew]

All-ZFL 1st Team:
QB - Moe Sizzlack - AQ
HB - Randy Steele - CH
FB - Josh Hackenstein - CH
WR - Jackson Jackson - KX
WR - Manfred von Richthofen - PT
OT - Ralph Wiggum - AQ
OT - Freddie Prinze, Jr. - LA
OG - Tom Sanders - CH
OG - Erik Flamebeard - PT

DT - Hera - BH
DT - Colonel Joseph c. McCormick III - PT
DE - Strong Mad - CN
DE - All Pro - SA
MLB - Brad Pitt - LA
OLB - Superman - MW
S - Odysseus - BH
CB - Patrick Surtain - MW

K - Bruce Handily - MW

All-ZFL 2nd Team:
QB - Thumbless Jackson - KX
HB - Guy Incognito - AQ
FB - Rashaan Salaam - EP
WR - The Cheat - AQ
WR - Khan Ogadai - PT
OT - Leonardo Ruiz Al Elvaro - PT
OT - Keith Slapinski - LR
OG - Fort Sumter Jackson - KX
OG - Lone Star - SA

DT - Aragorn - SA
DT - Captain Bipto - PT
DE - Toby McGwire - LA
DE - Another Atlantis - BH
MLB - Ray Lewis - SA
OLB - Homsar - CN
S - Ray Liotta - LA
CB - *Master Hu Li - PT

K - Bob Sunesson - PT

* denotes rookie

[Coffee Warlord]

Whoooo!

Draft class of the century! OROY and DROY!

[tucker342]

No wonder you did so well.....

[revrew]

Yeah, Coffee, you did good. But some are saying Lothar only got the award because of his great O-Line. There are especially some haters in New Mexico, folks who think Drederick Tatum got robbed. The vote was exceptionally close.

Master Hu Li had some competition, too, but nobody's screaming. He's the man.

[Coffee Warlord]

Lothar will smash anyone who DARES question his running ability!

And then Erik will come, and smash them some more! In fact, why does Erik have to share All-ZFL awards with that no-talent hack, Tom Sanders?

[illinifan999]

Erik sucks. Badly. If you put him in a race against a snail, the snail would eat him. Erik likes to cry at night when he thinks how much better Tom Sanders is than him.