Have you ever cheated on a spouse/long-term other?

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by Neon_Chaos

I've never been put into a situation where I was tempted to cheat, so no, I haven't cheated.

Not sure what'll happen if I'm put in that predicament, though.

Just noticed. You are from Manila and was never tempted?

There is an abundance of young filipinas everywhere from what I saw (albeit the touristy areas).

[cuervo72]

Originally Posted by Edward64

With that all said, I do not believe it is in Man's nature to be monogamous. I think monogamy is an societal restriction place on Man. Nevertheless, at this stage of our civilization, I do believe monogamy is a good thing (ex. Just because it is in Man's nature to sleep around does not mean Man should act on it).

I either read an article or saw a show that addressed this, and pointed out that monogamy benefits men specifically. Without it, the men at the top of the heap (those in positions of leadership, wealth, power etc.) would be the ones with scores of women. Everyone else would have women that were less desirable, and others would be left w/o any at all. Monogamy spreads them out basically.

[Neon_Chaos]

Originally Posted by Edward64

Just noticed. You are from Manila and was never tempted?

There is an abundance of young filipinas everywhere from what I saw (albeit the touristy areas).

Apparently, I am not cocky and funny.

(",)

Where did you stay in Manila?

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by Neon_Chaos

Apparently, I am not cocky and funny.

(",)

Where did you stay in Manila?

Shangri-La Edsa. Very nice place, cute outfits.

[Neon_Chaos]

Originally Posted by Edward64

Shangri-La Edsa. Very nice place, cute outfits.

Ah, I see. Good place. You were quite near to the Shangri La mall and the Mega-Mall.

Were you able to sample the nightlife over in the Ayala part of Makati City? Excellent night clubs and posh establishments over there.

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by Neon_Chaos

Ah, I see. Good place. You were quite near to the Shangri La mall and the Mega-Mall.

Were you able to sample the nightlife over in the Ayala part of Makati City? Excellent night clubs and posh establishments over there.

No, it was all work until the last day and went shopping for the family (see the "irony" post above).

Lots of attractive women.

Did have another incident. The morning I was leaving, I had a breakfast buffet at the hotel. I sat outside wanting to enjoy the weather.

There were 4 tables outside, they were empty except for another party of 4 American women, probably college age.

They were joined shortly by a party of 3 American guys who sat in a table next to them. They knew each other and I assumed they were college kids on a trip.

There was a guy that was pretty obnoxious, saying f**k this, f**king that and a girl at the other table responded with her f**king vocabulary. I think they must have thought I did not speak English. To their credit, they did not use the f**k words when the wait staff serviced their drinks/coffee.

So after a minute or two of this, and because I was done with my breakfast, I stood up, went to that table and told them to "grow up, this is why they call us ugly Americans". They were pretty surprised and I left.

The guy followed me out and apologized.

I may have overreacted but man, this was the first time I saw American's act so obnoxious in a non-bar/drink setting and I could not stand how they represented Americans.

[Julio Riddols]

Originally Posted by Edward64

The answer is "yes, constantly" and I have made good on plenty of opportunities in my travels. This is to say I throw myself at every attractive woman always on impulse.

Funny story:

I just came back from a 2 week trip to SE Asia. In Manila there is an overbundance of attractive, young women who would go for a US guy (ex. with the hope for a longer relationship).

On my last night in town, I purposely went on a partying trip with co-workers so I could buy some girls (relatively cheap in Manila) to piss off the wife. That evening, I was doing some blow on my laptop by the pool (enjoying the girls). It was closed, no one else around, and they did not ask me to leave.

I pick 4 to go back up to the room and get a beep beep from all of them ( but in Manila, my Viagra connection always come through and it is unusual to miss the call. If I knew it was my wife instead, I wouldn't have called her back immediately. )

Anyway, She was upset because she called 10 minutes ago and a female answered.

She: Hello, is Edward there?
Her: (with an accent) Hold on.
She: Hangs up.

I tell my wife that I have a good idea how this happened, needed no alibi because I was sitting by the pool without any pants on and laughing at the situation.

Here I was living the good life, in the throes of temptation, having a totally random bunch of sex to make my wife think I was cheating on her. Because of her bad ironing.

I know the truth. I have the decoder pen.

[path12]

Originally Posted by Drake

(One of the funny things about infidelity: the first time it happens to you is the last time you ever see any humor in it. Except for the Silverman/Damon/Kimmel/Affleck thing -- that's still funny.)

Abso-fuckin-lutely.

[Neon_Chaos]

Originally Posted by Edward64

No, it was all work until the last day and went shopping for the family (see the "irony" post above).

Lots of attractive women.

Did have another incident. The morning I was leaving, I had a breakfast buffet at the hotel. I sat outside wanting to enjoy the weather.

There were 4 tables outside, they were empty except for another party of 4 American women, probably college age.

They were joined shortly by a party of 3 American guys who sat in a table next to them. They knew each other and I assumed they were college kids on a trip.

There was a guy that was pretty obnoxious, saying f**k this, f**king that and a girl at the other table responded with her f**king vocabulary. I think they must have thought I did not speak English. To their credit, they did not use the f**k words when the wait staff serviced their drinks/coffee.

So after a minute or two of this, and because I was done with my breakfast, I stood up, went to that table and told them to "grow up, this is why they call us ugly Americans". They were pretty surprised and I left.

The guy followed me out and apologized.

I may have overreacted but man, this was the first time I saw American's act so obnoxious in a non-bar/drink setting and I could not stand how they represented Americans.

[Noop]

Originally Posted by Edward64

The answer is "no, never" and I have had plenty of opportunities in my travels. This is not to say I don't look at attractive women but always have controlled my impulses.

Funny story:

I just came back from a 2 week trip to SE Asia. In Manila there is an overbundance of attractive, young women who would go for a US guy (ex. with the hope for a longer relationship).

On my last night in town, I purposely turned down a partying trip with co-workers so I could buy some pearls (relatively cheap in Manila) for the wife. That evening, I was doing some work on my laptop by the pool (enjoying the weather). It was closed, no one else around but they did not ask me to leave.

I pack up to go back to the room and get a vm beep (in Manila, my AT&T connection don't always work and it is not unusual to miss the call). It was from my wife so I called her back immediately.

She is upset because she called 10 minutes ago and a female answered.

She: Hello, is Edward there?
Her: (with an accent) Hold on.
She: Hangs up.

I tell my wife that I have no idea how this happened, had no alibi because I was working by the pool without any witnesses and I started laughing at the situation.

Here I was being the good boy, staying away from temptations, and a totally random incident made my wife think I was cheating on her. What irony.


* * * *

With that all said, I do not believe it is in Man's nature to be monogamous. I think monogamy is an societal restriction place on Man. Nevertheless, at this stage of our civilization, I do believe monogamy is a good thing (ex. Just because it is in Man's nature to sleep around does not mean Man should act on it).

[RendeR]

Originally Posted by CamEdwards

dola- I'm defending RendeR. What IS this world coming to?

Seriously, this is scary

Originally Posted by Drake

Hmm. I was in an open marriage for awhile.

Only problem was that no one told me about it until it wasn't open anymore.

(One of the funny things about infidelity: the first time it happens to you is the last time you ever see any humor in it. Except for the Silverman/Damon/Kimmel/Affleck thing -- that's still funny.)

See its this type of ignorant comment that stifles real discussion of such things. You obviously were not in an open marriage from your point of view at the least and making it a joke that someone betrayed your trust just keeps the stereotypes going.

Originally Posted by Eaglesfan27

FWiW, I wasn't offended.

Thats good, I wasn't trying to offend, just make a point about communication, as Cam so aptly clarified.

Originally Posted by Izulde

Not really. (In fact, I don't recall ever watching a Meg Ryan movie, though I know who she is).

I just take the viewpoint that sex is a fun activity and doesn't necessarily have to be a closed-circuit affair.

Romantic love, on the other hand, -should- be closed. If I was in a relationship or a marriage and my partner fell in love with somebody else, I would end the relationship or the marriage. I refuse to be second in a person's heart in a relationship.

Interesting, see my opinion is that you have to have a real "relationship" If you don't love someone then what do you have? I'm actually more concerned with your last line though. In a relationship based on love, no one is ever 'second' or even 'first'. If you love someone, you love them, there is no more or less, there is no better or worse, its just love.

There is no limit to how much love anyone can have or give or receive. The fallacy many many people cling to is that if their partner loves someone else they must not love THEM enough or as much. Its a self confidence issue, personal insecurity within the relationship.

Sorry, I'm babbling on again.

[Danny]

I get the feeling RendeR is married to multiple women, or at least has the kind of relationship with multiple women. Render, you seem to be trying awfully hard to justify the situation of being with or loving multiple partners by stating it must be personal insecurity or a self confidence issues if someone wants or expects a partner to be monogamous.

[Fidatelo]

Originally Posted by Danny

I get the feeling RendeR is married to multiple women

His profile says he's from Buffalo, not Utah.

[RendeR]

Originally Posted by Fidatelo

His profile says he's from Buffalo, not Utah.

Ok that made me laugh.

And Danny: My vision of a perfect world would include acceptance of any and all styles of loving relationships, without any one group or groups claiming their ay is the only way. Unfortunately, we live in the real world and anything that is not 'normal' (IE monogamous) is shunned.

[RendeR]

Originally Posted by Danny

I get the feeling RendeR is married to multiple women, or at least has the kind of relationship with multiple women. Render, you seem to be trying awfully hard to justify the situation of being with or loving multiple partners by stating it must be personal insecurity or a self confidence issues if someone wants or expects a partner to be monogamous.

Oh my no no no. Thats not my point at all.

Every person is different, what works for one person might be a poisonous lifestyle to the next, there are those who thrive in monogamy, and thats perfectly acceptable. There are those that monogamy simply becomes a prison.

I do feel that if people really look at their jealousy/insecurity/etc and really try to understand where its coming from that they might discover its more of a fignment of their own creation than a real issue.

For some it is a real thing, so much so that they can't move beyond it and that is not a bad thing its simply who they are.

I apologize copletely if anyone felt I was judging them, dear god no, everyone is their own person, I was just making conversation.=)

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by Shorty3281

So if your girl was in love with you and would drop everything she was doing to make you happy, you'd be ok with that if some guy was balls-deep in her every Sunday morning?

Well, once a week might be a bit much, but pretty much. Like I said, sex and love are two entirely different issues for me, with not nearly as much overlap as people like to assign to them.

[Danny]

I understand your point better now. As long as both parties have a mutual agreement to what they expect out of the relationship it's their choice. Now, if there is the expectation (as in most marriages) that a relationship will be monogamous, then people should honor their commitment.

[ThunderingHERD]

RendeR is a polyamorous Jedi.

[RendeR]

Originally Posted by ThunderingHERD

RendeR is a polyamorous Jedi.

Jedi aren't supposed to BE amorous young padiwan.....

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by RendeR

Interesting, see my opinion is that you have to have a real "relationship" If you don't love someone then what do you have? I'm actually more concerned with your last line though. In a relationship based on love, no one is ever 'second' or even 'first'. If you love someone, you love them, there is no more or less, there is no better or worse, its just love.

See, I disagree with that. To me, there's different types, degrees and depths of love that will naturally lend itself to a heirarchy.

The reason why open relationships don't work the vast majority of the time (in my opinion, of course) is because emotions get involved and people get concerned about their place in the emotional heirarchy of the relationship.

There is no limit to how much love anyone can have or give or receive. The fallacy many many people cling to is that if their partner loves someone else they must not love THEM enough or as much. Its a self confidence issue, personal insecurity within the relationship.

Sorry, I'm babbling on again.

No, I understand what you're trying to say here... but I think this ultimately comes down to the different types of love I referenced earlier. If we're talking romantic love, then in that case, no, I'm not going to accept anyone else but me in.

Close friendship or spiritual kinship (for lack of a better term... where it's a love that's closer than close friends, but not romantic and not related by blood, but as close as you can get without blood or romance ties) love is, on the other hand, something completely different. Those types of love, sure there can be more than one person.

[RendeR]

Originally Posted by Danny

I understand your point better now. As long as both parties have a mutual agreement to what they expect out of the relationship it's their choice. Now, if there is the expectation (as in most marriages) that a relationship will be monogamous, then people should honor their commitment.

Indeed. At the very least people in a monogamous relationship that are feeling stifled or limited must really communicate well with their partners and figure out what if anything can be done so that everyone is happy.

Edit to add: This holds true for those in multiple relationships, probably more so. Dealing with one loving relationship is hard, handling and maintaining more than one is just that much harder. I didn't want my sentence above to appear that I was focusing only on the monogamy side of it.

The single largest issue in multiple relationships, for myself, is honesty. Everyone involved (directly at least) must know and understand everyone elses place and expectations. Communication is key. Talk about how you feel, then talk about it some more, then when yer done talking about it, talk about it again. When you think you might puke from talking about it more, then you might be close to having talked about it enough =)

[RendeR]

*waves atta Telle* hi Honey =)

[Telle]

Originally Posted by Izulde

Depends on the type of cheating you're talking about.

The act of sleeping with somebody else, not that big a deal.

It's emotional cheating that I won't tolerate.

See, there's a problem with that. You can control your actions, but you can't control your emotions. So what happens when your wife becomes friends with some guy.. they develop a close friendship, but nothing out of the ordinary.. and then one day she wakes up and realizes "Holy shit, I'm in love with him!" You going to just get up and walk out of the house and start the divorce process that day?

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by Shorty3281

So if your girl was in love with you and would drop everything she was doing to make you happy, you'd be ok with that if some guy was balls-deep in her every Sunday morning?

Yeah, I really don't get what he's saying.

Also, this thread is worthless without pics.

[RendeR]

Originally Posted by Galaxy

Yeah, I really don't get what he's saying.

Also, this thread is worthless with pics.

With?

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by RendeR

With?

Opps. Fixed it.

[EagleFan]

Wow,we really have some very stand up people here, or are filled with people who wouln't go too far on that Tell the Truth (or whatever it's called) "game show".

Or we have people who's significant other's are on or read the forum so there is no chance they tell the truth.


Personally, never have... but was very tempted and came close but that was several years ago and my wife and I were on the brink of breaking up prior to that happening. Especially now with having two kids (didn't have kids back then) I am too lazy to even think about it as it adds way too many problems to life that I wouldn't want to deal with.

[RendeR]

Ok just for Galaxy:
Telle:
http://b3.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/0...95158103_m.jpg

Liz
http://a130.ac-images.myspacecdn.com...109a118059.jpg

[Radii]

ARRR MATEY

[RendeR]

Originally Posted by Radii

ARRR MATEY

Aye!

[CamEdwards]

Any pix of Telle in a robe and wizard hat?

just askin.

[sabotai]

JUMANJI!

[RendeR]

Originally Posted by CamEdwards

Any pix of Telle in a robe and wizard hat?

just askin.

No but I'll see if I can get her into costume for the ren fest this summer!

[RendeR]

Originally Posted by sabotai

JUMANJI!

I don't get it.

[Telle]

Originally Posted by RendeR

No but I'll see if I can get her into costume for the ren fest this summer!

Gah.. when the hell am I going to have time to sew?!? And I still need to take the dang sewing machine to get tuned.. seeing as that hasn't been done for probably about 20 years. But now I'm probably going to spend all night searching the web for new garb ideas

[Schmidty]

I'm not wearing pants.

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by Telle

See, there's a problem with that. You can control your actions, but you can't control your emotions. So what happens when your wife becomes friends with some guy.. they develop a close friendship, but nothing out of the ordinary.. and then one day she wakes up and realizes "Holy shit, I'm in love with him!" You going to just get up and walk out of the house and start the divorce process that day?

Within the week, yes.

[Anthony]

someone who works in my building apparently is very interested. i'm teetering on the brink. willpower is waning. i'm a heterosexual male, i can't help it - science and evolution made me this way.

can't...hold....much...longer....

she smiles at me and i smile back, she's really putting herself out there but i just don't say or do anything. at the very least i would like to introduce myself and just make it known i'm married and not gay and if things were different i'm sure we'd do a lot more together than just smile or acknowledge each other in the elevator with a twinkle in the eye. i feel like a cockless fag when i see her cuz i don't do anything more than a half-smile or a nod of the head while she smiles at me.

i have a great marriage, an awesome wife and a heavy/loud conscience. those are the only things standing in the way.


NOTE: the above is just a made up story. i'm just looking for attention. this is how i would feel if this were to hypothetically happen to me.

[Anthony]

"why must i be like that?
why must i chase the cat?
ain't nuthin but the dog in me."

[Schmidty]

Drunk are we?

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by RendeR

I don't get it.

It's on the shelf in the one picture.

[oliegirl]

Why has no one else asked why the guy behind the pirate chick is holding what looks to be one of those big counter standing mixmaster blenders???

Scenes with Tom Hanks chasing Tawny Kitaen with the egg beater thingy are now running through my head!!!

[BrianD]

Originally Posted by oliegirl

Scenes with Tom Hanks chasing Tawny Kitaen with the egg beater thingy are now running through my head!!!

???

Apparently I need to go back and watch Bachelor Party again.

[MacroGuru]

Well, I will admit, I messed up...big time right before we got married..in fact, it was my mess up that set the ultimatum up.

A lot of alcohol combined with painkillers from the knee surgery I just had led to me not thinking properly.

The wife (girlfriend at the time) said...thats it, you need to get your priorities in order..and left me...

Worst 2 weeks ever. I realized she was the one, and I really couldn't live without her..proposed and we have been married going on our 12th year....and no more screwups.

[RendeR]

Originally Posted by Galaxy

It's on the shelf in the one picture.

Doh, yer right, see, I spend all my time looking at Liz, the rest is so much background static =)

Originally Posted by oliegirl

Why has no one else asked why the guy behind the pirate chick is holding what looks to be one of those big counter standing mixmaster blenders???

Scenes with Tom Hanks chasing Tawny Kitaen with the egg beater thingy are now running through my head!!!

Actually Chubbs (the guy with the mixer) Is in culinary school and if I recall the story correctly he was attempting to show off his cooking/baking skills the whole time. This is an old pic. I just met Liz in December 07.

[RendeR]

Originally Posted by Izulde

Within the week, yes.

OK, but if she's still in love with you, you'd rather give that up? This is where I tend to lose people, I don't understand the willingness to give up on love. Maybe I was just unloved as a child and this is how my psyche compensates or something =)

[st.cronin]

Love doesn't operate independent of behavior. Part of being in a loving relationship is doing things, or not doing certain things, in order to demonstrate one's love and commitment. Giving foot rubs and not going to strip clubs are the same type of action.

[Neon_Chaos]

Love is not an emotion, it's an ability.

Or so says Dan, who stole it from some kid.

[CU Tiger]

See I feel that each couple should be able to define THEIR relationship. We have friends who have a 3rd wheel (for lack of a better term) and we will often go out as a goup. They are very open about their relationship.

My acceptance though starts breaking down in a legal seense. I mean, should his Employee and Spouse policy cover both spouses?
What about a separation. WHo gets what %.
And the fact that they have young children who they are open with bothers me a bit, I mean its ok for them to make their own decisions but I think they are setting their kids up for uncomfortable situations.

[Drake]

Every person is different, what works for one person might be a poisonous lifestyle to the next, there are those who thrive in monogamy, and thats perfectly acceptable. There are those that monogamy simply becomes a prison.

Actually, this is very similar to my point -- which is that too often, people in open relationships tend to decide it unilaterally after they've made commitments to someone who may value monogamy very highly.

I don't actually have a problem with that.

What I *do* have a problem with is when the person who wants an open relationship isn't mature enough to communicate that in advance and give their partner the option to get out of the relationship before betrayal occurs.

From what you're saying, I don't think you and I disagree on that point.

Edit to clarify: My wife didn't actually want an open relationship. She wanted to keep me all to herself (she's insanely jealous). She just wanted to be able to sleep with other people, too. That isn't technically an open relationship.
I just happened to be married to someone who wasn't mature enough to communicate before she started cheating.