Online dating

[Blackadar]

Don't string her along. If you don't like her, man up and break it off.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by Blackadar

Don't string her along. If you don't like her, man up and break it off.

Not trying to string her along. Very conscious of that - which was why I was going to say something this last weekend. Didn't think it was fair to her that there was such broad differences in how "into" each other we seemed. That being said...it's only been like...6-7 dates spread over like...2 months.

But one thing one of my buddies said did cause me some doubt and make me okay with letting it go a little longer, which is that I've been alone for so long that maybe it's not that she doesn't light my emotional fire, but that my emotional wood is damp.

And in that sense I'm okay with giving it a little more leash to see if my wood can dry out and maybe there is potential.

But not if she's going to be like that. That smacks of an ultimatum/trying to force me to do something. And DT don't play dat.

[jeff061]

If she knows something's up do you blame her for wanting to get you to put it out on the table? If she's more emotionally invested than you, it's likely causing her far more stress.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by jeff061

If she knows something's up do you blame her for wanting to get you to put it out on the table? If she's more emotionally invested than you, it's likely causing her far more stress.

No - that's true. I can certainly see that, and sympathize, which is why I was going in that direction.

But her "just say it!" - based on the fact that we had a good/non-awkward rest of the night Saturday...that wasn't a "just say it's over" - it was a "just say ILY."

Just - on two totally different speeds if she thinks I'm like...at that point. And you shouldn't like...put someone on the spot with that and demand it. That's BS.

But that just sorta highlights why I was leaning towards backing away - it's not fair to make her wait around and potentially waste her time to see if I get there.

[jeff061]

Oh, yeah, pressuring into ILY is irritating. My current GF pulled that crap for a looooong time. If I have to be pressured into saying something, then clearly I don't mean it. Which do you prefer?

Passed that phase. Thankfully she hasn't started pushing the ring.

In any case, good to see you doing well out there DT. I was in a very similar situation as you before my current girl, I'm 2+ years in with her now, all is good. I'm just a slow mover.

[Logan]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

But her "just say it!" - based on the fact that we had a good/non-awkward rest of the night Saturday...that wasn't a "just say it's over" - it was a "just say ILY."

Not at all where I thought that was going. You're 100% sure you're not misinterpreting this?

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by jeff061

Oh, yeah, pressuring into ILY is irritating. My current GF pulled that crap for a looooong time. If I have to be pressured into saying something, then clearly I don't mean it. Which do you prefer?

Passed that phase. Thankfully she hasn't started pushing the ring.

In any case, good to see you doing well out there DT. I was in a very similar situation as you before my current girl, I'm 2+ years in with her now, all is good. I'm just a slow mover.

Yah - I'm definitely a slow mover too, which she knows (and has acknowledged). So that's...doubly-annoying.

[MacroGuru]

Question is...has she said it and you have yet to reciprocate the verbal ILY?

Just trying to see where she is at emotionally in this vs where you are at too.

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by Logan

Not at all where I thought that was going. You're 100% sure you're not misinterpreting this?

This is my reaction too. My sense is that she's aware that you're not really into her and is asking you to come clean rather than play out the string.

[Chief Rum]

I only buy the ILY if she is already saying it to you, DT. If not, it's probably the other thing. Either way, I don't think you should let this hang. You need to deal with it.

[miked]

The real question is, is the sex good. Go from there...

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by MacroGuru

Question is...has she said it and you have yet to reciprocate the verbal ILY?

Just trying to see where she is at emotionally in this vs where you are at too.

Nope, she hasn't.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by Chief Rum

I only buy the ILY if she is already saying it to you, DT. If not, it's probably the other thing. Either way, I don't think you should let this hang. You need to deal with it.

Fair enough...could be. I don't think it is though - she's all like...talking about plans for things she wants to do and stuff ("oh we should go hang out here. oh we should go to my folks cape house" etc.). I have no plans on letting it hang either way though. Will deal with it in-person this weekend.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by miked

The real question is, is the sex good. Go from there...

I have no frame of reference.

[terpkristin]

Alright, it's time for me to actually do something about my single-ness. My sister just announced (to family only, so don't say anything on FB on my wall, please) that she's pregnant. Apparently, this was the kick in the butt I needed to stop waiting to "feel better" before getting back out there in the dating world.

At a high level, which sites do people think the best these days? I was on eharmony a few years ago and didn't get any hits...which was moderately depressing, though I didn't stay on it for too long.

Days like this I really get annoyed that I didn't find my mate in college like all my friends seemed to.

/tk

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by terpkristin

Alright, it's time for me to actually do something about my single-ness. My sister just announced (to family only, so don't say anything on FB on my wall, please) that she's pregnant. Apparently, this was the kick in the butt I needed to stop waiting to "feel better" before getting back out there in the dating world.

At a high level, which sites do people think the best these days? I was on eharmony a few years ago and didn't get any hits...which was moderately depressing, though I didn't stay on it for too long.

Days like this I really get annoyed that I didn't find my mate in college like all my friends seemed to.

/tk

I guess it depends what you're looking for. Match seems to be the big "fish."

[Honolulu_Blue]

Some of you might appreciate this.

These are e-mails that a friend of mine received from a guy on eHarmony.

This is some of the best stuff I've ever read:

Originally Posted by Tommy Jr.

You are very pretty and sound interesting to me so i would like to
take you out. I clean up well and always very polite but my etiquette
needs some work would offset that with graciousness. just looking for
a nice girl to have a fun friendship with. Have not dated in some time
because my last girlfriend broke my heart.
This is what i would like to do with you when i get back in town!!! it
will be your night with no worries or stress and will be a good way to
become friends. We could go to a quite place and have one or two
drinks, Then take you to Bath & Body Works we could pick up some
bubble bath and body oils, Lotions and Potions of all types then go
pick up some burning incense sticks or candles. if you have a little
cd player with speakers bring that along if not we will stop and pick
one up along the way. Then find a real nice place with a jacuzzi tub
in the room just remember to bring your bathing suit. When we get in
th room i will steam some towels, put on some tranquill japanese music
or just something easy, lay you down on the bed cover you with warm
towels and use our oils to give you a sensual two or three hour
rub-down to make all your troubles disappear "contentment" like you
have never known befor. We can have room servics bring us a bite to
eat and just have fun. This will take trust on your part but if your
willing it will be a date to remember. Not anticipating or expecting
sex from you thats entirely your decion although i am a highly sexual
person. Well what do you think of my date plan with you? i'm thinking
it will be easy and non-complicated!!! I will plan something exciting
& new for us to do everytime im in town, Each escape will be totally
different then the previous and will tell you of all of the details
beforehand. From Caro Mi but work and spend my time here in Grand
Rapids driving semi running around 3,300 miles a week pretty much just
eat, sleep and drive. Do all my own cooking in the truck and make my
own coffee because the food on the road pretty much sucks i get back
in town once every 14days then have 3days off. I have a motorbike that
i ride. Contact here untill 08/10th call or text me Thomas Jr

.......Then, when there was no response.....

Originally Posted by Tommy Jr.

Date a..... First thing we could go out and eat to Red Lobster or the
Outback you can decide, then we go to Bath & Body Works pick up some
lotions & potions lots of oil of all kinds then go get a 400.00 dollar
room with a Jacuzzi, give you a body rubdown for two or three hours,
and make you feel wonderful all night

Date b..... Go to a bunch of stores and buy things you need or want,
just shop till you drop

Date c..... Go on a 5hr date with me and i will stir up 8 emotions you
had forgotten, Delirious, Amazed, Humored, Enthusiastic, Excited,
Fascinated, Breathless and finally Amused all on 1 date. Not sure how
to pull it off just yet, But i will. Plus we will use all 5 senses
See... Hear... Touch... Smell... Taste and if you like it next time
you pick 8 emotions, ill plan it we will go have fun

Date d..... Go eat at a fine restaurant then go see a movie of your choosing

Date e..... I only have a motorcycle so we could go rent a car and
take a 48 hour trip to Ceder Point spend all day playing then rest up
and drive back the next day, it is something like a 4 hour trip from
Fenton each way, that place rocks there is so much to do and see

Date f.....Sit on a park bench and watch people, just enjoy time doing nothing

Date g..... go skinny dipping at a beach it is very exciting just may
get caught


Date h..... take scuba diving lessons, that would be a really fun first date


Date i....The hottest and most fun i ever had is making out or getting
it on where you may be seen, somewhere like at a local park, its a
very hot and stimulating feeling. Not sure if it is first date
material but fun stuff

[Young Drachma]

"Not sure if it's first date material..." ftmfw

[Lathum]

The guy is pretty good at coming up with things chicks dig, I just think he needs to keep those plans to himself until he meets the actual girl.

[thesloppy]

Who doesn't love a nice, three-hour rubdown from a strange truck driver?

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by Tommy Jr.

Date a..... First thing we could go out and eat to Red Lobster or the
Outback you can decide, then we go to Bath & Body Works pick up some
lotions & potions lots of oil of all kinds then go get a 400.00 dollar
room with a Jacuzzi, give you a body rubdown for two or three hours,
and make you feel wonderful all night

Nothing says romance like Red Lobster or the Outback.

[Galaril]

Good to know that guy is the competition wow!

[Matthean]

10 Cheap Date Ideas | The Art of Manliness

It got posted on FB again and I offered better games than Monopoly.

[JediKooter]

Jedikooter Dating Update:

Ugh. I wish I was an asshole sometimes (or depending on who you ask, more of an asshole), it would make decisions so much easier. Met this woman via OKC & we talked for maybe a day and then met on a Friday evening. Plan was to meet somewhere, have a drink, talk, get to know each other, all the usual first meet type stuff. Something comes up, so she says, just meet her at her place and then we'll go out. No biggie to me. When I arrive at her place, she practically jumps on me, not that I mind all that much, but, definitely raises a red flag or two. We go out and she is kind of rude to the wait staff (another red flag), go back to her place and she makes me dinner. Great dinner, since she used to be a chef. We end up doing the pokey pokey and I leave the next morning.

Next week, rinse, repeat.

So the problem is, she is WWAAAYYYY more into me, than I am into her. To the point where it's really off putting. Another thing is, which I can't for the life of me figure out is, she looks way different in her pictures than she does in real life. Not the pictures she sent me, but, the pictures she has of her and her family that are around her place. They are her no doubt about it, but, in her pictures she's hot, in person....not so much. Anyway, I know I'm being a total shallow typical dude about the looks thing, however...

She drinks a lot, she let an 'I love you' slip out once (but it was during sex and I am a bit of tiger, so I can let that one go) and her breath is really bad. She's not overweight, is a hell of damn good cook, is a total geek/gamer, but, I'm just not feeling it, but, since we already did the deed a couple of times, if I tell her I'm just not into it like she is, I don't want to hurt her feelings and make her feel like I used her. However, all my internal instincts are screaming: EJECT, EJECT, EJECT!!

End Of Update

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by JediKooter

Jedikooter Dating Update:

Ugh. I wish I was an asshole sometimes (or depending on who you ask, more of an asshole), it would make decisions so much easier. Met this woman via OKC & we talked for maybe a day and then met on a Friday evening. Plan was to meet somewhere, have a drink, talk, get to know each other, all the usual first meet type stuff. Something comes up, so she says, just meet her at her place and then we'll go out. No biggie to me. When I arrive at her place, she practically jumps on me, not that I mind all that much, but, definitely raises a red flag or two. We go out and she is kind of rude to the wait staff (another red flag), go back to her place and she makes me dinner. Great dinner, since she used to be a chef. We end up doing the pokey pokey and I leave the next morning.

Next week, rinse, repeat.

So the problem is, she is WWAAAYYYY more into me, than I am into her. To the point where it's really off putting. Another thing is, which I can't for the life of me figure out is, she looks way different in her pictures than she does in real life. Not the pictures she sent me, but, the pictures she has of her and her family that are around her place. They are her no doubt about it, but, in her pictures she's hot, in person....not so much. Anyway, I know I'm being a total shallow typical dude about the looks thing, however...

She drinks a lot, she let an 'I love you' slip out once (but it was during sex and I am a bit of tiger, so I can let that one go) and her breath is really bad. She's not overweight, is a hell of damn good cook, is a total geek/gamer, but, I'm just not feeling it, but, since we already did the deed a couple of times, if I tell her I'm just not into it like she is, I don't want to hurt her feelings and make her feel like I used her. However, all my internal instincts are screaming: EJECT, EJECT, EJECT!!

End Of Update

Letting someone down easy is hard stuff. But you have to do it. The sooner you do it, the better off you both are. Prolonging it only hooks her in even deeper or gets you further enmeshed with her life.

[molson]

pokey pokey

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by Chief Rum

Letting someone down easy is hard stuff. But you have to do it. The sooner you do it, the better off you both are. Prolonging it only hooks her in even deeper or gets you further enmeshed with her life.

You are absolutely correct, Chief. I've agonized about it for over a week now and it's not that I'm worried about being seen as a jerk, I just don't want to hurt her feelings. I wish I was a Vulcan.

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by molson

pokey pokey

Usually a lot more fun than the hokey pokey.

[Comey]

Originally Posted by JediKooter

Usually a lot more fun than the hokey pokey.

But that's easier to turn around.

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by Comey

But that's easier to turn around.

In the end, that's what it's all about.

[Autumn]

gold

[Autumn]

I can see not wanting to hurt her feelings after getting intimate so fast, but I think that's something to think about before the pokey pokey starts. Now that cat's out of the bag, so to speak *ahem* and so you can't really help it.

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by Autumn

I can see not wanting to hurt her feelings after getting intimate so fast, but I think that's something to think about before the pokey pokey starts. Now that cat's out of the bag, so to speak *ahem* and so you can't really help it.

Can't disagree with you at all. I really only have myself to blame and need to deal with it.

Looks like I'll be "moving to Alaska" soon.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by JediKooter

You are absolutely correct, Chief. I've agonized about it for over a week now and it's not that I'm worried about being seen as a jerk, I just don't want to hurt her feelings. I wish I was a Vulcan.

Do the DaddyTorgo.

[Matthean]

Originally Posted by JediKooter

Jedikooter Dating Update:

Ugh. I wish I was an asshole sometimes (or depending on who you ask, more of an asshole), it would make decisions so much easier. Met this woman via OKC & we talked for maybe a day and then met on a Friday evening. Plan was to meet somewhere, have a drink, talk, get to know each other, all the usual first meet type stuff. Something comes up, so she says, just meet her at her place and then we'll go out. No biggie to me. When I arrive at her place, she practically jumps on me, not that I mind all that much, but, definitely raises a red flag or two. We go out and she is kind of rude to the wait staff (another red flag), go back to her place and she makes me dinner. Great dinner, since she used to be a chef. We end up doing the pokey pokey and I leave the next morning.

Next week, rinse, repeat.

So the problem is, she is WWAAAYYYY more into me, than I am into her. To the point where it's really off putting. Another thing is, which I can't for the life of me figure out is, she looks way different in her pictures than she does in real life. Not the pictures she sent me, but, the pictures she has of her and her family that are around her place. They are her no doubt about it, but, in her pictures she's hot, in person....not so much. Anyway, I know I'm being a total shallow typical dude about the looks thing, however...

She drinks a lot, she let an 'I love you' slip out once (but it was during sex and I am a bit of tiger, so I can let that one go) and her breath is really bad. She's not overweight, is a hell of damn good cook, is a total geek/gamer, but, I'm just not feeling it, but, since we already did the deed a couple of times, if I tell her I'm just not into it like she is, I don't want to hurt her feelings and make her feel like I used her. However, all my internal instincts are screaming: EJECT, EJECT, EJECT!!

End Of Update

You have a terrible goalie.

[Flasch186]

you guys focus on the pokey pokey line and Im thinking WTF is a tiger in bed? Like, Rawr? I dunno, i think if I said Rawr to my wife she'd say something like, "Cut that shit out."

[Karlifornia]

I'm assuming Jedi and woman aren't 18 years old. Usually by their 30's women should able to assume not every sex partner is gonna propose marriage, or even be with them for long periods of time. You are (with good reason) a bit terrified of this woman. Get out before you find out how unhinged this woman really is. Do it nicely, and in person, but do it posthaste

[Danny]

Originally Posted by Flasch186

you guys focus on the pokey pokey line and Im thinking WTF is a tiger in bed? Like, Rawr? I dunno, i think if I said Rawr to my wife she'd say something like, "Cut that shit out."

If you have to ask then you are not a tiger.

[cuervo72]

Show them you're a tiger. Show them what you can do!

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

Do the DaddyTorgo.

This interests me. Can I google it?

Originally Posted by Matthean

You have a terrible goalie.

I picked the one with the worst eyesight.

Originally Posted by Flasch186

you guys focus on the pokey pokey line and Im thinking WTF is a tiger in bed? Like, Rawr? I dunno, i think if I said Rawr to my wife she'd say something like, "Cut that shit out."

I was going to say 'Tyrannosaurus Rex', but, didn't want to brag.

Originally Posted by Karlifornia

I'm assuming Jedi and woman aren't 18 years old. Usually by their 30's women should able to assume not every sex partner is gonna propose marriage, or even be with them for long periods of time. You are (with good reason) a bit terrified of this woman. Get out before you find out how unhinged this woman really is. Do it nicely, and in person, but do it posthaste

We're old, but, it's the same emotions and feelings you can have at any age. You would think a 40 year old woman would know this, but, I have a feeling (I am a Jedi after all) that she does not. The sooner the better is definitely the way to go with this.

Originally Posted by Danny

If you have to ask then you are not a tiger.

This man gets it!

Originally Posted by cuervo72

Show them you're a tiger. Show them what you can do!

And so does this one.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by JediKooter

This interests me. Can I google it?

I was just referring to my posts from not that long ago in this very thread about this very same thing.

[JediKooter]

Ahhh. I need to go back and read through. BRB...


EDIT: And I'm back. Sounds pretty similar to my situation DT. I don't have the same issue with distance (she only lives about 10 minute from me), but, I've only been in person with her 4 or 5 times so far.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by JediKooter

Ahhh. I need to go back and read through. BRB...


EDIT: And I'm back. Sounds pretty similar to my situation DT. I don't have the same issue with distance (she only lives about 10 minute from me), but, I've only been in person with her 4 or 5 times so far.

Just gotta cut the cord man. Not fun or anything, but it's definitely not going to get any easier, especially if she's that much more into you.

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

Just gotta cut the cord man. Not fun or anything, but it's definitely not going to get any easier, especially if she's that much more into you.

Welp, looks like everything worked itself out. We are done:

Went over to her house last night (we were supposed to go have dinner and see a movie) and she had been drinking, so I drove her car to dinner. We had dinner and she had two long island ice teas and then walked over to the theater to see Guardians of the Galaxy. While we were in line to get some drinks, she was talking very loudly and talking about having sex. Sorry, not my style when out in public. She saw the expression on my face and asked me what was wrong and I said, "You're annoying me".

We go in to the movie and about probably 3/4 of the way through the movie, she gets up and leaves. I thought she went to the bathroom but she never came back. As the movie is ending, I get a rapid succession of 4 texts saying that she drove home (stranding me) and that she won't annoy me anymore.

So now I have to call my friend to come pick me up, but, his sister has borrowed his car and no one can get a hold of her. I FINALLY get a hold of her and she comes and picks me up. This is all around 1 in the morning.

So, I have not bothered to text her back at all or call and she hasn't communicated with me since those 4 texts, which is fine by me. It's funny how things just seem to work themselves out sometimes. WHEW!!!

[DaddyTorgo]

Well that worked out rather...interestingly, but there ya go. Good stuff I guess.

[Lathum]

lol

that's a good story.

How was the movie?

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

Well that worked out rather...interestingly, but there ya go. Good stuff I guess.

Indeed. Definitely not anywhere close to how I imagined it would be, but, problem solved.

Originally Posted by Lathum

lol

that's a good story.

How was the movie?

Definitely top 3 break up stories for me for sure.

The movie was great, I would definitely see it again.

[Danny]

Hopefully you don't get hacked up into little pieces.

[JediKooter]

Me too, but, she doesn't know where I live, so I should be alright.

[sterlingice]

I look forward to hearing about your grizzly murder on some true crime show

SI