Online dating

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by panerd

DT:

I don't want to be "one of those guys" in the dating threads that is happily married (who I met on EHarmony) with a kid but the worst advice you can get is to not pay for a dating site. I did free yahoo (when it existed) and free trials of other sites for about a year and half and finally dished out some money for EHarmony. Women aren't wired like us and unless you are looking for just hook-ups (which Match is great for my buddy says) than they are going to pay and want somebody to pay for a website. Think of it like the cost of a video game or something a month. It isn't that much and the EHarmony women are solid quality people. No doubt there were some duds, and some picky women there (EHarmony isn't solving the way women work and think ) but it was a huge step up from the free sites. Will duck out of the thread if this isn't what you want to hear.

No - I agree. I did eHarmony for a 2 year run and that just ended unsuccessfully, so I went ahead and created another profile on there with new answers to questions (to try to tap a bit different pool) and just haven't activated that yet because I'm more than a bit dejected at the moment.

I think my match & okcupid profiles are fine. They're not great, but I took advice from somebody else here and sort of mimic-ed theirs and added my own twist and it seems to work okay.

I've got a humorous line about how I can only handle 2 stalkers at once so I won't give out my full name and address that has gotten a smile or a joke back on the couple occasions people have responded to my emails.

Actually just had one girl this afternoon on okcupid who I sent out an email to message me back and joke about it.

At least here in Boston okcupid is...to put it nicely...a den of fatties and 2's/3's (being generous). But as a free site it's easy to scroll through and pick out the 2-3 women who are okay.

[sabotai]

This thread scares me. I think I'll just stay single. I'm delusively happy being single. Good enough for me.

[PilotMan]

This thread makes me happy I'm happily married. I just don't know if I'd be able to do very well with all that. I feel for you guys.

[Neuqua]

Fwiw I met my GF through a random "poke" on facebook. I don't recommend that at all because of the creepiness factor but relationship-wise it's the best thing that's ever happened to me, ha.

[cuervo72]

Don't some opt against EHarmony because it is more Christian/conservative? Its user base may not line up with DT as much.

[Ronnie Dobbs3]

What worked for me is expanding your social circle (or: It's hard to get married playing Football Manager)

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by Galaxy

Personal experience?

Ha! Actually, if some out of town women messaged me asking for a hit it and quit it, I might ponder it if it was the right situation.

Also, since DT mentioned the population of large women and 2s/3s for Boston, I thought I'd chime in with my thoughts on Vegas's active OKC population:

1. As is reflective of the general population, very diverse ethnically speaking. So much so that no racial group has more than a 35-40% share of the active makeup.

2. There's also a pretty broad spectrum of attractiveness levels. I'd say the average is probably somewhere around 4, which is about what you'd expect from an online dating site TBH. I've seen a few that are insanely gorgeous (and not fake profiles), and a few that I can see why they're green, to put it politely.

3. Blondes and redheads are both pretty rare. Attractive blondes are mythic rares (which doubly sucks for me, because unlike much of nerddom, I love blondes over brunettes most of the time).

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by Izulde

Ha! Actually, if some out of town women messaged me asking for a hit it and quit it, I might ponder it if it was the right situation.

Also, since DT mentioned the population of large women and 2s/3s for Boston, I thought I'd chime in with my thoughts on Vegas's active OKC population:


2. There's also a pretty broad spectrum of attractiveness levels. I'd say the average is probably somewhere around 4, which is about what you'd expect from an online dating site TBH. I've seen a few that are insanely gorgeous (and not fake profiles), and a few that I can see why they're green, to put it politely.

3. Blondes and redheads are both pretty rare. Attractive blondes are mythic rares (which doubly sucks for me, because unlike much of nerddom, I love blondes over brunettes most of the time).

I think the interesting point to take away is everyone tends to rate their attractiveness much higher than really is. Hence the struggles.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by cuervo72

Don't some opt against EHarmony because it is more Christian/conservative? Its user base may not line up with DT as much.

I haven't really found that to be much of a problem - at least as far as I can tell.

[DaddyTorgo]

Straight up - this is the kind of thing that shows up only on OkCupid.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/rando...gular_indirect

warning: do not view while (or shortly after) eating or drinking.

[Izulde]

Not the worst thing I've seen on OkCupid by a long shot.

Granted, I would never date her because she's an atheist, but she's not even close to the worst looking woman on the planet.

[molson]

Originally Posted by Ronnie Dobbs3

What worked for me is expanding your social circle (or: It's hard to get married playing Football Manager)

Yes. I had a long post about this a few pages ago. And it doesn't have to be a huge circle - people love to set up their single friends and acquaintances who are in their 30s. And I think when it's through a friend, you skip a couple of steps off the bat. Like, they know you're not a creep or a weirdo, you start with some kind of endorsement.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by Izulde

Not the worst thing I've seen on OkCupid by a long shot.

Granted, I would never date her because she's an atheist, but she's not even close to the worst looking woman on the planet.

WORST no, but...yikes.

You wouldn't date an atheist??

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

You wouldn't date an atheist??

Correct. I change my mind often on personal religious thoughts from belief to agnosticism, but I would never cross the line into atheism.

Doesn't mean anything as far as friendships go - hell, I have a ton of atheist friends, but in terms of dating, atheism is one of those dealbreakers for me. Agnosticism, sure that's fine - I'd be a hypocrite otherwise, but atheists, no.

To put it more bluntly, I would and have dated devout Christians long before I would even consider dating an atheist.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by Izulde

Correct. I change my mind often on personal religious thoughts from belief to agnosticism, but I would never cross the line into atheism.

Doesn't mean anything as far as friendships go - hell, I have a ton of atheist friends, but in terms of dating, atheism is one of those dealbreakers for me. Agnosticism, sure that's fine - I'd be a hypocrite otherwise, but atheists, no.

To put it more bluntly, I would and have dated devout Christians long before I would even consider dating an atheist.

*shrug* To each their own. I told one "devout" girl who messaged me and whose profile was full of like "i believe in traditional marriage" type stuff "thanks, but i don't date people who share close-minded beliefs like yours" so I can't really judge.

[Matthean]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

*shrug* To each their own. I told one "devout" girl who messaged me and whose profile was full of like "i believe in traditional marriage" type stuff "thanks, but i don't date people who share close-minded beliefs like yours" so I can't really judge.

So who contacted who?

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by Matthean

So who contacted who?

She contacted me. So I was polite...wrote back, and then she responded, and in my message back I was like "Hey...don't think it's going to work out. You've got some pretty strong religious beliefs that I just can't agree with. Good luck though." She wrote back "Fair enough - good luck to you too."

[PilotMan]

Have you just considered going out with someone like that for fun, for whatever? I mean it may not go anywhere but is it someone that you could spend some time with at all?

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by PilotMan

Have you just considered going out with someone like that for fun, for whatever? I mean it may not go anywhere but is it someone that you could spend some time with at all?

Not someone like that. I have a visceral reaction to bigoted people.

People that for some other reason I don't see as a great match...yeah...sure. I'd look at it as a sort of...practice-date I suppose.

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

Not someone like that. I have a visceral reaction to bigoted people.

People that for some other reason I don't see as a great match...yeah...sure. I'd look at it as a sort of...practice-date I suppose.

That's a bit ironic, don't you think? You castigate people for having very strict views of their own, yet you won't even hang out with them? On some level, that doesn't make you any different from them.

But then again, I'm also the dude who has a few friends who are so conservative they make JiMGA look like a Green Party supporter. I just separate out their politics from the rest of it.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by Izulde

That's a bit ironic, don't you think? You castigate people for having very strict views of their own, yet you won't even hang out with them? On some level, that doesn't make you any different from them.

But then again, I'm also the dude who has a few friends who are so conservative they make JiMGA look like a Green Party supporter. I just separate out their politics from the rest of it.

That's such a false equivalency - I'm so tired of it. Pretty sure we've been down the path of discussing it to death here on FOFC.

Being intolerant of bigots does not make one a bigot.

[molson]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

That's such a false equivalency - I'm so tired of it. Pretty sure we've been down the path of discussing it to death here on FOFC.

Being intolerant of bigots does not make one a bigot.

So you think Izulde's a bigot?

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by molson

So you think Izulde's a bigot?

Nope - didn't say that at all.

Some of his friends...maybe. I don't know enough about them.

But that doesn't mean that he's a bigot for hanging out with them.

Anyways - that's enough of that in this thread.

[molson]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

Nope - didn't say that at all.

Did that person you rejected have actual bigoted comments in their profile? Or was that just a conclusion you drew based on their beliefs?

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by molson

Did that person you rejected have actual bigoted comments in their profile? Or was that just a conclusion you drew based on their beliefs?

Yeah. I don't recall the actual comment (it was around gay marriage though), and I already deleted the message so I can't go back and find it for you.

[PilotMan]

I can see both sides of the argument tbh.

For me it really depends on the person. They may be the kind of person who just has those thoughts and beliefs right out there all the time. That kind of person is much harder to be around than the person who may hold beliefs 180 degrees from you. The kind who just doesn't give that much of a shit about it and can understand that while you both disagree it really doesn't have any impact on your friendship.

[Matthean]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

Yeah. I don't recall the actual comment (it was around gay marriage though)

"Good thing we aren't gay."

[M GO BLUE!!!]

I have a daughter. She's mixed. I'm white, her mother black.

I've had a couple of times where I was on a date & the subject of my daughter came up, where whether it was a picture or however that she's mixed... and the woman had a reaction that was at best impolite. Those dates/relationships were over immediately. Bigotry is a deal breaker.

[Desnudo]

Originally Posted by Galaxy

I think the interesting point to take away is everyone tends to rate their attractiveness much higher than really is. Hence the struggles.

I lead with a dick pic to avoid that issue,

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by Desnudo

I lead with a dick pic to avoid that issue,

The "Dick Selfie?"

[JediKooter]

Well, so far so good with a lady I met a little over a week ago. She's 9 years younger than me and we seem to get along great, plus she lives pretty close to me, so there isn't the issue of distance like it has been in the past for me when I was up in the bay area.

We met through match.com, I contacted her and she responded pretty quickly, emailed each other for a couple of days and met 4 days after I first contacted her. This is the first successful 'date' from match, so I'm batting 1 for about 15. So, we shall see how this goes. I have no expectations other than to go with the flow and have a good time.

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by JediKooter

Well, so far so good with a lady I met a little over a week ago. She's 9 years younger than me and we seem to get along great, plus she lives pretty close to me, so there isn't the issue of distance like it has been in the past for me when I was up in the bay area.

We met through match.com, I contacted her and she responded pretty quickly, emailed each other for a couple of days and met 4 days after I first contacted her. This is the first successful 'date' from match, so I'm batting 1 for about 15. So, we shall see how this goes. I have no expectations other than to go with the flow and have a good time.

Any update?

[Grover]

Didn't think I'd ever post in this thread, but met my current girlfriend on OKCupid at the beginning of August, talked for two weeks. Met in person on August 15, been together since.

Huzzah.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Originally Posted by Galaxy

The "Dick Selfie?"

Nope. He took a pic of a guy at the gym.

[DaddyTorgo]

2 OKCupid stories.

So I had a date last Tuesday that I was pretty excited for. Pretty girl, seemed to have a good head on her shoulders, etc.

2 hours over drinks, I thought it went pretty well, if a bit "stiff." Seemed to end well. Texted her that night when I got home to say I had a good time etc. and didn't hear anything. Sent her one more text the next day saying (more clearly) that I had a good time. Nothing. Radio silence.

That just pisses me off. It's not really that hard to send someone a text back and say "Thanks - not feeling anything though." Wouldn't bother me as much if it didn't seem out-of-character for the way that she presented herself that she didn't though. So I guess I dodged a bullet there.

Had another date last night with a different girl. Great personality - we were letting the sarcasm fly right away, and the first time she got up to hit the bathroom I checked my watch and it had been almost 2 hours. I resolved to wrap it up and get home, only it took another hour+ to wrap things up because the conversation was just that flowing and going so well. She texted me literally as I was walking back in the door to my place saying she had a great time etc. Pretty much just as I was composing a text to her.

Moral of the story - I dunno.

Also - it's apparently pouring, because that friend-of-a-friend I mentioned earlier in the thread is definitely interested in dating me (per my friend who she is apparently pestering about it).

[PilotMan]

Good for you DT!

[DaddyTorgo]

Fo sho PM!

[MacroGuru]

Been back in the game, been talking to a few on OkCupid, one I truly think is gorgeous and I am shocked as hell she is even communicating with me.

But conversation with the women lack something. I don't know if it is emotion or what, but I feel like it's almost a discussion with someone I would be sitting next to waiting in line for a movie. We have a lot of like qualities, fit in that direction...but there is nothing driving conversation unless I ask a ton of questions and get their responses, and most of my questions are open ended....so, slightly frustrated.

[Izulde]

My guess is if she's not asking questions back/driving conversation, she's not really that interested.

Ironically enough, the only steady conversation I've had going on OKC the past few weeks has been with a woman who's married and has a sub boyfriend on the side (open marriage obviously). There's nothing going there on either end - purely platonic on both parts but it's a fun diversion.

There *was* a girl who looked like was going to be my first OKC meetup with my teaching her to swim, but when I suggested a day and time, she didn't respond, and deleted her account like two days later.

So yeah, still very much cynical about the whole thing, and still with a response rate of messages I send out being in the single digits.

[MacroGuru]

Originally Posted by Izulde

My guess is if she's not asking questions back/driving conversation, she's not really that interested.

Ironically enough, the only steady conversation I've had going on OKC the past few weeks has been with a woman who's married and has a sub boyfriend on the side (open marriage obviously). There's nothing going there on either end - purely platonic on both parts but it's a fun diversion.

There *was* a girl who looked like was going to be my first OKC meetup with my teaching her to swim, but when I suggested a day and time, she didn't respond, and deleted her account like two days later.

So yeah, still very much cynical about the whole thing, and still with a response rate of messages I send out being in the single digits.

They respond back, and I don't say anything to their response..I get a gentle, heads up nudge from them..so I think there is something there, it's just the way the messages are written is.....emotionless.

[Izulde]

I wonder if that emotionless quality is a calibrated sense of self-preservation due to the overwhelming hordes of overt douchecanoes and horndogs prowling the site, and if they'd open up more with extended conversation?

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by MacroGuru

Been back in the game, been talking to a few on OkCupid, one I truly think is gorgeous and I am shocked as hell she is even communicating with me.

But conversation with the women lack something. I don't know if it is emotion or what, but I feel like it's almost a discussion with someone I would be sitting next to waiting in line for a movie. We have a lot of like qualities, fit in that direction...but there is nothing driving conversation unless I ask a ton of questions and get their responses, and most of my questions are open ended....so, slightly frustrated.

When I look at other areas compared to WNY, the quality and deep of quality seems to be quite different and lacking in our area.

I wonder if the girl just wants needs the ego-stroking of guys chatting with her?

[DaddyTorgo]

Well that went...well. Yeah...we'll say well.

[Logan]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

Well that went...well. Yeah...we'll say well.

We had to listen to you bitch for 125 posts in this thread and on the 126th you finally clam up when something good happens?! Come on man!

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by Logan

We had to listen to you bitch for 125 posts in this thread and on the 126th you finally clam up when something good happens?! Come on man!

This. Though my guess is that it went something like this:

[Logan]

LOL.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by Logan

We had to listen to you bitch for 125 posts in this thread and on the 126th you finally clam up when something good happens?! Come on man!

I was just waiting for someone to take the bait and ask.

So this girl is definitely into me. Weather was supposed to be nice on Saturday (which it was) so I wanted to do something outdoors. Suggested mini-golf (playful, yet competitive, yet time to talk etc.). I think she waited until the second hole to kiss me. Yeah, she initiated. What of it? So at that point you get the sense that the girl is into you and things are going to go well.

And it did - good conversation, good flirting (surprisingly to me you can do a lot of flirting with mini golf), snuggling up into me, physical contact, etc. Just a good vibe.

Ended up with saying next time we'd play tennis, where she promises to kick my ass. Which should make for some good laughs, since I haven't picked up a racket in years.

[Logan]

Awesome, good to hear. Was this the second girl from OKC or the friend of a friend?

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by Logan

Awesome, good to hear. Was this the second girl from OKC or the friend of a friend?

The second one from OKC.

[Lathum]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

I think she waited until the second hole to kiss me. Yeah, she initiated. What of it? So at that point you get the sense that the girl is into you and things are going to go well.

.

What a whore. I never get involved with any girl who kisses befor the 11th hole!