Online dating

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by terpkristin

I need to get back into the dating market, and online seems like the only viable way. But man oh man does the idea of meeting a random dude scare me.

Nevermind that right now, it's always a crapshoot of if I'll feel good enough to go out.

Why don't you guys have any advice for girls & online dating in this thread?!?! (lololol)

/tk

My advice for the ladies, is more towards pet peeves of mine, so take it with a grain of salt.

1. Quit with the duck face pictures.
2. Don't have your main profile picture of you and other women without saying which one is you.
3. If you list the desired income range for the guy but don't list the income range for yourself. Makes you look like you only are after money.
4. Please say which way you like to be contacted. Is it a 'Wink', a 'Smile' or just send a message? I really appreciate it when a woman specifies which one they prefer. Apparently, to some women, sending a wink or a smile is a sign of a lack of interest for some reason and won't respond.

That's just me though. I'm sure others can definitely add to it.

[DaddyTorgo]

So I'm just sort of wondering now if I should bother paying for eHarmony again and activating that new profile and seeing what's there.

Just sort of having the feeling that even if there's someone of interest that ultimately I lack the practical real-world experience to make something work, so why even bother trying.

[terpkristin]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

So I'm just sort of wondering now if I should bother paying for eHarmony again and activating that new profile and seeing what's there.

Just sort of having the feeling that even if there's someone of interest that ultimately I lack the practical real-world experience to make something work, so why even bother trying.

This is exactly how I feel. Also, I've never done any of your pet peeves. Those duck face selfies annoy the shit outta me.

/tk

[Izulde]

I find duckface selfies hilarious.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by terpkristin

This is exactly how I feel. Also, I've never done any of your pet peeves. Those duck face selfies annoy the shit outta me.

/tk

But then again I know I'm not gonna meet someone any other way at this point in my life, so if I'm not doing the online dating thing at this point I feel like I'm just...resigning myself to being alone. Am I ready for that?

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by terpkristin

This is exactly how I feel. Also, I've never done any of your pet peeves. Those duck face selfies annoy the shit outta me.

/tk

Not a fan of eharmony at all. I don't like that you can't do a search (unless it's changed since I've been on it) to narrow down what you are looking for.

Haha! I'm sure there's plenty of things that guys do that are very very annoying to women.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by JediKooter

Not a fan of eharmony at all. I don't like that you can't do a search (unless it's changed since I've been on it) to narrow down what you are looking for.

Haha! I'm sure there's plenty of things that guys do that are very very annoying to women.

Yeah - that does annoy me. On the other hand - I've found that the women are infinitely more responsive on eHarmony. Of all the emails I've sent out on Match.com I've gotten exactly...ZERO replies.

[Comey]

Originally Posted by JediKooter

My advice for the ladies, is more towards pet peeves of mine, so take it with a grain of salt.

1. Quit with the duck face pictures.
2. Don't have your main profile picture of you and other women without saying which one is you.
3. If you list the desired income range for the guy but don't list the income range for yourself. Makes you look like you only are after money.
4. Please say which way you like to be contacted. Is it a 'Wink', a 'Smile' or just send a message? I really appreciate it when a woman specifies which one they prefer. Apparently, to some women, sending a wink or a smile is a sign of a lack of interest for some reason and won't respond.

That's just me though. I'm sure others can definitely add to it.

I think we're all also pretty clear that the majority of women like to go out and stay in. Just once, I'd love to come across a woman who said, "You know, I'm agoraphobic. Hope you like Netflix."

[cuervo72]

duck pix >> dick pix

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

Yeah - that does annoy me. On the other hand - I've found that the women are infinitely more responsive on eHarmony. Of all the emails I've sent out on Match.com I've gotten exactly...ZERO replies.

eharmony matched me with women that I would never be attracted to, so I never messaged anyone on there. I've gotten some responses on match, not many. I seem to get more messages from women than responses that I get from women on there.

Originally Posted by Comey

I think we're all also pretty clear that the majority of women like to go out and stay in. Just once, I'd love to come across a woman who said, "You know, I'm agoraphobic. Hope you like Netflix."

That would be a breath of fresh air to me if they would do that. Most of the women just seem...exhausting. I'm not 21, I don't want to be out and about every single day.

[Izulde]

ROFL. I re-started my eharmony profile just for the hell of it, but didn't pay for subscription.

11 matches, all of them outside of my settings, apparently. What a fucking joke.

[terpkristin]

So, what's the consensus here? OK Cupid? Match?

I feel the hate for eHarmony, the only dating site I've ever used--and had zero luck with.

/tk

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by M GO BLUE!!!

Maybe the next one I start will just be an experiment, stating I make $500,000+

That would be interesting.

[DaddyTorgo]

I think it depends on your area TK. Some people swear by the stuff like OK Cupid, but some people (me, others?) have found zero people that are at all attractive on OK Cupid.

Best thing you can do is take a look at all of them - try the free ones first since they're free and see if there's anyone attractive to you.

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by Izulde

ROFL. I re-started my eharmony profile just for the hell of it, but didn't pay for subscription.

11 matches, all of them outside of my settings, apparently. What a fucking joke.

See? I will never use eharmony again.

Originally Posted by terpkristin

So, what's the consensus here? OK Cupid? Match?

I feel the hate for eHarmony, the only dating site I've ever used--and had zero luck with.

/tk

I use OkCupid, Match and PlentyofFish. To be honest, I get more 'hits' using OKCupid and PlentyofFish. Dated one girl from OkCupid for about a year, but, we lived kind of far from each other.

I'm giving match one last chance and if nothing pans out from that, I will put it in the eharmony bin.

[Galaxy]

I'm not a big fan of eHarmony's religious bent.

OkCupid and Match seem to have the same people on it to a degree (makes Match owns OkCupid.)

Anyone try Tinder?

[Galaril]

Originally Posted by CU Tiger

Late to the table here and it probably doesnt matter...but the age thing would be a bigger deal to me than the Status in your case.

The actual divorce date is not likely to ever come up again in a relationship, your age however...

Thanks Tiger and yes I went ahead and put my age back to one year older and have haad a pair of coffee meet ups off of match. One was not going anywhere as there was no spark the other women we are kind of hitting it off as it turns out we both work for the same company which has 400,000 employees so no surprise just a funny coincidence.

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by JediKooter

eharmony matched me with women that I would never be attracted to, so I never messaged anyone on there. I've gotten some responses on match, not many. I seem to get more messages from women than responses that I get from women on there.



That would be a breath of fresh air to me if they would do that. Most of the women just seem...exhausting. I'm not 21, I don't want to be out and about every single day.

I always get the feeling that people don't do half of the shit they say they do-or as frequent as they make it out to be. I see profiles over and over and think, "Where do they get the money to do all of this stuff?"

[Izulde]

I've had a few convos via OKC, and it's the one people tend to have the most success with anecdotally - I personally know at least 2 or 3 people who found actual relationships off there, one of which is still going strong.

Haven't been on PoF in a long time, but from what I recall, the response rate was even lower than OKC.

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by Galaxy

I always get the feeling that people don't do half of the shit they say they do-or as frequent as they make it out to be. I see profiles over and over and think, "Where do they get the money to all of this stuff?"

Yes! Where do they get the money and where in the heck do they get the time? I read some profiles and they say they've traveled to 16 countries last year. How? Your profile doesn't say you own an airline.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Back in the day had a good relationship from Match, but several shit dates/mini relationshits. Overall, not worth paying for if there are free options (which there are)

POF is what it is. Had a few dates from it here & there, but never got to a second date.

OkStupid is a step up from POF. Had what was my 2nd best relationship. Only lasted a few months, but it was nice. Too bad it ended. Had a few crazies though.

Eharmony? I got to page 2 of the questions and said fuck it.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Now, advice for the women here (aka Kristin)

1. Wear clothes in your pics. If you show it, it's an open invite.
2. Don't do the pic where you are turned around, hands against the wall, showing your ass. It looks stupid.
3. Spell check.
4. Don't put up pics with friends who may be more attractive than you unless she is completely a different type and single herself, in which case you can mention that she is single and if the guy knows someone who may like her... Why do I say this? I can't even count the number of times I have wanted to write to say "Is your friend single?" If you are suddenly overshadowed in your own profile, you already lose.

[Young Drachma]

Originally Posted by terpkristin

So, what's the consensus here? OK Cupid? Match?

I feel the hate for eHarmony, the only dating site I've ever used--and had zero luck with.

/tk

Match is like going to the bar. Generally your best bet in an area with a population because there are lots of people. Problem with match is, people can browse and not subscribe so you have to make sure you opt to search for newest people or recent activity.

OKCupid is great as a free service, Match owns it now, but it's basically the same as before. Works well in a city with a decent # of young folks, but best ROI I've seen of any of the sites.

EHarmony is great if you're ready to get married and that's your goal above all. Folks are motivated to do just that on there, by and large.

POF seems like an unregulated meat market, but some people swear by it.

[Young Drachma]

Originally Posted by JediKooter

My advice for the ladies, is more towards pet peeves of mine, so take it with a grain of salt.

4. Please say which way you like to be contacted. Is it a 'Wink', a 'Smile' or just send a message? I really appreciate it when a woman specifies which one they prefer. Apparently, to some women, sending a wink or a smile is a sign of a lack of interest for some reason and won't respond.

That's just me though. I'm sure others can definitely add to it.

Spoiler alert: WOMAN WANT TO BE WRITTEN TO. NOT TAPPED ON THE SHOULDER.

Like an actual note that indicates you 1) actually read their profile and 2) have some legit interest beyond "nice cans" is usually a good start.

#themoreyouknow

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Originally Posted by Young Drachma

Spoiler alert: WOMAN WANT TO BE WRITTEN TO. NOT TAPPED ON THE SHOULDER.

Like an actual note that indicates you 1) actually read their profile and 2) have some legit interest beyond "nice cans" is usually a good start.

#themoreyouknow

The problem there is that actually composing something witty and engaging can only be done so many times before the lack of replies gets you to stop entirely.

The best back-and-forth I had was with a woman who I thought was cute, but was in New Jersey (I'm not crossing the Hudson. Too much work just to see somebody.) I wrote just out of curiosity because she was the same sign & age, I asked what date she was born. Turned out we share the same B'day! She also wasn't interested in dating someone she would never see (said she never sees the friends she has in NYC) but we had a nice little banter for a few days.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by M GO BLUE!!!

The problem there is that actually composing something witty and engaging can only be done so many times before the lack of replies gets you to stop entirely.

The best back-and-forth I had was with a woman who I thought was cute, but was in New Jersey (I'm not crossing the Hudson. Too much work just to see somebody.) I wrote just out of curiosity because she was the same sign & age, I asked what date she was born. Turned out we share the same B'day! She also wasn't interested in dating someone she would never see (said she never sees the friends she has in NYC) but we had a nice little banter for a few days.

Yeah - I'm tired of composing engaging emails referencing specific things in their profiles and getting no responses. At all. None.

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by JediKooter

Yes! Where do they get the money and where in the heck do they get the time? I read some profiles and they say they've traveled to 16 countries last year. How? Your profile doesn't say you own an airline.

Maybe I'm just a frugal person. And they must have great vacation benefits.

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by Young Drachma

Spoiler alert: WOMAN WANT TO BE WRITTEN TO. NOT TAPPED ON THE SHOULDER.

Like an actual note that indicates you 1) actually read their profile and 2) have some legit interest beyond "nice cans" is usually a good start.

#themoreyouknow

Trust me, I do understand that.
If there is someone I'm interested enough in contacting, I usually read their profile a few times before sending them a message. I never send messages that only say, "Hi" or "What's Up?" "Nice bewbs". I usually say a couple of things about their profile that I liked and ask them a couple of questions. I definitely don't write a War and Peace companion series though.

Originally Posted by Galaxy

Maybe I'm just a frugal person. And they must have great vacation benefits.

That's certainly possible. I like to take vacations too, but, damn, I've never had that much time off.


What I would like to know from the women is, what do guys need to stop doing or what could us guys do better to get more responses?

[Izulde]

Make more money, most likely. I hate to be that cynic, but there definitely seems to be a winnowing out process by looks and/or money that determines whether or not you meet the baseline for getting a response.

Then again, on the flip side, how many of us guys actually write to girls we don't find at least moderately attractive? So it cuts both ways, really.

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by JediKooter

Trust me, I do understand that.
If there is someone I'm interested enough in contacting, I usually read their profile a few times before sending them a message. I never send messages that only say, "Hi" or "What's Up?" "Nice bewbs". I usually say a couple of things about their profile that I liked and ask them a couple of questions. I definitely don't write a War and Peace companion series though.

It's awkward as heck though.

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by Izulde

Make more money, most likely. I hate to be that cynic, but there definitely seems to be a winnowing out process by looks and/or money that determines whether or not you meet the baseline for getting a response.

Then again, on the flip side, how many of us guys actually write to girls we don't find at least moderately attractive? So it cuts both ways, really.

Well, we are all picky in our own ways. What may be attractive to me, may not be something that is attractive to you, so I definitely agree with it cutting both ways. Apparently, there are no guys out there that have a sense of humor, judging by how many profiles mention they want a guy with a sense of humor.

Originally Posted by Galaxy

It's awkward as heck though.

It can be, but, I only know them in virtual reality, so what do I have to lose?

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by JediKooter

Well, we are all picky in our own ways. What may be attractive to me, may not be something that is attractive to you, so I definitely agree with it cutting both ways. Apparently, there are no guys out there that have a sense of humor, judging by how many profiles mention they want a guy with a sense of humor.



It can be, but, I only know them in virtual reality, so what do I have to lose?

I'd argue that it seems that most women are more picky than men though. I'll message basically any woman I don't find an instant turn-off looks-wise. I don't get the sense at all that women do that, otherwise I think I'd get a lot more responses.

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

I'd argue that it seems that most women are more picky than men though. I'll message basically any woman I don't find an instant turn-off looks-wise. I don't get the sense at all that women do that, otherwise I think I'd get a lot more responses.

The difference is, women are spoilt for choice in this medium because of how many messages they get. Therefore, they can afford to be selective.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by Izulde

The difference is, women are spoilt for choice in this medium because of how many messages they get. Therefore, they can afford to be selective.

I wonder though - how many of them are actually thoughtful messages (like we've been saying here) vs. "hey you're hot" junk?

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by Izulde

The difference is, women are spoilt for choice in this medium because of how many messages they get. Therefore, they can afford to be selective.

Yep...kind of inflates the egos a bit, though I'm sure 95% of the messages are crap. Also, isn't the ratio of men-to-women work in the favor of women?

[Izulde]

I suspect the m-2-f ratio does favor the women, yeah. And even 5% of quality out of a ton of messages is still, just in terms of sheer quantity, enough to allow for choosiness.

[CU Tiger]

Ok so here is a weird one.

My wife gets a call from a friend of ours saying I am on a dating site (okcupid) and wanting to know if she knew about it. That was an awkward enough conversation by itself. Then is where it gets weird.

So my wife pulls it up..sure enough. There is my smiling face. Same profile pic I use on LinkedIn and G+. (I dont use facebook, etc)

I tell her I know nothing about it but she signs up messages it just to check me I suppose.

Gets someone to exchange a few messages with her. But none of the contact info makes sense. Email address I dont know. Not my name. Phone number I dont know (Wisconsin Area Code)...including the "guy" messaging her while I was with her and she could verify it wasn't me.

Now I am not a great looking guy to start with and the profile pic is a bad pic..from a distance, slightly out of focus, etc.

I just dont get it. Whats the play here?

[JediKooter]

From my understanding, women get a shit-ton of messages and from the sound of it, most of those messages they get are pretty much cringe worthy. So I think it goes like this:

Decent message + Better than average looking guy = Reply to first
Decent message + Average looking guy = Maybe reply to later
Great message + Average looking guy = Reply right after hot guy to say thanks but no thanks and good luck.
The Rest = Trash can

[sabotai]

Originally Posted by CU Tiger

I just dont get it. Whats the play here?

Catfishing scam most likely. Someone trying to people on dating sites to fall for them (without meeting in person) and then try to get money out of them.

[molson]

Setup a date with him and send lungs.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by JediKooter

From my understanding, women get a shit-ton of messages and from the sound of it, most of those messages they get are pretty much cringe worthy. So I think it goes like this:

Decent message + Better than average looking guy = Reply to first
Decent message + Average looking guy = Maybe reply to later
Great message + Average looking guy = Reply right after hot guy to say thanks but no thanks and good luck.
The Rest = Trash can

I'm under no illusions that I'm "better than average looking" but I know my messages are great-to-above decent. And yet I don't seem to get any replies. It's irritating.

At least on eHarmony though I get some girls going through the steps with me. On Match.com I get absolute *crickets*.

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by JediKooter

From my understanding, women get a shit-ton of messages and from the sound of it, most of those messages they get are pretty much cringe worthy. So I think it goes like this:

Decent message + Better than average looking guy = Reply to first
Decent message + Average looking guy = Maybe reply to later
Great message + Average looking guy = Reply right after hot guy to say thanks but no thanks and good luck.
The Rest = Trash can

What percentage of males/messages fit into the first category? 1%? If they are all waiting for that 1% group, they're going to be competing for him with a lot of other women. The odds are heavily against you if you these women. For example, just 14.5% of all American males are 6 feet and taller (height seems to be a very desirable trait for women.)

[lungs]

Originally Posted by molson

Setup a date with him and send lungs.

How do you know it's not me?

[CU Tiger]

Originally Posted by Galaxy

What percentage of males/messages fit into the first category? 1%? If they are all waiting for that 1% group, they're going to be competing for him with a lot of other women. The odds are heavily against you if you these women. For example, just 14.5% of all American males are 6 feet and taller (height seems to be a very desirable trait for women.)

Ever heard the joke about the 6 story spouse store?

A new, special kind of store just opened up in a Manhatten shopping center. This store sells husbands, yes that’s right – women can browse men from floors of choices.

Actually, there are 6 floors of men, and with an increase in the floor level bringing an positive attributes… a nifty setup – with a catch. As you open the door to any floor, you may choose a man from that floor but if you go up, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. Interesting, right?

So a young woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 – These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, “Well, that’s better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 – These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, “That’s great, but I wonder what’s further up?” And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. “Hmmm, better” she says. “But I wonder what’s upstairs?”

The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. “Wow!” exclaims the woman, “very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!” And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. “Oh, mercy me! But just think… what must be awaiting me further on?” So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 – You are visitor 7,548,652 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor only exists as proof that women are impossible to please.

To avoid sex discrimination charges, the stores owner has opened a new wives store across the road with the same rules.

The first floor has wives that are attractive.
The second floor has wives that are attractive and love sex.
The third floor are attractive, love sex, have a job and like beer.
The fourth, fifth, and six floors have never been visited.

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

I'm under no illusions that I'm "better than average looking" but I know my messages are great-to-above decent. And yet I don't seem to get any replies. It's irritating.

At least on eHarmony though I get some girls going through the steps with me. On Match.com I get absolute *crickets*.

Oh same here. I think I'm pretty average at best. Yes, that can be very very irritating, especially when from reading her profile, they seem very compatible with likes/dislikes etc...and then to get no response.

Originally Posted by Galaxy

What percentage of males/messages fit into the first category? 1%? If they are all waiting for that 1% group, they're going to be competing for him with a lot of other women. The odds are heavily against you if you these women. For example, just 14.5% of all American males are 6 feet and taller (height seems to be a very desirable trait for women.)

I think you are close to hitting the nail on the head. I think a lot of the women on there think they are more attractive than they really are, so they hold out for that 1%. That's probably one of the reasons I always see the same women on there that are fairly attractive, but, not super hot.

Oh and the height thing is absolutely stupid. If I had a nickle for every woman's profile that said "Please be X tall because I like to wear my high heels. Total deal breaker", I'd be rich. So you mean that you being able to wear a particular kind of shoe, is more important than what kind of person the guy is? I don't understand this phobia of women not wanting to be taller than the guy. Does not compute.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by JediKooter

Oh same here. I think I'm pretty average at best. Yes, that can be very very irritating, especially when from reading her profile, they seem very compatible with likes/dislikes etc...and then to get no response.



I think you are close to hitting the nail on the head. I think a lot of the women on there think they are more attractive than they really are, so they hold out for that 1%. That's probably one of the reasons I always see the same women on there that are fairly attractive, but, not super hot.

Oh and the height thing is absolutely stupid. If I had a nickle for every woman's profile that said "Please be X tall because I like to wear my high heels. Total deal breaker", I'd be rich. So you mean that you being able to wear a particular kind of shoe, is more important than what kind of person the guy is? I don't understand this phobia of women not wanting to be taller than the guy. Does not compute.

Yeah - I agree with Galaxy and also the joke. Most of them have an over-inflated sense of how attractive they are and what sort of men they are capable of attracting (especially as they're still single and generally in my case 30+).

It's quite irritating though, and really acts as a disincentive to actually take the time to craft a meaningful message to them when they never respond. I kind of wish I was an asshole enough to send a snarky follow-up message along the lines of "you're not better than me. you're holding out for an ideal that doesn't exist so you might as well message me back."

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

Yeah - I agree with Galaxy and also the joke. Most of them have an over-inflated sense of how attractive they are and what sort of men they are capable of attracting (especially as they're still single and generally in my case 30+).

It's quite irritating though, and really acts as a disincentive to actually take the time to craft a meaningful message to them when they never respond. I kind of wish I was an asshole enough to send a snarky follow-up message along the lines of "you're not better than me. you're holding out for an ideal that doesn't exist so you might as well message me back."

It's extremely irritating, but...if you were getting several messages a day, you probably do a quick scan and delete. Not saying it's right, because it sucks when you take the time to read her profile, write a nice message and zip. What is the special key to get through the gate keeper? However, the ones that irritate me the most are the ones you communicate with for a few days and then just disappear.

[Danny]

I think what you guys say is mostly true. I was on match.com for 1 month several years ago. My message were only decent, but I am tall and good looking, and I got a fair % to reply at least initially.

[JediKooter]

Do you know why the stopped responding or did you find someone?

[Danny]

Originally Posted by JediKooter

Do you know why the stopped responding or did you find someone?

Oh I started dating someone, went on a few dates and it didn't work out. Then another I started talking to ended up meeting someone else. I wasn't too interested in anyone else (I was 23 at time and most of the people were older than I wanted), so let my subscription run out

Shortly after I started dating my wife (who I did not meet online)