Online dating

[Coffee Warlord]

Booty call!

[molson]

Ya, that's a really good sign about the home invitation. She put yourself out there a little and expressed interest, and if you are also interested, I think you need to make sure you put yourself out there a little too and express that somehow. I think that might be one of the tougher things for a guy like you to do (I don't mean that in a negative way, I think most of us are like that, a little guarded and cautious with this stuff), but once you get to the point where you know you're really interested, be prepared and willing to get out of your comfort zone. Girls love it, and kind of expect it, when guys they like are the ones to continuously move things forward, small step by small step. It's easy to wait for the girl to do that, especially when she brings things a little bit forward like this one did, but now, it's on you.

Also, bring rubbers.

[claphamsa]

and dont bring cheap wine.

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by claphamsa

and dont bring cheap wine.

Gold digger.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by Coffee Warlord

Booty call!

Haha - by definition not though.

Originally Posted by molson

Ya, that's a really good sign about the home invitation. She put yourself out there a little and expressed interest, and if you are also interested, I think you need to make sure you put yourself out there a little too and express that somehow. I think that might be one of the tougher things for a guy like you to do (I don't mean that in a negative way, I think most of us are like that, a little guarded and cautious with this stuff), but once you get to the point where you know you're really interested, be prepared and willing to get out of your comfort zone. Girls love it, and kind of expect it, when guys they like are the ones to continuously move things forward, small step by small step. It's easy to wait for the girl to do that, especially when she brings things a little bit forward like this one did, but now, it's on you.

Also, bring rubbers.

Yeah - I know it's on me now to...express interest and move things forward a little, presumably physically, but yeah. It's nice that she did bring it forward and indicate some interest - nice to feel wanted, ya know?

LOL - and no...I don't think so.

Originally Posted by claphamsa

and dont bring cheap wine.

Of course not.

[DaddyTorgo]

So that went well. Didn't get home till like 12:30am.

Nice conversation first, then dinner, went out to Redbox and grabbed a movie, then back to her place to watch the movie (which wasn't that great, but we made fun of it together which was nice to see).

As I said last night, I'm my own worst critic no doubt (and I also have no frame of reference at all), but I feel like I need to level-up my kissing skill. But to - be honest I expected that would be the case.

Thinking when we next hang out (this coming week hopefully although it's crazy for her) we'll have to have that mutual conversation about past relationships (which hasn't come up yet TBH) at which point she'll have a better picture of my lack of experience (which at least means no bad habits!).

[Matthean]

Pet Peeve: Women who have radically different alternate pictures.

[Izulde]

That's when you triangulate.

[DaddyTorgo]

Alight, so last girl (Marcia) never got back to me after her vacation, so that's done.

Couple more prospects, both of whom are like...legit attractive to boot.

Was meeting one for drinks tonight at 6:30. Drinks turned into dinner and lasted until 9:00pm. Seemed to go pretty well. Lots of similarities, has some culture to her and some good distinct interests. DT likey. So we'll see how it progresses now.

[Izulde]

I'm back to whiffing on all messages sent out.

[Galaril]

Okay so I guess I to keep up on this thread with my divorce all but final. I am not tryig to look desperate but with a extremely amicable divorce with my wife but it having ended as of last fall I will be ready to start to et my see legs again in the spring. I set up a test profile on match..com to see what will be out there down the road for me and a couple of things I noticed. I am 45 right now and turn 46 in June but many women in this age range cap at 45 so despite me in all honest being in the physical condition of a 30 year old thanks to 10 hours of MMA and weight training a week I guess I can expect my dick to fall off my bday this summer=
The other thing that stands out is the stereo typical cougar no matter there age is real easy to pick up from what I can see and is a complete turnoff is the 40 year looking to date anyone from 45 to 27....Maybe this is more due to Match.com since a lot of people warn it is pick up site and not for serious dates. Once i am officially divorced in February I am going to sign up for Harmony and see what that is about. Definitely excited to move on into a better future but nit going to be hasty either.

[DaddyTorgo]

Yeah i've gotten zip from match.com and it definitely has the reputation as a more "casual" site. but as a recent divorcee, maybe that's what you want?

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by Galaril

Okay so I guess I to keep up on this thread with my divorce all but final. I am not tryig to look desperate but with a extremely amicable divorce with my wife but it having ended as of last fall I will be ready to start to et my see legs again in the spring. I set up a test profile on match..com to see what will be out there down the road for me and a couple of things I noticed. I am 45 right now and turn 46 in June but many women in this age range cap at 45 so despite me in all honest being in the physical condition of a 30 year old thanks to 10 hours of MMA and weight training a week I guess I can expect my dick to fall off my bday this summer=
The other thing that stands out is the stereo typical cougar no matter there age is real easy to pick up from what I can see and is a complete turnoff is the 40 year looking to date anyone from 45 to 27....Maybe this is more due to Match.com since a lot of people warn it is pick up site and not for serious dates. Once i am officially divorced in February I am going to sign up for Harmony and see what that is about. Definitely excited to move on into a better future but nit going to be hasty either.

I would figure that women 40 and older would have a tougher time when it comes to online dating. The cougar thing is interesting.

A lot of people have warned you about Match being a pick up and non-serious site?

[Galaril]

Originally Posted by Galaxy

I would figure that women 40 and older would have a tougher time when it comes to online dating. The cougar thing is interesting.

A lot of people have warned you about Match being a pick up and non-serious site?

yes on Match rep but from what I see that may only be about 40% of the gals on the site I estimate.

[DaddyTorgo]

Not online, but as this is sort of the catch-all thread:

I had a dentist's appointment a couple weeks back. My dental hygienist (I know she's married) was randomly like "so you're single?" and I was like "yeah. dating is tough."

And she said "do you have a card? I want to hook you up with my sister-in-law if she's single right now. she's gorgeous and smart and age-appropriate for you."

So I gave her my card and all, and hadn't heard anything. Lo and behold I get an email yesterday from the sister-in-law in question. So we'll see how that develops.

And yes - I did a cursory google-fu to make sure she's not a two-bagger. And she's definitely not (per her linkedin profile pic, which is just shoulders-up to be fair). Definitely attractive.

[claphamsa]

you have a card?

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by claphamsa

you have a card?

Business card

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

Business card

Pleasure is your business.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Looking online I saw a woman who was attractive. One of her pictures was a selfie in the bathroom. The bathroom was fantastic! Very nice tile work, separate tub & shower... and the shower was completely glass walled abutting the tub.

The fact that I spent more time checking out the bathroom than the woman convinced me that I may not be quite ready for dating.

[Desnudo]

Originally Posted by Galaxy

I would figure that women 40 and older would have a tougher time when it comes to online dating. The cougar thing is interesting.

A lot of people have warned you about Match being a pick up and non-serious site?

18 year old me would have been all over that demographic. I bet the attractive ones have no problems finding what they want as long as it's not a long term relationship.

[Dr. Sak]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

So I gave her my card and all, and hadn't heard anything. Lo and behold I get an email yesterday from the sister-in-law in question. So we'll see how that develops.

I had this similar situation happen to me at Walmart once before I was married. I was buying 8 gallons of paint and let this older lady in front of me for the mixing process. She then told me all about her daughter and asked if I would be willing to go out with her. Thinking that the daughter would probably be mortified when she found out her mother did this and never call me, I gave the mom my info.

Surprisingly enough she called a few days later and left a message saying "Yea this is (name), my mom sorta picked you up at walmart the other day. If you want call me back." I did and we went out for a few months but it never worked out.

[Galaril]

Ok now that my life is starting to get back on track with the new job and my divorce nearly done ( should done in 6-8 weeks but wife and I agreement signed and ready to go) I decided to join Match.com as a subscriber for 6 months. I wasn't taking it too serious till I saw my wife soon ex-wife had a profile already up there since early December.
So now I am on Match which I picked over eHarmony because of the cost, the fact I am not divorced yet and also eharmony is too much ladies looking to get married and soon.
So here are my two questions and problems I need advice from the Board. First I am 45 am not worreid about that so much as I am fit and have been fortunate not to have aged so much for my age. Most people think I am late 30s. When I put my true age 45 I got almost no interest except from older than my search parameter ladies ...ALot of women in my age preference 44-34 stop at 44 for there preference so I changed it to 44 and whhatdo you know I am getting tons of interest. It may be coincidental. Now I am deciding when I should tell someone who I am communcating wth and like that I am 45 not 44. My second question is similar when I had stated my statusas separated no one was interested so cahned it to divorced and have a ton of interest. Problem now is don't know what to tell someone who I like that I am separated and my divorce is suppose to be final in 6 weeks. If it came out later that I wasn't divorced and lied about it that woud be a huge trust and honest issue. So guess it is better to tell anyone after they have reached out to me or respondedto my email and have a little repoire? or should I just hold off till an actual first date where could explain it n person? or let it ride and take my chance that it is max 8 weeks before is fine and chances are nothing serious starts before then.

[Izulde]

No idea personally. I've gone back to giving up on the online thing, or at least the OKC angle of it.

Plus, until I get a decent paying job, I don't have the money to date with.

[Solecismic]

It depends what you're looking for. If it's just a short-term physical thing, then people do lie about their age and status. The idea is to create a fantasy.

If you're looking for a relationship, then you'll have to deal with that moment when you have to explain that you weren't honest in your profile. That's a fairly big red flag for a lot of people. I "next-ed" someone because she lied about her age. She could pass easily for what she said she was. She was in my range regardless. But it bothered me enough that I didn't call her again. Out of the people I met, I'm fairly sure she was the only one who wasn't as honest as possible in her profile.

I think the key to successful online dating is empathy. Trust women enough to know what they want.

[Galaril]

Originally Posted by Solecismic

It depends what you're looking for. If it's just a short-term physical thing, then people do lie about their age and status. The idea is to create a fantasy.

If you're looking for a relationship, then you'll have to deal with that moment when you have to explain that you weren't honest in your profile. That's a fairly big red flag for a lot of people. I "next-ed" someone because she lied about her age. She could pass easily for what she said she was. She was in my range regardless. But it bothered me enough that I didn't call her again. Out of the people I met, I'm fairly sure she was the only one who wasn't as honest as possible in her profile.

I think the key to successful online dating is empathy. Trust women enough to know what they want.

Good advice

[Matthean]

I also can't imagine some holding a single year against you that much. Add in telling them you got far better results by going down one bracket, and it seems like a very minor issue if explained in the right way. It's not like you are saying you are 35.

[Galaril]

Originally Posted by Matthean

I also can't imagine some holding a single year against you that much. Add in telling them you got far better results by going down one bracket, and it seems like a very minor issue if explained in the right way. It's not like you are saying you are 35.

Agreed for me the tougher issue is the I am not quite divorced yet and saying I am divorced. I guess I will leave it till [i] need to worry about it.

[Blackadar]

Originally Posted by Galaril

Agreed for me the tougher issue is the I am not quite divorced yet and saying I am divorced. I guess I will leave it till [i] need to worry about it.

I don't see that as an issue. It's not like you're going to get remarried in the next 6-8 weeks. The agreement is ready to go, so there shouldn't be any lingering issues. Get on with your life.

[Cap Ologist]

Wait the 6-8 weeks for the divorce to be finalized, fudging a year off your age is way more forgivable than misrepresenting your status.

[Matthean]

Originally Posted by Galaril

Agreed for me the tougher issue is the I am not quite divorced yet and saying I am divorced. I guess I will leave it till [i] need to worry about it.

Just say you are in the process and your wife was on a online dating site in December so it isn't like there's a chance of you getting back together.

[Galaril]

Originally Posted by Matthean

Just say you are in the process and your wife was on a online dating site in December so it isn't like there's a chance of you getting back together.

So was thinking of putting it in a disclaimer at the bottom of my "about me" before saying my divorce is in the process of being approved by the court and is imminent so not technically divorced yet but will be in March" and that if [i] put my status as separated a lot of great potential matches would just think I was a player. If that is not an issue onward"

[Galaril]

Originally Posted by Cap Ologist

Wait the 6-8 weeks for the divorce to be finalized, fudging a year off your age is way more forgivable than misrepresenting your status.

Yeah when you put it that way accurate it does sound bad.

[DaddyTorgo]

So I felt like my profile on eHarmony was getting a little stale and my subscription was up. So I let it lapse and created a new profile on Sunday night. Haven't paid to "activate" it yet so I can respond to people, but I must have done something "right" when I answered the questions this time around: 8 incoming messages and 2 "smiles" (their version of "winks") since yesterday.

Guess maybe I should pay up and see what's going on. Thinking maybe just paying for a month to start though - see what type of women this profile seems to be fitting.

I wasn't dishonest in any of my answers to the questions or anything - I don't want to give that impression. But it'd been a while since I answered them before.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by Solecismic

It depends what you're looking for. If it's just a short-term physical thing, then people do lie about their age and status. The idea is to create a fantasy.

If you're looking for a relationship, then you'll have to deal with that moment when you have to explain that you weren't honest in your profile. That's a fairly big red flag for a lot of people. I "next-ed" someone because she lied about her age. She could pass easily for what she said she was. She was in my range regardless. But it bothered me enough that I didn't call her again. Out of the people I met, I'm fairly sure she was the only one who wasn't as honest as possible in her profile.

I think the key to successful online dating is empathy. Trust women enough to know what they want.

I did the same. Woman said she was younger than she was and it bothered me enough that I was like "okay...no more of you."

[CU Tiger]

Originally Posted by Galaril

So was thinking of putting it in a disclaimer at the bottom of my "about me" before saying my divorce is in the process of being approved by the court and is imminent so not technically divorced yet but will be in March" and that if [i] put my status as separated a lot of great potential matches would just think I was a player. If that is not an issue onward"

Late to the table here and it probably doesnt matter...but the age thing would be a bigger deal to me than the Status in your case.

The actual divorce date is not likely to ever come up again in a relationship, your age however...

[Dr. Sak]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

So I felt like my profile on eHarmony was getting a little stale and my subscription was up. So I let it lapse and created a new profile on Sunday night. Haven't paid to "activate" it yet so I can respond to people, but I must have done something "right" when I answered the questions this time around: 8 incoming messages and 2 "smiles" (their version of "winks") since yesterday.

Guess maybe I should pay up and see what's going on. Thinking maybe just paying for a month to start though - see what type of women this profile seems to be fitting.

This may be the cynic in me with the added notion that I this similar situation happen to me a lot as my subscription was about to end...but did you ever think that these messages/winks are from BOTS made up by the site to get you to subscribe?

I am not saying they are, it's just a pattern I noticed as I went through this process years ago.

[Blackadar]

Originally Posted by Dr. Sak

This may be the cynic in me with the added notion that I this similar situation happen to me a lot as my subscription was about to end...but did you ever think that these messages/winks are from BOTS made up by the site to get you to subscribe?

I am not saying they are, it's just a pattern I noticed as I went through this process years ago.

I think that's probably the case.

[DaddyTorgo]

Possibly...sure. But then again - unless I'm going to abandon the whole dating game altogether and be a hermit I might as well pay them. The free sites around here...well...you get what you pay for IMO.

[Logan]

Good outlook. It's worth a shot. If they're all bullshit, what's the worst that happens? You're out a few bucks.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by Logan

Good outlook. It's worth a shot. If they're all bullshit, what's the worst that happens? You're out a few bucks.

$240...but yeah. I mean I'm going to pay it anyway, unless I'm just going to stop trying to find somebody completely I suppose.

[Dr. Sak]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

Possibly...sure. But then again - unless I'm going to abandon the whole dating game altogether and be a hermit I might as well pay them. The free sites around here...well...you get what you pay for IMO.

I'm not judging you by any means...I took that route for years. I was just making an observation in general. Really who am I to talk...I met my wife at a bar where my friends told everyone I was left at the altar that day.

I hope it works out for you and if it doesn't...chalk it up to you get to meet people that you otherwise wouldn't have.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by Dr. Sak

I'm not judging you by any means...I took that route for years. I was just making an observation in general. Really who am I to talk...I met my wife at a bar where my friends told everyone I was left at the altar that day.

I hope it works out for you and if it doesn't...chalk it up to you get to meet people that you otherwise wouldn't have.

Exactly. Yeah...I wasn't thinking you were judging me, no worries!

[DaddyTorgo]

So I have 21 messages now, as I was telling Galaxy last night.

4 of those are too old and are getting disqualified (I'm 34...I don't want to date a 41 year old...I want kids).
8 or so are single mothers. Which isn't a deal-breaker completely, but means that everything else about them has to be top-notch (which typically isn't the case).
So of the remaining 8...hopefully 2 fall into the "I'm attracted to them" bucket.

Guess I should pony up the $$$ and see though.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

I jumped back in.

Tried contacting several women. Nothing. Had one who really wasn't my type, but not bad contact me. Said what the hell... She was REALLY into wanting to meet, but her schedule was bad (she has 2 kids.) She also is in the process of a divorce, so she wasn't looking for a relationship, just a friend with benefits (as she really isn't one that would turn my head anyway, what the hell, right?) So after a couple of cancellations by her her attitude seemed to change abruptly. Then she completely stopped texting me. I write, asking if she still wants to meet. No.

I contacted another one who looked fantastic. She surprisingly responded & there was a nice back & forth Tuesday. She asked what I was doing Wednesday, if I was working. We both had the day off. I asked if she wanted to get together & she said she was going snowboarding. (So you ask if I'm working when you already have plans?) A couple texts through the day back & forth & I asking how the snowboarding was. She says it was great, and she's really excited to be on her way to her first date in months. He called her that afternoon & asked her out to dinner. She says they had a really nice blah blah blah... Yeah, good luck to you.

I have once again killed the profiles on these sites. Maybe the next one I start will just be an experiment, stating I make $500,000+

[JediKooter]

I love the ones that just disappear. The pattern I've been experiencing for the last almost year is....
We communicate via the website for a couple of days or so, phone numbers are exchanged, texts are sent for a couple of days (texts are going great), disappears. I can only come to two conclusions.
1. Catfish
2. They must have some kind of expectation that they never bothered telling me, so they cut off communication and disappear.

Now the weird thing is, no one wants to actually talk on the phone, so that's why I lean towards the catfishing. The second thing is, I keep my texts friendly, funny, and clean. No sexting at all. I'm tired of guessing and too old to play a game of cat and mouse. You either like someone or you don't, it's that simple.

[Izulde]

Yeah I'm about to bail on this again as well, at least as far as OKC goes. Pretty much the same people all the time, and back to a grand total of zero responses means I'm pretty much done.

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by Solecismic

It depends what you're looking for. If it's just a short-term physical thing, then people do lie about their age and status. The idea is to create a fantasy.

If you're looking for a relationship, then you'll have to deal with that moment when you have to explain that you weren't honest in your profile. That's a fairly big red flag for a lot of people. I "next-ed" someone because she lied about her age. She could pass easily for what she said she was. She was in my range regardless. But it bothered me enough that I didn't call her again. Out of the people I met, I'm fairly sure she was the only one who wasn't as honest as possible in her profile.

I think the key to successful online dating is empathy. Trust women enough to know what they want.

Do you ask your dates, "Do you play FOF?"

[Eaglesfan27]

Originally Posted by JediKooter

I love the ones that just disappear. The pattern I've been experiencing for the last almost year is....
We communicate via the website for a couple of days or so, phone numbers are exchanged, texts are sent for a couple of days (texts are going great), disappears. I can only come to two conclusions.
1. Catfish
2. They must have some kind of expectation that they never bothered telling me, so they cut off communication and disappear.

Now the weird thing is, no one wants to actually talk on the phone, so that's why I lean towards the catfishing. The second thing is, I keep my texts friendly, funny, and clean. No sexting at all. I'm tired of guessing and too old to play a game of cat and mouse. You either like someone or you don't, it's that simple.

Good advice I got from a friend when I was doing the online dating thing...

Text/message for a day at the most before making a move and suggesting a date. Served me well.

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by Eaglesfan27

Good advice I got from a friend when I was doing the online dating thing...

Text/message for a day at the most before making a move and suggesting a date. Served me well.

I think that is pretty sound advice. I will do that next time for sure. I usually just try to judge the lady's comfort level and go from there, but, time for a new strategy.

[terpkristin]

I need to get back into the dating market, and online seems like the only viable way. But man oh man does the idea of meeting a random dude scare me.

Nevermind that right now, it's always a crapshoot of if I'll feel good enough to go out.

Why don't you guys have any advice for girls & online dating in this thread?!?! (lololol)

/tk