So I had a huge bomb dropped on me tonight ( family related) - Page 2

M GO BLUE!!! · 11-06-2008, 11:16 PM

I see nothing wrong with talking to your dad about it. You say he's cool... so why not?

stevew · 11-07-2008, 12:10 AM

I didn't know my dad was engaged to my one aunt(5 or so years later he married my mother) until I was in my 30s. She apparently had the dress already bought.

chesapeake · 11-07-2008, 08:50 AM

"Right to know," in my mind, is not the way to phrase it. I think Lathum has an undeniable "right to ask." Whether his father wants to talk about it is his decision.

And I agree with Pass--any conversation will go a lot better if you try to be as positive as possible.

Marc Vaughan · 11-07-2008, 08:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thealmighty

If my parent told me it was none of my business I would look for a new parent.

I wasn't aware that was possible .... are you allowed to keep your old ones and just go for 'extra parents'? ....

BillJasper · 11-07-2008, 09:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TCY Junkie

I knew I liked you. Maybe I feel this way because my siblings always expect things from me. My sister named her son after me just so I would babysit him more, well that is the feeling I get sometimes.

Wow... TCY Junkie is a terrible name for a kid.

Mizzou B-ball fan · 11-07-2008, 09:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marc Vaughan

I wasn't aware that was possible .... are you allowed to keep your old ones and just go for 'extra parents'? ....

The Russian Bride industry is constantly evolving.

lordscarlet · 11-07-2008, 11:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevew

I didn't know my dad was engaged to my one aunt(5 or so years later he married my mother) until I was in my 30s. She apparently had the dress already bought.

So he married his ex-fiance's sister?

kcchief19 · 11-07-2008, 11:33 AM

Lathum, waiting and taking time to digest the information is for the best. You may find that you feel differently and what's important changes as you think about it.

I have two half-brothers I have never met. My biological father left before I was born and I've never met him or them. I wasn't even sure I had siblings until about 10 years ago when my aunt ran into someone who looked exactly like me and she thought it was me -- when she learned his name she realized who it was.

Is there curiosity? Sure. Would I gain anything from reaching out to them? Probably not. And while I know about them, there is no guarantee they know about me. Maybe they are better off if I bear that cross.

There may also be a very valid reason why your dad hasn't talked about it. Do you have a right to know? Does your dad have a right to know everything about your life? Ultimately, do you love your dad any less because of this?

If after you digest it you feel like you need to know, ask him. When you receive a burden it's only natural to share it but give your dad a chance to tell you his side. Do you want your sister to feel the way you do right now? Take one for her -- think over and you'll know what you need to do.

ColtCrazy · 11-07-2008, 05:03 PM

I may have missed this in my skim, but have you considered talking to your aunt about it? She opened the bag, and perhaps would be willing to tell you more about it. Might help you get emotionally prepared to talk to your father about it once you know the background.

I'm an only child, so I have no thought here, but my wife is one of 4 kids. All of them are extremely close, even the so called misfit of the family. I could see her really wanting to know and I think you have every right to know as well. They are family, and even in today's society, that has to mean something.

Poli · 11-07-2008, 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lathum

My uncle is my dads brother.

That's not all that shocking.

Passacaglia · 08-03-2009, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Passacaglia

I guess I'm on the opposite side -- my biological father, who I've talked to over the phone once in the last 25 years, has at least a daughter in his second marriage. It never occurred to me to wonder if his kid(s) know about me.

I think you have a right to know, and even moreso, now that you know a little, you have a right to know the whole story. That said, I think you'll get more of the story if you approach with curiosity rather than any feeling like you've been deceived (if you feel that way).

bump

So I got a message from my half-sister on facebook today. I think it's cool she found me. She said she didn't know I existed until she was 17 (she's 27 now). Reading this thread again, and thinking about the stuff Lathum said, I'm pretty sure that as I talk to her more, I don't want to hear what an awesome dad my father was. Part of me wants her to tell me she thinks he kinda sucks, too. On the other hand, I do want to hear as much as I can about my dad without having to actually talk to him. Lathum's story seems a lot different if his father wasn't able to be a part of his earlier kids' lives, but I don't think that was the case with me.

So Lathum, what's the latest on your story, anyway?

Lathum · 08-03-2009, 03:30 PM

That's cool PAss that she found you.

My father told me he will explain everything at some point when I was home over Christmas last year. I guess my Aunt told him she slipped up. Haven't heard anything more about it. They are visiting in September so maybe then.

NiteMaestro · 08-06-2009, 12:15 PM

Best of luck with that.

Khorium · 08-06-2009, 12:52 PM

There's a big reason why you, your sister, and your half-siblings all need to get this garbage out in the open sooner rather than later.

When your old man dies, it will be a MESS. Not to put a really negative spin on it, but that's a fact. Everything will come out of the woodwork at that point, and he needs to sack up and deal with it now, and not wait for his kids to sort it out in probate court when he croaks.

Passacaglia · 08-06-2009, 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Khorium

There's a big reason why you, your sister, and your half-siblings all need to get this garbage out in the open sooner rather than later.

When your old man dies, it will be a MESS. Not to put a really negative spin on it, but that's a fact. Everything will come out of the woodwork at that point, and he needs to sack up and deal with it now, and not wait for his kids to sort it out in probate court when he croaks.

I dunno...there's a very good chance that not saying anything would avoid a mess, since his dad's other kids probably don't know anything now, and wouldn't find out when he dies.

Lathum · 08-06-2009, 03:44 PM

even if they do my father is very meticulous about his affairs so I am certain they are in order however he wants them, but that thought did cross my mind.

11-07-2008, 12:10 AM	#52
stevew Hall Of Famer Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: the yo'	I didn't know my dad was engaged to my one aunt(5 or so years later he married my mother) until I was in my 30s. She apparently had the dress already bought. Last edited by stevew : 11-07-2008 at 12:11 AM.

11-07-2008, 08:50 AM	#53
chesapeake College Starter Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Arlington, VA	"Right to know," in my mind, is not the way to phrase it. I think Lathum has an undeniable "right to ask." Whether his father wants to talk about it is his decision. And I agree with Pass--any conversation will go a lot better if you try to be as positive as possible.

11-07-2008, 11:33 AM	#58
kcchief19 Pro Starter Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Kansas City, MO	Lathum, waiting and taking time to digest the information is for the best. You may find that you feel differently and what's important changes as you think about it. I have two half-brothers I have never met. My biological father left before I was born and I've never met him or them. I wasn't even sure I had siblings until about 10 years ago when my aunt ran into someone who looked exactly like me and she thought it was me -- when she learned his name she realized who it was. Is there curiosity? Sure. Would I gain anything from reaching out to them? Probably not. And while I know about them, there is no guarantee they know about me. Maybe they are better off if I bear that cross. There may also be a very valid reason why your dad hasn't talked about it. Do you have a right to know? Does your dad have a right to know everything about your life? Ultimately, do you love your dad any less because of this? If after you digest it you feel like you need to know, ask him. When you receive a burden it's only natural to share it but give your dad a chance to tell you his side. Do you want your sister to feel the way you do right now? Take one for her -- think over and you'll know what you need to do.

11-07-2008, 05:03 PM	#59
ColtCrazy College Starter Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Midwest	I may have missed this in my skim, but have you considered talking to your aunt about it? She opened the bag, and perhaps would be willing to tell you more about it. Might help you get emotionally prepared to talk to your father about it once you know the background. I'm an only child, so I have no thought here, but my wife is one of 4 kids. All of them are extremely close, even the so called misfit of the family. I could see her really wanting to know and I think you have every right to know as well. They are family, and even in today's society, that has to mean something.

08-03-2009, 03:30 PM	#62
Lathum Favored Bitch #1 Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: homeless in NJ	That's cool PAss that she found you. My father told me he will explain everything at some point when I was home over Christmas last year. I guess my Aunt told him she slipped up. Haven't heard anything more about it. They are visiting in September so maybe then.

08-06-2009, 12:15 PM	#63
NiteMaestro High School JV Join Date: Nov 2008	Best of luck with that.

08-06-2009, 12:52 PM	#64
Khorium n00b Join Date: Jan 2009	There's a big reason why you, your sister, and your half-siblings all need to get this garbage out in the open sooner rather than later. When your old man dies, it will be a MESS. Not to put a really negative spin on it, but that's a fact. Everything will come out of the woodwork at that point, and he needs to sack up and deal with it now, and not wait for his kids to sort it out in probate court when he croaks.

08-06-2009, 03:44 PM	#66
Lathum Favored Bitch #1 Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: homeless in NJ	even if they do my father is very meticulous about his affairs so I am certain they are in order however he wants them, but that thought did cross my mind.

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