Eternally A Close Friend: The Male Curse

[Raven]

Originally Posted by thesloppy

my list of 'conquests' could fit on a hand

Originally Posted by Loren

the guy on top of me(...the sloppy guy)

One conquest closer to hand #2!

[LionsFan10]

Originally Posted by thesloppy

I make the krinkly face everytime I see these threads and the inevitable generalizations that follow, painting women as devious puppetmasters who get joy out of torturing menfolk and depleting them of their vital essence. Surely, there are some women like that (as there are men), but I think the great majority are just going through the same shit that we men deal with. When you're pining away in a situation like this (as I'm sure we've all been in) it's certainly not very healthy for you to think of her as having full control and full knowledge of the situation...A) that's probably not entirely true, and B) whatever control advantage she has in this situation was not brought about necessarily by her choice as much as it was your choice to give it to her. If she truly only wants a close friend, and you present yourself as only that, she can hardly be accused of abusing the situation, since there is no situation in her view.

Likewise, I get really freaked out by advice that involves multiple convoluted steps and gamesmanship. That stuff can be effective, and I'm certainly not going to claim I've never palyed any headgames, but starting a relationship with games and deception just means you're going to have to work AWFUL hard to get out of that loop. If you manage to hook a girl through deceit, jealousy and/or manipulation then that's likely how you're going to default to dealing with her in other time sof stress.

I'm hardly the kind of guy to be giving romantic advice, as I've never been super confident and my list of 'conquests' could fit on a hand, but regardless of what kind of relationship we're talking about, romantic, professional, wheatever, it's never effective to think of yourself as a pawn in someone else's game. You end up being passive and only responding to the other person's actions, assuming that they know how to play the game, which isn't necessarily true. Remember that there are no hard and fast rules and overanalyzing everything will just give you a big headache.

The best advice, in my opinion, has already been suggested, and unfortunately it's also the hardest to take: just eb honest and up-front. you obviously want to know if she's interested in you as more than a friend, but for all intents and purposes you are only presenting yourself as a friend, so it's possible you are confusing her just as much as she is you. Sure the typical 'I love how we can talk' comments, and talk about other boys could mean she has no attraction to you....could also mean she's trying to feel you out with her own bit of passive-aggressive manipulations. Unfortunately without confronting the situation directly and honestly, you could dance around in the same fog for months until one of you finds something or someone better to do.

Rather than acting passive and trying to decipher her every word and action with the super secret gurl decoder ring, put your focus back on your own actions and words....the things that you can actually control. Don't try to affect the 'sensitive friend' or the 'cocky and funny playboy'. If you just be yourself, be upfront, and be honest, whatever reaction you get won't have to be analyzed and decoded.

And relationship post of the year goes to ....

Preach on, brother!

[Raven]

Originally Posted by Izulde

I looked at her and just started laughing, "Nope you're not looking for a quick relationship. You're looking for someone who can inspire you... take your breath away and expand your creative horizons again... You want to breathe and know there's still beauty in the world that can dazzle you... and for someone to show you that."

"Yes! Yes that's exactly what I mean!"

So then I grinned, leapt on my feet, walked over on the blanket to her and took her hands.. pulled her up... "What you're looking for is someone to lift you off your feet and show you how to fly again... to live again..."

Looking back on it now, there was a sparkle in her eyes and I probably should have at least kissed her hands... I think I saw that moment in her face... then, just as I was about to, I paused and waited too long... so she laughed, said I was a dork and we ran off to pick blackberries again together.

That's some funny shit. It's like poetry written for the next Ben Affleck movie.

[Loren]

Originally Posted by Shorty3281

what about sweaty hands? did someone call my name?

hmm, i wonder why guy's have never minded my sweaty hands..

Raven..do you think i was like finger #5 on hand 1 or the thumb on the second hand?

[Raven]

Im going to go with finger #4 on hand 1.

[Loren]

mmm the ring finger..

i gotta go to bed early to go buy hurricane supplies tomorrow ya'll cross your fingers for us

[Raven]

Just like a woman. I call it finger #4, you call it the ring finger.

[korme]

Originally Posted by Loren

hmm, i wonder why guy's have never minded my sweaty hands..

Raven..do you think i was like finger #5 on hand 1 or the thumb on the second hand?

because you are a girl. girls mind guys sweaty hands. i just bumped my thread in the archive section. im going to like, have surgery if i can afford it when im older.

[thesloppy]

Originally Posted by Shorty3281

Not devious puppetmasters, it is just that like men, they want what they can't get. Drooling over them doesn't really work. I mean, you can say "you look really good tonight", but there is a line you dont cross, i.e. "i like you". or atleast that is how it seems to be working lately.

As a wise sheriff once said, "desperation is a stinky cologne."

Too true. Desperation only attracts the desparate. I also think that you certainly can be too forward and some people are scared off by that approach....but in my eyes that still beats the hell out of months and months of hard work at a below-the-surface courtship that the other person might not even know is going on. The return-on-investment of that shit is piss poor.

[thesloppy]

Originally Posted by Loren

Raven..do you think i was like finger #5 on hand 1 or the thumb on the second hand?

You'd be represented by finger #2 on the first hand, right behind finger #1, which represents the second hand.

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by Izulde

Hmm well I know back in the winter she was still with the now ex-bf, so I think part of it is that she's still not over this guy, though she's trying to be.

I found it highly amusing when she was talking about what she wanted in a guy and it's like 'um, yo... I'm all those things', but naturally I wasn't going to say a damn thing about that. If she really wants to get to know me, then she get to know me and realize that. If she doesn't, then that's cool... It's been a fun experience and all that jazz.

Though when she was talking about how with her ex-bf, he was her best friend as well as her lover blah blah blah... and how she used to paint all the time, these really great murals etc when they were together, and now she can't even paint a decent tree.

So she was like "I'd like a relationship where I can just jump into it and not go through all this tedious getting to know each other bullshit."

I looked at her and just started laughing, "Nope you're not looking for a quick relationship. You're looking for someone who can inspire you... take your breath away and expand your creative horizons again... You want to breathe and know there's still beauty in the world that can dazzle you... and for someone to show you that."

"Yes! Yes that's exactly what I mean!"

So then I grinned, leapt on my feet, walked over on the blanket to her and took her hands.. pulled her up... "What you're looking for is someone to lift you off your feet and show you how to fly again... to live again..."

Looking back on it now, there was a sparkle in her eyes and I probably should have at least kissed her hands... I think I saw that moment in her face... then, just as I was about to, I paused and waited too long... so she laughed, said I was a dork and we ran off to pick blackberries again together.

OMG, this is freaking gold. I'm laughing so hard.

And what really makes it hilarious is that I believe this really, actualyl happened. That you said all that BS, that you didn't follow up, and you went to pick black-frickin-berries. Abs-freakin-lutely amazing.

Izulde, you're like my anti-hero, but one who gets gruding respect.

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by Raven

That's some funny shit. It's like poetry written for the next Ben Affleck movie.

lol, you siad it. I don't know who I pictured Izulde as behavior, but now I am picturing him as being like Owen Wilson in Meet The Parents, except he never dated the girl, was just her close friend.

[timmynausea]

I'm telling you guys. He has a gift. He can make hundreds of thousands churning out blackberry stories for some show on the WB.

[ThunderingHERD]

Originally Posted by timmynausea

I'm telling you guys. He has a gift. He can make hundreds of thousands churning out blackberry stories for some show on the WB.

I agree, I had him pegged for that days ago!

[Blackadar]

Originally Posted by Shorty3281

what about hairy hands? did someone call my name?

Fixed that for you.

[stevew]

Hmm well I know back in the winter she was still with the now ex-bf, so I think part of it is that she's still not over this guy, though she's trying to be.

I found it highly amusing when she was talking about what she wanted in a guy and it's like 'um, yo... I'm all those things', but naturally I wasn't going to say a damn thing about that. If she really wants to get to know me, then she get to know me and realize that. If she doesn't, then that's cool... It's been a fun experience and all that jazz.

Though when she was talking about how with her ex-bf, he was her best friend as well as her lover blah blah blah... and how she used to paint all the time, these really great murals etc when they were together, and now she can't even paint a decent tree.

So she was like "I'd like a relationship where I can just jump into it and not go through all this tedious getting to know each other bullshit."

I looked at her and just started laughing, "Nope you're not looking for a quick relationship. You're looking for someone who can inspire you... take your breath away and expand your creative horizons again... You want to breathe and know there's still beauty in the world that can dazzle you... and for someone to show you that."

"Yes! Yes that's exactly what I mean!"

So then I grinned, leapt on my feet, walked over on the blanket to her and took her hands.. pulled her up... "What you're looking for is someone to lift you off your feet and show you how to fly again... to live again..."

Looking back on it now, there was a sparkle in her eyes and I probably should have at least kissed her hands... I think I saw that moment in her face... then, just as I was about to, I paused and waited too long... so she laughed, said I was a dork and we ran off to pick blackberries again together.

If she didn't think you were gay before.....

[Blackadar]

There's only one way out...

[Rizon]

Women 2
FOF Guys 0

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by Izulde

So then I grinned, leapt on my feet, walked over on the blanket to her and took her hands.. pulled her up... "What you're looking for is someone to lift you off your feet and show you how to fly again... to live again..."

*Cues Celine Dion music*

Dude, don't wait until you slip, unconscious, into the icy dark water. Just go for it now and give yourself the chance to jump off before you hit the iceberg.

[rkmsuf]

next time you are together my advice would be to whip it out

[Izulde]

Hahaha that's hilarious, Suicane.

As for the musical question, there was only one line sung... when she was mentioning how she's tried dating other guys sporadically, but she still hasn't found somebody who connects with her like her ex did.

I said, "Oh, so it's basically a case of *sings* When I get the courage up to love somebody new... It always falls apart cuz they just can't compare to you..."

So not exactly a musical

With regards to the Dawson's Creek/Ben Affleck/other schmaltzy stuff remarks, I've had a lot of people tell me through the years that I should be a romance novelist... and for a time I'd even considered if I couldn't bring it up to a respectable literary genre...

Then I came to my senses and realized that even if I did try to elevate the genre, women's pornography is still women's pornography and I'd be selling my soul.

But yes, I probably will find out one way or the other, soon enough.

[Ksyrup]

Yes, but we still need an answer to the question - is that a verbatim transcript of what was said, or was that you "romanticizing the moment" in your own words? Because like soap operas, no one really speaks in greeting card format. I hope.

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

Yes, but we still need an answer to the question - is that a verbatim transcript of what was said, or was that you "romanticizing the moment" in your own words? Because like soap operas, no one really speaks in greeting card format. I hope.

Verbatim.

Which, now that I think about it, is probably why I register so many false positives on people's gaydars as some of you guys have suggested.

[flere-imsaho]

Originally Posted by BigJohn&TheLions

One thing I have found is that women hate it when the tables are turned. Have dinner with her and talk about some woman you met. Hype her up like she is the finest woman you ever saw. Be very excited about her, but admit that you're concerned that you might be falling too fast. You know, BS the whole thing! It will be exactly what she needs.

Nononononononono! Mention it in passing.... If there's one thing women of this age hate, it's not having the whole story. Mention that you saw X, went out with Y, whatever, but don't fill in the details, and they go mad with a need to know.

[Pyser]

and the very best part, you can repleace "maureen" with "dream"!



I pick her up outside the station
She's telling me about her spring vacation
She's not leaving much to the imagination
She's giving me way too much information

Maureen
You don't know what you do to me
I know you won't be true to me
The least that you can do for me
Is keep it to yourself
I'm so sorry I don't mean to shout
It's just that I can do without
The details of your days and nights and your thoughts and dreams
Maureen, Maureen, Maureen, Maureen, Maureen

Do you know what I mean
Do you know what I mean
Do you know what I mean

She calls me up at ten past midnight
'Cause she and some guy just had some big fight
And I say “well maybe he's just not all that bright”
She tells me it's not his brain that she likes

M-M-M-M-M-Maureen
You don't know what you do to me
I know you won't be true to me
The least that you can do for me
Is keep it to yourself
I'm so sorry I don't mean to shout
But really I can do without
The details of your days and nights and your thoughts and dreams
Maureen, Maureen, Maureen, Maureen

I know you think I'm just a friend
But can we please just put an end
To all the graphic imagery that you insist on feeding me
I can't accept I'm not the one
Who's getting to have all the fun
Maybe that's what friends are for
But I just can't take it any more

M-M-M-M-M-Maureen
You don't know what you do to me
I know you won't be true to me
The least that you can do for me
Is keep it to yourself
I'm so sorry I don't mean to shout
But really I can do without
The details of your days and nights and your thoughts and dreams
Can we keep it right
Can we keep it clean
Maureen, Maureen, Maureen, Maureen, Maureen

[KevinNU7]

Izulde, I'd like to thank you for teh most immusing hour of my day so far. Reading this thread and the fireworks thread had me laughing. These chicks without a doubt think you are gay. If I were you I would mention a girl around them just so they say, "Wait you aren't gay" atleast then they might consider you as a target.

[KevinNU7]

Originally Posted by Izulde

I hate to break it to you man, but as someone who has had major codependancy and obsessive issues about girls in the past, I can tell you this right now.

It won't work out. Period.

The ship's burning fast my friend and it won't be long until it's just ashes on the waves.

You'll thrash about in the sea, trying to catch those last little black scraps and make them back into the love boat you once had.

But it won't happen. The ashes will only disintegrate and you'll be left with only the phantasm of your memories, once golden and honey, now sepia and bittersweet.

That is what will come to pass. Take it from one who knows.

You should have let her go to begin with.

Maybe you should have followed your own advice from a week ago

[WSUCougar]

Originally Posted by Shorty3281

what about sweaty hands? did someone call my name?

That isn't sweat. :o

I like blackberries. Carry on.

[sovereignstar]

Originally Posted by Suicane75

I present to you, Izuldes Ode.

http://home.comcast.net/~suicane/Izuldes_Ode.mp3

I got your message. Anyways, no.. I wouldn't have posted that. Not your best work.

sorries

[pennywisesb]

Originally Posted by stevew

If she didn't think you were gay before.....

Thats exactly what I was thinking. I think its time to step up, grow out your leg and chest hair, and own up to being a man. Girls like sensitive guys, but not guys who are more sensitive than they are!

[MacroGuru]

Originally Posted by Shorty3281

Girls suck man. They do, It's generallly $50 though.

I have nothing to say.

Fixed that one for you...

[rkmsuf]

let her see you working out

[WSUCougar]

Originally Posted by rkmsuf

let her see you working out

...and not to a Richard Simmons tape.

[rkmsuf]

Originally Posted by WSUCougar

...and not to a Richard Simmons tape.

[Izulde]

You know, if she *does* think I'm gay, then I'm feeling a lot like this guy:



Funny that you mention Maureen, as that was my first gf's name.

Oh and one of my other ex's, even while I was dating her, she was convinced I was gay and was just waiting for me to come out of the closet.

[Neon_Chaos]

Chandler Muriel Bing.

[WSUCougar]

Originally Posted by Neon_Chaos

Chandler Muriel Bing.

Oh...my...god...

[rkmsuf]

what's gayer?

being compared to Chandler Bing or quoting Friends?

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by rkmsuf

what's gayer?

being compared to Chandler Bing or quoting Friends?

Never watched Friends, probably because everyone overrated the hotness of the girls on there and the show just looked really lame overall.

On the other hand, tranvestitism appeals to me even less, so I'll have to go with being compared to Chandler Bing as gayer.

[rkmsuf]

hey I would bone Lisa Kudrow from sunup to sundown

[WSUCougar]

Originally Posted by rkmsuf

what's gayer?

being compared to Chandler Bing or quoting Friends?

I'd have to defer to watching Blossom...or better yet, A Very Special Blossom.

[rkmsuf]

Courtney Cox in Ace Ventura...ooh dolly.

[DanGarion]

dude... ladder theory.... that's all I gotta say hxxp://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

[WSUCougar]

Jennifer Aniston had her "sweater meat" moments.

[rkmsuf]

Originally Posted by WSUCougar

Jennifer Aniston had her "sweater meat" moments.

Sweater meat. I love that term.

[Honolulu_Blue]

Originally Posted by WSUCougar

Jennifer Aniston had her "sweater meat" moments.

Dude! "Sweater meat"? Aren't you like old enough to be the girl's grandfather? *shudder*

[WSUCougar]

Originally Posted by Honolulu_Blue

Dude! "Sweater meat"? Aren't you like old enough to be the girl's grandfather? *shudder*

Don't you dude me! She's only five years younger than I am. Maybe she's old enough to be your mother. Sheesh.

[Pyser]

i guess i like sweaters fine, but i like t-shirts on girls better.

i think its "sweeter".

[Loren]

Originally Posted by Shorty3281

because you are a girl. girls mind guys sweaty hands. i just bumped my thread in the archive section. im going to like, have surgery if i can afford it when im older.

responded to you in the archive thingie

[Loren]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

*Cues Celine Dion music*

Dude, don't wait until you slip, unconscious, into the icy dark water. Just go for it now and give yourself the chance to jump off before you hit the iceberg.

JAckk JACKK COME BACKKKKK..omg that gets me EVERY time..gonna hafta go buy the movie tonite