The Worst movies you've ever seen

[lytic]

The Gods must be Crazy 2 (I fell asleep watching this in the theatre)

Unbreakable (I fell asleep watching this on the plane coming home from Saudi Arabia)

Zoolander (I asked for my rental fee back after watching this, they gave me store credit for another rental)

However, I mostly go against the grain and I like Dude, where's m car and waterworld and postman, etc

[Qwikshot]

It was on cable so I watched, and I must admit that:

Freddy Got Fingered has got to be as bad as some Ed Wood films...you want to watch a movie for the sheer amazement in wondering how it got produced and out into the movie chain. Look for it on cable and watch it.

[ACStrider]

Mission Impossible 2 - Talk about cheap tricks, predictable plot and terrible acting. I was yawning and ready for the show to finally be over and put me out of my misery by about halfway through. It's funny, though, my sister convinced me to watch the first one and I really enjoyed it. What's the saying about sequels?

Pearl Harbor - Take out the 10 minutes of the impressive bombing display and what do you have?

Star Wars: Episode 1 - A good story and top notch special effects ruined by terrible acting, terrible script, and a "let's throw every special effect possible at them so they won't know the difference" attitude. I knew things were going to be a little rough when there was a fight scene within 30 seconds of the film starting.

Billy Madison - I know I'm going to incur the wrath of some of you out there with this one, but I couldn't help but think throughout the movie "I'm a pampered rich boy who hasn't been sober for five years. Please laugh at how stupid I am and feel sorry for me." I just wanted to say "Get a real job you loser!"

Runaway Bride - Richard Gere isn't funny. Julia Roberts isn't funny. You know that in the end they will end up together even though any reasonable person would see a million and a half warning flags and a divorce in real life within a month of the marriage. Maybe the next movie should be called "Runaway Ex".

[WussGawd]

Fortunately, I have a pretty good set of built-in radar that usually allows me to spot a stinkbomb before blowing $8. For example, I liked the original Caddyshack, heard that Bill Murray and Chevy Chase weren't returning for the sequel, that was enough to tell me it would suck. Ditto Speed 2 & Keanu Reeves.

But, unfortunately, I've had the misfortune to see a few gawd-awful stinkers over the years:

First Family:

Bob Newhart did a very good comedy bit in the 60's during the Kennedy Administration. It would surely seem that the Carters would make similarly good comedy fodder. Too bad Newhart couldn't find it. A friend of mine dragged me (he was a Newhart fan). You know a film doesn't hold much promise when even the trailer isn't funny.

All I remember was the silence, the deadly silence. No laughs, nothing. I might as well have been watching test patterns for the entertainment value. Anybody remotely connected with this P.O.S. should have been stripped of their SAG card immediately.


Moulin Rouge:

No greater argument can be found for mandatory drug testing for film critics and entertainers than anybody who wrote a positive review of this film or voted for it for a Golden Globe or Oscar. I'm not big on movie musicals anyway (though I've enjoyed a few over the years), but this thing was just ridiculous. I would rather tear my own eyes out than watch five minutes of this again.


Another Stakeout:

Three words: Co-Starring Rosie O'Donnell.

Any questions?


Eyes Wide Shut:

I never thought a film featuring Nicole Kidman's breasts could be boring. Apparently, I was wrong. A better name would have been Eyes Wide Shut and Snoring, which is what I was doing by the end of it.


Independence Day:

Some things I learned from Independence Day:

The US has no fighters in its inventory other than F/A-18 Hornets...but the US has about 10,000 of those.

The biggest and best computer network in the world can be taken down in 10 minutes by a moron with a Powerbook.

Will Smith can't act (then again, I already knew this).

The dialogue of Bill Paxton's POTUS character in ID4 makes George Lucas' dialogue look like William Shakespeare.


Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace:

For this we waited 20 years? Where is the brilliant acting range of Carrie Fisher when you need it. Compared to the stiffs spouting wooden dialogue in this one, the original Star Wars was a piece of art. People focus on the Jar Jar Binks character as annoying, but frankly, he fit in with the writing for the rest of the cast.


The Grinch

Jim Carrey and Ron Howard did something I didn't think was possible...make Dr. Seuss dull and boring.


The Fifth Element

I could swear, I saw in the credits "Written & Directed by Ed Wood." This thing was definitely on a par with some of his garbage.

I can only come up with one theory as to why a studio executive would ever green light a total piece of crap like this. It involves a highly placed studio exec, a very mature looking 15 year old girl, several grams of cocaine, and a strategically placed camcorder.


St. Elmo's Fire

I'm still wishing Demi Moore's character had finished freezing to death in the "climax" of this piece of garbage.

I could probably come up with a few more, if pressed, but that's enough.

[korme]

Originally posted by Super Ugly
I deeply hate "Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels". All that Michael Caine mockney bullshit makes me want to leave this country forever.

SHAME SHAME

Cockny (i think) rhyming slang is actually really neat I think.

[korme]

Originally posted by WussGawd
Eyes Wide Shut:

I never thought a film featuring Nicole Kidman's breasts could be boring. Apparently, I was wrong. A better name would have been Eyes Wide Shut and Snoring, which is what I was doing by the end of it.

I heard a lot of good things about this movie, so I decide to watch it one night. Seemed like eternity. I couldn't make it through the what, 3 hours.

[WussGawd]

Originally posted by Shorty3281
I heard a lot of good things about this movie, so I decide to watch it one night. Seemed like eternity. I couldn't make it through the what, 3 hours.

3-1/2 hours.

Kubrick, Cruise, and Kidman forgot some basic tenets of filmmaking related to the erotic thriller genre.

First, the film should be erotic (this wasn't, it was just creepy).

Second, the film should be thrilling, not a self-indulgent piece of garbage.

[tucker342]

Ghosts of Mars - TERRIBLE MOVIE!!!

[sabotai]

Wing Commander was a pretty bad one.

[astralhaze]

Wow.

I liked "AI", "Eyes Wide Shut", and "Moulin Rouge".

Then again, I am rarely with the rest of the class on most things.

[Jets80]

Any move with Shaq in it.

[IMetTrentGreen]

a knights tale. not only was the acting bad, not only was the script the same story hollywood always tells, but it was the most predictable movie i have ever seen. every movie has at least one plot twist, youd think, but not this one. i guessed about 10 things before they happened, which is saying something, because im usually horrible at that

anyway, that movie stunk out loud

[Jets80]

A knights tale was kick ass......I watched it like 10 times when it was on HBO.

[McSweeny]

the mothman prophecies was horrible... good thing my buddies and i were immature enough to make butt-sex jokes the whole time to make the experience bearable

[JeeberD]

Mmmmmmmmm.....butt sex....gurgle....

[Jets80]

Originally posted by McSweeny
good thing me and my buddies had butt-sex to make the experience bearable

Must have been a pretty bad movie.....

[3ric]

"Escape from L.A.", "Blair Witch Project", "Velvet Goldmine", and because all the leads were either overacting or just going through the motions: "Wag the dog".

[Ragone]

Vanilla Sky was equally bad in my mind.. Everyone kept telling me to watch it.. and it was incredibly disappointing

[DukeRulesMAB]

I don't have a complete top 5, but an unquestioned #1:

Batman and Robin

The first and (to date) only movie to actively anger me while watching it. After about the tenth ice pun from Arhold, I threw a show at the TV. Not one single redeeming quality about this stinker.


Though I don't know if they are bottom 5 movies, some others I really disliked:

Vertical Limit - So they saved the girl. Yay. Unfortunately, 4 people died in the process of saving one person. I didn't notice much reflection on this fact either. Fortunately, those 4 people were minor characters, and some of them weren't even attractive white people, so it evens out.

Star Wars Ep 1/2

1 was worse. I had braced myself for Jar Jar going in, but I had not braced myself for that damn kid, who gave the worst, most irritating acting performance ever. His presense even ruined the climactic battle seen, which was already subpar for the franchise, but still had a chance of being good enough to redeem the movie slightly. Ep. 2 was even worse for the first two hours, with the romantic dialouge being the worst script this side of Batman & Robin, but the battle finale was solid, so that dragged it up some.

Titantic

Uber-crap. Not only was the DiCaprio character entirely unbelievable (any scene that involved him hitting someone and it hurting ruined the suspension of disbelief; I'm almost positive Winslet outweighed him and could have kicked his ass), but it was also incredibly manipulative. The special effects were truly impressive, saving it from a sure bottom 5-er. I've never less understood why a movie was praised so highly.

Howling 2

This is borderline, but I think it originally got a wide theatrical release (there's an Ebert review for it). The original is my favorite horror movie ever; this one was apparently filmed on PCP. Too nonsensical to reach truly bad levels.


I hated Moulin Rouge as well, but I fully acknowledge that's a matter of personal taste. I'm just not a musical-loving person.

[Craptacular]

This thread is one of those things that makes me happy I don't go to the theater more than once or twice a year.

P.S. Fifth Element rocks.

[PilotMan]

I have to say that one of the worst movies of all time, was

Cool World

I think Brad Pitt, was in this stinker.

[oykib]

Originally posted by PilotMan
I have to say that one of the worst movies of all time, was

Cool World

I think Brad Pitt, was in this stinker.

You and me both, Pilotman. Damn, I hate that movie!!!

[KWhit]

Originally posted by Ragone
Vanilla Sky was equally bad in my mind.. Everyone kept telling me to watch it.. and it was incredibly disappointing

Holy disfigurement, Batman! I loved Vanilla Sky. Cameron Crowe is the man, and I thought it was a great film.

But I generally go for the things that are different. I get so tired of normal Hollywood movies that have the same plot devices all the time.

[cthomer5000]

Originally posted by tucker342
Ghosts of Mars - TERRIBLE MOVIE!!!

mission to mars was even worse. i've never heard a theater laughing so loud at parts that were not supposed to be funny. everyone hated it.

[cthomer5000]

Originally posted by KWhit
Holy disfigurement, Batman! I loved Vanilla Sky. Cameron Crowe is the man, and I thought it was a great film.

But I generally go for the things that are different. I get so tired of normal Hollywood movies that have the same plot devices all the time.

I loved it as well, but I found this movie really split people right down the middle.

[scooper]

My wife(then girlfriend) and I went to see Showgirls in a discount theater. It was sort of a watching a trainwreck decision. We had to see just how bad it was. I'm not sure what was worse, the movie or the old guy sitting a few rows back with the newspaper in his lap.

[Draft Dodger]

5) Moulin Rouge - hate musicals, but watched with an open mind - for about 40 minutes.
4) Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - couldn't watch more than 30 minutes. simply horrible.
3) Eyes Wide Shut - hmmm, 2 Nicole Kidman movies which doesn't seem fair. Just the thought of that single piano note makes me cringe.
2) Scooby Doo - yuk.
1) Highlander 2: The Quickening - the closest I've ever been to walking out of a theater (I was one of the few who didn't).

[Draft Dodger]

Originally posted by astralhaze
Wow.

I liked "AI", "Eyes Wide Shut", and "Moulin Rouge".

Then again, I am rarely with the rest of the class on most things.

well, we finally disagree on something.

[Critch]

Highlander 4: Endgame - The first one was ok, the other 3 were crap, but this one was the worst. It's all the people off the tv show, and it's remarkably awful. It's even worse than Highlander 2.

Sixth Sense - Heard all the great reviews and was thoroughly disappointed. Wasn't the "twist" at the end obvious within the first 15 minutes?

[moriarty]

Originally posted by Critch

Sixth Sense - Heard all the great reviews and was thoroughly disappointed. Wasn't the "twist" at the end obvious within the first 15 minutes?

It certainly was obvious for anyone who had seen Jacob's Ladder several years earlier with the exact same premise and twist.

[Mountain]

I have three that are equally bad, meaning I'd rahter be naked staked to a red ant mound with molasses poured over my body then to sit through these movies.

1) Dungeons & Dragons. Simply awful.

2) The New Guy: Anything with Eddie Griffin in it is suspect. The whiny skinny hopelessly annoying lead charcter deserved to get his butt kicked repeatedly and often.

3) Ishtar: Great cast. Simply the worst road movie ever made.

[mckerney]

Plan 9 From Outerspace - A movie so bad it's enjoyable because of it. Worst dialouge ever, a police officer who scratches his face with his pistol while giving lines, day switching to night and back some 20 times in a 3 minute span.



Lord of the Rings - Just awful

[revrew]

In contrast to others, I put Matrix and Sixth Sense and Titanic on my TOP 10 all-time list (okay, maybe 20). Didn't think LoR or Star Wars 1/2 belong on these lists, though I agree all three were disappointing.

My worsts are:
Slapshot - Outside of the glasses-clad bash brothers, this was just wretched.

Can't Remember the Name It Was So Bad -- Tim Allen and Rene Russo in Miami. Relatively recent "comedy". Omigosh was it bad. Anybody know the title?

[bbor]

What is wrong with you people???

Caddyshack and Slapshot as worst movies ever????

My worst.

Joe Versus the volcano
Eyes wide shut
anything with Bette Midler.....Sally Field.....Barbara Striesand.....Meryl Streep.....i want to kill them all

[Schmidty]

Originally posted by mckerney
[b]
Lord of the Rings - Just awful

Wow. That's some really bad taste you have there.

Someone just got put on my ignore list.

edit: forgot to put a winky.....

[Samdari]

Wow, seemingly universal agreement on the FOFC general page. Noone seems to have thought Eyes Wide Shut was particularly sexy at all. Very disappointing, for a movie that was supposed to be so hot. I went in with high expectations, and had heard a lot about Leelee Sobieski in this movie. Huh? Two scenes for a total of 30 seconds and no lines? Why would anything written about this movie even mention her?

bbor is onto something, but rather than threadjack, I will start anew.

[John Galt]

Originally posted by Samdari
Wow, seemingly universal agreement on the FOFC general page. Noone seems to have thought Eyes Wide Shut was particularly sexy at all. Very disappointing, for a movie that was supposed to be so hot. I went in with high expectations, and had heard a lot about Leelee Sobieski in this movie. Huh? Two scenes for a total of 30 seconds and no lines? Why would anything written about this movie even mention her?

bbor is onto something, but rather than threadjack, I will start anew.

I (and a few others in this thread) liked Eyes Wide Shut. I own the movie and think it is a great exploration of the nuances of sexual fantasy and mundane reality.

[cuervo72]

Ah - I just remembered! Sometime in the last year or so there was a Chuck Norris made for TV movie where he and 2 other special forces types go to the middle east and take down a terrorist leader. I think this is it - The President's Man: A Line in the Sand. Looks like it was produced in about a week, and it was completely wretched. I can't believe I forgot about this one.

[Anrhydeddu]

Anyone seen that Kevin Bacon movie they keep showing over and over on TBS (I believe) about being stuck out in the desert and this huge worm-like creature keeps popping up?

[scooper]

That's Tremors. I loved that movie. Hokie, but fun.

[cschex]

Yeah, Tremors is great. Even more fun when you watch the dubbed version on TBS or USA

Just off the top of my head

Wild Wild West I think this was the only movie that actually offended me and the only movie I've ever demanded my money back from.

Bonfire of the Vanities Ye gods, they completely missed out on every redeeming quality of the book with this movie. Horrid casting job and a yawner of a script

Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle Why? Cartoon is classic, this was a complete load of garbage.

[Samdari]

Beyond my commentary on the (temporary, THANKS JOHN) agreement here, and the unfortunate starting of the "chick flick warning actresses" thread, I did not mention the worst movie I have ever seen.

Mine would support the theory that the words "Co-starring Rosie O'Donnell" are not as scary as "Stephen King's Directorial Debut." Maximum Overdrive is the worst movie I have ever seen. A quick check if IMBD shows that he has writing credits from 70+ movies, and yet has never been asked to direct again after this disaster. As a bonus, it has a soundtrack with AC/DC at their worst.

[GrantDawg]

Originally posted by revrew

Can't Remember the Name It Was So Bad -- Tim Allen and Rene Russo in Miami. Relatively recent "comedy". Omigosh was it bad. Anybody know the title?

"Big Trouble"

Movie from the first novel by Dave Barry. It wasn't that bad, but wasn't good either.

[EagleFan]

Eyes Wide Shut - When will it ever end?

Zoolander - At least I didn't waste as much time as Eyes Wide Shut on it.

Caddeyshack 2 - The original is a classic.

Rocky 5 - The original was great but they got progressively worse until that pile of crap.

Titanic / Pearl Harbor - A bad Hollywood tactic of taking a tragic event from history and throwing in a love story to sell it.

Pumpkinhead - Yawn.

Deep Impact - That girl only wanted to stay with her parents so she could get killed and not have to watch the movie.

[Qwikshot]

Has anyone else seen "Freddy Got Fingered"? I was smart enough to wait for it on cable, but sheesh, someone had to have been an unwitting participant in viewing this garbage?

[astralhaze]

Originally posted by KWhit
Holy disfigurement, Batman! I loved Vanilla Sky. Cameron Crowe is the man, and I thought it was a great film.

But I generally go for the things that are different. I get so tired of normal Hollywood movies that have the same plot devices all the time.

If you like Vanilla Sky, check out the original Spanish film Abre Los Ojos. Far superior in every single way, including acting and directing.

[astralhaze]

Originally posted by John Galt
I (and a few others in this thread) liked Eyes Wide Shut. I own the movie and think it is a great exploration of the nuances of sexual fantasy and mundane reality.

Yes yes ya'll. Also the fragility of trust in relationships. For me, that was the main point but everyone views art differently

[Draft Dodger]

oops - just realized after reading some of the other entries that I left off Dungeons and Dragons (there's not enough room to list everything that is so, so, so wrong with this movie) and Joe vs the Volcano.

[Vince]

3) Eyes Wide Shut - I am convinced that the person who wrote the soundtrack was deaf, and that the person who performed the soundtrack was not only blind, but had no hands. Horrible, horrible music. On top of that, it just went on and on, and was just weird.

2) Zoolander - I am surprised that I didn't like this movie...everyone I know loved it, and I usually like Ben Stiller movies. But this one was just ridiculously stupid the entire way through. I seriously felt stupider having watched it. The 'eugoogly' scene was the only time I was even close to laughing...thank god I waited until AFTER finals to watch this one.

1) Michael - I don't even remember what it was that I hated about this movie, but it was the largest waste of time I have ever experienced. It was absolute garbage. And John Travolta is usually good...

Honorable mention: Meet Joe Black (the crowd in the theater actually cheered at one fadeout, only to groan when the movie kept going), Star Wars II: Attack of the Clones, and Dude, Where's my Car?

[WussGawd]

Originally posted by John Galt
I (and a few others in this thread) liked Eyes Wide Shut. I own the movie and think it is a great exploration of the nuances of sexual fantasy and mundane reality.

Obviously, this was what they were shooting for, but the payoff was so abominably slow.

Honestly, Eyes Wide Shut would have been a far better film if about a third of the finished product had simply been left on the cutting room floor