ZFL Season 2

[Swaggs]

Actually, my dream division would be Little Rock, Los Angeles, and Fargo.

[Coffee Warlord]

What, noone wants Portland in their dream division?

[JeeberD]

Originally posted by DolphinFan1
Even if that player admits to using his bonus money to start his own franchise. And he calls his GM foolish.

Well...ummm....errrr....

That quote was taken out of context!!!!

[Swaggs]

Originally posted by Coffee Warlord
What, noone wants Portland in their dream division?

You just aren't in our "league" yet.

[revrew]

Week 4
"In a league where teams only play each other once and there are no playoffs, every game counts, every game is a playoff game -- especially for two hot contenders like Portland (2-1) and Albuquerque (2-1).

Portland's Ivan Ivanivich found ABB'Q's secondary just as intimidating as rumored, and rookie DT Nelson "The Hammer" Muntz capitalized on it, pushing past Erik Flamebeard for 2 sacks on the day. (What up wit dat, Flamebeard? Gettin' schooled by a rook? Tsk, tsk.)

But Flamebeard punished Muntz for his bravado, pancaking the green DT repeatedly. It was an incredible battle to watch, but experience won out in the end, as Antonio De La Tonio extended his league-leading TD tally by 3. Muntz's up-the-middle charge, however, neutralized Portland's air attack, and 3 scores is all the Sea Biscuits would accumulate.

Meanwhile, Moe "Kid Gruesome" Sizzlack refused to be intimidated by Portland's outstanding secondary, notching up 300+ and 3. In the fourth, with the score knotted at 21, Sizzlack rifled a slant to Carl Carlsson, who broke free from safety Billy Jim Bob Lee Whittaker's grasp and crossed the plate for the go-ahead run. Isotopes in a mild but important upset, 28-21."

******
"On the other hand, when the best plays the worst, it's usually a snoozer. L.A. (0-3) found themselves blown out in the windy city, dropping to Chicago (3-0), 21-0.

Chicago's offense scored one by air (Steele to Jet), one by ground (Ty Wick behind Tom Sanders), and one by D (CB Deniable "Get out of my house" Cook on the INT).

The Eagle D recorded an easy shut-out, limiting the Stars to fewer than 200 total yards on the day. Eagles up, 21-0."

******
"If Birmingham's field recovered from the previous mudbath, it'll have to go back on bed rest as the runnin' Margaritas (2-1) (a big switch from last year's Southern Screen--San Antonio hasn't found their groove in the air yet) visited the Olympians (1-2).

Birmingham's DT Athena and MLB Troy proved the weak links in the Olympian D, giving up 3 Margarita running TD's. Birmingham's CB Hades got "burned" as well, whiffing on a tackle of Streak, only to watch the speeky receiver take a 4-yard slant 44 yards to the house.

As usual, Olympian RB Artemis turned in a solid day, gathering 88 yards and 2 scores, but it wouldn't be enough as San Antonio takes it, 28-14."

*****
"No one would have picked Fargo (0-3) vs. Little Rock (1-2) to be the week's most exciting game, but nonetheless, the game was thrilling.

Little Rock's ace WR Stuart Rembert came up big against Fargo's Achilles' heel, secondarymen Burned Deep and Burned Deeper. The wideout caught 9-147-2, including a spectacular, open-field scamper that reminded ESPN's Dan Patrick of Gale Sayers: "I believe all 8 defensive players missed Rembert on that play, twice."

But Fargo has an ace receiver as well, and Shane hauled in a pair of scores against Little Rock's S Beaumont Braxton and CB Scott Glass.

On the ground, Fargo split 2 tuddies between their backs, and Little Rock's Rajah Saleem found a wide channel behind OT Keith "The guarantee" Slapinski, burning up 131 yards and 2 scores.

At the end of 4, the score remained tied, 28-28. Bring on the kickers!

Groundscrew set up a large ring in the center of the field. A cement truck backed in and poured over 1,000 gallons of mud right on the field. Then Fargo's Can't Remember What I Renamed Him and Little Rock's Mr. Ed hopped in the mud. But, no, there was no wrestling.

Immediately another truck entered, carrying no fewer than 10 greased pigs. The hogs were released, and the two kickers had 15 minutes to hog-tie as many oinkers as they could catch. When the bell sounded, it became clear Mr. Ed had experience with this kind of thing, destroying his competition, 12 hogs to 3. Little Rock gets the win, 31-28. And they say players in the NFL are dirty..."

*****
"Two upstart teams faced off in Milwaukee as the Muscle Men (2-1) hosted the Rednecks (2-1) before a capacity crowd in The Gym (Milwaukee's first-ever sell-out).

The fans were not disappointed. Though Milwaukee OLB Superman notched up 21 tackles on the day (a ZFL record), it was more because the rest of the D took a vacation. For all his glory last week, poor CB JeeberD was thoroughly abused by Knoxville WR Jackson Jackson (but then, who hasn't this season), and Milwuakee spotted Knoxville nearly 600 yards in total offense.

Last season, that would have spelled certain doom for the Muscle Men. But QB Bullseye found Redneck safety Johnny 'Nascar' Jackson way too obliging, passing past him to WR Conan for 208 yards and 2 scores. Another 100+ and a 7 to The Flash, and Milwaukee was sticking in there.

On the ground, Knoxville's DT Stonewall Jackson looked more like a Jelly-wall, getting knocked down and over, not by a O-lineman, but by FB phenom, Bulldozer. 144 yards and 2 TDs for the rook.

With little time remaining in the 4th, Milwaukee had one last chance to catch Knoxville. Bullseye found The Flash for 15, Ricky "The Answer" Williams for 14, and then Bulldozer ripped off a 22-yard run. But facing a 4th and 8, Knoxville DE Robert E. Jackson stunted around OG Odysseus and dropped QB Bullseye to the ground before he saw what was coming. The sack ended Milwuakee's drive and their hopes of a first-ever winning streak. Knoxville wins, 42-35."

[The Afoci]

WOOHOO, still on track for the top pick in the draft baby!

[Swaggs]

Little Rock ties last season win total in only 4 games. Of course, the wins were vs LA and Fargo, so....

[sachmo71]

Yay! A win!

[NevStar]

W00T! In your face, Flamebeard!!@

[tucker342]

at least I didn't get blown out...

First pick here I come...

[Katon]

Wouldn't the first pick go to an expansion team?

[Marmel]

It better not!

[DolphinFan1]

Originally posted by Katon
Wouldn't the first pick go to an expansion team?

If we have expansion, probably. Sorry Marmel.

[Marmel]

that really doesnt seem right. If some people have o suffer through a 0-9 season, they really should get the #1 pick. I think if there is expansion, they should draft in the middle somewhere.

[Katon]

If there is expansion, they'd be getting the worst players from each team. The type of squad available in an expansion draft would probably (I don't know, just guessing) be even worse than the Stars. The UFAs from the last draft aren't exactly brilliant, either. Add in the fact that the (non-)talent pool is being split between two expansion teams, and it's pretty clear who's going to need the first draft pick.

[revrew]

The answer to that question depends on how many players current teams are allowed to protect from expansion. Someone suggested teams only had to expose 5. If so, expansion teams would suck so bad we'd have to give them top picks or they'd be worse than the Texans (or the old Buccaneers - only 30 seasons to get to the first championship!) On the other hand, others have suggested teams would only be able to protect 5. If that's the case, we can bump the expansion teams down in the draft, because they would be able to form otherwise decent squads.

Implications, implications, implications...

[tucker342]

We can start expansion as soon as I get a good QB, after that I don't care when I pick

[tucker342]

Actually I would care, I would want the last pick, which I would get, cause as soon as I get a QB, everyone else is in deep trouble

[JeeberD]

Being an expansion hopeful, I would rather have fewer players to chose from existing teams and therefore get higher draft picks. Part of the fun is building your team from scratch and haing to suffer for a few years. I would rather suffer for a few years ad build my team up through the draft than get a bunch of decent players that make my team automatically a middle of the pack team.

I like a challenge...

[Coffee Warlord]

Recovering from a weekend of paintball. I'll update the standings tonight.

And dear god.

We lost. Erik, why have you not smashed something!?!?

[revrew]

Sorry, guys, computer problems preventing me from posting. But we're back on the air...

Week 5
"There was only one close game this week, and this one, well, wasn't it. The pitiful L.A. Stars (0-4) faced off against the mighty Margaritas (3-1).

The only real entertainment in this game was watching L.A. Star secondarymen Ray Liotta and Paul Sorvino face off against S.A. WRs Streak and Primetime. The Stars played bump-and-run all day, disrupting, antagonizing, and completely shutting down the Southern Screen. Star MLB Brad Pitt recorded 14 tackles, 2 sacks and a pick on the day, but Nick Cage turned in another woeful performance at outside backer, and San Antonio's Ron Dayne took advantage of the hole on the outside. The "RonDog" pounded the Stars for 155 yards on 28 carries.

No fireworks in this one, as the Margarita all-pro offensive line just pounded L.A. into the ground, eating up yards, the clock, and points. San Antonio, 21-0."

*****
"The Portland Sea Biscuits (2-2) were clearly smarting after last week's disappointing loss to Albuquerque. Unfortunately for the Fargo Fighting Crawfish (0-4), the Biscuits opted to take out that frustration on the 'Fish.

Not even solid Fargo DT The Defense could stop the constant hammering blows of Erik Flamebeard and Tim the Troll (starting to sound familiar? It should), as Portland poured in 3 ground scores while amassing over 200 yards in the dirt. Ivan Ivanivich popped a pair of play-action payoffs to WR Manfred von Richthofen, and safety Billy Jim Bob Lee Whittaker returned a pass bobbled by Fargo WR The Handless Wonder back for 7. Portland totalled 42 on the day.

Fargo's OG Matt managed a good outing agaisnt Portland's DT Maximillion Powers, and RB Glutton for Punishment dodged LBs Sectoid Commander and Kang for 2 touchdowns. 14 points would be far from enough, however, and the 'Fish fall, 42-14."

*****
"The one and only close game this week came as Birmingham (1-3) visited Albuquerque (3-1).

The Olympians put up a surprisingly solid effort, especially on the ground, where RB Artemis continued his all-pro year. Artemis found plenty of running room on the edges, where OTs Poseidon and Ares met little resistance from ABBQ DEs Jimbo Jones and Seymour "The Principal of Defense" Skinner. Indeed, it was Artemis, and not Skinner, who "took his opponent to school." 3 ground scores for Birmingham made Albuquerque's chances look slim.

But Birmingham's DE Ajax proved equally inept, positioned in a perpetual pancake at the hands of Isotope all-star OT Ralph Wiggum. The pro-set worked well for the Isotopes, as FB Homer "Jay" Simpson ran off-Wiggum for 85 and a pair of scores on the day.

When ABBQ QB Moe 'Kid Gruesome" Sizzlack found rookie WR The Cheat on a 14-yard TD fade, the Isotopes brought the score to a dead-even heat. And you know what that means. Bring out the ...

WAIT! With only seconds remaining, a fumble by Olympian FB Hephaestus is picked up by Isotope DT Captain McAllister. The change of possession stops the clock and Albuquerque has just enough time for one play, one play to go 27 yards and spare kicker Duff Man from engaging in some sadistic overtime contest of strength and skill.

In the middle of Sizzlack's five-step drop, Olympian DE Atlantis breaks past OT Barney Gumble and flushes QB Sizzlack from the pocket. Sizzlack scrambles right. OLB Arkantos closes in quickly, but is blindsided by a block from rookie RB I.M. Stopgap, who broke off his pattern and came back to rescue his QB. But with Atlantis in hot pursuit and all his receivers blanketed, Sizzlack made a gutsy call -- he tucked the ball to run for it! Fleet-footed OT Clancy Wiggum left his block and jumped out to lead his QB. Wiggum plowed over MLB Troy, but couldn't get a hand on the streaking safety, Odysseus. Only yards from the goal, Odysseus dove for Sizzlack's feet. But it was a split-second too late. Sizzlack leaped from the 5 yard-line, skying the remaining 15 or 16 feet, and knocking down the pylon for the win!

ABBQ takes it, 28-21. NFL Films, eat your heart out!"

*****
"Could the pesky Muscle Men (2-2) do some damage against their next-door neighbors, the league-leading Chicago Eagles (4-0)?

Could Bullseye's new favorite weapons, rookies Bulldozer and Ricky "The Answer" Williams bring home an upset?

The question was "answered" quickly, as Ricky Williams fumbled on the first play of the game. After DE Ahmad Mohammed-Abdullah recovered, the Eagles only needed one play to terrorize another Milwaukee rookie, CB JeeberD, as WR Jet blew past the rook for a quick 7.

When Bullseye threw an INT to safety Ajimba Haad on the next posession, Milwuakee's spirits sank fast. Eagle WR Chad Spears beat out safety He-Man for Chicago's second score, and the game fizzled out from there. One more in the air, and one final exlamation point on the ground, as the Eagles blow past their northern neighbors, 28-0."

******
"Knoxville (3-1) at Little Rock (2-2) pitted the league's top offense against one of its worst defenses, with predictable results.

Knoxville got scores from Samuel Jackson, Robby Jackson, Jackson Jackson, Jim Bob Jackson, and Billy Jackson.

Little Rock got 2 scores from Rajah Saleem (who might earn the title of "best ZFL player on a pitiful team") and one from WR Stuart Rembert, but it was all too little, too late, as Knoxville built a 28-point lead in the first half and never looked back. Knoxville wins 42-21.

For Knoxville, the points look to keep pouring in, as the Rednecks face little defensive opposition until weeks 8 and 9. Until then, look for rookie-of-the-year early fave 'Thumbless' Jackson to put up some stellar numbers."

[Coffee Warlord]

Gah, now I'm two weeks behind. My solemn vow I'll update the standings after work tonight. Totally forgot about it last night.

[sachmo71]

I hate Chicago.

[digamma]

Knoxville got scores from Samuel Jackson, Robby Jackson, Jackson Jackson, Jim Bob Jackson, and Billy Jackson.

A true Jackson 5. Way to go, dudes!

[DolphinFan1]

Originally posted by sachmo71
I hate Chicago.

I second that.

[tucker342]

noooooooooooo, so close

Good game Albuquerque

[DolphinFan1]

Originally posted by revrew
[*****
After DE Ahmad Mohammed-Abdullah recovered, the Eagles only needed one play to terrorize another Milwaukee rookie, CB JeeberD, as WR Jet blew past the rook for a quick 7.

Hey, JeeberD, You better hope that you get that expansion soon.

Anyone looking for a CB next season, PM me.

[illinifan999]

Come on you guys. You don't really hate us. It's just the fact that we seem to be a decent team, and that we get lucky all the time. No, I am not bribing revrew! How could you uhhh.......say such ......lies......

[NevStar]

Go Moe, Go Moe!
Don't make Homer shout out D'oh!

[revrew]

This is great. Y'all think Chicago is going to win. hehehehehehe

I'm lovin' this season. Best yet. We'll look back on this season as the "golden age" of ZFL. Of course, just because the most important week of the year, when every single position is on the line and 4 different teams have a shot at the title, 3 of the 5 games end in a tie....OOPS! Have I said too much?

[Swaggs]

The Golden Age already? Man...

[tucker342]

well, I know my team won't be one of the teams that will battle for first... oh well

[JeeberD]

I still suck...

Oh well, good thing DolphinFan gave me that fat extension after the Birmingham game!

[revrew]

Week 6
"With this week's big showdown in Portland, few would have guessed the closest game would be south down the coast in L.A.

With a surging Milwaukee offense in town, L.A. needed to step up the D to regain some of last season's credibility. And step it up they did!

DT Ed Norton showed why he led the ZFL in sacks last year, as he tallied his first multiple-sack game of the year, flattening Bullseye 3 times. Fellow D star Brad Pitt was a monster in the middle, holding rookie runners Bulldozer and "The Answer" to fewer than 100 on the ground, combined. First time that's happened this year.

For Milwaukee, normally quiet OLB Superman had an unusually loud day. 13 tackles, 2 1/2 sacks, and 2 INTs makes him ZFL defensive player of the week.

Amid all the defense, however, the offenses sputtered out. At the end of regulation, the score was tied 0-0. Bring on the kickers!

Rookie kicker Little Val Kilmer would get his first test against Muscle Man Hercules. So what would the contest be? Pies in the face? Bowling? Chinese nipple torture?

No, battle rock climbing! Each warrior was suited in the appropriate safety gear, and a massive foam mountain was brought in to test their mettle. At first it appeared Little Val Kilmer had the advantage, his size/strength ratio better than the bulky Hercules. But Hercules recognized this immediately and took to mauling LVK from the start. Only 10 feet up the mountain, the fury of fists and kicks looked like something in the WWF. Or maybe Karate Kid 2. Or maybe just everyday life in a Northern Ireland pub.

But when Little Val wriggled free of a headlock and speared Hercules with his helmet, the momentum forced Hercules from his feet and cleared Little Val just enough to sprint up the rock. Little Val Kilmer earns his stripes, and gets L.A. their first win, 3-0."

*****
"Little Rock (2-3) was invited to an old-fashioned New Mexico barbeque, only it wasn't shrimp on the barbie, it was Slick Willies.

The red-hot Isotopes (4-1) swarmed the Slick Willies for 6 touchdowns on the day. QB Sizzlack was sizzling, tossing 412 yards and 4 scores. FB Homer "Jay" Simpson pounded in two more.

For Little Rock, the ball-control offense was all that saved their woeful D from an even more "gruesome" lashing. Rajah Saleem carried the ball 31 times. Why so many in a losing effort? Dixon Spiller tossed 4 INTs by mid-third quarter, and down by 35, the coach gave up the ghost. Still, Saleem's best work was in the fourth, and a pair of scores brought the score up to ABB'Q, 42-14. Has anyone else noticed that whatever "chemistry" problems the Isotopes were having aren't affecting their record? 5-1 now. And holding a victory over 4-1 Knoxville. Looks like we have a new playa' in the mix."

*****
"For league-leading Chicago (5-0), it was a frightening day. Not only did ABBQ and KX do well, but Chicago had an unusually difficult day with Birmingham (1-4).

DE Ahmad Mohammed-Abdullah struggled against mighty OT Dionysus, and even star DE Jason Pepper was neutralized by rookie behemoth (the OT formerly known as Troy). Behind the twin terror tackles, B'ham RB Artemis found the endzone twice against Chicago by running around the end.

Meanwhile, BH OLB Arkantos showed no mercy on the outside edge, limiting Eagle RB Randy Steele to running inside. But Chicago's poor O-line (outside of all-star Tom Sanders) couldn't get it done inside either.

Eagle QB Vincent Steele had an efficient outing, and his 2 TD passes tied up the game.

After 3 straight 3-and-outs in the 4th, B'ham attempted a bit of razzle-dazzle to get past the Eagle D. But, B'ham, Tom Landry you are not.

Just as Artemis attempted to hand the ball off to WR Revrew on the end around, Eagle DE Jason Pepper plowed into the exchange, and the ball fell loose. OLB Ray Brown scooped up the fumble and took it all the way home. Chicago gets by in a squeeker, 21-14."

*****
"No squeakin' in Fargo, however, as the visiting Rednecks (4-1) opened up a can of whoop on the Crawfish (0-5).

The top offense in the league rolled behind a solid O-line. Fargo's DE's Don and rookie Chesty got nowhere near "Thumbless" and the young superstar made them pay. With Deep and Deeper in the seconary, "Thumbless" put up 4 touches on the day. Robby and Samuel Jackson added two more for a total of 42.

Fargo's QB Killer hit FB Girl in the third for 7, but it would be their only 7. Knoxville wins easy, 42-7."

*****
"And in the game many were waiting for, the San Antonio Margaritas (4-1) visited the oddly struggling Portland Sea Biscuits (3-2).

The struggles continued today for Portland, who, despite their powerful running game, faltered against San Antonio's secondary. Perhaps it was becuase Margarita DEs All Pro and Bookend sacked QB Ivan Ivanivich 5 times, and pressured him 15? That might have something to do with it. When woeful S.A. safety Stumble intercepts 2 balls, you know something is wrong with the opponent's QB.

As for San Antonio, that incredible offensive line powered over Portland's front 6, paving the way for 3 ground scores. Rookie OG Pancake is definitely looking like the steal of the draft, as he lived up to his name today.

These two battle-scarred warriors pounded one another back and forth, exchanging interceptions, and grinding out first downs. The middle of the field in Portland is about 3 inches closer to sea level from all the turf torn up between the 20s. But 3 TD scoots for S.A. versus 2 for Portland only serves to continue Portland's struggles; Margaritas take it 21-14.

With this blow, Portland appears to have been taken out of the running. What happened? Early season prognosticators are now backtracking, suggesting a solid defense, but one lacking in playmakers may be to blame. Others are pointing at the coach. Either way, future opponents had better be wary. Methinks Flamebeard and the Biscuits (no, that's not a new rock group) are goin' to be mighty miffed and ready to wreak some revenge in weeks to come."

[Coffee Warlord]

Fixed! Fixed I tell you!

The league just hates the west coast teams, I tell you!

[sachmo71]

Stumble had 2 picks? Yikes!!

[Marmel]

THE STARS WIN! THE STARS WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



The fix must have been in.

[Coffee Warlord]

Ivan's days are numbered.

[NevStar]

Fighting, and sometimes striving,
Wondering what the heck an Isotope is!

Excellence, and what is valor?
And The Cheat will hit stuff with a golf club!
A-B-B!... Q!

[DolphinFan1]

Originally posted by Marmel
THE STARS WIN! THE STARS WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



The fix must have been in.

You do know that we threw that game to preserve our perfect losing record season.

Just one more team to go.

[tucker342]

SO CLOSE AGAIN!!!

Good game Illinifan!

[JeeberD]

Hurrah, I wasn't responsible for Milwaukee's loss!!

[Katon]

Originally posted by DolphinFan1
You do know that we threw that game to preserve our perfect losing record season.

Just one more team to go.

Don't worry about them. Fargo play LA on the last day of the season. With the first (or third, depending on the expansion situation) pick on the line, I'm sure the Stars will rise to the occasion.

[revrew]

Originally posted by Katon
Don't worry about them. Fargo play LA on the last day of the season. I'm sure the Stars will rise to the occasion.

What's this? An L.A. fan?

Which brings us to an interesting question. I wonder if we have any fan-favorite teams in the league. How many people read this thread? Maybe we should get Kodos to do a poll for us...

Week 7
"Let's begin in Birmingham, where the lowly Olympians (1-5) almost pulled out the ultimate upset last week against undefeated Chicago. Could they get the job done against almost undefeated Knoxville (5-1)?

Birmingham's running game was in full-force today, as OG Dionysus humiliated KX DT Stonewall Jackson and rookie OG (formerly known as Troy) held his own against veteran DT Uncle Jackson. RB Artemis busted some big gainers through a weak Knoxville secondary, and Birmingham's offense was looking solid.

Wish the same could be said for the defense. CB Hades played like hell as KX superstar WR Jackson Jackson damned the lord of the underworld to oblivion (how's that for mixing religious metaphors? Wonder if I'll incur bad karma for that...). Jackson Jackson once again exceeded 200 in the air, and toppled the league record for receiving yards in only the 7th week of the season.

Meanwhile, Knoxville's running game showed no signs of slowing, either, and B'ham's bold effort once again fell short. Well short. Knoxville grabs 42 once again, and Olympian RB Artemis only managed to score 21. (Does somebody else play offense for B'ham? If so, we sure haven't seen it this season...)"

*****
"Portland (3-3), still licking their wounds after the last game, limped into L.A. (1-5). Which, I suppose, is a good place to limp into.

Unless, of course, you're a rookie OG that everyone has been raving about who suddenly draws DT monster Ed Norton across the ball. The Nortonator pummelled Tim the Troll on the day, recording 3 sacks and forcing a rare Antonio De La Tonio fumble.

Antonio didn't have his best day today, as Star MLB Brad Pitt lurked just on the other side of Erik Flamebeard, waiting for each and every time Antonio crossed the line. La Tonio did manage one score on the day, but only 53 yards.

The Stars, however, were unable to capitalize on the Limping Biscuits' (don't you just love how easy it is to have pun with these teams!) recent struggles, as they faced a dominant DT by the name of Colonel Joseph C. McCormick III. The Colonel gobbled up 9 tackles, 3 for a loss, and 2 sacks on the day.

A late fourth-quarter TD run by Boris "Bruiser" Boriche gave Portland one more score, and that proved once again to be one too many for the Stars, who fall 14-0."

*****
"The San Antonio (5-1) vs. Fargo (0-6) game showed why this is a particularly weak week in the schedule.

Perhaps the best news for the league from this game was that the Southern Screen seemed to get back on track and WR Streak showed "streaks" of last year's brilliance. The vet wideout burned Deeper for 14 catches, 188 yards, and 2 scores. The Margarita running game continued to flex its muscles, thowing down 3 more scores, and San Antonio amassed 35 points.

For poor Fargo, however, the game's only decent play was a trap left that allowed FB Girl to push aside rookie DT Stopped for a Loss and spring rookie RB Glutton for Punishment to scamper 20 yards to paydirt. But the Crawfish failed again to find payday, and they lose 35-7."

*****
"Milwaukee's (2-4) well-balanced offense traveled down to Little Rock, where the Slick Willies (2-4) are still trying to find answers on defense. The result was devastating.

Though WR Stuart Rembert and RB Rajah Saleem did their best (one TD each) to help the struggling Willies, Little Rock just didn't get the ball enough to make a game of it. Apparently the Muscle Men are just bullies when it comes to sharing the ball.

RBs Ricky "The Answer" Williams and Bulldozer tag-teamed like the crazed wrestlers that residents of Little Rock are usually so affectionate about, and together amassed 221 yards, 3 touchdowns, 2 takedowns, and a piledriver. The last of which, did receive a 15-yard penalty, however.

Bullseye also continued in key form, putting up one of the finest displays of passing efficiency in ZFL history. The Bull went 20-24, for 277 yards and 3 scores. WR The Flash accounted for 113 and 2 of that.

Milwuakee wins easy, 42-14."

*****
"A national audience got to watch live as the Chicago Eagles (6-0) squared off against another powerful team, the Albuquerque Isotopes (5-1), in the week's most anticipated matchup.

The audience got to see an efficient, play-action offense in tip top form as the Eagles mixed and matched offensive plays, much to the Isotopes' dismay. RB Randy Steele and FB Ty Wick each saw 15+ carries on the day, and WRs Chad Spears and Jet each caught 10+. Weapons were everywhere for Chicago, as they tally 28 points and nary a turnover.

Albuquerque, however, suffered the turnover bug all evening. "Kid Gruesome" tossed an INT to Ajimba Haad and one to Zach Urlacher. Rookie RB I.M. Stopgap dropped one fumble to Victor Green and one to Jason Pepper. In fact, the 'topes has as many TOs as the Eagles had TDs.

Hard to win that way, especially when you're facing an incredible defense. The Isotopes drop a heart-breaker against the seemingly unstoppable Eagles, 28-0."

*****
"After week 7, the standings have separated themselves.

Chicago, San Antonio, and upstart Knoxville are big-hitters in the league. Next week's Knoxville/Chicago game is huge. If Knoxville wins, it's anybody's ball game. If Chicago wins, then week 9's Chicago/San Antonio game will likely decide the championship for the second straight year.

Clearly, Fargo, L.A., Birmingham, and Little Rock are at the bottom of the league, scrapping for those high draft picks. Better luck next year, fellas.

In the middle, don't count Albuquerque out of the mix yet. A Chicago loss could throw the Isotopes right back in it. The Sea Biscuits and Muscle Men are positioning themselves to push into the top and stay out of the bottom. Things start to heat up as we move into two of the most exciting weeks in ZFL history!"

Look for week 8 later today. The suspense should be good for the weekend

[Katon]

Originally posted by revrew
What's this? An L.A. fan?

Hardly. I prefer my teams with some offence. I was just pointing out that, with that game on the horizon, Fargo might have a little bit of difficulty achieving the perfect season.

[digamma]

Go Necks.

Last year we scored on the Eagles. This year....

[JeeberD]

Heck yeah, Muscle Men win again!

[illinifan999]

I think Knoxville is gonna beat us. They were my pick to win the championship this season. Of course I didn't tell anyone, but they still are. The QB RB duo is just too much.

[revrew]

Week 8
"Albuquerque (5-2), desperately clinging to one last chance at the title, took on lowly L.A. (1-6) today in a battle that showed the strength of Albuquerque's drive to excel.

DTs Nelson 'The Hammer' Muntz and Captain McAllister bottled up the middle against L.A.'s running attack. Safety Troy McClure added two more interceptions to his league leading total, and MLB Lenny dragged L.A. FB Jet Li all the way to the endzone after recovering a RB Adam Sandler fumble.

On the offensive side, rookie RB I.M. Stopgap discovered just how hard MLB Brad Pitt can hit, caughing up a pair of fumbles himself. But the passing attack, protected securely behind the Wiggum brothers, managed to slice in a pair of scores, and the Isotopes stay in contention with a 21-0 victory. They need Chicago to lose twice. But that couldn't happen, could it??"

****
"Our league's two tweeners, Portland (4-3) and Milwaukee (3-4) squared off to settle drafting rights for next year and bragging rights for this. Though eliminated from the championship by Chicago's win last week, the Sea Biscuits set out early to prove they don't belong in the middle ground.

Not even Milwaukee's super OLB Superman could slow down Super Antonio today as the Italian stallion raced for 140 yards and two scores. But Portland didn't limit themselves to scoring on the ground, Ivan Ivanivich terrorized Muscle Men He-man and JeeberD, lighting up the woeful secondary for 295 yards and two scores. And finally, MLB Sectoid Commander made the spotlight, picking up a fumble by fellow rookie Ricky Williams and returning it all the way.

For Milwuakee, the Muscle Men faced down just what it's going to take to move into the next tier of ZFL teams. And the confrontation didn't go well. The rookie backs were shut down on the day, and vet QB Bullseye had a poor 18-33-199-1-1 day. Portland takes this one easier than expected, 35-7."

*****
"San Antonio (6-1), like Albuquerque, also has championship hopes on the line, but their odds are far better. Especially since they played lowly Little Rock (2-5) this week.

For the second week in a row, the Southern Screen reflected shades of last year, and San Antonio went up early on a 5-yard screen turned 51-yard touchdown by rookie receiver Primetime.

The wind seemed knocked out of Little Rock's sails early as the Slick Willie defense gave up score after score to last year's offensive champs. FB Benjamin Buford Branson of the Willies did manage a touchdown behind the humbled rookie OT Keith 'Slap' Slapinski, but that was it for Little Rock, and San Antonio rolled, 35-7."

*****
"The Fargo (0-7) vs. Birmingham (1-6) matchup did promise some drama as Fargo is still attempting to avoid tieing last year's record for futility set by the then 0-9 Milwuakee Muscle Men.

The game itself also offered some drama as the first two drives resulted in running scores, one for each team.

In the second quarter, things bogged down a bit, but B'ham QB Zeus managed to toss the ball to WR Revrew for a score that would give the Olympians the lead at the half.

Fargo tied in the third when HB Glutton for Punishment followed OG Eric right over DT Athena for a 4-yard score.

In the fourth, Fargo started to fall apart. B'ham's Artemis ran downhill carry after carry and the Crawfish defense clearly tired. Was it actually weariness, or has the losing season taken it out of the 'Fish? The Olympians' star RB notched two scores in the fourth, and Fargo continues to threaten that futility record after an Olympian win, 28-14."

*****
"And now, for the game of the year! The league's top offense (no team has held them to fewer than 35 points!), the Knoxville Rednecks (6-1) swagger into Chicago to face the top defense (no team has scored more than 14 points on them), defending champion and league-leading Eagles (7-0). O vs. D in the battle of the century!

Clearly, rookie QB 'Thumbless' Jackson had never seen a defense this tough before. A pair of first quarter INTs (to S Ajimba Haad and OLB Ray Brown) tested the rookie early. Would he have the maturity to recover?

Meanwhile, chicago used one of those TOs to get RB Randy Steele a touchdown on a 17-yard screen pass from QB Vincent Steele. 1st Q: CH 7-0.

In the second, Knoxville DEs Robert E. and Cletus Jackson stepped up the attack on the Eagles, flying past Eagle OTs Dre' Smly and Tom de Pierre. The Jackson attack would total 6 sacks on the day as QB Vincent Steele was forced to run for his life.

One of those runs, however, was a 7-yard bootleg, and Chicago found a 14-0 lead.

After the rookie QB's struggles, Knoxville turned to their powerful running game. Young OGs Fort Sumter and Lee Davis Jackson dueled with DTs Victor Green and Marshall Williams, winning more often on the day than losing. At the half, a Samuel 'The South Will Rise Again' Jackson touchdown suggested Knoxville may rise again, down only 14-7.

In the third, Knoxville used the momentum to take the first drive 80 yards, capping it with a 'Thumbless' TD pass to star WR Jackson Jackson. The score seemed to restore some of the rook's confidence.
At the end of 3, the score remained 14-14.

In the fourth, it was clear the long season and the heat of the game had wore down the defenses. That's not good news for the Eagles. Knoxville jumped out to their first lead of the game on a Robby Jackson run, and it looked as though Chicago might fall!

But on the next possession, QB Vincent Steele showed his nerves of steel, guiding the Eagles on an efficient drive down to the 8 yard line. The next play saw WR Jet beat CB Billy Ray 'Don't Break My Heart' Jackson to the corner for the tieing score. 21-21 with only a few minutes remaining.

But a few minutes are a few minutes too many to give to Knoxville's offense. The final drive was a battle for every inch as the Eagle defense battled to preserve the team's franchise undefeated record. A DE Jason Pepper sack was negated by a Jim Bob Jackson reception for 13. A Robby Jackson run was negated by a Zach Urlacher crushing of Samuel Jackson in the backfield. Slowly, a bit too slowly, Knoxville worked their way down the field.

With only a few ticks left, the Rednecks called their last timeout. Still 23 yards to go. Can't they kick a field goal and end it all? No, ma'am. That's for the sissy NFL.

WRs Jackson Jackson and Jim Bob Jackson both line up on the left. OLB and MLB Zach Urlacher both line up on the right. On the right?? Yes, on the right. It's good strategy in the ZFL. Ajimba Haad and Deniable "Get out of my house" Cook both line up in bump-man coverage on the left.

On the snap, the linebackers drop into zone coverage, the secondary stick with the bump-n-run, and the four D-lineman come crashing in. But Knoxville's backs stay in the backfield! It's an all-out protect package! There's only two receivers out there, and they are both going deep..."

[illinifan999]

Knoxville wins!!!!!