How to (successfully) hit on a coworker.

[NobodyHere]

I want some positive vibes here. I'm basically a George Costanza. How does a quirky baldy short guy get a girl? I'm going to assume that Marrisa Tomei is taken.

I will say that my main social circle right now is in certain meetup groups. While there some very fine women in this group I'd rather not mix my exes with this friends group.

Help me FOFC. Help me!

[Carman Bulldog]

Have you tried doing the complete opposite of what you would normally do?

[Mota]

There's been a ton of feedback in these 19 pages that has mostly been ignored, so maybe a reread is in order.

The good news is that despite being a "quirky baldy short guy", you've still managed to date several women during this time, so I have no doubt that you'll have other opportunities.

Make sure you listen to them when they're telling you what they need, and make sure they feel valued and special.

[NobodyHere]

Originally Posted by Carman Bulldog

Have you tried doing the complete opposite of what you would normally do?

Like cocaine?

[Edward64]

When you started this thread, you didn't know much. After 900+ posts (and with FOFC help), it's evident you've been somewhat successful and have scored/home run.

So you know enough to do your own thing. Embrace rejection, plenty of other fish in the ocean. Just remember, plenty of 70+ year old millionaires/billionaires that would give up much of their fortunes to be where you are now (e.g. younger).

[Lathum]

Just pay for it. If god forbid I ever became single again that’s what I would do and I’m not a short balding guy. Dating sounds exhausting.

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

I still need to do some more research but basically I would expect to fall under medicaid.

I looked this up wondering if it was an option for me. In GA, below are the requirements.

Georgia Pathways to Coverage™ offers Medicaid coverage to Georgians ages 19-64 who have a household income of up to 100% of the Federal Poverty Level (FPL), are not otherwise eligible for traditional Medicaid, and meet the qualifying activities threshold.

To be eligible for Pathways, you may need to demonstrate that you are:

1. A Georgia resident
2. A U.S. citizen or legally residing non-citizen
3. Between 19 and 64 years of age
4. Have a household income of up to 100% of the Federal Poverty Level (FPL)
5. Completing at least 80 hours of qualifying activities per month
6. Don't qualify for any other type of Medicaid.
7. Not incarcerated

Don't know about your state but wouldn't be surprised if there was a similar "qualifying activities per month".

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by Edward64

When you started this thread, you didn't know much. After 900+ posts (and with FOFC help), it's evident you've been somewhat successful and have scored/home run.

So you know enough to do your own thing. Embrace rejection, plenty of other fish in the ocean. Just remember, plenty of 70+ year old millionaires/billionaires that would give up much of their fortunes to be where you are now (e.g. younger).

Nvm, forget my above post.

Check out below link for all you need to know about dating nowadays. Learn something new every day.

What is ‘hypergamy’ — the dating trend 40% of Americans do?

modern “hypergamy” — a form of romantic attraction where one person is drawn to another who has a higher socioeconomic status than themselves, supporting and enhancing their own life.

[Ksyrup]

Is the inverse "prettywomangamy"?

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

Is the inverse "prettywomangamy"?

Hah. Actually, I think there's no "inverse", it's just "prettywomangamy"

Julia Roberts drawn to Gere?

[Ksyrup]

I was thinking of the high status drawn to low status.

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

I was thinking of the high status drawn to low status.

Not our Nobody

[Ksyrup]

I wasn't talking about him specifically, just the phenomenon itself. If one way is a thing, surely the opposite has a name too.

[NobodyHere]

Edward?

Are you still selling Asian brides?

Asking for a friend.

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

Edward?

Are you still selling Asian brides?

Asking for a friend.

No need to buy/sell. Just buy me a beer if it works out.

All you need is your US Passport, get on a local dating board, definitely say you want to have a family some day, and eventually travel (and probably, live) there.

The clincher is, part of this "personal & business transaction (and it is both, don't forget that)" implies you are primarily willing to support her and her family (e.g. parents, siblings), and secondarily, willing to get married and sponsor her for citizenship. That means LeanFire is probably out for the foreseeable future.

Go sign up for "Thai Friendly" or the other country variations. Put your mug out there, if there is mutual interest, plan a trip there. BTW if a super model responds, you know its a scam or another type of business relationship. If it's a normal woman, then see what happens. And remember ... never, ever, and I really mean never, send/give money until you are well into an in-person relationship.

Start reading forums like

Blocked

[Solecismic]

I looked at this thread again. It contains so many references to histories that go back as much as 25 years.

In that sense, it's a bit sad. I think back to where I was back then and wonder where did it all go.

Every day is a new opportunity. But every day we are far too prone to embrace pattern and familiarity.

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

Well I gave her a "Happy Thanksgiving" text on Thursday and I got one back on Friday.

At this point I'm going to troll the local bar of "The Game*" and try to score with the losing team.

*I'm in Toledo which if you didn't know is on the border of Michigan and Ohio. But to be honest I don't know how this is rivalry since tOhio has won every recent game.

This aged well.

Originally Posted by Flasch186

And this thread has gone full circle back to the very beginning

I encourage you to read it yourself

See that when your attitude changed so did your relationships

Start that again

In that sense, this item feels older than its 2 1/2 years. NH has received some great advice. From the wealth of experience accumulated during the course of this experiment. Hopefully he listens.

From my perspective, NH, the next step is recognizing that in the two relationships you've had during this time, you have waited for the woman to break it off, though you were clearly unhappy. Progress will result when you seek a relationship not as a remedy for loneliness, but in anticipation of building an experience or partnership larger than the sum of its parts.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Solecismic

I looked at this thread again. It contains so many references to histories that go back as much as 25 years.

For all its many flaws, that's the one thing that no other digital location is going to be able to recreate for a lot of us.

[NobodyHere]

So I went to a pickleball group today.

To be cute I wore a shirt with this design:



No one got the reference.

I guess it just isn't my crowd.

But I now have the nickname "Pickle Rick"

[NobodyHere]

Originally Posted by Edward64

All you need is your US Passport, get on a local dating board, definitely say you want to have a family some day, and eventually travel (and probably, live) there.

Any way to get around wanting to have a family?

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

I was thinking of the high status drawn to low status.

Hypogamy.

Though the meme is trying to change the meaning of the word - hypergamy is the act of marrying up; hypogamy is the act of marrying down. Attraction has nothing to do with it - it’s simply a criterion for a marriage partner (and a quite old one, as it involves the economic considerations of marriage).

I’ve noticed in my idle swiping on Bumble to exercise my fingers that I’ve changed from someone willing to consider hypogamy to one who is no longer interested in that. Too many problems and worldview conflicts likely to occur. Hypergamy is still a strategy I’d consider, but only if the circumstances were right.

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

Any way to get around wanting to have a family?

Sure.

IMO the top priority for vast majority of women looking for a foreign partner is financial security for her (and her immediate family).

But there are alot of unwed mothers in this category, so that means you'll be eliminating a good % from the pool. Since you obviously aren't Tom Cruise, I'd suggest you stay open to it if/when it comes up and don't eliminate it completely.

[Edward64]

See what money can get you?

[NobodyHere]

Originally Posted by Edward64

See what money can get you?

If somebody asks that question then I probably can't afford it.

And honestly I have no idea what that picture is.

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

If somebody asks that question then I probably can't afford it.

And honestly I have no idea what that picture is.

Son of the richest man in India.

[NobodyHere]

So I'm am in negotiations with my ex to see a way forward.

[Flasch186]

Were y’all married?


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[Ksyrup]

What's the current offer?

[NobodyHere]

[NobodyHere]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

What's the current offer?

I'm offering a 4th round draft pick for her tight end.

[NobodyHere]

OK I made a mistake. I tried to get back together with my ex. I knew then that we were incompatible but I was hoping things would change. I was willing to change for a bit (for the better) but she wasnt. But the writing on the wall is there that we're not going to make it.

Ugh. I wasn't exactly never happy with her but I was happier with her than being alone. And yeah I am deathly afraid that I'll never find someone worthwhile to date.

[Ksyrup]

When we went to the UK a few months ago on vacation, there was very little watch on TV at night. I ended up watching a couple episodes of a show called First Dates which was set in the UK. I found out they tried it in the US and it only lasted one season. Anyway, watching a bunch of people - even in a reality TV setting - on first dates was unnerving for me. I haven't been on a first date since 1991. I can't imagine.

I found First Dates on the free app Tubi and the wife and I have been watching. Apparently there are a number of other country versions. I think Covid killed the show as it appears to have ended in 2021.

[Flasch186]

Nobody here

Go back to page 1 of this thread and start reading

You’re just simply evolving and fear in itself is the enemy


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[Edward64]

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

OK I made a mistake. I tried to get back together with my ex. I knew then that we were incompatible but I was hoping things would change. I was willing to change for a bit (for the better) but she wasnt. But the writing on the wall is there that we're not going to make it.

Ugh. I wasn't exactly never happy with her but I was happier with her than being alone. And yeah I am deathly afraid that I'll never find someone worthwhile to date.

You are sounding desperate and that's not a good mindset. Maybe get yourself a friend (aka wingman) to help you think through this.

How about a good old SWOT analysis on you/your situation?

Strengths = ?
Weaknesses = ?
Opportunities = ?
Threats = ?

[NobodyHere]

Originally Posted by Edward64

You are sounding desperate and that's not a good mindset. Maybe get yourself a friend (aka wingman) to help you think through this.

How about a good old SWOT analysis on you/your situation?

I won't deny that my mindset is set to desperate. I don't have any close friends and without a girlfriend I feel that nobody wants me.

Strengths = I have a median income job (in a low cost of living area). Average Shape
Weaknesses = I'm a 5'3 balding guy (basically George Constanza). Average Shape. Need to see if I can lift a 100 pounds over my head. Also not exactly oozing with charm
Opportunities = Seemingly limited as I'm looking for women similiar to my age(40) but with no kids.
Threats = Scammers and Karens

[NobodyHere]

I did send a message that I was breaking up.

[Flasch186]

Start working out

It’ll change everything


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[Edward64]

Like my stock market commentaries, take below FWIW and some caution ...

Strengths = I have a median income job (in a low cost of living area). Average Shape

Supposedly 66% of US is living paycheck to paycheck. Having saved for LeanFIRE some, you have some money to spend. So, you're ahead of the game there.

If you are average shape, in the US that means you fall in the 69-74% as being overweight/obese. I'm not sure I'd put average shape as a strength.

Weaknesses = I'm a 5'3 balding guy (basically George Constanza). Average Shape. Need to see if I can lift a 100 pounds over my head. Also not exactly oozing with charm

Average height of US woman is 5'3.5". Nothing you can do about height other than change your mindset and know there's plenty of women at your height or shorter.

The average height of American women 20 and older is 5'3.5" (63.5 in), according to data collected by the CDC and U.S. National Health Survey from 2015–2018. However, average height varies by race and ethnicity, with non-Hispanic Black women averaging 5'4", non-Hispanic White women averaging slightly over 5'3", Hispanic American women averaging 5'1.7", and Asian American women averaging 5'1.5"

I'm thinking not oozing with charm AND lacking in confidence AND scared of rejection are your biggest weaknesses. But they can be corrected.

Opportunities = Seemingly limited as I'm looking for women similiar to my age(40) but with no kids.

That's your criteria but not opportunities.

You created opportunities with your walking club. Create or join others. Go join a church; budget friendly fitness place; Fri night weekly D&D session; do volunteer work on weekends; join Tinder; take a class (e.g. I was thinking about taking a Baking program at a community college); take a 4 week trip somewhere etc.

Threats = Someone seeing me as a wallet?

Maybe. Hopefully, those are pretty self evident after a couple dates.

I'd propose the real threat is you get into a "woe is me" mindset, think "its just so unfair I'm short & balding", and go down a deep hole where, before you know it, you're 55 and still alone.

So next steps? I'd propose write down in detail all your weaknesses and ask yourself how to fix them and give yourself a deadline. Just some examples

1) Can you hold a conversation relevant to a woman and make her laugh? Do you do all the talking vs asking & listening?
2) George Constanza is prob overweight and has excess "parts". Do you have the discipline to lose another 10-20 pounds and build muscle?
3) Scared of rejection? Everyone is to a certain extent, I'd say ask 10 women out, and if you get 10 rejections, the 11th won't sting as much
4) Do you have bad hygiene ... teeth are yellow, body odor, nose hair spilling out etc.?
5) Ask a female acquaintance, relative etc. (but not work colleague!) for her honest feedback on you and her suggestions. Ask her what your strengths & weaknesses are

Fix & practice all that you can in 6 months, go on your 4 week trip to Mexico/Asia and practice on multitudes of women the same or shorter height.

Just my 2 cents.

[Ksyrup]

Get a dog and take long walks in the park.

[sovereignstar v2]

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

I won't deny that my mindset is set to desperate. I don't have any close friends and without a girlfriend I feel that nobody wants me.

Strengths = I have a median income job (in a low cost of living area). Average Shape
Weaknesses = I'm a 5'3 balding guy (basically George Constanza). Average Shape. Need to see if I can lift a 100 pounds over my head. Also not exactly oozing with charm
Opportunities = Seemingly limited as I'm looking for women similiar to my age(40) but with no kids.
Threats = Scammers and Karens

[Mota]

I'll agree with much of what Edward said. Work on the things that you can work on, but most of the changes will be from your attitude.

- Get out of the market for a short time and get involved with things. Feel good about yourself. If your life feels good, other people will want to be involved in it. So those hobbies are important.
- Don't be balding, shave your head. I did that and it made me look 10 years younger.
- Go to the gym for a bit and feel better about yourself. It doesn't mean you need to have a 6 pack, you just have to feel more confident. Maybe dropping 10 lbs makes you feel better about how you look in a t-shirt. That's a good goal.

Use a dating app and try and try to go on many dates. Have no expectations of the dates, just have fun. Women can sense desperation and they run far away from that, so overcoming that fear is important. If something comes out of those dates, that's great, but otherwise you're still having fun. And make sure you learn something on every date.

A woman just wants to feel like she's special. So figuring out how to make her feel special is half the battle. For one woman, it might be to be wined and dined, or to be someone who's 6'2", and that's not going to be you. Most women just want to feel loved, and to be with someone who makes them feel good about themselves. "I'm enough". That's probably how you want to feel as well.

Being a boyfriend / husband is a skill, believe it or not. So practice the skill and you'll get better at it. What did they want from a relationship, and did you provide this to them? And equally important, did they provide it to you?
From going through this thread for the last few years, you have definitely gotten some practice, now I think you need to get a bit introspective and figure out what you can learn from each relationship to help you be a better partner for the next one.

Every relationship is different, so ideally, finding one where what they want and what you want are very close together, and it won't feel like work. That's a keeper.

[Lathum]

This thread has almost become as cringe as Can you fudge a bank statement,

[NobodyHere]

Originally Posted by sovereignstar v2

There is wisdom in this. What I am currently doing isn't working and I need to try something different.

[NobodyHere]

Originally Posted by Flasch186

Start working out

It’ll change everything


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I am starting to do that. My weight was hovering round 185 and my first goal is to get my weight into "overweight range" which is 170. I am currently below 180.

I was in the Air Force and my fitness goal is just to pass their fricken PT test for my current age.

[NobodyHere]

Originally Posted by Lathum

This thread has almost become as cringe as Can you fudge a bank statement,

Don't make me step-mom your throat.