Journey through the health care system...

[AZSpeechCoach]

Saturday, while watching "the 40 Year Old Virgin," I noticed that I had a pain like someone had punched me in the sternum. No shortness of breath, just a tenderness. I monitored it.

Sunday, I was having a pain between my shoulder blades, much sharper than the sternum, but you could draw a straight line between the sternum pain and my back pain. I also noticed that it was worse when I moved my head, or had my shoulders not straight. When I ate dinner, liquids went down fine, but when my food would pass that line between the sternum and the back, I could feel a burst of pain radiate from inside out. Weird sensation. It felt like I had a large muscle cramp. Not constant or crippling, but it could stop me in my tracks at its worst. I continued to monitor. Sleeping was difficult.

Monday, I went to work. Mid-day, I made the decision to go to Urgent care after school. I had no shortness of breath, or anything else that would make me concerned that I was having heart trouble, but I wanted to get rid of the pain. I got to the Urgent Care place about 4:00. That's where the fun begins.

I sat in the waiting room until 6:00. They were busy, fair enough. I finally got into a room, and sat there some more. The doctor prescribed a "GI cocktail" of Maalox and lidocaine. It numbed my throat and made it hard to swallow, but didn't take care of the pain, which was aggravated by the hard chairs in the waiting room. Next came 3 chest x-rays. Nothing out of the ordinary. As a last resort, the doctor ordered an EKG. The techs who administered the test were not very skilled, it appeared. They couldn't get the sensors on the left side of my chest to stick properly. I don't have much body hair, but they were having trouble and had to constantly readjust one of the pads. They actually had to repeat the test because of the problem.

The doctor comes into the room and tells me "There is an abnormality on your EKG. You have an inverted T wave. We have to send you to the hospital, but it is just a precaution. You aren't really in any trouble." Great. I asked if I could take myself to my local hospital. "No. We make it a point to send you by ambulance. And we're going to send you to [hospital 15 miles from home] because it has a cardiac unit." I call my wife, who happened to be right outside the UC center, having become concerned when I didn't come home (it was now 8:00). She comes back to talk to me, and we talk about the next step. We are both trying to keep from freaking out. I need to use the restroom, and walk down the hall to use it.

When I exit, there is a stretcher in the hallway, and two EMTs are angrily asking the doctor what a patient like me is doing using the restroom by myself. Apparantly when the doctor called them, he indicated that I was having a cardiac arrest at that moment. They came flying, lights and sirens, and here I am, locked in a bathroom. They put me on the stretcher, tie me down, and haul me off. Mrs. SpeechCoach gets in her car, and follows. I get an IV, I get oxygen, and I get another EKG, which comes out pretty normal. It seems that it is normal for one of the sensors to register an inverted T, but it is a problem if two consecutive sensors register it. The UC didn't meet that requirement, and it seems as if a second nonconsecutive sensor registered a false positive because of the problems with the attachments. Just the same, better safe than sorry, and off we go.

The paramedics are really great, keep things light with jokes, and determine that I am in no immediate danger. When we get to the hospital, I wait in a hallway and am joined by Mrs. SpeechCoach. I get to a room, and receive yet another EKG, which displays results within normal levels. My blood pressure is a little high (and would remain so for the rest of the night), but everything else is fine. They give me 2 percosets (I have no idea why, but I wasn't complaining), and seat me in the lobby of the ER, hospital gown clad, about 9:30.

I have blood drawn, more chest x-rays (because the UC didn't transfer my file with me) that pissed off the hospital technician (he didn't want to overexpose me), and then we sit...and sit...and sit. About 1:00 I get placed in an ER bed. By this time, I am thinking that I probably wouldn't go to work, and I needed to get to a computer to e-mail lesson plans to my colleagues.

About 2:30, a doctor comes in and tells me that my heart is fine. My blood enzymes are good, my other tests were normal, and I did not in fact have heart trouble. I had figured that out at about 9:30 when they figured out that I could stay in the lobby rather than under surveillance, but it is always good to hear. She wanted to rule out blood clots in the lungs, so it was off for a CAT scan. After that, another bloodletting for another set of enzyme tests.

Finally, about 5:00 AM, 13 hours after the saga began, I was set free. The final diagnosis was that I probably had a spasming esophagus. I was given a prescription for an antacid, and a recommendation to see a cardiologist for a stress test, because I have never had one, and the doctor could see where the UC could have possibly become concerned. However, the verdict is that I was good enough to go home safely. Once we were home, we slept until noon.

Still, fucking incompetent Urgent Care. Even if their EKG was accurate, they still screwed up in many ways that made my night much harder than it had to be. And these places are supposed to replace the ER for those of us with HMO care? Meh...

[Ksyrup]

Don't Stop Believin'

[Greyroofoo]

Remind me not to go see the 40 year old virgin