I Farted...

BigJohn&TheLions · 07-25-2005, 06:50 PM

I'm seeing a woman who has a clear problem with my backfires, even when they don't stink. She thinks something is wrong with me, since occasionally I break wind. I think she should feel good that I feel comfortable enough around her to let one go every now and then.

No woman I had ever been around seemed to have a problem. They'd always seem to laugh them off. Of course I wouldn't blow them away on a 1st date, but after some time has passed you shouldn't have to hold 'em in any more. I did that too long with the previous g/f, and she decided to tickle me. That was a bad move on her part! Luckily, all she did was laugh at it...

Eventually she gave me the nickname "Gaseous Clay."

DaddyTorgo · 07-25-2005, 06:52 PM

it's normal...it's healthy. people should get over it

Lathum · 07-25-2005, 07:05 PM

I see a dynasty thread in the near future

Eaglesfan27 · 07-25-2005, 07:06 PM

Doctors worry that someone has an intestinal blockage if they don't fart after a surgery.

Raiders Army · 07-25-2005, 07:06 PM

Ask her if she'd rather have you be a flatuator or a masturbator.

Farrah Whitworth-Rahn · 07-25-2005, 07:13 PM

Holding her head under the covers after will usually cause a girl to think that....

BigJohn&TheLions · 07-25-2005, 07:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Farrah Whitworth-Rahn

Holding her head under the covers after will usually cause a girl to think that....

We haven't played "Covered Wagon" yet...

JeeberD · 07-25-2005, 07:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raiders Army

Ask her if she'd rather have you be a flatuator or a masturbator.

You mean that I'm only supposed to be one?

Airhog · 07-25-2005, 07:24 PM

I farted once right as I orgasmed with my fiance'. We still laugh about that one to the day. If any girl gives you a hard time about it, you have to decide if she's right for you. I personally cannot help farting. I have a nervous stomach, and whenever I feel uncomfortable, I get gas.

BigJohn&TheLions · 07-25-2005, 08:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Airhog

I farted once right as I orgasmed with my fiance'. We still laugh about that one to the day. .

I hope you weren't receiving oral stimulation at the time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Airhog

If any girl gives you a hard time about it, you have to decide if she's right for you.

You're right! I'm going to eat a few taco bell bean burritos and wash 'em down with a quart of buttermilk before our next time together. We'll see if she passes the test!

Farrah Whitworth-Rahn · 07-25-2005, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigJohn&TheLions

We haven't played "Covered Wagon" yet...

Wow, you're taking this slow.

Dutch · 07-25-2005, 09:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigJohn&TheLions

You're right! I'm going to eat a few taco bell bean burritos and wash 'em down with a quart of buttermilk before our next time together. We'll see if she passes the test!

Top it off with a Miller Lite. You'll be good to go for hours of fun.

Havok · 07-25-2005, 09:16 PM

i gotta agree with your girl on this one.... sorry, its just not attractive when a girl sits around and farts, so i don't do it around them. Now everyone slips up sometimes of course, but if your just watching T.V. with her and letting them rip, well thats just funky.

would you like it if she did it??

BigJohn&TheLions · 07-25-2005, 09:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Havok

would you like it if she did it??

Nope. As long as she wasn't coming into the room to sit on my lap and let one rip...

I had a g/f who made me a home cooked meal for my birthday once. Honey baked chicken. Hommade mac & cheese. The works. I woke up late that night and was alone in bed. I woke up a little later and was still alone. I found her asleep on the sofa. "The mac & cheese has me a little gassy, and I didn't want to bother you." she explained. I bent over and let a monster rip. It sounded like a fog horn. It was awful. I then said "Now get your ass back in bed." She came back to bed with me!

Dutch · 07-25-2005, 09:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigJohn&TheLions

Nope. As long as she wasn't coming into the room to sit on my lap and let one rip...

I had a g/f who made me a home cooked meal for my birthday once. Honey baked chicken. Hommade mac & cheese. The works. I woke up late that night and was alone in bed. I woke up a little later and was still alone. I found her asleep on the sofa. "The mac & cheese has me a little gassy, and I didn't want to bother you." she explained. I bent over and let a monster rip. It sounded like a fog horn. It was awful. I then said "Now get your ass back in bed." She came back to bed with me!

LMMFAO!!!

lighthousekeeper · 07-25-2005, 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dutch

LMMFAO!!!

FMMFAO

JeeberD · 07-25-2005, 10:16 PM

If you can't fart in front of a woman, she isn't worth being with.

kingfc22 · 07-25-2005, 10:16 PM

bbor · 07-25-2005, 10:19 PM

I fart...therefore i am

Cringer · 07-25-2005, 10:24 PM

See this starts at home, where I am raising a daughter who will be perfectly comfortable with farting. Especially during pillow fights.....

Flasch186 · 07-25-2005, 10:25 PM

one time upon climax I said, "shnike-ees" that is pure gold humor anytime thereafter upon recollection.

mrsimperless · 07-25-2005, 10:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flasch186

one time upon climax I said, "shnike-ees" that is pure gold humor anytime thereafter upon recollection.

Once when I hit that special moment I did my best SNL Goat-Boy impression. I of course thought it was freakin hilarious, but the relationship was never quite the same after that...

kingnebwsu · 07-26-2005, 12:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigJohn&TheLions

Nope. As long as she wasn't coming into the room to sit on my lap and let one rip...

I had a g/f who made me a home cooked meal for my birthday once. Honey baked chicken. Hommade mac & cheese. The works. I woke up late that night and was alone in bed. I woke up a little later and was still alone. I found her asleep on the sofa. "The mac & cheese has me a little gassy, and I didn't want to bother you." she explained. I bent over and let a monster rip. It sounded like a fog horn. It was awful. I then said "Now get your ass back in bed." She came back to bed with me!

I don't normally laugh at FOFC...but damn, that's funny!!!

Raiders Army · 07-26-2005, 05:48 AM

The smeller's the feller.

Runtheball · 07-26-2005, 08:40 AM

I am the KING.
Nobody does it better than me.
By any measure, (volume, wavelength, frequency, rankness...) I am the King.
Its a perfectly natural function, and everyone is needs to do it. If a girl can't handle your farts, can you realistically hold them whenever you're around her? Potentially for the rest of your life? If the answer is no, then on your last date with her be sure to eat all the foods that give you the most volume and rankness, and send her off with a bang!

Flasch186 · 07-26-2005, 08:49 AM

..but do you cropdust?

Critch · 07-26-2005, 09:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigJohn&TheLions

I had a g/f who made me a home cooked meal for my birthday once. Honey baked chicken. Hommade mac & cheese. The works. I woke up late that night and was alone in bed. I woke up a little later and was still alone. I found her asleep on the sofa. "The mac & cheese has me a little gassy, and I didn't want to bother you." she explained. I bent over and let a monster rip. It sounded like a fog horn. It was awful. I then said "Now get your ass back in bed." She came back to bed with me!

And they say romance is dead

Just squeeze them out, silent but violent, and blame the pet.

oliegirl · 07-26-2005, 09:09 AM

Have her watch Nickelodeon with you - they have a commercial called "Everybody Farts"...it's very educational (and funny), maybe after viewing that she will understand that it's ok to fart, as long as you aren't launching a stink bomb!!!!

kcchief19 · 07-26-2005, 09:14 AM

Some kindly advice that can be considered or ignored at your leisure ...

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigJohn&TheLions

I'm seeing a woman who has a clear problem with my backfires, even when they don't stink.

Myth No. 1 -- they do in fact stink. I'm sure someone here can find the research, but there is a pheromone/biochemistry disconnect in the human body that does not necessarily register our own bodily odors as offensive but does from others. You may not smell it, but you can bet everyone else does.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigJohn&TheLions

She thinks something is wrong with me, since occasionally I break wind. I think she should feel good that I feel comfortable enough around her to let one go every now and then.

There is nothing wrong with because you break wind. She thinks something is wrong with you because you do it in front of her. Two different things. But take the second part of that to a logical conclusion -- would you break wind at work and expect your coworkers to say, "BigJohn&TheLions really must like us -- he feels comfortable farting right here in the office?" Why should she be any different? I heartily agree that a woman with whom you will establish a long-term relationship will love you for who you are warts and all, but if you love someone why would do something that you don't have to do that bothers them just because you can? Is your bathroom a half mile down the road? Excuse yourself to the other room and take care of business privately if need be.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigJohn&TheLions

Of course I wouldn't blow them away on a 1st date, but after some time has passed you shouldn't have to hold 'em in any more.

I think the minimum in a serious relationship is six months, and it's ideal if she lets it happen first. If you're going to do it, you have to build up slowly. Breaking wind in the first few months is a warning sign for most women, so you want to ease that behavior in if you want it to be a part of your regular routine.

gottimd · 07-26-2005, 09:16 AM

I went to the bookstore to try and find some books on farting, and this is how the conversation went....

Gottimd: I'm looking for some farting books.
Salesman: We have the popular 'everybody farts", or the less popular 'nobody farts but you'.
Gottimd: Well, you see, we're catholic...
Salesman: Ah, then you'll want 'you're a naughty, naughty boy, and that's concentrated evil coming out the back of you'.

Blackadar · 07-26-2005, 09:25 AM

This is NOT a discussion where "get her drunk and stick it in her butt" is applicable.

Raven · 07-26-2005, 12:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kcchief19

Myth No. 1 -- they do in fact stink. I'm sure someone here can find the research, but there is a pheromone/biochemistry disconnect in the human body that does not necessarily register our own bodily odors as offensive but does from others. You may not smell it, but you can bet everyone else does.

How would you like that job? Welcome to work, Steve. Today, you've been selected to head the fart research team.

Quote:

"BigJohn&TheLions really must like us -- he feels comfortable farting right here in the office?"

That would be awesome.

Quote:

Excuse yourself to the other room and take care of business privately if need be.

F that. What if it's the 4th quarter and you can't leave your seat?

Or when you get back, she says "where did you go?". You say "I went down the hall to fart, as to not disturb you with my indecency".

Quote:

I think the minimum in a serious relationship is six months, and it's ideal if she lets it happen first.

No way. If she rips one first, you will never feel the same way about her again. The relationship is doomed.

Raven · 07-26-2005, 01:02 PM

dola

When done while striking the Heisman pose, you add 111% more humor to the art of farting.

Neuqua · 07-26-2005, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raven

dola

When done while striking the Heisman pose, you add 111% more humor to the art of farting.

I need to try this.

cartman · 07-26-2005, 05:01 PM

Just beware of the shart. There is no return to normalcy after one of those.

Raiders Army · 07-26-2005, 05:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raven

dola

When done while striking the Heisman pose, you add 111% more humor to the art of farting.

That is excellent!

Tom E · 07-26-2005, 09:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Airhog

I farted once right as I orgasmed with my fiance'. We still laugh about that one to the day. If any girl gives you a hard time about it, you have to decide if she's right for you. I personally cannot help farting. I have a nervous stomach, and whenever I feel uncomfortable, I get gas.

Why where you nervous when you orgasmed...Did you blow your load without a rubber...or was it her Herpes...

Craptacular · 07-26-2005, 10:34 PM

I married the first woman I found with more gas than me.

Tara · 07-27-2005, 02:29 AM

I would have a lot of boyfriend-farting-story to share, but someone here maybe wont be so happy...BTW I've never had a problem on it...I mean it's fuckin stinky, but natural...

Flasch186 · 07-27-2005, 06:34 AM

GF is gassy....damn is she gassy...

I knew she was the one when she dutch ovened me before I could get her.

BigJohn&TheLions · 07-27-2005, 09:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tara

I would have a lot of boyfriend-farting-story to share, but someone here maybe wont be so happy...BTW I've never had a problem on it...I mean it's fuckin stinky, but natural...

Italian chicks are hot.

sportsfan13 · 07-27-2005, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigJohn&TheLions

Nope. As long as she wasn't coming into the room to sit on my lap and let one rip...

I had a g/f who made me a home cooked meal for my birthday once. Honey baked chicken. Hommade mac & cheese. The works. I woke up late that night and was alone in bed. I woke up a little later and was still alone. I found her asleep on the sofa. "The mac & cheese has me a little gassy, and I didn't want to bother you." she explained. I bent over and let a monster rip. It sounded like a fog horn. It was awful. I then said "Now get your ass back in bed." She came back to bed with me!

Alright, I read this post while I was at work and was techinically not supposed to be on the computer at the time. I was giggling hysterically for a good fifteen minutes about this post. It was one of those moments where you can't just have a good laugh and let it out. Oh no. It was like being in the middle of church during a quite moment and seeing something funny and trying to hold it in. Awesome post!!

07-25-2005, 07:06 PM	#4
Eaglesfan27 Hall Of Famer Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: New Jersey	Doctors worry that someone has an intestinal blockage if they don't fart after a surgery. __________________ Retired GM of the eNFL 2007 Super Bowl Champion Philadelphia Eagles (19-0 record.) GM of the WOOF 2006 Doggie Bowl Champion Atlantic City Gamblers. GM of the IHOF 2019 and 2022 IHOF Bowl Champion Asheville Axemen.

07-25-2005, 07:24 PM	#9
Airhog Captain Obvious Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Norman, Oklahoma	I farted once right as I orgasmed with my fiance'. We still laugh about that one to the day. If any girl gives you a hard time about it, you have to decide if she's right for you. I personally cannot help farting. I have a nervous stomach, and whenever I feel uncomfortable, I get gas. __________________ Thread Killer extraordinaire Yay! its football season once again!

07-25-2005, 09:16 PM	#13
Havok College Starter Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Florida	i gotta agree with your girl on this one.... sorry, its just not attractive when a girl sits around and farts, so i don't do it around them. Now everyone slips up sometimes of course, but if your just watching T.V. with her and letting them rip, well thats just funky. would you like it if she did it?? __________________ Maniacal Misfitz - We're better than you and we know it! Last edited by Havok : 07-25-2005 at 09:17 PM.

07-25-2005, 10:16 PM	#17
JeeberD General Manager Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: The Town of Flower Mound	If you can't fart in front of a woman, she isn't worth being with. __________________ UTEP Miners!!! I solemnly swear to never cheer for TO

07-25-2005, 10:16 PM	#18
kingfc22 Head Coach Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Morgan Hill, CA	__________________ Fan of SF Giants, 49ers, Sharks, Arsenal

07-25-2005, 06:52 PM	#2
DaddyTorgo Hall Of Famer Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Massachusetts	it's normal...it's healthy. people should get over it

07-25-2005, 07:05 PM	#3
Lathum Favored Bitch #1 Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: homeless in NJ	I see a dynasty thread in the near future

07-25-2005, 07:06 PM	#5
Raiders Army Coordinator Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: The Black Hole	Ask her if she'd rather have you be a flatuator or a masturbator.

07-25-2005, 07:13 PM	#6
Farrah Whitworth-Rahn Red-Headed Vixen Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Phoenix, AZ	Holding her head under the covers after will usually cause a girl to think that....

07-25-2005, 10:19 PM	#19
bbor Pro Starter Join Date: May 2001 Location: toronto	I fart...therefore i am __________________ Pumpy Tudors Now that I've cracked and made that admission, I wonder if I'm only a couple of steps away from wanting to tongue-kiss Jaromir Jagr and give Bobby Clarke a blowjob.

07-25-2005, 10:24 PM	#20
Cringer Grizzled Veteran Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Edinburg,TX	See this starts at home, where I am raising a daughter who will be perfectly comfortable with farting. Especially during pillow fights..... __________________ You Stole Fizzy Lifting drinks! You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and steralized, so you get NOTHING! You lose! Last edited by Cringer : 07-25-2005 at 10:25 PM.

07-25-2005, 10:25 PM	#21
Flasch186 Coordinator Join Date: May 2002 Location: Jacksonville, FL	one time upon climax I said, "shnike-ees" that is pure gold humor anytime thereafter upon recollection. __________________ Jacksonville-florida-homes-for-sale Putting a New Spin on Real Estate! ----------------------------------------------------------- Commissioner of the USFL USFL

07-26-2005, 05:48 AM	#24
Raiders Army Coordinator Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: The Black Hole	The smeller's the feller.

07-26-2005, 08:40 AM	#25
Runtheball High School JV Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: outside of Atlanta, GA	I am the KING. Nobody does it better than me. By any measure, (volume, wavelength, frequency, rankness...) I am the King. Its a perfectly natural function, and everyone is needs to do it. If a girl can't handle your farts, can you realistically hold them whenever you're around her? Potentially for the rest of your life? If the answer is no, then on your last date with her be sure to eat all the foods that give you the most volume and rankness, and send her off with a bang! __________________ Beware the beast "Man", for he is the Devil's pawn. Alone among God's primates he kills for sport, or lust, or greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him, for he is the harbinger of death. -- The Lawgiver

07-26-2005, 08:49 AM	#26
Flasch186 Coordinator Join Date: May 2002 Location: Jacksonville, FL	..but do you cropdust? __________________ Jacksonville-florida-homes-for-sale Putting a New Spin on Real Estate! ----------------------------------------------------------- Commissioner of the USFL USFL

07-26-2005, 09:16 AM	#30
gottimd Dearly Missed (9/25/77-12/23/08) Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: DC Suburbs	I went to the bookstore to try and find some books on farting, and this is how the conversation went.... Gottimd: I'm looking for some farting books. Salesman: We have the popular 'everybody farts", or the less popular 'nobody farts but you'. Gottimd: Well, you see, we're catholic... Salesman: Ah, then you'll want 'you're a naughty, naughty boy, and that's concentrated evil coming out the back of you'. __________________ NAFL New Orleans Saints GM/Co-Commish MP Career Record: 114-85 NAFL Super Bowl XI Champs In memory of Gavin Anthony: 7/22/08-7/26/08

07-26-2005, 09:25 AM	#31
Blackadar Retired Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Fantasyland	This is NOT a discussion where "get her drunk and stick it in her butt" is applicable.

07-26-2005, 01:02 PM	#33
Raven College Prospect Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Baltimore, MD	dola When done while striking the Heisman pose, you add 111% more humor to the art of farting.

07-26-2005, 05:01 PM	#35
cartman Death Herald Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Le stelle la notte sono grandi e luminose nel cuore profondo del Texas	Just beware of the shart. There is no return to normalcy after one of those. __________________ Thinkin' of a master plan 'Cuz ain't nuthin' but sweat inside my hand So I dig into my pocket, all my money is spent So I dig deeper but still comin' up with lint

07-26-2005, 10:34 PM	#38
Craptacular College Starter Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: The Mad City, WI	I married the first woman I found with more gas than me.

07-27-2005, 02:29 AM	#39
Tara Mascot Join Date: May 2005 Location: Rome, Italy	I would have a lot of boyfriend-farting-story to share, but someone here maybe wont be so happy...BTW I've never had a problem on it...I mean it's fuckin stinky, but natural...

07-27-2005, 06:34 AM	#40
Flasch186 Coordinator Join Date: May 2002 Location: Jacksonville, FL	GF is gassy....damn is she gassy... I knew she was the one when she dutch ovened me before I could get her. __________________ Jacksonville-florida-homes-for-sale Putting a New Spin on Real Estate! ----------------------------------------------------------- Commissioner of the USFL USFL

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