New Michael Jackson Jokes

st.cronin · 06-14-2005, 09:25 PM

Please post them here. For some reason I haven't heard ANY yet.

jbmagic · 06-14-2005, 09:26 PM

he got off, and he is white

Jay Leno

MrBigglesworth · 06-14-2005, 11:59 PM

I don't know if this is a new one, but I like it:

How do you know that it is bedtime at the Neverland Ranch?

The big hand is on top of the little hand.

Lorena · 06-15-2005, 12:35 AM

"Good news for Michael Jackson, not guilty on ten counts! The bad news -- he's going to Disneyland!" --Jay Leno

"Johnny Cochran died and had a funeral. You know who was at the funeral -- both O.J. Simpson and Michael Jackson. In fact, Michael cornered O.J. and said, 'How do you get stains off a glove?'" --Bill Maher

"According to the news, Michael Jackson is broke and can't even afford the payroll at Neverland Ranch. So the next time you see Michael with his hands in a 12-year-old's pocket, he might just be looking for lunch money." --Jay Leno

"A lot of people think Michael may be suicidal. That's the latest theory. Just last night he swallowed an entire bottle of Flintstone Chewables." --Jay Leno

"Early today Michael met with his priest — not for spiritual advice, they went on a double date." —Jay Leno

"The saddest part of this Michael Jackson scandal is that all of this could have been avoided if he just stuck to grabbing his own crotch." —Craig Kilborn

Lorena · 06-15-2005, 12:35 AM

This article might of been posted, but I thought it was funny
--------------------------------------------------------------

The Associated Press
Updated: 11:00 p.m. ET May 24, 2005

BURBANK, Calif. - Hours after testifying as a defense witness in Michael Jackson’s molestation trial, Jay Leno was again mocking the pop star on the “Tonight Show.”

“OK, you know the worst part about testifying, I had to follow the chimp. The witness chair was a mess,” Leno told the audience during taping of his monologue.

“No, actually, there was one kinda embarrassing moment. When I took the stand they asked me to point out the defendant and I pointed out LaToya,” he said, referring to one of Jackson’s sisters.

Leno had started his day up the coast in Santa Maria, where Jackson is on trial on charges of molesting a boy, giving him alcohol and conspiring to hold the boy’s family captive.

Leno testified that he became suspicious of effusive and seemingly scripted phone messages he received from Jackson’s future accuser in 2000. His testimony took less than an hour and in the afternoon he was back on stage at NBC’s studios in Burbank.

Leno showed the audience mock footage of his day in court, including a scene in which young male witnesses were sipping on drinks in martini glasses. Another scene showed Leno high-fiving jurors as he walked into the courtroom while the judge screamed “Order!”

He joked about rumors of Jackson wanting to leave the country, perhaps for Africa, if acquitted.

“He wants to disappear in Africa. Africa. He has a better chance of disappearing in Sweden,” Leno said.

“Well, after, what, 12 weeks of trial, Michael Jackson’s attorneys — they have finally admitted that Michael slept with children but it was about love, not sex. It just goes to prove that line works for all guys,” Leno said.

Jackson, who has pleaded not guilty to the charges, said in a TV documentary that he let children sleep in his bed but that it was innocent and non-sexual.

On Monday’s “Tonight Show,” Leno joked about his role as a witness.

“I was called by the defense,” he said. “Apparently they’ve never seen this program.”

MrBigglesworth · 06-15-2005, 12:47 AM

Headline: "Michael Jackson Gets Off On Child Molestation"

ThunderingHERD · 06-15-2005, 05:06 PM

New Onion sidebar headline this week: "Enchanted By Own Innocence, Michael Jackson Molests Self".

st.cronin · 06-15-2005, 10:41 PM

Apparently if Jackson was convicted, his defense team was preparing to request that he be sentenced to a juvenile facility.

Ksyrup · 06-16-2005, 06:21 AM

Those Leno jokes reinforce why I don't like Jay Leno.

Northwood_DK · 06-16-2005, 06:31 AM

I still miss the Dancing Itos

k0ruptr · 06-16-2005, 03:48 PM

yea leno sucks...

PSUColonel · 06-16-2005, 05:56 PM

Where did Wacko Jacko go to college?

Bring 'em Young

Buccaneer · 07-13-2005, 08:40 PM

This may have been around a while but I just saw this for the first time. Very impressive morphing.

http://unix.rulez.org/~calver/video/michaeljackson.mpeg

CAsterling · 07-13-2005, 09:40 PM

An old one......
McDonalds wanted to release a new Michael Jackson burger, until they realised people would think it consisted of 38 year old meat between two 12 year old buns.

06-15-2005, 12:35 AM	#5
Lorena Unregistered Join Date: May 2004	This article might of been posted, but I thought it was funny -------------------------------------------------------------- The Associated Press Updated: 11:00 p.m. ET May 24, 2005 BURBANK, Calif. - Hours after testifying as a defense witness in Michael Jackson’s molestation trial, Jay Leno was again mocking the pop star on the “Tonight Show.” “OK, you know the worst part about testifying, I had to follow the chimp. The witness chair was a mess,” Leno told the audience during taping of his monologue. “No, actually, there was one kinda embarrassing moment. When I took the stand they asked me to point out the defendant and I pointed out LaToya,” he said, referring to one of Jackson’s sisters. Leno had started his day up the coast in Santa Maria, where Jackson is on trial on charges of molesting a boy, giving him alcohol and conspiring to hold the boy’s family captive. Leno testified that he became suspicious of effusive and seemingly scripted phone messages he received from Jackson’s future accuser in 2000. His testimony took less than an hour and in the afternoon he was back on stage at NBC’s studios in Burbank. Leno showed the audience mock footage of his day in court, including a scene in which young male witnesses were sipping on drinks in martini glasses. Another scene showed Leno high-fiving jurors as he walked into the courtroom while the judge screamed “Order!” He joked about rumors of Jackson wanting to leave the country, perhaps for Africa, if acquitted. “He wants to disappear in Africa. Africa. He has a better chance of disappearing in Sweden,” Leno said. “Well, after, what, 12 weeks of trial, Michael Jackson’s attorneys — they have finally admitted that Michael slept with children but it was about love, not sex. It just goes to prove that line works for all guys,” Leno said. Jackson, who has pleaded not guilty to the charges, said in a TV documentary that he let children sleep in his bed but that it was innocent and non-sexual. On Monday’s “Tonight Show,” Leno joked about his role as a witness. “I was called by the defense,” he said. “Apparently they’ve never seen this program.” Last edited by Lorena : 06-15-2005 at 12:37 AM.

06-15-2005, 05:06 PM	#7
ThunderingHERD College Benchwarmer Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: North Carolina	New Onion sidebar headline this week: "Enchanted By Own Innocence, Michael Jackson Molests Self". __________________ "I'm losing my edge--to better looking people... with better ideas... and more talent. And who are actually really, really nice." "Everyone's a voyeurist--they're watching me watch them watch me right now."

06-16-2005, 06:21 AM	#9
Ksyrup This guy has posted so much, his fingers are about to fall off. Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: In Absentia	Those Leno jokes reinforce why I don't like Jay Leno. __________________ M's pitcher Miguel Batista: "Now, I feel like I've had everything. I've talked pitching with Sandy Koufax, had Kenny G play for me. Maybe if I could have an interview with God, then I'd be served. I'd be complete."

06-16-2005, 03:48 PM	#11
k0ruptr Pro Starter Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Las Vegas	yea leno sucks... __________________ Xbox Live Gamertag: k0ruptr My Favorite Teams : Chicago White Sox - Carolina Panthers - Orlando Magic - Phoenix Suns - Anaheim Ducks - Hawaii Warriors - Oregon Ducks

07-13-2005, 09:40 PM	#14
CAsterling High School JV Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Herndon, Va	An old one...... McDonalds wanted to release a new Michael Jackson burger, until they realised people would think it consisted of 38 year old meat between two 12 year old buns. __________________ The funniest comedy duo I have ever seen - www.magaga.com/

06-14-2005, 09:26 PM	#2
jbmagic Pro Starter Join Date: Apr 2004	he got off, and he is white Jay Leno

06-14-2005, 11:59 PM	#3
MrBigglesworth College Starter Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: PA	I don't know if this is a new one, but I like it: How do you know that it is bedtime at the Neverland Ranch? The big hand is on top of the little hand.

06-15-2005, 12:47 AM	#6
MrBigglesworth College Starter Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: PA	Headline: "Michael Jackson Gets Off On Child Molestation"

06-15-2005, 10:41 PM	#8
st.cronin General Manager Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: New Mexico	Apparently if Jackson was convicted, his defense team was preparing to request that he be sentenced to a juvenile facility.

06-16-2005, 06:31 AM	#10
Northwood_DK College Benchwarmer Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Back in Norway	I still miss the Dancing Itos

06-16-2005, 05:56 PM	#12
PSUColonel Banned Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Wayne, PA	Where did Wacko Jacko go to college? Bring 'em Young

07-13-2005, 08:40 PM	#13
Buccaneer Head Coach Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Colorado	This may have been around a while but I just saw this for the first time. Very impressive morphing. http://unix.rulez.org/~calver/video/michaeljackson.mpeg

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