Depression

[Qwikshot]

So some of you may know in August my daughter, then 13, who is not my biological child, was allowed to live with me and my wife.

It was a great moment, and we literally had two weeks to scramble to prepare her for school, ensure she had all vaccinations up to date, and of course, ready her room.

I contacted a lawyer who specializes in family law, and papers were drawn up conferring temporary legal guardianship. The date of expiry is when my daughter turns 18 (she is now 14).

Everyone signed and notarized. Our school district accepted and she started classes. Around September, my ex took her off her insurance and I placed her as a dependent under mine.

Fast forward to 11 Feb 2015. My company had a third party audit and wanted proof of dependency. I faxed them the documents that were sound for the school district, but they rejected it, they want a judge signed court approved guardianship.

Contacting the third party was worthless because they are beholden to the protocol given them, I was transferred to my own benefits center but that is through Fidelity, all they could do is state that she is still insured and the process for appeals, and then I got to my companies HR.

First the contact stated it was a no go, and that I would have to go through the courts. When I stated I was legal guardian and provided such documentation and that it was agreed upon by all parties that my wife and I would take on all responsibilities and I could provide that, the contact stated that the Policies rep stated it maybe acceptable.

I have to wait 3 to 5 days.

I have until the 8th and then my daughter's insurance with us will be severed.

I have reached out to my lawyer as well as another family services lawyer. I have reached out to my ex to prepare her in case she needs to put her back on her insurance in Dallas.

I hate.

I'm trying to stay positive but it's hard right now.

[flere-imsaho]

It sounds to me like this is mainly an issue about the "right" kind of documentation and an edge case probably not easily covered by HR's standard policies. You should be able to solve it by (in order of increasing escalation) a) having your lawyer (or another lawyer) write an official letter stating the legality of the guardianship, its validity in your jurisdiction, etc..., b) getting a judge to do the "correct" documentation or c) escalating it for an exception through your boss and up the chain in HR.

Specifically I think you've presented your HR with a case they're not trained for, so they're reverting to standard answers, when other avenues should suffice.

In the worst case she goes back on your ex-wife's insurance until you get this sorted out. Thanks to ACA, she can't be penalized from a pre-existing condition standpoint for the lapse in coverage.

Stay strong. I have real hope for your situation.

[JPhillips]

I'd definitely talk to the attorney and get their advice. This may be a somewhat common occurrence that can be fixed with the right letter.

Good luck.

[Qwikshot]

Just a brief update, after much back and forth. The HR rep of my company explained from the legal department that a letter from my lawyer confirming my papers would be acceptable.

Of course, legal didn't tell us exactly what they want in the document, but my lawyer hopes to draw something up by Monday that is acceptable to legal and resolve the matter by 08 Mar.

This has been a very stressful couple of weeks, but I'm seeing daylight. Thanks for support and messages.

[flere-imsaho]

Originally Posted by Qwikshot

The HR rep of my company explained from the legal department that a letter from my lawyer confirming my papers would be acceptable.

Of course, legal didn't tell us exactly what they want in the document,

If my experience with in-house legal is any guide, it's because they don't know themselves and they're hoping what they get from your lawyer looks comprehensive enough that they can just rubberstamp it and move on.

This has been a very stressful couple of weeks, but I'm seeing daylight. Thanks for support and messages.

Light at the end of the tunnel!

[Qwikshot]

Good news.

They accepted a letter from my lawyer as justification (rubber-stamped).

I can breathe easy...it's hard enough juggling a 14 year old and a 3 year old without worrying over health insurance.

Thanks for all the support.

[Breeze]

Awesome news...

[Lathum]

awesome

[Dutch]

Sweet!

[flere-imsaho]

CHEER!

[heybrad]

I wanted to piggy back on this thread and share my story as opposed to creating another depression thread.

For as long as I can remember in life I've had issues that I've struggled with. I'm extremely hard on myself and tend to get down on myself a lot based on life circumstances. I've never been great a focusing my thoughts. Every review I've ever had at work, while very good, always includes, "needs to improve organizational skill." I think I'm known as a hot head at work because I can get easily annoyed. The problem with that is that if I go bonkers at people, I quickly then beat up myself which makes me feel even worse. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned on here in the past that I feel like I battle depression but that has never been a formally diagnosed and treated battle. I've always just figured it's my own character flaws that I need to work to get better at.

Over the last couple of years, I've been dealing with some health problems. I'm diabetic and have high blood pressure. My doctor visits had become a bit of a joke. I'd show up for my every six weeks checkup. The doctor would ask if I'm doing the things that I've been told to do. I answer, not as good as I should be, which really should be, not much at all. I blame it on various things as I figure he must think I'm just a complete doof. I blame it on work or all the travel I'm doing. I hate even going to these appointments as I know they had become pointless. I wouldn't ask any questions as I figured it was all just down to how I can't get focused and get things done.

Two weeks ago I finally mustered up the courage to ask if we could go about things a different way. I have a couple of friends who had similar problems. One struggled with depression and another with ADD and they both told what a huge difference it made in their lives once they got treated. So I asked the doctor, "Is it possible we can look at why I can't see to do things I'm supposed to do?" I suggested what my other friends went through. He thought it was a great idea to look at and even apologized that he hadn't looked at how else we could explore what treatments could help me. We chatted about both the signs of depression and ADD. He said one could be causing another but I checked the boxes on just about everything. I was referred to see a psychiatrist and again I checked all of the boxes and was told one could be causing the other.

To try to wrap this story up, I was given medication to try that is for depression but apparently can also help with ADD. I've been taking it for about a week now. It is making me question everything I've put myself through in life and why didn't I do this sooner. My moods are better. I seem to be more tolerant and not so quick to react negatively with others. I feel normal for the first time in a long time (assuming this is what normal feels like). On the ADD front, as my friend said it to me, "I'm getting shit done!"

I don't know exactly how to wrap this up except to say I just wanted to share it somewhere. I think I've been such a shithead since I moved to DC that I don't have a bunch of local friends that I could chat about this with. I've got some more tests coming up but things are looking up for me.

[Logan]

hey brad!

Glad things are looking up and wish you continued progress.

[jeff061]

Pretty much everything you stated is what I've been pondering. While I don't believe I have any form of depression, I do think I have severe ADD that is impacting my life rather severely. As a child it was reflected in my under achieving(specialists ranked me very high, public school ranked me very low), as an adult I'm more acutely aware of my emotions and motivations and how ADD may be impacting them.

Highly disorganized, very under motivated, even have the occasional hot head reputation. I have always worked extremely well under pressure, I'm more focused and just in the zone. I think my occasional hot head moments are to create pressure and break the monotony. I had a job that was a combination of a childhood hobby and extreme pressure, it was a perfect storm and I was very good at it. This is in essence my control for how good I know I can be when motivated. This got me promoted to a good spot, but with the new role the pressure is more or less gone, motivation as well.

So I'm still relatively young, I want a better quality of life, I'm very much thinking about having a discussion with my doctor along the same lines that you are. My girlfriend is very much in tune with this sort of thing and has nudged me in that direction every now and then. She believes I have a heavy dose of anxiety issues on top of the ADD, but that's so core to who I am it's easier for me to focus on ADD.

I just need to take the step.

[Subby]

Brad - that is really great to hear. Better late than never!

Now that you are not a raging asshole anymore we should go out and get that beer together!




(KIDDING...but not about the beer. Seriously - congrats!)

[heybrad]

Originally Posted by jeff061

Highly disorganized, very under motivated, even have the occasional hot head reputation. I have always worked extremely well under pressure, I'm more focused and just in the zone. I think my occasional hot head moments are to create pressure and break the monotony.

You just described me perfectly. It's funny because I'm an executive where I work and I know my work loves me. They just know I'm not the guy to give some large project with multiple components and see it through to the end. I'm more looked upon for my knowledge and guidance. When I am thrown at something specific it usually means its something urgent and under pressure and I go into the same zone you talk about.

Good luck!

[heybrad]

Originally Posted by Subby

Now that you are not a raging asshole anymore we should go out and get that beer together!

I hear they sell beer at Nats games.

[cuervo72]

Originally Posted by heybrad

I hear they sell beer at Nats games.

THIS IS THE YEAR we finally have a Nationals FOxL* outing. Seriously.



* yes, you are still an FOxLer even if you disavow us.