IWS #173 Results: Adolescent Firearms Convention

[Karlifornia]

jbergey22 and Karlifornia proudly bring to you the results of IWS #173. We forgot to book a banquet hall, so we will be sharing the space with the Adolescent Firearms Convention, otherwise known as "KidGunCon". The results of each question will be presented by a child holding a big ass handcannon.



Hello, my name is Arashatunde. I am 11 years old, and I fight for the Liberian Resistance. My hobbies include soccer and making lanyards. My favorite president is James Monroe. My favorite sexual position is executionstyle. Here are the results for the the first question. Jambo means hello!

1. What is the best program in the history of college basketball?

UCLA 24
Kentucky 7
Duke 7
UNC 5

Only four answers. I thought this was a great question, in that there are a handful of worthy contenders. You add in an east coast bias in sports media, and who knows what could've happened. Too many titles in the end, though.




Hello! My name is Kamal. I came to the convention because I love all the amendments, but mostly the second one. Where are my parents, you ask? Well, my mom was stoned death for committing the crime of being raped, and my dad runs a check-cashing place in Hoboken. I hope one day to get a PayDay Advance Loan from him! I hear they are a wonderful deal!


2. What is the most memorable moment in the NCAA Tournament?

Christian Laettner's shot to beat Kentucky 30
Chris Webber's time-out request 4
NC State's title win with Jim Valvano 3
Villanova's win over Georgetown 3
George Mason's trip to the Final Four
Texas Western beating Kentucky
The End (???)


DanGarion decided not to wait for the sharp blade of fate to come down on his neck, but rather take his own life with the most inexplicable answer I can ever remember. He must just hate college basketball more than anyone that ever lived. Fight on, SC! (Go Stanford)




Hi! My name's Samantha! I'm 10 years old, I live deep in the Ozarks, and I love to shoot things! I tried out for the singing group Prussian Blue, but they told my Mom/Sister Lynette that my hair wasn't blonde enough. Gutted, my family and I have decided to secede against the union, and carry on the torch of Robert E. Lee. Daddy calls me his little torchholder. My arm gets tired holding the torch sometimes, but daddy says he can't hold it and put mommy in her place at the same time. Dang it!


3. How many tournament brackets do you fill out on average every year?

One 17
Three 13
Two 8
Five 5

If there's one thing stupid is, it's boring. Being lonely is boring, and One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do.




Good evening. My name is Geoffrey. I am not a very smart child. I am average at best, and destined to be a C-student. Don't tell my parents that, though! They know I was born to be an M.D., and they won't let me do anything but read stupid books. If I fail a test, they send me to bed with nooo dinner! It makes me so ANGRY sometimes. I still plan on going to college, though, no matter how much I hate the world. I one day hope to attend Virginia Polytechnic Institute!


4. Your best friend makes everyone draw names out of a hat to determine who buys him what for his birthday. You draw "Greatest Hits CD". Oh, did I mention that your best friend happens to be the gayest man in world history? Whose greatest hits CD do you buy for him?


Elton John 6
Barbra Streisand 5
Barry Manilow 5
ABBA 4
Village People 3
N'Sync 3
Wham! 2
George Michael 2
Michael Bolton 2
Cher 2
Lance Bass
Culture Club
Queen
Bee Gees
Billy Joel
Madonna
Lionel Richie
Liza Minelli
Journey

I was expecting more Madonna love here. The answers were a bit more spread out than I was hoping for. My bad.





What's up everyone? My name is Philip, and little do I know it, but I'm going to make a living with this gun. I'll enlist in the Marines 10 years from now, and I'll either have my legs blown off, or bring a healthy, working democracy to Iraq. Don't tell me which one happens, though. I want to be surprised!


5. What traditional casino game do you know the least about?

Craps 29
Baccarat 8
Roulette 3
Poker
Keno
Pai-Gow

We gotta have a craps discussion thread.



Hi, I'm Ralph. I just got the Christmas present I've always wa---AW FUCK NIGGA I JUST SHOT MYSELF IN THE MOTHAFUCKIN' EYE. CALL THE AMBA LAMPS, NIGGA! IM LEAKIN! IM LEAKIN!



6. You and a friend are sitting at a bar. Your friend orders a drink. This drink order forces you to end the friendship. What drink did he order?

Cosmopolitan 10
Appletini 5
Shirley Temple 5
Sex On The Beach 4
Blowjob 3
Daiquiri 3
Zima 2
Pina colada 2
Wine Cooler 2
Sea Breeze
White Zinfandel
Mojito
Water
Fuzzy Navel
Pink Flamingo
Mimosa


Pathetic Individuals:

SteveMax58
StLee
DanGarion
Masked
Boberot
Airhog
Grammaticus
JonInMiddleGA
nilodor
tyketime
Bisbo
CU Tiger
MIJB#19
Mustang
Tasan
Abe Sargent
Toddzilla
spleen1015
albionmoonlight


Green strawberries:

claphamsa
Dark Cloud
DodgerChick
Passacaglia
Molson
bhlloy


The Black Crowes, Stewart Cink, Subway Sandwiches, these people. What are "Things that are perfectly average?"

Julio Riddols
chesapeake
Butter_Of_69
Eagle Fan

Plenty smart, but you're no grind:

MrDNA
Dr. Sak
stevew
Pyser
lighthousekeeper
Desnudo
Quiksand
Ronnie Dobbs 2
flere-imsaho

Captain Save-A-Hoes:

Lathum
RPI-Fan
Denial Of Freedom
Logan


The winner, and CHILD SOLDIER OF THE YEAR:


PurdueBrad!!!!

[PurdueBrad]

Needless to say, I'm quite proud! And I almost blew question 2 by going with Valvano but being a Duke basketball fan, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

[Toddzilla]

That's some classic shit right there, yo.

[Logan]

1st loser. Damn it.

I like Geoffrey the best.

[chesapeake]

Originally Posted by PurdueBrad

Needless to say, I'm quite proud! And I almost blew question 2 by going with Valvano but being a Duke basketball fan, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

The fault wouldn't have been with picking Valvano -- the Crazies loved Jimmy V. It would have been in not picking Laettner. For a Duke fan, that shot is a cultural touchstone -- we all remember where we were when it went in.

Congrats, PB. I'm glad you didn't have to turn in your fan card.

[Lathum]

1 bracket people! 1!

[Logan]

Originally Posted by Lathum

1 bracket people! 1!

Not that it matters, but I interpreted the question to mean "how many pools' brackets do you fill out a year" because for each contest you enter, you'll likely be filling out a bracket. Three is my typical entry - office, friends, usually one extra random one online and I figured most people had the same setup.

I'm not a hedger when it comes to my prediction, need to be rooting consistently throughout. No fun in saying "well I have the 10 seed in this pool but the 7 seed in that other pool".

[PurdueBrad]

Originally Posted by chesapeake

Congrats, PB. I'm glad you didn't have to turn in your fan card.

Thanks Ches. I think I've got #174 good to go, just rethinking my questions to make sure that they are worthy of Stupid.

[DanGarion]

Originally Posted by Karlifornia

DanGarion decided not to wait for the sharp blade of fate to come down on his neck, but rather take his own life with the most inexplicable answer I can ever remember. He must just hate college basketball more than anyone that ever lived. Fight on, SC! (Go Stanford)

What? Isn't that what people are always looking forward to, the end of the tournament and celebration! No one looks forward to the 2nd seed verses 7th seed in the second round game...

[Pumpy Tudors]

Originally Posted by DanGarion

What? Isn't that what people are always looking forward to, the end of the tournament and celebration! No one looks forward to the 2nd seed verses 7th seed in the second round game...

what

[Karlifornia]

Oh...I thought it was sarcasm displaying a disdain for college basketball. It turns out you took the question much more esoterically than everyone else.

[DanGarion]

Originally Posted by Karlifornia

Oh...I thought it was sarcasm displaying a disdain for college basketball. It turns out you took the question much more esoterically than everyone else.

Well, it could be interpreted either way which is why I chose it. The Laettner's shot was going to be my choice.

[MrDNA]

My highest finish so far. Hitting myself in the head must be paying off.