Advice for those expecting their 2nd child

bob · 11-17-2009, 05:38 PM

There is always a lot of advice from people about handling your first kid, but I rarely see anything about handling your second one. Any one have any advice on this? I know a lot of things are the same (no sleep, diapers, feedings, etc), but anything we should be doing now to prepare ourselves and our 2 1/2 year old daughter for the January 18th due date? Anything we need to do once the baby comes that isn't obvious while going through it?

cubboyroy1826 · 11-17-2009, 05:48 PM

Listen to the doctor when they say that your wife will be extremely fertile after having the baby. Our 2nd and 3rd kids are 10.5 months apart. The wife went in for her checkup (i think 10 weeks) only to find out she was pregnant again. Let's just say it was a bit of a surprise. After kid #3 she would not sleep in the same room with me for a while.

RendeR · 11-17-2009, 05:55 PM

In dealing with the 2.5 yr old I recommend keeping her inbvolved in almost everything about the pregnancy, talk to her about having a little brother or sister, about the baby in mommy's belly. Everything. make it all very positive and tell her how awesome it will be to be a big sister.

My daughter and son are 18 months apart and they adore one another. its very relieving to not have them screaming at one another every moment of every day.

Granted they still have their MOMENTS.......

Good Luck!

M GO BLUE!!! · 11-17-2009, 06:03 PM

Get a vasectomy.

tarcone · 11-17-2009, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RendeR

In dealing with the 2.5 yr old I recommend keeping her inbvolved in almost everything about the pregnancy, talk to her about having a little brother or sister, about the baby in mommy's belly. Everything. make it all very positive and tell her how awesome it will be to be a big sister.

My daughter and son are 18 months apart and they adore one another. its very relieving to not have them screaming at one another every moment of every day.

Granted they still have their MOMENTS.......

Good Luck!

I concur.

My daughters are 18 mos apart. My oldest was kept very involved. She even helped change diapers.

Draft Dodger · 11-17-2009, 08:11 PM

ours was a pretty seemless transition. don't really recall any real preparation, other then having a gift ready for Graham from his new sister when he met her in the hospital for the first time.

FrogMan · 11-17-2009, 09:15 PM

our two sons have 7 years between them, sorry I won't be much help.

FM

Marc Vaughan · 11-17-2009, 09:51 PM

Definitely play up the big sister aspect - let her help get ready for the new babies arrival, we also had our new baby buy a toy for our existing kids as a present when they arrived - cheesy, but both Jake and Haley loved it when they were little.

When the baby arrives try and encourage people who visit to remember to pay attention to your 2 1/2 year old as well - nothing sours a relationship like jealousy (between your daughter and the baby) so try and keep the attention balanced if possible, after all your daughters going to have enough to adapt to with you having to share your time between her and a (possibly) demanding baby.

Kodos · 11-18-2009, 12:30 AM

Definitely put aside some one-on-one time with the older sibling to let them know they are still special. Our 4 year old boy and 10 month old daughter adore eachother. I hope it stays that way. My brother and I fought for 20 years.

bob · 11-18-2009, 06:05 AM

Thanks for all the advice. We have definitely been playing up the big sister stuff, and she's very excited for the baby to get here.

Northwood_DK · 11-18-2009, 06:49 AM

I can not help much as we have 5 years between our kits.

Can only say that the second time is a lot more relaxed as you been thru it all before and know what to expect.

PilotMan · 11-18-2009, 07:33 AM

Honestly, I don't think that you are going to see that much difference between one and two. You are already doing, or were recently doing the same stuff. You really won't be that much busier, just a little more prep.

Now going from one to two is one thing. Going from two to three is a different story. Much harder, since you just don't have enough arms.

That's what my wife and I have figured out.

Samdari · 11-18-2009, 08:16 AM

I think getting the older one involved with taking care of the baby is overrated. Yeah, she's part of it and that's better than being ignored, but that still means the family's focus is on the baby. Its more important to set time aside for each parent to focus on the older sibling.

RomaGoth · 11-18-2009, 08:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RendeR

In dealing with the 2.5 yr old I recommend keeping her inbvolved in almost everything about the pregnancy, talk to her about having a little brother or sister, about the baby in mommy's belly. Everything. make it all very positive and tell her how awesome it will be to be a big sister.

My daughter and son are 18 months apart and they adore one another. its very relieving to not have them screaming at one another every moment of every day.

Granted they still have their MOMENTS.......

Good Luck!

Agree with this. We had to do this three times, and still feel like the 3rd child is often overlooked. As others have said though, just make sure the 2 1/2 year old is involved with things and doesn't get ignored. Everything else will work itself out.

CraigSca · 11-18-2009, 09:04 AM

Only thing I have for you is don't be surprised if everything you learned with the first one doesn't apply to the second. Our two kids are like night and day when it comes to routines/temperament, etc.

chesapeake · 11-18-2009, 09:21 AM

My wife and I just had our second less than 2 months ago -- both girls -- and the transition has been remarkably easy so far. We did most of the things mentioned in this thread. In addition, we got 3 children's books about becoming a big sister and read them to her frequently. By the time the baby came, she had had plenty of time to sort things out in her head and has been very positive through the entire process.

I have found that the birth puts more tension on my elder daughter's relationship with her Mom than with me since she is the one that has to go feed the baby every three hours and needs to disappear for naps more often during the day. Part of my job is to figure out ways that I can help both to get some quality one-on-one time together.

11-17-2009, 08:11 PM	#6
Draft Dodger Coordinator Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Keene, NH	ours was a pretty seemless transition. don't really recall any real preparation, other then having a gift ready for Graham from his new sister when he met her in the hospital for the first time. __________________ Mile High Hockey

11-17-2009, 09:15 PM	#7
FrogMan Hattrick Moderator Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Pintendre, Qc, Canada	our two sons have 7 years between them, sorry I won't be much help. FM __________________ A Black Belt is a White Belt who refused to give up... follow my story: The real life story of a running frog...

11-17-2009, 09:51 PM	#8
Marc Vaughan SI Games Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Melbourne, FL	Definitely play up the big sister aspect - let her help get ready for the new babies arrival, we also had our new baby buy a toy for our existing kids as a present when they arrived - cheesy, but both Jake and Haley loved it when they were little. When the baby arrives try and encourage people who visit to remember to pay attention to your 2 1/2 year old as well - nothing sours a relationship like jealousy (between your daughter and the baby) so try and keep the attention balanced if possible, after all your daughters going to have enough to adapt to with you having to share your time between her and a (possibly) demanding baby. Last edited by Marc Vaughan : 11-17-2009 at 09:51 PM.

11-18-2009, 12:30 AM	#9
Kodos Resident Alien Join Date: Jun 2001	Definitely put aside some one-on-one time with the older sibling to let them know they are still special. Our 4 year old boy and 10 month old daughter adore eachother. I hope it stays that way. My brother and I fought for 20 years. __________________ Author of The Bill Gates Challenge, as well as other groundbreaking dynasties.

11-18-2009, 07:33 AM	#12
PilotMan Head Coach Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Seven miles up	Honestly, I don't think that you are going to see that much difference between one and two. You are already doing, or were recently doing the same stuff. You really won't be that much busier, just a little more prep. Now going from one to two is one thing. Going from two to three is a different story. Much harder, since you just don't have enough arms. That's what my wife and I have figured out. __________________ He's just like if Snow White was competitive, horny, and capable of beating the shit out of anyone that called her Pops. Like Steam? Join the FOFC Steam group here: http://steamcommunity.com/groups/FOFConSteam

11-17-2009, 05:48 PM	#2
cubboyroy1826 College Benchwarmer Join Date: Jun 2002	Listen to the doctor when they say that your wife will be extremely fertile after having the baby. Our 2nd and 3rd kids are 10.5 months apart. The wife went in for her checkup (i think 10 weeks) only to find out she was pregnant again. Let's just say it was a bit of a surprise. After kid #3 she would not sleep in the same room with me for a while.

11-17-2009, 05:55 PM	#3
RendeR Coordinator Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Buffalo, NY	In dealing with the 2.5 yr old I recommend keeping her inbvolved in almost everything about the pregnancy, talk to her about having a little brother or sister, about the baby in mommy's belly. Everything. make it all very positive and tell her how awesome it will be to be a big sister. My daughter and son are 18 months apart and they adore one another. its very relieving to not have them screaming at one another every moment of every day. Granted they still have their MOMENTS....... Good Luck! __________________ http://wotlabs.net/s...8/signature.png http://wotlabs.net/sig_dark/na/banichi18/signature.png

11-17-2009, 06:03 PM	#4
M GO BLUE!!! Pro Starter Join Date: Sep 2005	Get a vasectomy.

11-18-2009, 06:05 AM	#10
bob College Starter Join Date: Oct 2004	Thanks for all the advice. We have definitely been playing up the big sister stuff, and she's very excited for the baby to get here.

11-18-2009, 06:49 AM	#11
Northwood_DK College Benchwarmer Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Back in Norway	I can not help much as we have 5 years between our kits. Can only say that the second time is a lot more relaxed as you been thru it all before and know what to expect.

11-18-2009, 08:16 AM	#13
Samdari Roster Filler Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Cicero	I think getting the older one involved with taking care of the baby is overrated. Yeah, she's part of it and that's better than being ignored, but that still means the family's focus is on the baby. Its more important to set time aside for each parent to focus on the older sibling. __________________ http://www.nateandellie.net Now featuring twice the babies for the same low price!

11-18-2009, 09:04 AM	#15
CraigSca Pro Starter Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Not Delaware - hurray!	Only thing I have for you is don't be surprised if everything you learned with the first one doesn't apply to the second. Our two kids are like night and day when it comes to routines/temperament, etc. __________________ She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! She loves you, yeah! how do you know? how do you know?

11-18-2009, 09:21 AM	#16
chesapeake College Starter Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Arlington, VA	My wife and I just had our second less than 2 months ago -- both girls -- and the transition has been remarkably easy so far. We did most of the things mentioned in this thread. In addition, we got 3 children's books about becoming a big sister and read them to her frequently. By the time the baby came, she had had plenty of time to sort things out in her head and has been very positive through the entire process. I have found that the birth puts more tension on my elder daughter's relationship with her Mom than with me since she is the one that has to go feed the baby every three hours and needs to disappear for naps more often during the day. Part of my job is to figure out ways that I can help both to get some quality one-on-one time together.

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