ZFL Season 2 - Page 3

JeeberD · 05-23-2003, 04:17 PM

I hate it when revrew does this...

tucker342 · 05-23-2003, 04:59 PM

me to... Hey at least I finally won a game

revrew · 05-23-2003, 07:29 PM

Now, you mean hate it, like enjoyable groan, suspense hate it?

Or, hate like dislike, wish he wouldn't, makes my reading experience less enjoyable hate it?

illinifan999 · 05-23-2003, 07:37 PM

So Knoxville win? Or did Ajimba Haad make a miracle INT and return it 100 yards for a TD and Chicago wins? I'm thinking more of Knoxville Wins, Knoxville Wins!

illinifan999 · 05-23-2003, 07:42 PM

I posted the ZFL favorite team in the Dynasty polls!

Swaggs · 05-23-2003, 10:08 PM

Hey rev, I will be out of town w/o internet access next week. Don't dump me due to inactivity.

JeeberD · 05-23-2003, 11:25 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by revrew
Now, you mean hate it, like enjoyable groan, suspense hate it?

Or, hate like dislike, wish he wouldn't, makes my reading experience less enjoyable hate it?

Kind of a combination between the two. Cliffhangers can be kinda cool, yet I wanna know who freakin wins!

revrew · 05-24-2003, 12:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Swaggs
Hey rev, I will be out of town w/o internet access next week. Don't dump me due to inactivity.

OK, Swaggs. Should be a pretty safe week to be gone, anyways. We're going to finish up the season, go through the recap, and then talk expansion. Doubt we'll get to any drafting next week. But thanks for lettin' us know!

digamma · 05-24-2003, 10:51 PM

Oh man...just read this. I thought I had checked in late enough to get the results.
Oh well. Go Necks!

illinifan999 · 05-24-2003, 11:05 PM

Well there goes my theory of him PMing you telling you that you won........

I know we are gonna lose. I'm a pessimist.

revrew · 05-26-2003, 08:17 AM

Knoxville at Chicago continued...

"On the snap, the linebackers drop into zone coverage, the secondary stick with the bump-n-run, and the four D-lineman come crashing in. But Knoxville's backs stay in the backfield! It's an all-out protect package! There's only two receivers out there, and they are both going deep...

Jim Bob Jackson streaks on a fly and Ajimba Haad is all over him! Zach Urlacher and Ray Brown drop back to stop anything underneath. It's going to have to be a lob into one of the corners or nothing at all! Jackson Jackson and Deniable Cook duke it out for 10 steps, and then JJ cuts cross-field! He splits the two 'backers, trying to use them as a screen against his CB and makes a bee-line for the right corner.

'Thumbless' is buying time, but not even his RB shield can hold up against Jason Pepper, who is tossing Knoxville blockers aside like ragdolls! Thumbless can't wait any longer. He heaves the ball on a rainbow arc...to the right corner! Did the screen off the 'backers work?? Did Jackson make it free??

Yes! Jackson's got a step on Deniable! He's open if the ball gets there at just the right time! Deniable leaps...Jackson leaps...AND JACKSON COMES DOWN IN THE CORNER WITH BALL!! Both feet are in! Touchdown! Touchdown! The Eagles lose for the first time ever!! Knoxville wins, 28-21!!!"

*****

Okay, breathe, revrew, breathe. Take it easy. They didn't get to watch the game. They may not find it as exciting as you did.

*****
The championship ramifications of this game are incredible. Here's the breakdown...

Knoxville sits at 7-1 with wins over Chicago and San Antonio. Quite simply, a win over Portland (no easy task at 5-3) next week, and Knoxville wins the championship. If they lose, however, they will also necessarily lose the title.

Albuquerque sits at 6-2, but holds a win over Knoxville. Which means, if Knoxville, Chicago, and San Antonio all lose next week--and Albuquerque wins--the Isotopes would hold a share in the best record. Unfortunately for Albuquerque, Chicago plays San Antonio next week, so those teams cannot ALL lose. Contrary to what was previously thought, the Isotopes are officially out of the championship race. Incidentally, Those 2 hot dogs really did come back to bite the Isotopes: if it weren't for the loss to San Antonio, the Isotopes would only need a Chicago loss to clinch the championship.

Chicago, at 7-1 must face 7-1 San Antonio next week. If the Eagles lose, they will lose the championship. If the Eagles win AND Knoxville wins, they will both have 8-1 records, and they will be the ONLY teams at 8-1. But since Knoxville beat Chicago head-to-head, the Eagles would still lose the championship. If the Eagles win, AND Knoxville loses to Portland, the Eagles will win their second straight title.

San Antonio, at 7-1 must face 7-1 Chicago next week. If the Margaritas lose, they will lose the championship. If the Margaritas win AND Knoxville wins, they will both have 8-1 records, and they will be the ONLY teams at 8-1. But since Knoxville beat San Antonio head-to-head, the Margaritas would still lose the championship. If the Margaritas win, AND Knoxville loses to Portland, San Antonio will win the title.

Got that?"

sachmo71 · 05-26-2003, 11:47 AM

Ummm...yeah.

DolphinFan1 · 05-26-2003, 01:31 PM

Yeah, sure.

Could you put that in English?

tucker342 · 05-26-2003, 04:21 PM

ahhh, it sounds just like the NFL!

Katon · 05-26-2003, 05:02 PM

BCS, more like.

revrew · 05-26-2003, 11:22 PM

OK, plain English for those of you who don't speak abengplayoffishday.

If Knoxville wins, Knoxville is the champ.

If Knoxville loses, then the winner of Chicago/San Antonio is champ.

NevStar · 05-26-2003, 11:33 PM

If Knoxville loses & both kickers kill themselves before deciding a winner in the Chicago/San Antonio game, Albuquerque is the champ.

sachmo71 · 05-27-2003, 09:29 AM

While the Margaritas would be extatic to win the title, we are happy and humbled to even be mentioned in the same breath as Chicago and Knoxville. Hats off to both teams for an excellent season!

revrew · 05-27-2003, 10:26 AM

Gosh, sachmo. I'm impressed with the display of good sportsmanship.

And now.....

Week 9
"We begin in Little Rock, where the Slick Willies (2-6) play host to the Birmingham Olympians (2-6) in a game that will clearly affect draft order next year.

Birmingham came out early with their punishing ground game. Little Rock's OLB Hobart Smith was blasted away on an OG Dionysus pull-sweep early in the first for the Olympian's first score. Artemis 7, Slick Willies 0.

But the Willies battled hard, and by half-time, the score was tied.

In the second half, the offenses picked it up, and the Olympians were able to run in two more scores. The Willies, however, pushed the ball across the line in the hands of WR Stuart Rembert and Rajah Saleem, and so at the end of 4 it was 21-21. Bring on the kickers!

Now, something plain silly broke out in Little Rock as the ZFL took the opportunity to poke fun at the NFL. Two goal-posts were set up on the field (the ZFL doesn't require them in the course of a typical game), and each kicker was given a 9-iron golf club. A line of footballs were set up on kicking tees, and two tubs were set up behind each goalpost. One tub was filled with salsa, the other with guacamole. Essentially, each kicker had 5 minutes to "chip" as many balls as possible through the uprights and into a vat of "dip" on the other side. 1 point for the salsa, 2 for the guac. Thus, the first "chip and dip" competition began!

Birmingham's LeBron James showed an affinity for putting the ball up in the air, but he struggle with a wicked slice, sending more than a few "wide right". Little Rock's Mr. Ed was a bit more accurate and sent 3 balls into the guac. The final score of the "Chip and dip" was Mr. Ed 9, LeBron 2. Thus Little Rock wins, 24-21."

*****
"With L.A. (1-7) facing Fargo (0-8), more was on the line than just a high draft spot. Milwaukee's 0-9 record of futility from last season was in serious danger. Could L.A.'s offense finally find some momentum against the pathetic Crawfish? Or would the Stars fizzle out again and prevent the 'Fish from tying Milwaukee's record?

Rookie Crawfish RB Glutton for Punishment took several punishing blows from Star MLB stud, Brad Pitt, early. Fargo's running game screeched to a halt.

But veteran MLB Still Alive? showed L.A.'s running game that he's still got some gas in the tank, shutting down Adam Sandler and Jet Li.

In the second half, L.A. put backup rookie QB Bernie Mac in to get the youngster some snaps. Fargo's DE Chesty made sure he got more than that. 2 quick sacks had L.A. thinking they'd better put the vet back in. But when rookie OT Freddie Prinze, Jr. moved over to OT Harrison Ford's spot, Chesty more than met his match. On their second drive of the third, Bernie Mac hit Joe Pesci for a 7-yard touchdown strike. L.A. 7-0.

In the fourth the Crawfish, desperately trying to avoid the futility record, found a way to plunge FB Girl into the endzone to tie it up. Eventually, the gun sounded with the score tied 7-7. Bring on the kickers!

For the second time this week, overtime brought out the solo warriors. Little Val Kilmer for L.A. and Can't Remember What I Renamed Him for Fargo.

Two basketball hoops were brought out, one set at 7 feet, the other at 10. Each kicker was allowed 3 dunks on each hoop (the 10-footer had a trampoline set up to assist the kickers on their "ups"). L.A. locals Magic Johnson and Jack Nicholson, Fargo natives Bjorn Bjornssonson and Sven Carlssonsonson, and girlfriend-stealing Michael Jordan judged the contest. Little Val Kilmer's off-the-backboard, off his forehead because he missed it, off the backboard again, catch (alright! I caught it this time) and down won the contest scoring a 49. (MJ only gave it a 9 because Little Val Kilmer's girlfriend, he said, wasn't hot enough.) Thus, L.A. wins, 10-7, and Milwaukee must now share their record for futility with Fightless Crawfish. What a lovely gift for the new fans of Fargo."

*****
"Albuquerque (6-2) invited the Milwuakee bratwurst, I mean Muscle Men, down for a BBQ. But would the Muscle Men comply with getting torched by Sizzlack? I don't think so.

Milwaukee's OT King Kong found DE Jimbo Jones a ripe banana for the pickin', pancaking the Isotope to make room for a fine day by rookie FB phenom Bulldozer. The dozer plowed for first down after first down on his way to a long, opening-drive touchdown.

When ABB'Q RB I.M. Stopgap tried to match the feat, Milwaukee's DE Rocky stopped Stopgap in his tracks.

Only a late first-half touchdown pass from Sizzlack to The Cheat preserved respectability for Albuquerque who went in to the locker room trailing 21-7.

But the second half was all Albuquerque as 'Kid Gruesome' lit up Muscle men He-Man and JeeberD while Milwaukee's offense stalled.

In the fourth, it looked like Albuquerque would take over for good, but a MW OLB Superman interception in the endzone stemmed the tide. Milwaukee ran out the clock to go into overtime, tied at 21. Bring out the kickers!

Three overtimes in one week. Good thing the ZFL prepares for 5.

Milwaukee's Hercules strutted out on the field, prepared to give some hell to Albuquerque's Duff Man. Carrying a (blunted) two handed sword and heavy armor, Hercules was ready to do battle. Duff Man chose the Atlantian net and trident, and the ancient Roman gladiators walked again!

Without a visible means for protecting himself, Hercules' only chance was to go on the offensive. Wide, sweeping sword-strikes kept Duff Man dodging and running. He couldn't get anywhere near that blade. Clearly, Hercules was the superior warrior, but Duff was working a strategy. As Milwaukee's big brute wore himself down, Duff pestered the Greek with the net. Then, just when Hercules had Duff Man trapped, Duff planted the trident's base in the ground and used it as a lever to catch and deflect Hercules' blow. It threw the brute off-balance, and Duff used the net to trip him over. Three tips of a trident suddenly square in his back convinced the humiliated Hercules to retire. Duff Man wins in a "herculean" effort, and ABBQ gets the W, 24-21."

*****
"Now on to the big stuff. Chicago (7-1) vs. San Antonio (7-1). With a Knoxville loss, the winner of this game wins the title.

The game started off with a bang as former Margarita Jet gave his old team the what-for, catching a Vincent Steele pass 15 yards deep and sprinting the remaing 60 for a TD. Well, Chicago came to play.

On their first possession, San Antonio made good progress, pushing well past the 50 but stalling.

Chicago's Randy Steele found running difficult as San Antonio's MLB Ray Lewis blanketed the middle and DEs All Pro and Bookend covered the corners. But San Antonio's Metalhead and Ron Dayne also struggled against Chicago's dynamite (though aging) front 6.

Nonetheless, before the half, both S.A. FB Metalhead and Eagle RB Randy Steele managed to punch in a score.

At the end of the first half, Chicago, 14-7.

The third quarter belonged to the Defenses. Eagle Ajimba Haad recorded an INT, only to be followed by a Margarita CB Deflector pick. Jason Pepper notched up a pair of sacks, but Bookend recorded 2 1/2.

The fourth looked like much of the same. Time was running out for the Margaritas, still down by 7. But the mammoth Margaria O-line's constant pounding began to wear on the aging Eagles. Ron Dayne ran for 8, Metalhead for 11. WR Streak slanted for 13, and Handoff King scrambled for 9. Inside the redzone, the Margaritas were threatening to tie.

That is, until OLB Ray Brown blitzed from the blind side and tore the head off Margarita QB Handoff King. The ball fell loose and DE Ahmad Mohammed-Abdullah came up with it.

Deflated, the Margaritas saw victory slipping away. A Vincent Steele to WR Chad Spears touchdown pass put the nail in the coffin. Chicago wins, 21-7."

*****
Now it's suddenly so clear. Knoxville vs. Portland. If the Sea Biscuits win, Chicago wins the championship--back-to-back.

But if the Rednecks win, the "As-of-yet-unnamed" trophy goes to Knoxville.

revrew · 05-27-2003, 10:39 AM

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Portland, where the home-crowd favorite Portland Sea Biscuits (5-3) look to spoil the Knoxville Rednecks' (7-1) chances for a ZFL championship.

Today's matchup puts league leading rusher Antonio De La Tonio, who runs behind gargantuan guards Erik Flamebeard of the Neither Here Nor There and Tim the Troll, in the spotlight against an equally formidable running game with Robby 'Action' Jackson and Samuel 'The South Will Rise Again' Jackson, hauling the rock for the Rednecks.

How do you see the runners faring in today's matchup, Dan (Fouts)?"

"Frankly (Gifford), I don't think there will be anyone to stop them. Knoxville's 'backers, Tucker and Bubba Jackson will have their hands full with Tonio. And rookie MLB Sectoid Commander better grow two heads if he wants to watch Robby and Samuel Jackson. Wait. He can't do that, can he?"

"I'm, um, not sure, Dan. But that means the game falls on the back of rookie sensation and clear rookie-of-the-year, 'Thumbless' Jackson. Can Portland stop him?"

"'Thumbless', yes. But WR Jackson Jackson, no. 'Thumbless' has gotten way too much credit this year for what has been an incredible break out season for Jackson Jackson. JJ is head-and-shoulders the best receiver in the ZFL, and since Portland's CB Kosh has lost a step after his injury, I think Jackson is going to cause nightmares in the Portland secondary."

"Nightmares? Or dreams come true? What will happen in today's game? Let's go down to the field, where the teams are ready to begin."

revrew · 05-27-2003, 10:41 AM

"As Dan Fouts predicted, the two running games tore each other to pieces. Antonio bruised the Jackson backers, pummeling Knoxville on 32 carries.

Meanwhile, Portland DEs Markus Augustus Flavius Adrius and Trogdor the Burninator could not containg the Jackson brothers on the outside. The Jack-backs scored 3 touchdowns on the day.

Unfortunately for Portland and Chicago, Dan was also right about Jackson Jackson. The 34-year-old CB Kosh could not keep up with the sprightly youngster, and JJ hauled in two scores of his own. Knoxville's A+ offense trashed Portland's B+ defense for an amazing 42 points.

Portland's talented young receiver, Manfred von Richthofen managed a fine game, grabbing 102 yards and a score, but JJ and the Jack-backs were too much for Portland, winning by the score of 42-28."
*****

Congratulations, digamma and the Rednecks! Your draft-day trade nets you Rookie of the Year and a ZFL title!

And for those of you who were bemoaning Chicago's success over the last 2 years, keep in mind--Chicago is good and old. Knoxville is good and young. Only the Jack-backs and a few on defense are over 30. But 'Thumbless' is 22, and JJ is too. Look for Knoxville to be a dominant force in the ZFL for years to come.

digamma · 05-27-2003, 11:19 AM

Yee-haw! Go Necks!

I really didn't expect success from the trade to come this quickly. Now that revrew has jinxed me with the "dominant force for years to come" label, I'll see what I can do to not screw it up.

JeeberD · 05-27-2003, 12:39 PM

Congrats to Knoxville...

Don't worry, though. Milwuakee will be up there to challenge you as soon as they find someone to replace me...

sachmo71 · 05-27-2003, 01:17 PM

Congrats to the 'Necks!

illinifan999 · 05-27-2003, 01:42 PM

Congratulations Knoxville!

Now I have to decide who I want to try to get rid of so I can move up in the draft.......

revrew · 05-27-2003, 02:52 PM

Gentlemen, hang on before making plans for next year. The injury bug has plowed through the league like a plague through Europe. I'm going to start two new threads now that we've come to the close of this season. The first will be an offseason thread, where we can discuss awards, injuries, and draft issues.

The second will be an expansion thread, where we can discuss possible plans for expansion.

tucker342 · 05-28-2003, 05:59 PM

congrats Knoxville!

05-23-2003, 04:17 PM	#101
JeeberD General Manager Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: The Town of Flower Mound	I hate it when revrew does this... __________________ UTEP Miners!!! I solemnly swear to never cheer for TO Last edited by JeeberD : 05-23-2003 at 04:18 PM.

05-23-2003, 07:29 PM	#103
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Now, you mean hate it, like enjoyable groan, suspense hate it? Or, hate like dislike, wish he wouldn't, makes my reading experience less enjoyable hate it? __________________ Winner of 6 FOFC Scribe Awards, including 3 Gold Scribes Founder of the ZFL, 2004 Golden Scribe Dynasty of the Year Now bringing The Des Moines Dragons back to life, and the joke's on YOU, NFL! I came to the Crossroad. I took it. And that has made all the difference.

05-23-2003, 07:37 PM	#104
illinifan999 Pro Rookie Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: VA	So Knoxville win? Or did Ajimba Haad make a miracle INT and return it 100 yards for a TD and Chicago wins? I'm thinking more of Knoxville Wins, Knoxville Wins! __________________ Chicago Eagles 2 time ZFL champions We're "rebuilding"

05-23-2003, 07:42 PM	#105
illinifan999 Pro Rookie Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: VA	I posted the ZFL favorite team in the Dynasty polls! __________________ Chicago Eagles 2 time ZFL champions We're "rebuilding"

05-23-2003, 10:08 PM	#106
Swaggs Coordinator Join Date: Oct 2000	Hey rev, I will be out of town w/o internet access next week. Don't dump me due to inactivity. __________________ DOWN WITH HATTRICK!!! The RWBL Are you reading In The Bleachers?

05-23-2003, 04:59 PM	#102
tucker342 Pro Starter Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Iowa City, IA	me to... Hey at least I finally won a game

05-24-2003, 10:51 PM	#109
digamma Torchbearer Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: On Lake Harriet	Oh man...just read this. I thought I had checked in late enough to get the results. Oh well. Go Necks!

05-24-2003, 11:05 PM	#110
illinifan999 Pro Rookie Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: VA	Well there goes my theory of him PMing you telling you that you won........ I know we are gonna lose. I'm a pessimist. __________________ Chicago Eagles 2 time ZFL champions We're "rebuilding"

05-26-2003, 08:17 AM	#111
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Knoxville at Chicago continued... "On the snap, the linebackers drop into zone coverage, the secondary stick with the bump-n-run, and the four D-lineman come crashing in. But Knoxville's backs stay in the backfield! It's an all-out protect package! There's only two receivers out there, and they are both going deep... Jim Bob Jackson streaks on a fly and Ajimba Haad is all over him! Zach Urlacher and Ray Brown drop back to stop anything underneath. It's going to have to be a lob into one of the corners or nothing at all! Jackson Jackson and Deniable Cook duke it out for 10 steps, and then JJ cuts cross-field! He splits the two 'backers, trying to use them as a screen against his CB and makes a bee-line for the right corner. 'Thumbless' is buying time, but not even his RB shield can hold up against Jason Pepper, who is tossing Knoxville blockers aside like ragdolls! Thumbless can't wait any longer. He heaves the ball on a rainbow arc...to the right corner! Did the screen off the 'backers work?? Did Jackson make it free?? Yes! Jackson's got a step on Deniable! He's open if the ball gets there at just the right time! Deniable leaps...Jackson leaps...AND JACKSON COMES DOWN IN THE CORNER WITH BALL!! Both feet are in! Touchdown! Touchdown! The Eagles lose for the first time ever!! Knoxville wins, 28-21!!!" *** Okay, breathe, revrew, breathe. Take it easy. They didn't get to watch the game. They may not find it as exciting as you did. * The championship ramifications of this game are incredible. Here's the breakdown... Knoxville sits at 7-1 with wins over Chicago and San Antonio. Quite simply, a win over Portland (no easy task at 5-3) next week, and Knoxville wins the championship. If they lose, however, they will also necessarily lose the title. Albuquerque sits at 6-2, but holds a win over Knoxville. Which means, if Knoxville, Chicago, and San Antonio all lose next week--and Albuquerque wins--the Isotopes would hold a share in the best record. Unfortunately for Albuquerque, Chicago plays San Antonio next week, so those teams cannot ALL lose. Contrary to what was previously thought, the Isotopes are officially out of the championship race. Incidentally, Those 2 hot dogs really did come back to bite the Isotopes: if it weren't for the loss to San Antonio, the Isotopes would only need a Chicago loss to clinch the championship. Chicago, at 7-1 must face 7-1 San Antonio next week. If the Eagles lose, they will lose the championship. If the Eagles win AND Knoxville wins, they will both have 8-1 records, and they will be the ONLY teams at 8-1. But since Knoxville beat Chicago head-to-head, the Eagles would still lose the championship. If the Eagles win, AND Knoxville loses to Portland, the Eagles will win their second straight title. San Antonio, at 7-1 must face 7-1 Chicago next week. If the Margaritas lose, they will lose the championship. If the Margaritas win AND Knoxville wins, they will both have 8-1 records, and they will be the ONLY teams at 8-1. But since Knoxville beat San Antonio head-to-head, the Margaritas would still lose the championship. If the Margaritas win, AND Knoxville loses to Portland, San Antonio will win the title. Got that?" __________________ Winner of 6 FOFC Scribe Awards, including 3 Gold Scribes Founder of the ZFL, 2004 Golden Scribe Dynasty of the Year** Now bringing The Des Moines Dragons back to life, and the joke's on YOU, NFL! I came to the Crossroad. I took it. And that has made all the difference.

05-26-2003, 11:47 AM	#112
sachmo71 The boy who cried Trout Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: TX	Ummm...yeah.

05-26-2003, 01:31 PM	#113
DolphinFan1 College Benchwarmer Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Connecticut	Yeah, sure. Could you put that in English? __________________ GM of the Milwaukee Muscle Men of the ZFL. The 1st team in ZFL history to have a perfect losing season. I am on a quest to show that the Dolphins can win the Super Bowl. Or should I say Front Office Bowl, with FOF2K7. The revival of an old favorite, FOFC Wrestling Dynasty

05-26-2003, 04:21 PM	#114
tucker342 Pro Starter Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Iowa City, IA	ahhh, it sounds just like the NFL!

05-26-2003, 05:02 PM	#115
Katon College Benchwarmer Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Providence, RI	BCS, more like.

05-26-2003, 11:22 PM	#116
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	OK, plain English for those of you who don't speak abengplayoffishday. If Knoxville wins, Knoxville is the champ. If Knoxville loses, then the winner of Chicago/San Antonio is champ. __________________ Winner of 6 FOFC Scribe Awards, including 3 Gold Scribes Founder of the ZFL, 2004 Golden Scribe Dynasty of the Year Now bringing The Des Moines Dragons back to life, and the joke's on YOU, NFL! I came to the Crossroad. I took it. And that has made all the difference.

05-26-2003, 11:33 PM	#117
NevStar High School Varsity Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Raleigh, NC	If Knoxville loses & both kickers kill themselves before deciding a winner in the Chicago/San Antonio game, Albuquerque is the champ. __________________ I can't think of a clever signature.

05-27-2003, 09:29 AM	#118
sachmo71 The boy who cried Trout Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: TX	While the Margaritas would be extatic to win the title, we are happy and humbled to even be mentioned in the same breath as Chicago and Knoxville. Hats off to both teams for an excellent season!

05-27-2003, 10:26 AM	#119
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Gosh, sachmo. I'm impressed with the display of good sportsmanship. And now..... Week 9 "We begin in Little Rock, where the Slick Willies (2-6) play host to the Birmingham Olympians (2-6) in a game that will clearly affect draft order next year. Birmingham came out early with their punishing ground game. Little Rock's OLB Hobart Smith was blasted away on an OG Dionysus pull-sweep early in the first for the Olympian's first score. Artemis 7, Slick Willies 0. But the Willies battled hard, and by half-time, the score was tied. In the second half, the offenses picked it up, and the Olympians were able to run in two more scores. The Willies, however, pushed the ball across the line in the hands of WR Stuart Rembert and Rajah Saleem, and so at the end of 4 it was 21-21. Bring on the kickers! Now, something plain silly broke out in Little Rock as the ZFL took the opportunity to poke fun at the NFL. Two goal-posts were set up on the field (the ZFL doesn't require them in the course of a typical game), and each kicker was given a 9-iron golf club. A line of footballs were set up on kicking tees, and two tubs were set up behind each goalpost. One tub was filled with salsa, the other with guacamole. Essentially, each kicker had 5 minutes to "chip" as many balls as possible through the uprights and into a vat of "dip" on the other side. 1 point for the salsa, 2 for the guac. Thus, the first "chip and dip" competition began! Birmingham's LeBron James showed an affinity for putting the ball up in the air, but he struggle with a wicked slice, sending more than a few "wide right". Little Rock's Mr. Ed was a bit more accurate and sent 3 balls into the guac. The final score of the "Chip and dip" was Mr. Ed 9, LeBron 2. Thus Little Rock wins, 24-21." *** "With L.A. (1-7) facing Fargo (0-8), more was on the line than just a high draft spot. Milwaukee's 0-9 record of futility from last season was in serious danger. Could L.A.'s offense finally find some momentum against the pathetic Crawfish? Or would the Stars fizzle out again and prevent the 'Fish from tying Milwaukee's record? Rookie Crawfish RB Glutton for Punishment took several punishing blows from Star MLB stud, Brad Pitt, early. Fargo's running game screeched to a halt. But veteran MLB Still Alive? showed L.A.'s running game that he's still got some gas in the tank, shutting down Adam Sandler and Jet Li. In the second half, L.A. put backup rookie QB Bernie Mac in to get the youngster some snaps. Fargo's DE Chesty made sure he got more than that. 2 quick sacks had L.A. thinking they'd better put the vet back in. But when rookie OT Freddie Prinze, Jr. moved over to OT Harrison Ford's spot, Chesty more than met his match. On their second drive of the third, Bernie Mac hit Joe Pesci for a 7-yard touchdown strike. L.A. 7-0. In the fourth the Crawfish, desperately trying to avoid the futility record, found a way to plunge FB Girl into the endzone to tie it up. Eventually, the gun sounded with the score tied 7-7. Bring on the kickers! For the second time this week, overtime brought out the solo warriors. Little Val Kilmer for L.A. and Can't Remember What I Renamed Him for Fargo. Two basketball hoops were brought out, one set at 7 feet, the other at 10. Each kicker was allowed 3 dunks on each hoop (the 10-footer had a trampoline set up to assist the kickers on their "ups"). L.A. locals Magic Johnson and Jack Nicholson, Fargo natives Bjorn Bjornssonson and Sven Carlssonsonson, and girlfriend-stealing Michael Jordan judged the contest. Little Val Kilmer's off-the-backboard, off his forehead because he missed it, off the backboard again, catch (alright! I caught it this time) and down won the contest scoring a 49. (MJ only gave it a 9 because Little Val Kilmer's girlfriend, he said, wasn't hot enough.) Thus, L.A. wins, 10-7, and Milwaukee must now share their record for futility with Fightless Crawfish. What a lovely gift for the new fans of Fargo." * "Albuquerque (6-2) invited the Milwuakee bratwurst, I mean Muscle Men, down for a BBQ. But would the Muscle Men comply with getting torched by Sizzlack? I don't think so. Milwaukee's OT King Kong found DE Jimbo Jones a ripe banana for the pickin', pancaking the Isotope to make room for a fine day by rookie FB phenom Bulldozer. The dozer plowed for first down after first down on his way to a long, opening-drive touchdown. When ABB'Q RB I.M. Stopgap tried to match the feat, Milwaukee's DE Rocky stopped Stopgap in his tracks. Only a late first-half touchdown pass from Sizzlack to The Cheat preserved respectability for Albuquerque who went in to the locker room trailing 21-7. But the second half was all Albuquerque as 'Kid Gruesome' lit up Muscle men He-Man and JeeberD while Milwaukee's offense stalled. In the fourth, it looked like Albuquerque would take over for good, but a MW OLB Superman interception in the endzone stemmed the tide. Milwaukee ran out the clock to go into overtime, tied at 21. Bring out the kickers! Three overtimes in one week. Good thing the ZFL prepares for 5. Milwaukee's Hercules strutted out on the field, prepared to give some hell to Albuquerque's Duff Man. Carrying a (blunted) two handed sword and heavy armor, Hercules was ready to do battle. Duff Man chose the Atlantian net and trident, and the ancient Roman gladiators walked again! Without a visible means for protecting himself, Hercules' only chance was to go on the offensive. Wide, sweeping sword-strikes kept Duff Man dodging and running. He couldn't get anywhere near that blade. Clearly, Hercules was the superior warrior, but Duff was working a strategy. As Milwaukee's big brute wore himself down, Duff pestered the Greek with the net. Then, just when Hercules had Duff Man trapped, Duff planted the trident's base in the ground and used it as a lever to catch and deflect Hercules' blow. It threw the brute off-balance, and Duff used the net to trip him over. Three tips of a trident suddenly square in his back convinced the humiliated Hercules to retire. Duff Man wins in a "herculean" effort, and ABBQ gets the W, 24-21." * "Now on to the big stuff. Chicago (7-1) vs. San Antonio (7-1). With a Knoxville loss, the winner of this game wins the title. The game started off with a bang as former Margarita Jet gave his old team the what-for, catching a Vincent Steele pass 15 yards deep and sprinting the remaing 60 for a TD. Well, Chicago came to play. On their first possession, San Antonio made good progress, pushing well past the 50 but stalling. Chicago's Randy Steele found running difficult as San Antonio's MLB Ray Lewis blanketed the middle and DEs All Pro and Bookend covered the corners. But San Antonio's Metalhead and Ron Dayne also struggled against Chicago's dynamite (though aging) front 6. Nonetheless, before the half, both S.A. FB Metalhead and Eagle RB Randy Steele managed to punch in a score. At the end of the first half, Chicago, 14-7. The third quarter belonged to the Defenses. Eagle Ajimba Haad recorded an INT, only to be followed by a Margarita CB Deflector pick. Jason Pepper notched up a pair of sacks, but Bookend recorded 2 1/2. The fourth looked like much of the same. Time was running out for the Margaritas, still down by 7. But the mammoth Margaria O-line's constant pounding began to wear on the aging Eagles. Ron Dayne ran for 8, Metalhead for 11. WR Streak slanted for 13, and Handoff King scrambled for 9. Inside the redzone, the Margaritas were threatening to tie. That is, until OLB Ray Brown blitzed from the blind side and tore the head off Margarita QB Handoff King. The ball fell loose and DE Ahmad Mohammed-Abdullah came up with it. Deflated, the Margaritas saw victory slipping away. A Vincent Steele to WR Chad Spears touchdown pass put the nail in the coffin. Chicago wins, 21-7." * Now it's suddenly so clear. Knoxville vs. Portland. If the Sea Biscuits win, Chicago wins the championship--back-to-back. But if the Rednecks win, the "As-of-yet-unnamed" trophy goes to Knoxville. __________________ Winner of 6 FOFC Scribe Awards, including 3 Gold Scribes Founder of the ZFL, 2004 Golden Scribe Dynasty of the Year** Now bringing The Des Moines Dragons back to life, and the joke's on YOU, NFL! I came to the Crossroad. I took it. And that has made all the difference.

05-27-2003, 10:39 AM	#120
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Portland, where the home-crowd favorite Portland Sea Biscuits (5-3) look to spoil the Knoxville Rednecks' (7-1) chances for a ZFL championship. Today's matchup puts league leading rusher Antonio De La Tonio, who runs behind gargantuan guards Erik Flamebeard of the Neither Here Nor There and Tim the Troll, in the spotlight against an equally formidable running game with Robby 'Action' Jackson and Samuel 'The South Will Rise Again' Jackson, hauling the rock for the Rednecks. How do you see the runners faring in today's matchup, Dan (Fouts)?" "Frankly (Gifford), I don't think there will be anyone to stop them. Knoxville's 'backers, Tucker and Bubba Jackson will have their hands full with Tonio. And rookie MLB Sectoid Commander better grow two heads if he wants to watch Robby and Samuel Jackson. Wait. He can't do that, can he?" "I'm, um, not sure, Dan. But that means the game falls on the back of rookie sensation and clear rookie-of-the-year, 'Thumbless' Jackson. Can Portland stop him?" "'Thumbless', yes. But WR Jackson Jackson, no. 'Thumbless' has gotten way too much credit this year for what has been an incredible break out season for Jackson Jackson. JJ is head-and-shoulders the best receiver in the ZFL, and since Portland's CB Kosh has lost a step after his injury, I think Jackson is going to cause nightmares in the Portland secondary." "Nightmares? Or dreams come true? What will happen in today's game? Let's go down to the field, where the teams are ready to begin." __________________ Winner of 6 FOFC Scribe Awards, including 3 Gold Scribes Founder of the ZFL, 2004 Golden Scribe Dynasty of the Year Now bringing The Des Moines Dragons back to life, and the joke's on YOU, NFL! I came to the Crossroad. I took it. And that has made all the difference.

05-27-2003, 10:41 AM	#121
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	"As Dan Fouts predicted, the two running games tore each other to pieces. Antonio bruised the Jackson backers, pummeling Knoxville on 32 carries. Meanwhile, Portland DEs Markus Augustus Flavius Adrius and Trogdor the Burninator could not containg the Jackson brothers on the outside. The Jack-backs scored 3 touchdowns on the day. Unfortunately for Portland and Chicago, Dan was also right about Jackson Jackson. The 34-year-old CB Kosh could not keep up with the sprightly youngster, and JJ hauled in two scores of his own. Knoxville's A+ offense trashed Portland's B+ defense for an amazing 42 points. Portland's talented young receiver, Manfred von Richthofen managed a fine game, grabbing 102 yards and a score, but JJ and the Jack-backs were too much for Portland, winning by the score of 42-28." *** Congratulations, digamma and the Rednecks! Your draft-day trade nets you Rookie of the Year and a ZFL title! And for those of you who were bemoaning Chicago's success over the last 2 years, keep in mind--Chicago is good and old. Knoxville is good and young. Only the Jack-backs and a few on defense are over 30. But 'Thumbless' is 22, and JJ is too. Look for Knoxville to be a dominant force in the ZFL for years to come. __________________ Winner of 6 FOFC Scribe Awards, including 3 Gold Scribes Founder of the ZFL, 2004 Golden Scribe Dynasty of the Year** Now bringing The Des Moines Dragons back to life, and the joke's on YOU, NFL! I came to the Crossroad. I took it. And that has made all the difference.

05-27-2003, 11:19 AM	#122
digamma Torchbearer Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: On Lake Harriet	Yee-haw! Go Necks! I really didn't expect success from the trade to come this quickly. Now that revrew has jinxed me with the "dominant force for years to come" label, I'll see what I can do to not screw it up.

05-27-2003, 12:39 PM	#123
JeeberD General Manager Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: The Town of Flower Mound	Congrats to Knoxville... Don't worry, though. Milwuakee will be up there to challenge you as soon as they find someone to replace me... __________________ UTEP Miners!!! I solemnly swear to never cheer for TO

05-27-2003, 01:17 PM	#124
sachmo71 The boy who cried Trout Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: TX	Congrats to the 'Necks!

05-27-2003, 01:42 PM	#125
illinifan999 Pro Rookie Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: VA	Congratulations Knoxville! Now I have to decide who I want to try to get rid of so I can move up in the draft....... __________________ Chicago Eagles 2 time ZFL champions We're "rebuilding"

05-27-2003, 02:52 PM	#126
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Gentlemen, hang on before making plans for next year. The injury bug has plowed through the league like a plague through Europe. I'm going to start two new threads now that we've come to the close of this season. The first will be an offseason thread, where we can discuss awards, injuries, and draft issues. The second will be an expansion thread, where we can discuss possible plans for expansion. __________________ Winner of 6 FOFC Scribe Awards, including 3 Gold Scribes Founder of the ZFL, 2004 Golden Scribe Dynasty of the Year Now bringing The Des Moines Dragons back to life, and the joke's on YOU, NFL! I came to the Crossroad. I took it. And that has made all the difference.

05-28-2003, 05:59 PM	#127
tucker342 Pro Starter Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Iowa City, IA	congrats Knoxville!

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