Heartbreak - Page 2

sabotai · 01-16-2007, 02:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gold101

Yeah, don't get back with the girl. I've had this same situation happen where I ended up going back with the girl after a while, and again she left me. Not fun.

Same here. My situation was very similar to what MikeVic is going through now. She didn't like certain "traits" of mine. I tried to fix it (one of the things was that I wasn't talkative/social enough). But she ended up breaking up with me anyway. Made a clean seperation, and several months later she calls me up and decided that those problems were minor. That all she wanted was to be with me.

A little over a year, we were broken up again. The reason it ended was because of the same reasons as before. And then we got back together (sort of) again...and it AGAIN ended for the SAME reasons.

Sure, people get back together and live "happily ever after", but you've got to look at the reasons why she dumped you. (Yes, she DUMPED you). There are certain things about you she can not live with. And they will always be issues for her. Even if she says she has gotten over them, chances are, they'll be issues again.

Even though this seems like "can't help those who don't want to be helped", I'll offer up this last bit of advise. You have to believe, fully, that you two will not get back together. If it happens in the future, if it turns out she wants to down the road, then that is a decision you'll have to make should it happen. But, for now, it's not. You have to act, think, believe, KNOW that it is over. If not, if you keep holding onto this hope that you two will get back together, I can tell you what will happen. In a few weeks when she still hasn't asked you to take her back, you'll feel heart broken that she doesn't. In a few months, you'll still be heart broken. When you find out she's gone on a date with another guy, you'll be heart broken. When she actually starts going out with someone else, fucking other guys, you'll be majorly heart broken.

Yeah, people can get back together down the road and be happy, but if you're going to hang your hat on that happening, get prepared for several very long, very painful months.

dawgfan · 01-16-2007, 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sabotai

Yeah, people can get back together down the road and be happy, but if you're going to hang your hat on that happening, get prepared for several very long, very painful months.

Quoted for truth.

Lathum · 01-16-2007, 02:45 PM

IMO if you are clinging to the notion that you will get back together with you then you may be missing out on other oppritunities. You may not be giving yourself a chance to meet someone ten times better when you are ready if you are pining over your ex.

Julio Riddols · 01-16-2007, 02:49 PM

I think the biggest mistake I made when I broke up with my first was showing her how much it hurt to see her go and being all too eager to "still be there for her" and all that.

Don't get me wrong, we remained friends and I still hear from her once in a while, but me continuing the thought process that maybe she would come around only lengthened the time I spent with no appetite, no motivation, etc.

It took me a full year (and a short lived, ill-advised reunion with her) to fully remove myself from that and get a perspective on what I wanted. And now, today, no matter how much I knew she was "the one" then, I could tell you a million reasons why I wouldn't even date her now.

Trust me, as hard as it was for me, the best thing to do is completely forget about what she means to you now and be around friends as much as possible. Staying busy is another good thing- The more you laugh and live without her, the more you'll realize you can, and eventually, it won't be anything but a fond memory of foolish youth. Oh, and you'll learn a LOT about yourself in the process, as mentioned above.

path12 · 01-16-2007, 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sabotai

You have to act, think, believe, KNOW that it is over. If not, if you keep holding onto this hope that you two will get back together, I can tell you what will happen. In a few weeks when she still hasn't asked you to take her back, you'll feel heart broken that she doesn't. In a few months, you'll still be heart broken. When you find out she's gone on a date with another guy, you'll be heart broken. When she actually starts going out with someone else, fucking other guys, you'll be majorly heart broken.

It sucks that this is so true, but it is.

I might also mention that changing who you are for a relationship likely means that that was not the relationship for you.

MikeVic · 01-16-2007, 03:20 PM

You guys have given a lot of good advice, and I thank you a lot. I will continue with the e-mail when I can, but will never send it. It'll just be a part of my healing process, and a reflection of where I messed up, so I know for myself (she's bad at wording things when emotions are involved).

I won't contact her again until maybe a month down the road, to say that I am getting over her and if she wasn't happy with me, then I'm fine with that.

I guess I can close this out by saying that what really made this frustrating and out of nowhere was that we had a lot of things that made us so similar. And with the differences, we would bring up what bothered either one of us, talk about it, and move on. I've changed a bit, she's changed a bit... but out core was still there. And then this happens, and yeah. Like I said, came out of nowhere, but as you guys said... if there was too much changing involved, it probably wasn't right.

Galaril · 01-16-2007, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MikeVic

I'm understanding the advice, and can see what you guys see. However, I know of couples that split up for a bit, and then got back together... and are still together, happy as ever, a couple years later. I guess I'm still hanging on the hope that she just wants some time to herself. As you might have seen with previous posts, her life has been hectic forever (I know I posted one of these stories, but there were far more). Now it seems like her life is kind of getting to a normal pace, and maybe she just wants to use that time to be herself and enjoy it. She saw something (which I'm understanding now) in me that wouldn't let her truly be herself at this time, or so she thinks.

So I've told her I won't communicate with her in any way for as long as I can, but I'm here in case she needs to communicate in some way. I've also talked to a buddy who went through something like this recently, and got back together. He told me that he wrote an e-mail with thoughts and feelings in it, saying what she meant to him, explaining that he understood what happened (as I'm understanding more now compared to two days ago), and that it was a mistake.

I've started an e-mail similar to that, but am trying to just set aside time to write, instead of writing it all the time (as I was doing yesterday). Today and on, I will only do it at lunch, and after supper. Once I believe it's done, I'll send it to her and let her do with it what she pleases.

Bad advice I got? I just know that people get back together and end up living happy lives, so I guess that's where I'm at now...

Mike,

As someelse already said no one can stop you or force you to follow advice it is up to you. One thing I am reading in the above post is that it is more about her than you. I have played that game too in the past and it is a losing one. You already mentioned she won't to end it becuz of something about you. It is not your responsibility any longer at least, to worry about her mental state or why she is doing what she is doing. You gotta take care of yourself. Be selfish take of number one and than you will be more attractive to take care of someone else.

My brother told me something that comes to me now about relationships and I will share it with you. " If you are having trouble dating someone or getting it to work, just remember it is much much harder when you are married. So, if that is ultimately what you want out of life remember to choose wisely

CU Tiger · 01-16-2007, 03:34 PM

You never mentioned what she didn't like, but actions can be changed, traits can not. For example if you are naturally a flirty socialite type, she could make you act reserved and quiet but it would always feel unnatural.

If she is so unhappy with core traits of yours that she doesnt want to be with you, she probably just saved you a divorce attorney fee and half your income.

Not being harsh, but no matter how much you like her (or maybe more appropriately like the idea of her) if she cant accept and love you for who you are, then you are better off.

Also you cant call in a month and say I am getting over you, that means I am not getting over you.

If you really want her back, next time she IMs or calls blow it off. Don't answer, and don't go out of your way to show her up. (No need to hire an escort and go to the club she is at...it wont end good for you). Play it cool, play hard to get sort of...

I think you need to face the slap in the face that it is over, accept the fact that she is never coming back, and if she does BONUS!.

The best situation (In my experience) is the one I had with my first love for a few years after we broke up. We went through 6 months of childish avoidance and bickering. Then we became friends. Over the next 5 or so years, we probably hooked up 25 or 30 times and ruined 2-3 relationships for each other(or in all honesty gave each other an excuse to end bad ones). A nice friendly soft place to fall, a known commodity for a booty call, and no string, emotions or Christams gifts.

Either way, life is too short.
Move on.
Get drunk
And tag her best friend, or better yet her sister (which by the way caused the 1st breakup in the previously mentioned episode....)

MikeVic · 01-16-2007, 03:43 PM

Oh, one thing... she has a bunch of my shit. I want it back. How do I handle that? Send someone else over? Tell her to drop it off when I'm not home? Just go there and pick it up with her being there, but that's it. Pick it up, no words exchanged, and go home?

st.cronin · 01-16-2007, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MikeVic

Oh, one thing... she has a bunch of my shit. I want it back. How do I handle that? Send someone else over? Tell her to drop it off when I'm not home? Just go there and pick it up with her being there, but that's it. Pick it up, no words exchanged, and go home?

Show up in a limo filled with strippers.

MikeVic · 01-16-2007, 03:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by st.cronin

Show up in a limo filled with strippers.

Ok, going to rent them all now.

path12 · 01-16-2007, 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MikeVic

Oh, one thing... she has a bunch of my shit. I want it back. How do I handle that? Send someone else over? Tell her to drop it off when I'm not home? Just go there and pick it up with her being there, but that's it. Pick it up, no words exchanged, and go home?

The limo with stripper idea is cool, but you're better off getting someone else to come by and get it, or having her drop it off when you're not around. If you do it it's way too easy to try and talk and that's not in your best interest right now.

st.cronin · 01-16-2007, 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MikeVic

Ok, going to rent them all now.

attaboy

Vinatieri for Prez · 01-16-2007, 04:13 PM

Another option is to go by with a couple of friends who are under strict orders to never leave the two of you alone together and to insist you leave within 10 minutes so you make it to the "party."

MikeVic · 01-16-2007, 04:39 PM

Yeah, sounds like the best option. I'll still wait awhile before asking for it back. Don't want to be contacting her now. She knows she has my stuff, and knows exactly what she has.

01-16-2007, 02:49 PM	#54
Julio Riddols College Prospect Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Bryson Shitty, NC	I think the biggest mistake I made when I broke up with my first was showing her how much it hurt to see her go and being all too eager to "still be there for her" and all that. Don't get me wrong, we remained friends and I still hear from her once in a while, but me continuing the thought process that maybe she would come around only lengthened the time I spent with no appetite, no motivation, etc. It took me a full year (and a short lived, ill-advised reunion with her) to fully remove myself from that and get a perspective on what I wanted. And now, today, no matter how much I knew she was "the one" then, I could tell you a million reasons why I wouldn't even date her now. Trust me, as hard as it was for me, the best thing to do is completely forget about what she means to you now and be around friends as much as possible. Staying busy is another good thing- The more you laugh and live without her, the more you'll realize you can, and eventually, it won't be anything but a fond memory of foolish youth. Oh, and you'll learn a LOT about yourself in the process, as mentioned above. __________________ Recklessly enthused, stubbornly amused. FUCK EA

01-16-2007, 02:45 PM	#53
Lathum Favored Bitch #1 Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: homeless in NJ	IMO if you are clinging to the notion that you will get back together with you then you may be missing out on other oppritunities. You may not be giving yourself a chance to meet someone ten times better when you are ready if you are pining over your ex.

01-16-2007, 03:20 PM	#56
MikeVic Head Coach Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Hometown of Canada	You guys have given a lot of good advice, and I thank you a lot. I will continue with the e-mail when I can, but will never send it. It'll just be a part of my healing process, and a reflection of where I messed up, so I know for myself (she's bad at wording things when emotions are involved). I won't contact her again until maybe a month down the road, to say that I am getting over her and if she wasn't happy with me, then I'm fine with that. I guess I can close this out by saying that what really made this frustrating and out of nowhere was that we had a lot of things that made us so similar. And with the differences, we would bring up what bothered either one of us, talk about it, and move on. I've changed a bit, she's changed a bit... but out core was still there. And then this happens, and yeah. Like I said, came out of nowhere, but as you guys said... if there was too much changing involved, it probably wasn't right.

01-16-2007, 03:34 PM	#58
CU Tiger Grizzled Veteran Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Backwoods, SC	You never mentioned what she didn't like, but actions can be changed, traits can not. For example if you are naturally a flirty socialite type, she could make you act reserved and quiet but it would always feel unnatural. If she is so unhappy with core traits of yours that she doesnt want to be with you, she probably just saved you a divorce attorney fee and half your income. Not being harsh, but no matter how much you like her (or maybe more appropriately like the idea of her) if she cant accept and love you for who you are, then you are better off. Also you cant call in a month and say I am getting over you, that means I am not getting over you. If you really want her back, next time she IMs or calls blow it off. Don't answer, and don't go out of your way to show her up. (No need to hire an escort and go to the club she is at...it wont end good for you). Play it cool, play hard to get sort of... I think you need to face the slap in the face that it is over, accept the fact that she is never coming back, and if she does BONUS!. The best situation (In my experience) is the one I had with my first love for a few years after we broke up. We went through 6 months of childish avoidance and bickering. Then we became friends. Over the next 5 or so years, we probably hooked up 25 or 30 times and ruined 2-3 relationships for each other(or in all honesty gave each other an excuse to end bad ones). A nice friendly soft place to fall, a known commodity for a booty call, and no string, emotions or Christams gifts. Either way, life is too short. Move on. Get drunk And tag her best friend, or better yet her sister (which by the way caused the 1st breakup in the previously mentioned episode....)

01-16-2007, 03:43 PM	#59
MikeVic Head Coach Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Hometown of Canada	Oh, one thing... she has a bunch of my shit. I want it back. How do I handle that? Send someone else over? Tell her to drop it off when I'm not home? Just go there and pick it up with her being there, but that's it. Pick it up, no words exchanged, and go home?

01-16-2007, 04:13 PM	#64
Vinatieri for Prez College Starter Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Seattle	Another option is to go by with a couple of friends who are under strict orders to never leave the two of you alone together and to insist you leave within 10 minutes so you make it to the "party."

01-16-2007, 04:39 PM	#65
MikeVic Head Coach Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Hometown of Canada	Yeah, sounds like the best option. I'll still wait awhile before asking for it back. Don't want to be contacting her now. She knows she has my stuff, and knows exactly what she has.

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