Letter To The Observer: A modest proposal

[Honolulu_Blue]

Good stuff....


A letter to the London Observer from Terry Jones (yes, of Monty Python).
Letter to the Observer
Sunday January 26, 2003
The Observer

I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq:
he's running out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've been
really pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the
street.

Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give
me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for
me, but so far I haven't been able to discover what.

I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but
he's got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is. As for Mr
Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources -
that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the street
telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one by one.
Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the
police? But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they
need evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours.
They'll come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights
and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be
finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel
will be secretly murdering people.

Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic
firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until recently
that's been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush has made it
clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I can wade
in and do whatever I want!

And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards Iraq
is the only way to bring about international peace and security. The
one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers targeting
the US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that have never
threatened us.

That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill his wife and
children. Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us
in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable way.

Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing Iraq is
that Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of mass
destruction - even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've just as
much justification for killing Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr Bush
has for bombing Iraq. Mr Bush's long-term aim is to make the world a
safer place by eliminating 'rogue states' and 'terrorism'. It's such a
clever long-term aim because how can you ever know when you've achieved it?

How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every
single terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist once
he's committed an act of terror.

What about would-be terrorists? These are the ones you really want to
eliminate, since most of the known terrorists, being suicide bombers,
have already eliminated themselves.

Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a
future terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective
until every Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate
Muslims might convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe
thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate all Muslims?

It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the
tip of the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who
I don't like and who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one
will be really safe until I've wiped them all out. My wife says I might
be going too far but I tell her I'm simply using the same logic as the
President of the United States. That shuts her up.

Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough
reason for the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give
the whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open and
hand over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and
interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't hand them over
nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the entire street to
kingdom come.

It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in
contrast to what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one street.

[CamEdwards]

That's nice. Of course, I think we should go after Terry Jones for inflicting us with "The Meaning of Life".

Bombs away, Terry.

[AgPete]

I don't understand the Mr. Patel reference. Is he just another figure to represent Hussein? Ummm... because Hussein is a diabolical mass murderer. We'll just forget about Iran since after all, countries beside the U.S. do have the right to declare war on others, but Hussein has massacred the Kurds, raped and pillaged Kuwait, kills any vocal resistance to his regime, tortures Olympic athletes that don't win.... if he's not a mass murderer, it's because he needs someone to run his dictatorship.

Was he alluding to Bin Laden with Mr. Patel? Need I say anything about that. I can appreciate the Mr. Johnson comparisons but let's not mistake who these people are we're taking out. Countries may not agree with our justifications for invading Iraq, it's true that we only have vague circumstantial evidence to prove Hussein supports terrorism, and it's also true that we assume killing Hussein now stops future terrorism, but let's just say that the concept of hell in any religion has a nice comfy spot waiting for both Hussein and Bin Laden.

[Swaggs]

Excellent.

[tucker342]

That's really funny.

[Mustang]

Stupid

[Honolulu_Blue]

Originally posted by AgPete
I don't understand the Mr. Patel reference. Is he just another figure to represent Hussein? Ummm... because Hussein is a diabolical mass murderer. We'll just forget about Iran since after all, countries beside the U.S. do have the right to declare war on others, but Hussein has massacred the Kurds, raped and pillaged Kuwait, kills any vocal resistance to his regime, tortures Olympic athletes that don't win.... if he's not a mass murderer, it's because he needs someone to run his dictatorship.

Was he alluding to Bin Laden with Mr. Patel? Need I say anything about that. I can appreciate the Mr. Johnson comparisons but let's not mistake who these people are we're taking out. Countries may not agree with our justifications for invading Iraq, it's true that we only have vague circumstantial evidence to prove Hussein supports terrorism, and it's also true that we assume killing Hussein now stops future terrorism, but let's just say that the concept of hell in any religion has a nice comfy spot waiting for both Hussein and Bin Laden.

I think the Mr. Patel reference symbolizes Muslims in general. Not Hussien. Not Bin Laden, just Joe Average Muslim and how they have fallen under immediate suspicion and how civil liberties have been stripped away in attempts to target them.

[Fritz]

A little history lesson:

1939

1 Sep Germany invades Poland.
2 Sep Italy proclaims neutrality in the german-polish conflict.
3 Sep Britain, Frace, Australia, New Zealand, India and South Africa declare war on Germany.
5 Sep United States proclaims neutrality.
7 Sep French troops enter Saar, Germany.
10 Sep Canada declares war on Germany.

[Honolulu_Blue]

Originally posted by Fritz
A little history lesson:

1939

1 Sep Germany invades Poland.
2 Sep Italy proclaims neutrality in the german-polish conflict.
3 Sep Britain, Frace, Australia, New Zealand, India and South Africa declare war on Germany.
5 Sep United States proclaims neutrality.
7 Sep French troops enter Saar, Germany.
10 Sep Canada declares war on Germany.

And this has to do with...?

[Fritz]

Originally posted by Honolulu_Blue
And this has to do with...?

History, duh

[Honolulu_Blue]

Originally posted by Fritz
History, duh

History, yes. But why is this particular history relevant to the thread? Perhaps you meant to post in the old "On This Day In World War II" thread.

[Fritz]

Just thinking about unprovoked attacks in the last 100 years.

[Honolulu_Blue]

Originally posted by Fritz
Just thinking about unprovoked attacks in the last 100 years.

Ahh.. Gotcha. Apologies. Good point. Brain slow. Work long.