[WSUCougar]

Ksyrup: “and I've got a nice gash on my penis.” <--- words I never want to read again


Seems like everyone has baseball stories, and they’re all eerily similar. Here’s a couple of mine.

In Little League, I was our team’s catcher and #2 pitcher. No overpowering stuff, but I consistently got the ball over the plate, which in our league was a pretty rare skill. Our team was quite good and went to the playoffs. My dad was the coach, and when he scouted our opponents from the other league, he quickly determined that we were overmatched. It was a double-elimination tournament, so he decided to more or less concede the first game by pitching me and try to win the second game with our ace (who had great stuff). In retrospect I understand what he was doing, but at the time I didn’t.

Well, these kids we played against were mutants or something. Simply animals. I pitched my regular control game, and they just feasted on it. To say I got knocked around, slammed, pounded, etc., doesn’t even cover it. It didn’t help that our defense was Bad News Bears quality. When the smoke cleared, we’d lost 24-0 and I’d pitched all but one inning of it. I cried in the dugout.

The next day I was in the local paper, with two photos: one of my delivery, and then one of me on the mound watching the hit fly overhead. The caption was “here comes the pitch…there goes the pitch” or something like that. Celebrity came at a hard price.

My other story is a short one. This team called the Hawks was our nemesis, and they this first baseman who was a real jerk. He always taunted us, and for our age he was an overdeveloped lug. Anyway, I was on first and he started his routine with me, and pissed me off so much that I really wanted to get back at him. I thought I’d do that by jumping out to my lead right in front of him. I did this a couple times, but then the third time I did it I failed to notice that he’d moved into the base bath, and I ran smack into him and KNOCKED MYSELF OUT. I was down for around 30 seconds or so. Very nice.