[Ksyrup]

OK, a couple more.

Since everyone's got a baseball story, I've got one, too.

In little league, I had the perfect chance to be the hero at the end of a game. Down by a run, 2 outs, with men on 2nd and 3rd, I lace a sure game-winner down the 3rd base line. I sprint for 1st, not looking at anything but staring straight ahead, sure that when I touch 1st and turn around, the guy from 2nd will be headed home with the game-winning run.

Well, do you remember that rule you learned in little league about staying in foul territory if you're on 3rd? My teammate didn't listen. Not only did he get hit with my line drive - which made him an automatic out, game over - but I nailed him in the nuts. He had an ice bag in his pants - including the next day at school - for like 24-36 hours after that game.


OK, now one with me on the receiving end...

There's this Christmas tradition, you may know it, called Secret Santa, where you leave presents on a neighbor's doorstep for the 12 nights leading up to Christmas. My mom decided we should do that for one of our neighbors, who lived 2 doors down. My brother and I took turns delivering the package, but as they caught on, it became more difficult, as their two kids essentially camped out looking for us, night after night.

So, a couple of nights before Christmas, their place is all lit up and the kids are peeking out from behind curtains and stuff. I know that when I hit the doorbell, I've got to book it. I catch them at dinner, hit the doorbell, and take off. I hear the door open as I round the house and know that I've got to keep going full-speed until I'm safe. I'm flying through their backyard at top speed, thinking only of getting as far away as fast as I can - and forgetting that the people next door to us (between our house and the Secret Santa family) have a chain link fence. I hit the damn thing at full speed and flip over it, getting my pants caught as I go over and ripping them from the zipper down past the thigh. I can hear the kids shouting at each other to keep looking, so I get up and limp/run the rest of the way - pausing to climb over the other part of the fence, btw - and make it home "safely."

So when my dad sees me, he says, "What in the hell happened to you?", and I explain what happened, and then the pain starts. Turns out I ripped more than my pants, and I've got a nice gash on my penis. Thank God I'm a white boy, 'cause I'm fortunate that it didn't get caught in the fence and ripped off with my pants!