Front Office Football Central - View Single Post - Godzilla Blitz's "Poop on the Golden Helmets (Year 3)"

Co-D'ohs · 02-28-2003, 06:40 PM

Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:

Week 14
Report cards came in a couple of weeks ago, but so much has been going on with all that ESPN stuff that we didn’t get a chance to talk about them. Some news of concern: S Chapman, last year’s Rudy Scholarship Winner, is starting to flirt with disaster. His low grade is now a D+. Candy, our new team tutor, gives him emergency one-on-one time to help change his academic direction. RB Brock Gray is steady at a C- low. What a success story this man has become! Just his academic success alone is remarkable: the dumbest and least talented hs senior in the US in 2001 is now carrying a 2.26 GPA in his second year at Notre Dame! But take a look at these 2003 stats on the field: 9 of 9 starts, 112 carries, 582 yards, 5.1 avg, 2 TD’s. Wow! Not done yet though. Frost his cake with this: he’s happy as a pig in poop (95 rating) and got a stunning redhead named Danielle for a babe.

I think this proves it conclusively: if you are really dumb and suck at football, you can still be a tremendous success at Notre Dame. Apply now. In mass. Tell them Godzilla told you it was ok.

Elsewhere, the 35% study time has really brought a lot more A’s to our program; 25 students on the roster have a LOW grade in the A range. We sure are bright, aren’t we!

Pregame
Pass me my rocking chair, please; this season is over. We have no chance in our last two games. Victory laps. Cruise control. Movie credits. Today we play as 13-point underdogs against #34 (6-4) Boston College. Enjoy the feast BC! Happy to oblige! Local 5 will carry all the action…

The Result
Rollin rollin rollin, rollin rollin rollin, rollin rollin rolliiiin RAWHIDE! Boston College 55, Notre Dame 3!! Party time in Notre Dame! And have we got a stat for you! QB Barnes (2-7, 54 yards, 1 int) was lame. But that is not the stat. RB Gray (8 carries, 9 yards) was lame as well. But that is not the stat. This is the stat: QB Brady, who came on to play the second half, has this line: 3-11, -5 yards, 1 interception, and 1 fumble. How’s that for a productive passing attack? Yes, minus five yards passing in the second half! Add in sack and penalty yardage and it really gets good. Need we say more? Vaj Game Ball, here you are, Mr. Brady. Try not to drop it.

Once again we avoided a shutout though. These mental breakdowns annoy me so! Today’s Corn in the Poop Distinction falls on CB McAnus, whose interception and return deep into BC territory set up K Bart Cohen with a chipshot even he couldn’t miss. McAnus will be duct-taped to a PS2 and forced to play 100 games of Madden2002, All Madden level, Houston Texans against the All-Time All-Madden team. One Miller beer consumer per point given up, no bathroom breaks allowed. Eat that, High Life man.

But still, what joy is this…

Record 3-7; Rank #92!!!!

Thanks again for stopping by! Be sure to bring your seat warmers for tomorrow’s 2003 grand finale, as we entertain #15 Penn State on TV3, in front of 80,000 delirious Notre Dame faithful. Pssssst. Don’t worry: we are 30-point underdogs.

If we get our last recruit, we’ll show you the incoming laddies' stats as well. See you then! Go Irish!!! Yee-haw!!!

02-28-2003, 06:40 PM	#55
Co-D'ohs H.S. Freshman Team Join Date: Jan 2003	Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz: Week 14 Report cards came in a couple of weeks ago, but so much has been going on with all that ESPN stuff that we didn’t get a chance to talk about them. Some news of concern: S Chapman, last year’s Rudy Scholarship Winner, is starting to flirt with disaster. His low grade is now a D+. Candy, our new team tutor, gives him emergency one-on-one time to help change his academic direction. RB Brock Gray is steady at a C- low. What a success story this man has become! Just his academic success alone is remarkable: the dumbest and least talented hs senior in the US in 2001 is now carrying a 2.26 GPA in his second year at Notre Dame! But take a look at these 2003 stats on the field: 9 of 9 starts, 112 carries, 582 yards, 5.1 avg, 2 TD’s. Wow! Not done yet though. Frost his cake with this: he’s happy as a pig in poop (95 rating) and got a stunning redhead named Danielle for a babe. I think this proves it conclusively: if you are really dumb and suck at football, you can still be a tremendous success at Notre Dame. Apply now. In mass. Tell them Godzilla told you it was ok. Elsewhere, the 35% study time has really brought a lot more A’s to our program; 25 students on the roster have a LOW grade in the A range. We sure are bright, aren’t we! Pregame Pass me my rocking chair, please; this season is over. We have no chance in our last two games. Victory laps. Cruise control. Movie credits. Today we play as 13-point underdogs against #34 (6-4) Boston College. Enjoy the feast BC! Happy to oblige! Local 5 will carry all the action… The Result Rollin rollin rollin, rollin rollin rollin, rollin rollin rolliiiin RAWHIDE! Boston College 55, Notre Dame 3!! Party time in Notre Dame! And have we got a stat for you! QB Barnes (2-7, 54 yards, 1 int) was lame. But that is not the stat. RB Gray (8 carries, 9 yards) was lame as well. But that is not the stat. This is the stat: QB Brady, who came on to play the second half, has this line: 3-11, -5 yards, 1 interception, and 1 fumble. How’s that for a productive passing attack? Yes, minus five yards passing in the second half! Add in sack and penalty yardage and it really gets good. Need we say more? Vaj Game Ball, here you are, Mr. Brady. Try not to drop it. Once again we avoided a shutout though. These mental breakdowns annoy me so! Today’s Corn in the Poop Distinction falls on CB McAnus, whose interception and return deep into BC territory set up K Bart Cohen with a chipshot even he couldn’t miss. McAnus will be duct-taped to a PS2 and forced to play 100 games of Madden2002, All Madden level, Houston Texans against the All-Time All-Madden team. One Miller beer consumer per point given up, no bathroom breaks allowed. Eat that, High Life man. But still, what joy is this… Record 3-7; Rank #92!!!! Thanks again for stopping by! Be sure to bring your seat warmers for tomorrow’s 2003 grand finale, as we entertain #15 Penn State on TV3, in front of 80,000 delirious Notre Dame faithful. Pssssst. Don’t worry: we are 30-point underdogs. If we get our last recruit, we’ll show you the incoming laddies' stats as well. See you then! Go Irish!!! Yee-haw!!!