Front Office Football Central - View Single Post - Godzilla Blitz's "Poop on the Golden Helmets (Year 3)"

Co-D'ohs · 02-28-2003, 06:32 PM

Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:

ESPN News Flash!!!!!
Good Evening. Welcome to Sports Center. I’m Doug Ahol, filling in for the other guys. Tonight, we’ll go right to our top story: A scandal at one of America’s most haloed academic institutions, The University of Notre Dame. ESPN sources today discovered postings reputedly by Godzilla Blitz, head coach and GM of the Fighting Irish, on a website called FOF Central. These posts give strong indication that Blitz is actually trying to destroy the Notre Dame football program. The evidence is remarkable: Blitz quotes about joyously finding the worst recruits in America, reveling in player injuries, and rewarding players with game balls when they play a critical roll in the team’s defeats. Could this be true? Well, ESPN contacted Blitz this afternoon, and he consented to an interview. We take you now to South Bend, Indiana, for this exclusive live interview with EPSN’s Bibi Gunn. Bibi…?

Bibi: Evening, Doug. We’re here outside the Notre Dame locker room with Coach Blitz of the Notre Dame Fighting Irish. Mr. Blitz, could we get your immediate reaction to today’s story?

Godzilla Blitz: Absolutely no truth to it, Bibi. I had one of our assistant’s pull up the site for me today, Bibi, and I tell you, I have never had sexual relations with that woman.

Bibi: Excuse me, Mr. Blitz?

Godzilla Blitz: It depends on how you define sex, Bibi.

Bibi: Mr. Blitz, I’m talking about the website where you reportedly brag about your success in destroying the Notre Dame football program.

Godzilla Blitz: Oh. That website. Absolutely not true either, Bibi. The Godzilla Blitz there is obviously some deranged imposter. I love Notre Dame football. Look at the success we have had over the past two years!

Bibi: But the site contains information on targeted recruits that Notre Dame later signed. The information was posted well before Notre Dame signed the recruit. How could that information have leaked to some imposter?

Godzilla Blitz: For one thing Bibi, there are only 3,000 high school seniors in the US, and it is no secret, despite what you say, who we target in our recruiting. You can see it right in the “Visit Summary” screen. Also, with computers today, you can easily change the dates to make it appear that the postings were before the time they were really posted.

Bibi: Well, how about the accusations that in two years of recruiting, no other college has targeted any of the 32 recruits that you have brought to Notre Dame, and that in one case the recruit has never played football.

Godzilla Blitz: Bibi, ask any US citizen who has a pulse what school has the best football program in the nation and they will tell you Notre Dame. We are God’s chosen institution, with more national championships than the damn Yankees. When we recruit a student, it would be simply natural that all other teams give up. They know they can’t compete with us. As for the kid who never played football, the Notre Dame magic will take care of him. There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Notre Dame way.

Bibi: Well, how do you explain that for two year’s in a row, your recruiting class has been ranked #125 by the “Past Rankings” command?

Godzilla Blitz: Remember, Bibi, this is Gindinland. This is not the real NCAA. Are you telling me that Gindin knows more about evaluating high school talent than me, the head coach at the finest institution in the US? And it’s no secret that Gindin hates our program. Look at the horseshit division he put us in. You know he’s laughing his way to sleep every night when he thinks of Notre Dame fans playing the likes of Central Florida and Troy State every year for hundreds of years. But anyway, Bibi, look at our success, will you? How could anyone possibly think that I am trying to destroy the program when we finished first in the nation last year?

Bibi: You finished fourth, Mr. Blitz.

Godzilla Blitz: Not here at Notre Dame, we didn’t.

Bibi: The university board of regents, Mr. Blitz, has recently opened an inquiry into your performance since your hiring three years ago. I spoke with Mr. Hedd Honcho, the director, and he said they were looking into the players that have had their positions switched over the past couple of years. He said there were some highly dubious moves. In particular, linebacker Don Stephens was considered a pro prospect of the highest regard, and since you made him a punter, he has not set a foot on the field for his entire junior and senior years.

Godzilla Blitz: All punters have strong legs. Don has strong legs, Bibi. Therefore Don should be a punter. You ever take a basic logic class, Bibi?

Bibi: But Don was a terrible punter. He is so bad that your assistants refuse to play him. If that’s the case, why haven’t you switched him back to linebacker since you no longer use him at punter?

Godzilla Blitz: Well, for one thing, Bibi, you can never have enough punters. Why, I remember back in the Nam, we lost three guys in one day. Charlie got ‘em just like that. And don’t let anyone tell you that football isn’t war, Bibi, cuz it is. War. Bang bang, you dead. Also, research shows that the defining characteristic of good leadership is fast, powerful, and final decisions. Never look back, and never change a decision. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!!! Go Irish!!!!

Bibi: Mr. Blitz, you just lost games to Navy 19-17, Troy State 45-3, and South Florida 51-7. All of these programs are in the bottom of the nation’s rankings. How do you explain that?

Godzilla Blitz: Well, Bibi, we are obviously in a rebuilding year. We graduated a lot of seniors last year and we’ve got a lot of talent that needs to season. You just wait till next year, you’ll see. We’ll be right back up there at number one again. Trust me!

Bibi: Do you have any comment on the rumors that you will be fired at the end of this season unless you can turn it around in the team’s last four games?

Godzilla Blitz: Samurai never glance where they do not want to go. I’ll do my best Bibi, and I can’t worry about the other stuff. I don’t think it’ll happen though. Remember, this is Gindinland, and you just never can be sure when you’ll get fired, when you’ll get hired, and how many phone calls is enough. All you can be sure of is that you’ll live forever, or at least until your computer crashes and you lose your registration slip. Gotta run! Thanks! (walks away down hallway)

Bibi: This is Bibi Gunn, live from South Bend. Back to you, Doug…

Godzilla Blitz: (fading, muffled laughter)

02-28-2003, 06:32 PM	#42
Co-D'ohs H.S. Freshman Team Join Date: Jan 2003	Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz: ESPN News Flash!!!!! Good Evening. Welcome to Sports Center. I’m Doug Ahol, filling in for the other guys. Tonight, we’ll go right to our top story: A scandal at one of America’s most haloed academic institutions, The University of Notre Dame. ESPN sources today discovered postings reputedly by Godzilla Blitz, head coach and GM of the Fighting Irish, on a website called FOF Central. These posts give strong indication that Blitz is actually trying to destroy the Notre Dame football program. The evidence is remarkable: Blitz quotes about joyously finding the worst recruits in America, reveling in player injuries, and rewarding players with game balls when they play a critical roll in the team’s defeats. Could this be true? Well, ESPN contacted Blitz this afternoon, and he consented to an interview. We take you now to South Bend, Indiana, for this exclusive live interview with EPSN’s Bibi Gunn. Bibi…? Bibi: Evening, Doug. We’re here outside the Notre Dame locker room with Coach Blitz of the Notre Dame Fighting Irish. Mr. Blitz, could we get your immediate reaction to today’s story? Godzilla Blitz: Absolutely no truth to it, Bibi. I had one of our assistant’s pull up the site for me today, Bibi, and I tell you, I have never had sexual relations with that woman. Bibi: Excuse me, Mr. Blitz? Godzilla Blitz: It depends on how you define sex, Bibi. Bibi: Mr. Blitz, I’m talking about the website where you reportedly brag about your success in destroying the Notre Dame football program. Godzilla Blitz: Oh. That website. Absolutely not true either, Bibi. The Godzilla Blitz there is obviously some deranged imposter. I love Notre Dame football. Look at the success we have had over the past two years! Bibi: But the site contains information on targeted recruits that Notre Dame later signed. The information was posted well before Notre Dame signed the recruit. How could that information have leaked to some imposter? Godzilla Blitz: For one thing Bibi, there are only 3,000 high school seniors in the US, and it is no secret, despite what you say, who we target in our recruiting. You can see it right in the “Visit Summary” screen. Also, with computers today, you can easily change the dates to make it appear that the postings were before the time they were really posted. Bibi: Well, how about the accusations that in two years of recruiting, no other college has targeted any of the 32 recruits that you have brought to Notre Dame, and that in one case the recruit has never played football. Godzilla Blitz: Bibi, ask any US citizen who has a pulse what school has the best football program in the nation and they will tell you Notre Dame. We are God’s chosen institution, with more national championships than the damn Yankees. When we recruit a student, it would be simply natural that all other teams give up. They know they can’t compete with us. As for the kid who never played football, the Notre Dame magic will take care of him. There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Notre Dame way. Bibi: Well, how do you explain that for two year’s in a row, your recruiting class has been ranked #125 by the “Past Rankings” command? Godzilla Blitz: Remember, Bibi, this is Gindinland. This is not the real NCAA. Are you telling me that Gindin knows more about evaluating high school talent than me, the head coach at the finest institution in the US? And it’s no secret that Gindin hates our program. Look at the horseshit division he put us in. You know he’s laughing his way to sleep every night when he thinks of Notre Dame fans playing the likes of Central Florida and Troy State every year for hundreds of years. But anyway, Bibi, look at our success, will you? How could anyone possibly think that I am trying to destroy the program when we finished first in the nation last year? Bibi: You finished fourth, Mr. Blitz. Godzilla Blitz: Not here at Notre Dame, we didn’t. Bibi: The university board of regents, Mr. Blitz, has recently opened an inquiry into your performance since your hiring three years ago. I spoke with Mr. Hedd Honcho, the director, and he said they were looking into the players that have had their positions switched over the past couple of years. He said there were some highly dubious moves. In particular, linebacker Don Stephens was considered a pro prospect of the highest regard, and since you made him a punter, he has not set a foot on the field for his entire junior and senior years. Godzilla Blitz: All punters have strong legs. Don has strong legs, Bibi. Therefore Don should be a punter. You ever take a basic logic class, Bibi? Bibi: But Don was a terrible punter. He is so bad that your assistants refuse to play him. If that’s the case, why haven’t you switched him back to linebacker since you no longer use him at punter? Godzilla Blitz: Well, for one thing, Bibi, you can never have enough punters. Why, I remember back in the Nam, we lost three guys in one day. Charlie got ‘em just like that. And don’t let anyone tell you that football isn’t war, Bibi, cuz it is. War. Bang bang, you dead. Also, research shows that the defining characteristic of good leadership is fast, powerful, and final decisions. Never look back, and never change a decision. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!!! Go Irish!!!! Bibi: Mr. Blitz, you just lost games to Navy 19-17, Troy State 45-3, and South Florida 51-7. All of these programs are in the bottom of the nation’s rankings. How do you explain that? Godzilla Blitz: Well, Bibi, we are obviously in a rebuilding year. We graduated a lot of seniors last year and we’ve got a lot of talent that needs to season. You just wait till next year, you’ll see. We’ll be right back up there at number one again. Trust me! Bibi: Do you have any comment on the rumors that you will be fired at the end of this season unless you can turn it around in the team’s last four games? Godzilla Blitz: Samurai never glance where they do not want to go. I’ll do my best Bibi, and I can’t worry about the other stuff. I don’t think it’ll happen though. Remember, this is Gindinland, and you just never can be sure when you’ll get fired, when you’ll get hired, and how many phone calls is enough. All you can be sure of is that you’ll live forever, or at least until your computer crashes and you lose your registration slip. Gotta run! Thanks! (walks away down hallway) Bibi: This is Bibi Gunn, live from South Bend. Back to you, Doug… Godzilla Blitz: (fading, muffled laughter)