Front Office Football Central - View Single Post - Godzilla Blitz's "Poop on the Golden Helmets (Year 3)"

Co-D'ohs · 02-28-2003, 06:09 PM

Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:

Week 1
Some good news to start the season folks. It looks like both Rudy Scholarship winners are going to see extensive action this year! 2001 winner RB Brock Gray comes up second on the depth chart; since we are running the wishbone I would think he’ll get a lot of carries. Brock is quite excited, and has been working hard at concepts like “forward” and “backward”. Also, 2002 winner Marshall Chapman will get a starting nod at safety! For those of you who are new, The Rudy Scholarship is the four-year ride we give to the stupidest, least-talented football recruit in the nation.

Recruiting
Speaking of which, we have located two candidates for the 2003 Rudy Scholarship Award! Ideally we would have three, but these two are in a class by themselves. We present…

Offensive Tackle J.J. Neely from King William HS in King William, VA! JJ has a 1.82 GPA and a 595 on his SAT! Wow! Dumb and lazy! What a combo! And our scout gives him a “2” at OT! Yes! This could be the best guy yet!

His competition is going to give him a run for his money though. OLB Heath Sherman from Redwood HS in Visalia, CA has a slightly better GPA at 1.97 but only managed a 581 on his SAT. He is a much better football player though. He gets a “7” from our scout. This could be a duel to remember. We visit both of them and give them the news, and the competition is underway! We repeat the offer to them a few times, and explain unfamiliar concepts like “college,” “scholarship,” and “numbers larger than 2.” They both seem real happy with the attention.

We spend some more time and Notre Dame money visiting other recruits that fit our new ideal: horrible on the field, great in school. I will call this the strategy the “wonk patrol”. Here wonkie, wonkie. Come to Notre Dame.

But enough. Let’s get on to the game!

The Game
Local TV against #123 Louisiana-Monroe. This is our first ever game against this team, and should give us a good idea of where we stand talent-wise this year. If we could lose here, what greatness could be ours! I am doubtful though. Our offense still has quite a bit of punch left and our defense still has some hitters. Anyway, hang on to your jock strap because here we goooooooo!!!!

The Result
Our running attack, led my Mr. Brock Gray (?!?) grinds out a long 1st quarter drive to give us a 7-0 lead, but we let LM do the same thing to us to even the score at 7-7. Then Mr. Hendrick, our new ex-running back made punter, comes through with booming 23-yard punt to give LM the ball deep in our territory. LM promptly scores again and we are down 14-7 at the half! Yahoo! Things are working perfectly!!!! At the end of the 3rd quarter, QB Briggs (damn him!) highlights a long drive with a TD strike to WR Linville and we are even 14-14. LM is unable to do much of anything, but we stall as well, until late in the 4th quarter our punter Hendrick comes through again! He booms a 17-yarder which gives LM the ball deep in our territory once more! Way to go Hendy! You the man! Isn’t punting fun! Right about now, I figure we are sitting pretty. But, but, but, the unthinkable happens! On the next play, walk-on safety Shaun Gordon picks off a pass and takes it 55 yards before tripping over the LM 20-yard line. Our offense gets the ball deep in LM territory! Oh no, Mr. Wizard! We stumble and bumble around, but Bart Cohen, our zero-rated kicker, nails a 22-yarder to give us a 17-14 lead that holds for the victory. Aaargh! So close, yet so far!

Record 1-0, Rank #3

But we are so much better this year. We played a good close game against the #123 team in the country! We have potential! We are getting there! We do have some problems though. Our offensive line is fairly strong; we were able to gain over 200 yards on the ground and didn’t give up a sack. Even clueless RB Gray gained 67 yards behind these behemoths! QB Briggs (9-15, 87 yards, 1 TD, 0 int) performed too well at critical moments. WR Linville gobbled up 6 passes for 54 yards and a TD. Our defense only gave up 14 points and made the critical play late in the 4th quarter to cost us the defeat we had fought so hard for. So we have a ways to go, but all in all things are looking brighter now. We can see defeat at the end of this long victory tunnel. All we may need is one more thing. One key ingredient to bring us to the fruitlessness we have so long aspired to. That, of course, is where you, our loyal fans who stuck with us through the depressing 11-1 season which was last year, come in. You, who clicked on this thread when you knew the result would only be another Notre Dame rout. You, who read every word, and didn’t skip over the agonizing pain of our Bowl victories of the first two years. You, who believed we would return though our thread had ground to a temporary halt. Yes, you. For now it is time for...

02-28-2003, 06:09 PM	#10
Co-D'ohs H.S. Freshman Team Join Date: Jan 2003	Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz: Week 1 Some good news to start the season folks. It looks like both Rudy Scholarship winners are going to see extensive action this year! 2001 winner RB Brock Gray comes up second on the depth chart; since we are running the wishbone I would think he’ll get a lot of carries. Brock is quite excited, and has been working hard at concepts like “forward” and “backward”. Also, 2002 winner Marshall Chapman will get a starting nod at safety! For those of you who are new, The Rudy Scholarship is the four-year ride we give to the stupidest, least-talented football recruit in the nation. Recruiting Speaking of which, we have located two candidates for the 2003 Rudy Scholarship Award! Ideally we would have three, but these two are in a class by themselves. We present… Offensive Tackle J.J. Neely from King William HS in King William, VA! JJ has a 1.82 GPA and a 595 on his SAT! Wow! Dumb and lazy! What a combo! And our scout gives him a “2” at OT! Yes! This could be the best guy yet! His competition is going to give him a run for his money though. OLB Heath Sherman from Redwood HS in Visalia, CA has a slightly better GPA at 1.97 but only managed a 581 on his SAT. He is a much better football player though. He gets a “7” from our scout. This could be a duel to remember. We visit both of them and give them the news, and the competition is underway! We repeat the offer to them a few times, and explain unfamiliar concepts like “college,” “scholarship,” and “numbers larger than 2.” They both seem real happy with the attention. We spend some more time and Notre Dame money visiting other recruits that fit our new ideal: horrible on the field, great in school. I will call this the strategy the “wonk patrol”. Here wonkie, wonkie. Come to Notre Dame. But enough. Let’s get on to the game! The Game Local TV against #123 Louisiana-Monroe. This is our first ever game against this team, and should give us a good idea of where we stand talent-wise this year. If we could lose here, what greatness could be ours! I am doubtful though. Our offense still has quite a bit of punch left and our defense still has some hitters. Anyway, hang on to your jock strap because here we goooooooo!!!! The Result Our running attack, led my Mr. Brock Gray (?!?) grinds out a long 1st quarter drive to give us a 7-0 lead, but we let LM do the same thing to us to even the score at 7-7. Then Mr. Hendrick, our new ex-running back made punter, comes through with booming 23-yard punt to give LM the ball deep in our territory. LM promptly scores again and we are down 14-7 at the half! Yahoo! Things are working perfectly!!!! At the end of the 3rd quarter, QB Briggs (damn him!) highlights a long drive with a TD strike to WR Linville and we are even 14-14. LM is unable to do much of anything, but we stall as well, until late in the 4th quarter our punter Hendrick comes through again! He booms a 17-yarder which gives LM the ball deep in our territory once more! Way to go Hendy! You the man! Isn’t punting fun! Right about now, I figure we are sitting pretty. But, but, but, the unthinkable happens! On the next play, walk-on safety Shaun Gordon picks off a pass and takes it 55 yards before tripping over the LM 20-yard line. Our offense gets the ball deep in LM territory! Oh no, Mr. Wizard! We stumble and bumble around, but Bart Cohen, our zero-rated kicker, nails a 22-yarder to give us a 17-14 lead that holds for the victory. Aaargh! So close, yet so far! Record 1-0, Rank #3 But we are so much better this year. We played a good close game against the #123 team in the country! We have potential! We are getting there! We do have some problems though. Our offensive line is fairly strong; we were able to gain over 200 yards on the ground and didn’t give up a sack. Even clueless RB Gray gained 67 yards behind these behemoths! QB Briggs (9-15, 87 yards, 1 TD, 0 int) performed too well at critical moments. WR Linville gobbled up 6 passes for 54 yards and a TD. Our defense only gave up 14 points and made the critical play late in the 4th quarter to cost us the defeat we had fought so hard for. So we have a ways to go, but all in all things are looking brighter now. We can see defeat at the end of this long victory tunnel. All we may need is one more thing. One key ingredient to bring us to the fruitlessness we have so long aspired to. That, of course, is where you, our loyal fans who stuck with us through the depressing 11-1 season which was last year, come in. You, who clicked on this thread when you knew the result would only be another Notre Dame rout. You, who read every word, and didn’t skip over the agonizing pain of our Bowl victories of the first two years. You, who believed we would return though our thread had ground to a temporary halt. Yes, you. For now it is time for...