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"Why should I invest in your company?"
"Well, sir, as you can see, we sell products and services for more money than it costs us to make and provide the products and services. We keep the excess money for ourselves as profit. If you invest in our company, then you will have a right to a percentage of that profit. Thus, you should invest in our company."
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! You call that a sales pitch? Not one word about Reddit? What are the furries forums saying about your company? Is Elon Musk going to tweet vague and cryptic musings about you when he's taking a shit? And your company seems to be dealing in dollars and Euros. Do you even know what a KardashianKoin is?"
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