[revrew]

Week 6 Results:

"Week 6 was exciting where it was supposed to be exciting, and boring where it was supposed to be boring. Let's start with the latter.

Knoxville (4-1), always one of the league's top offenses, got the chance to tee off against Little Rock (1-4), perpetually one of the leagues worst defenses. At the same time, the league's best runningback, LR's Rajah Saleem, got to tee off against Knoxville's less-than-spectacular defense.

Little Rock's stratege was simple - run the ball to keep it away from Knoxville, and mix it up with the occasional playaction. The running worked, to the tune of 145 and 3 for Rajah. But many of those runs were long runs, and Little Rock couldn't hold the ball long enough to give their battered defense a rest. Meanwhile, Knoxville rookie CB Deion Jackson added another INT to his total, and the Little Rock passing game sputtered.

Knoxville's plan was to throw slants, screens, and flats to play to Little Rock's weak linebackers and secondary. They weren't going to give LR DE L.L. JeeberD or DT Henry Blitzen a chance to crush their star QB, 'Thumbless' Jackson.

It worked to perfection. 'Thumbless' completed a ZFL-record 45 passes for 410 yards and 3 scores. The pressure on the outside permitted some running as well, and the Jack-backs (is it okey to still use that term after Robby 'Action' Jackson retired?) punched in 3 more.

Knoxville pummels the outmatched Willies, 42-21."

*****
"Blowout number 2 came in Birmingham, where the former champs (2-3) lit it up against the visiting Fargo Fighting Crawfish (1-4).

Birmingham jumped out to a big lead early as BH QB Zeus 'ZR' Reloaded and his favorite aging target, WR Revrew took advantage of Fargo's young, mediocre secondary. Revrew caught 100 yards and 2 TDs in the first half as Birmingham jumped out to a 28-0 lead at the half.

A pair of fumbled caused on sacks by Atlantis and Another Atlantis kept Fargo in the hole early.

In the second half, Fargo QB Killer found veteran target Shane too much for BH CB Hades, and several deep strikes set up a pair of FB Ty Wick TD plunches. But it proved too little too late as 'ZR' throws for 300 and 3, and the Olympians win, 35-14."

*****
"Blowout number 3 comes as an expansion team takes several old-timer bully punches. Cincinnati (0-5) couldn't take the suddenly offensive onslaught of the L.A. Stars (4-1), who are battling to be considered the most fearsome squad in the ZFL.

Cinci managed an early TD run as HB Bubs followed rookie behemoth, OG So and So into the endzone. But after that, it would be all L.A.

2 sacks for LA DE Toby McGwire, 2 INTS for LA safety Ray Liotta, 12 tackles by LA MLB Brad Pitt, 2 TD passes caught by veteran WR Joe Pesci, 2 TDs by rookie HB Rodney Dangerfield, and L.A. puts up big numbers for the third week in a row. LA, 35-7."

*****
"Blowout number 4 also came in an expansion team game, but it happened in reverse. How far have the defending champs fallen? The 1-4 Eagles got trounced by a second year expansion franchise, the 2-3 El Paso Busters.

Chicago managed to move the ball some, but turnovers and an unstoppable offensive Buster squad put this game into the books early. Buster DEs Aundray Bruce and Eddie Lee Washington put the hurtin on CH QB Mike Marino, and El Paso safety Patrick Bates continued his outstanding year by pulling down yet another INT.

Meanwhile, rookie OT Billy Milner continued his bid for OROY by protecting Ryan Leaf, who tossed out a trio of TDs and set up a trio on the ground. Behind young, powerful FB Rashaan Salaam, EP HB Ki-Jana Carter put up his first 3 TD game, and the Busters were all over the Eagles. El Paso 42-21."

*****
"Our other games, however, came down to the wire, especially in Portland, where the 2-3 Sea Biscuits hosted old rival, the Milwaukee Muscle Men (3-2).

Milwaukee attempted (as always) to outmuscle the opponents, but Portland's DT duo, Colonel Joseph and Captain Bipto, gummed up the middle. MLB Sectoid Commander played another fine game, and the Milwaukee offense couldn't grind out the overwhelming number of 1st downs that they're accustomed to.

Portland's offense, meanwhile, though they didn't put up many points, put up big numbers driving Milwaukee back into their own territory again and again. Driving up the middle behind OGs Erik Flamebeard and Tim the Troll, Antonio De La Tonio accumulated 85 yards and a score.

PT QB Paddy O'Leary discovered WR ManChild Richthofen even more electric than MW standout rookie CB Patrick Surtain, and the Paddy O to Richthofen combination poured in 156 yards. With Milwaukee leading 14-7 late in the game, Paddy O generated another long drive, and this time capped it off with a TD to WR Khan Ogadai. At the buzzer, 14-14. Bring on the kickers!

PT kicker Bob Sunesson would get his first shot against the seemingly invincible Bruce 'I'll kick your butt' Handily in a classic car drag race best of 3 down the interstate outside of Portland. Each racer was allowed to choose from among 5 classic cars for a hot quarter mile.

In race one, Sunesson chose a GTO and Bruce chose the Mustang. In a photo finish, Bruce picks up the first win, and Bob's behind the 8-ball. In race two, Bruce chooses the 'Vette, but Bob goes out on a limb and takes the unusual TRV. In a shocker, the TRV blows the 'Vette away, and we're down to the final race. In the final, Bruce chooses the '57 Chevy, and Bob continues his unusual choices by taking the old Jaguar. In a dead heat the two streaked toward the line, but the Chevy sputtered a bit at the end, and Jag sailed through the line smooth and clean. Call it beginner's luck, but Bruce Handily loses to young Bob Sunesson and Portland takes the game, 17-14."

*****
"And now, the big game. And you better believe it was close. The last two undefeateds, San Antonio and Albuqerque squared off to determine the frontrunner for the ZFL title.

There was no surprise as AQ HB Guy Incognito found it difficult to run against the Margarita monsters. Young DT Aragorn and DE All Pro put the brakes on almost ever Incognito run.

But since when did Albuquerque ever need to run to win a game? San Antonio does have a few weaknesses, especially at CB and OLB. AQ QB Moe Sizzlack found the weaknesses and exploited them mercilessly. Protected by OT Ralph 'Gig'em' Wiggum, Sizzlack hit WR The Cheat on the mid-routes and HB Guy Incognito in the flat for bigger numbers than San Antonio's given up all year.

But SA MLB Ray Lewis seemed everywhere on the field, pulling down receivers from behind, wrapping up runners in the backfield, and swatting away passes that could have left the game out of control. His presence allowed San Antonio to continue their patient, grueling running game. With only a few minutes remaining, HB Mutt punched in the score that tied things up, 21-21.

On what was sure to be their last possession, Albuqeuerque handed the ball away to Incognito, who picked up 12 behind Ralph Wiggum. On the next play, they tried the play action to Incognito to go to the air. But SA DT Sack U blew past AQ OG Clancy Wiggum, and destroyed Incognito. As Sizzlack turned out of the fake handoff to survey his receivers, he was crushed by a blitzing SA MLB Ray Lewis. The ball popped wildly into the air and Sizzlack crumpled to the ground, only to be snatched from the firmament by SA DE All Pro, who had been pushed to the outside. All Pro turned on the jets, and nobody could catch the speedy end. All Pro shakes a little bacon in the endzone as San Antonio wins, fittingly by a defensive TD, 28-21."

*****
Commish's recap
Hats of to San Antonio! With a win over AQ and a win over KX, the Margaritas are clearly in the driver's seat.

But wait a minute. They do have LA in week 9. I mean, if LA could win there....oh, goody, goody. We got some fun comin' now!

And O, how the mighty have fallen! Chicago looks like they may need reservations in the old folks home before this season is over. GM illinifan won the title last year, but it looks like he has mortgaged the team's future to do it.

Beyond halfway now. Who's leading for MVP? Sizzlack? Or how about SA MLB Ray Lewis? DROY? Try SA DT Aragorn. Or perhaps KX CB Deion Jackson?

Next week, Portland vs. Chicago should be a good one. But most of the eyes are on KX/AQ, where the winner will stay in the hunt, and the loser may have to settle for third at best."