[revrew]

Week 4 Results
"Three close ones and three blow-outs this week, but don't think that the blowouts weren't interesting. In fact, the blowouts might be the most telling games of the week.

Nowhere is this more true than in San Antonio, where the undefeated and un-scored-upon Margarita defense got a real test against Rajah Saleem and the 1-2 Slick Willies.

On the Willies' first possession, they tried running inside. SA DTs Aragorn and Sack U pushed Saleem backwards for a net gain of -4. In great field position, San Antonio took advantage with a HB Mutt TD.

On the Willies' second possession, they tried running outside, but SA DEs All Pro and Ray O. Light held Rajah to -8 yards.

When the Willies began to open it up with a little passing, Rajah found a few holes, but even those holes were filled by SA MLB Ray Lewis. Lewis had a career day, wrapping up Saleem for 18 tackles and forcing a fumble.

The Margarita madness continues as the San Antonio defense held Saleem to 49 yards rushing on 25 attempts. And though the Slick Willies did better in the air, it wasn't enough to crack the goalline. Doing what no one else has been able to do this season, San Antonio stuffed Saleem and shut out Little Rock, 28-0. That's four shutouts and counting..."

*****
"But before we herald the Margaritas as the best defense since the season 1 Eagles (remember how they shut out 8 straight games, and only allowed a score in the final game of the season??), the 2-1 Star Crunch put a hurtin' today on Portland (1-2), great offensive line or not.

LA MLB Brad Pitt almost equalled Ray Lewis' day, picking up 16 tackles and a sack. OLB The Real Gus added another 9 tackles, and though PT HB Antonio De La Tonio got through the line, he got no further. Zero tuddies for the Stallion today.

Portland turned to the air, and surprisingly, so did LA. But while LA's DE Toby 'Spiderman' McGwire kept PT QB Paddy O'Leary on his toes, Portland's lack of a pass rush (and LA's fantastic two OTs, Matthew McConaughey and Freddie Prinze, Jr.) gave LA QB Bernie Mac all day to pick his targets.

Bernie had the best day of his career, tossing 24-31-313-3. TD passes to WR Joe Pesci, rookie WR Ashton Kucher, and FB Jet Li.

The offense was a surprise, but the Star Crunch was back to old tricks, trouncing the Sea Biscuits by pitching a shut out of their own. LA Safety Ray Liotta added a pair of INTs to spoil PT QB Paddy O's day, and LA wins, 28-0."

*****
"Our third blowout came as Knoxville (3-0) did what Chicago could not, knocking off Fargo (1-2).

Fargo's HB Glutton for Punishment enjoyed a solid first half, running behind the powerful blocker, FB Ty Wick. Glutton finished with 100+ yards and 2 TDs. Late in the game, Ty Wick grabbed a TD score of his own.

But as Fargo fell further and further behind the charging Rednecks, they were forced to the air, and Glutton's running fell by the wayside. Knoxville put up 35 points in the first half alone as 'Thumbless' found JJ Jackson too much for Fargo's F.Swaggs, who appeared to still be suffering from last season's injury. JJ put up big numbers, catching 200 yards and 2 TDs. With the dominating air assault, KX HB Leon Jackson ground in a pair of rushing scores, and it was an ugly 35-14 at the half.

In the second half, Fargo tried to go to the air, but KX rookie CB Deion Jackson played an outstanding game, nabbed a couple of picks, and Fargo couldn't storm back. KX FB Samuel 'The South will Rise Again' Jackson got a TD to add insult to injury as Knoxville wins, 42-21."

*****
"The expected big scores didn't happen as Albuquerque (3-0) faced El Paso (2-1), but that doesn't mean the game wasn't exciting.

Albuquerque's ground attack was greatly frustrated as HB Guy Incognito ran into a buzzsaw in young EP MLB Brian Bosworth. The Boz shut down Incognito with 14 tackles and 2 forced fumbles.

But the big story was AQ safety Troy McClure stuffing the upstart EP QB Ryan Leaf. McClure hauled in 3 INTs in a game that saw several turnovers. El Paso safety Patrick Bates grabbed an INT, and several fumbles were tossed around in a game that see-sawed back and forth.

2 Sizzlack TDs and 2 EP FB Rashaan Salaam TDs left the game knotted at 14 in the fourth. But after Troy McClure's third INT and an outstanding return, Sizzlack hit HB Incognito for a 3-yard TD swing pass and Albuquerque wins a close one, 21-14."

*****
"Could the faltering Eagles (0-3) rebound against the Muscle Men (1-2)?

Not if Milwaukee's DROY candidate, CB Patrick Surtain had anything to say about it. Chicago's QB Mike 'Air' Marino was on the run today as MW OLB Superman and DE Rocky terrorized the QB with blitzes from every direction. The result was few completed passes and a couple of bad passes, two of which landed in Surtain's arms.

But Marino's younger cousin, MW QB Dan Marino Jr. had a tough day of it as well. Chicago's blazing young DE, The Answer, banged up the young QB with a piledriving sack early, and Marino Jr. had to be replaced with veteran QB, Bullseye.

Behind typical, Milwaukee power running, the Muscle Men were up, 14-0 at the half.

But in the second half, with Chicago's passing game out of commission, the Eagles turned to the ground and all-world OG Tom Sanders. Milwuakee's DTs proved no match for Sanders who pancaked power running pair, Randy Steele and Josh Hackenstein to a big second half.

All the touchdowns in this game were on the ground, three each for these two dominant running teams. At the gun, 21-21. Bring on the kickers!

Milwaukee's Bruce Handily, widely considered among the league's best felt confident going into the stunt-kite dogfighting contest. The windy city provided the breeze, and Little Foot and Handily set kites armed with razors into the sky. The fans nearly panicked at the swooping lethal weapons zooming about the stadium (the ZFL legal committee had some harsh words for the Eagle overtime planning committee afterwards). After 4 minutes and 13 seconds of diving and spinning, Bruce Handily's kite undercut Little Foot's and snipped the line. Little Foot's kite tumbled to the ground along with Chicago's hope for a victory. Milwuakee wins, 24-21."

*****
"Lastly to Birmingham (1-2) vs. Cincinnati (0-3). The Olympian strategy was to power run behind guards Dionysus and young stud, Another Troy, then set up the play-action. The strategy worked reasonably well, especially as CN DT Eh, Steve! was clearly outmatched and MLB Homeschool Winner provided little support. HB Artemis put up 98 yards and 3 scores as the Olympians rolled.

But Cinci's HB Bubs enjoyed the gaps created by rookie dynamo, OG So and So and veteran stallwart, OT The King of Town. In fact, Cinci played a largely superior game, outgaining Birmingham by over 100 total yards. Bubs totalled 135 yards running against a great Birmingham defense, and he and FB Pom Pom scored thrice.

But timely sacks by BH DE Another Atlantis and OLB Arkantos put the Olympians in good field position, allowing Artemis to punch in his 3 TDs.

Cinci's passing game never really got going, and as a result, the Chaps couldn't top 21 points.

In the fourth, with the game tied at 21-21, Birmingham began a drive at their own 12. If they were going to drive for the win, it would have to be their longest of the day.

HB Artemis followed OG Dionysus for an 8-yard gain. Then, off young OT Cronus for 5. A ZR pass to WR Revrew picked up another 17. Steadily, Birmingham rolled downfield.

A screen to FB Hephaestus caught Cinci by surprise and lumbered for 23. WR Apollo caught a pass, Artemis picked up another first down, then QB Zeus 'ZR' Reloaded found favorite target, WR Revrew for the go-ahead TD. It proved the last TD of the afternoon as Birmingham survives a clearly improved Cinci squad, taking the game, 28-21."

*****
Commish's recap:
"The way San Antonio and AQ QB Moe Sizzlack are playing, I can't wait until Week 6! The championship game may come early this year, when the Margaritas square off against the Isotopes.

But first, week 4 notes: Cinci plays a good game. They're still bottom of the league right now, but they're getting better.

Speaking of getting better, L.A. showed some real spark this week, and don't be surprised if the 3-1 Stars stick around in the title chase.

Great play by MLBs this week. Quiz- if you had to start a team with last year's MVP Brad Pitt, this year's monster Ray Lewis, or last years DROY Brian Bosworth, which would you choose? Tough choice.

Next week, the Portland/El Paso matchup looks interesting, and FOX will be broadcasting it. ESPN is showing KX/SA in a test for the two undefeated titans. But a person has to be intreagued about 0-4 Cincinatti getting a shot at 0-4 Chicago. Will the Chaps pull the upset and trash last year's champs turned this year's chumps? Or will Chicago finally get the win and send the expansion boys back down where they belong?"