I heard about this last night from my wife. I could not talk to my wife about it because I knew I would just explode. And I really should not have opened this thread.
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Originally Posted by Apathetic Lurker
I dont feel bad for those parents one bit.... This is not like adopting a cat or dog from the SPCA..This is a human. They should have/could have done more research into who they were adopting. Now this poor kid is going to have to deal with even more rejection issues and there probably be issues with him acting out his violent behaviour more..
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I am not defending these parents one bit. What they did is
unforgivable. Completely and absolutely unacceptable. But it is simply not possible to "do more research into who they were adopting". There is no way to know how a child will adjust to a family. Two children in identical situations can and do have completely different reactions. It is a leap of faith.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Apathetic Lurker
And why the hell cant those idiots adopt in the US? There are a lot of kids here needing families too...
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Well, there are lots of reasons. For one, domestic adoption is very uncertain. Most children are not legal free for adoption until the *very* end of the process. Often that is *after* they are home living with you. I could not lose my child. It would destroy me. I could not take that chance. And there are lots of kids all over the world who need families. I have met many. Trust me, they are not any less deserving of a 'forever family'.
Sincerely,
An Idiot
Quote:
Originally Posted by gstelmack
Yup, it's an expensive, lengthy process, and much easier for folks to adopt overseas so they do.
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I would not say it is any easier. Just different. Any adoption is an expensive, lengthy process. We ended up spending far more money adopting from Russia, than a domestic adoption would have cost. Our first was well over $50,000. The second, just over 40. We went overseas because of the (relative) certainty. Our children were legally free for adoption before our referral.
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As for these despicable people, I have only contempt. I feel awful for that poor child. Where was their agency? They were home for only a few months. I don't know who it was yet but where was the support? How could they give us so fast? It (very generally) takes about a year (or more) for a child to adjust to a family. You CANNOT just give up. My daughter hated me for more than 6 months before we turned the corner. Now she adores me. Even if she hated me forever, I stood before a judge and swore I would be her "dad".
And these awful people have done more damage than just to this little boy. This is the kind of thing that can cause Russia to shut down international adoptions permanently or suspend things and make an already grueling process harder. International adoption is never popular in the original country. There is a large and very powerful political group that would love to shut it down. They have already cut the numbers drastically from a few years ago. Russian culture does not embrace adoption. Russia has some 700,000 children "without parental care". They face a bleak future as few are ever adopted.
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As for the bad stories... those are the ones you read about on the news or on a message board. As an adoptive parent, you have to know what you are signing up for because there are "challenging" cases. Any even half-way-decent agency makes sure you understand. But there are thousands of happy families for every scary one you read about. We are life-long friends with several families that all adopted from Russia at about the same time. All very happy. You won't read about any of us as it's not "news".