Quote:
Originally Posted by Autumn
I think this is the key thing to remember when dealing with adolescents. I remember in junior high there was very little else that I worried about, though I suppose I thought about other things. As adults we tend to forget that, and then we belittle how kids feel about things that now seem silly to us. At that time there's little else in the world to kids other than what other kids think of them. That's only gotten worse since we were kids, as I think more and more teenagers are essentially left to their own devices by society.
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There's one lesson I hope to take with me to parenting and remember first and foremost through the teenage years of my possible future children. Their social standing is the most important thing to them. It's not the only thing but it's the most important currency they have.
Once you get to your 20s and beyond, you have a pile of accomplishments, large and small (hey, I'm not President of the US or anything, but I did graduate from both high school and college so there's something and I'm married, etc) and the knowledge that, while things may not have turned out exactly as you pictured them, they did turn out and you're still here.
In middle and high school, you just don't have that. You have nothing to really measure things against either. Event X really does look like the end of the world as you haven't had to, say, take that minimum wage job to pay rent or stay up 3 straight nights to get a project done for school or work.
Not only that but you've never really "accomplished" anything either. You have come through the two aforementioned events, for better or for worse. Sure, you might have gotten some decent grades or dated a pretty girl or whatever, but so have a lot of others in your close peer group. So, in your most formative years, while you're trying to find yourself, you have nothing to fall back on to remind you that things will be ok.
Everything you "own" is really your parents so you don't have any material wealth accumulated. Maybe, if you're really shrewd, you could save up a few thousand dollars after months and months of work. But compared to the rest of the world, that doesn't get you a whole lot. A few months rent, no food, and no bills is all that adds up to. Not exactly fiscal stability.
So, at the end of the day, you have your social standing. It gets you things, it accomplishes things for you, it measures you. And a lot of people see it as a zero sum game so it's really messy- you have to break down someone to built it up for yourself. Much like most kids, I was told that stuff doesn't really matter. And, in a way, that's true. But when you're that age, it really does matter so I hope I really remember that one day.
I know I didn't really come into my own until I changed schools halfway through high school. When you're coming into a new school as an upperclassman, it's a lot easier as you don't have to worry about getting grief from below. And I was really fortunate in college to fall in with the "right crowd"- we were the rejected nerds and misfits of the world, in a way as we were the smart kids. But rather than do what a lot do, scrapping between each other to see who can get a 4 instead of a 3 on the 1-10 social scale, we just didn't care and were friends with each other. That sort of cutthroat social mentality starts to fade as you get older and maybe even a little wiser.
People think I'm crazy when I say this but I would love to go back to school as a younger person with the knowledge I have now. You have the bonus of tacking some more years onto your life with a younger body and I think life is too short as is. But, beyond that, I think I'd be able to do so much good. I think so many people would have led much better lives with just a bit more encouragement and help from peers at a time when all are trying to figure out who they are.
SI