[DataKing]

Say Goodnight, Mister Brown

(AP – Chicago) For some, the announcement was long overdue. For those living in caves, it is a complete surprise. But for most, it was expected, and the timing is just about right.

Early Friday morning, Data King, team owner and general manager of the Screamin’ Seamen Football Club, announced that the team’s head coach, Ken Brown, had been released, and that the remainder of his contract had been bought out by the organization.

“It is with a heavy heart that I make this announcement,” stated King to various members of the sports press. “Ken [Brown] has been our coach since the very beginning, and has been an integral part of the Screamin’ Seamen family. Unfortunately, things have not worked out as well as we all would have liked. Coach Brown and I have spoken on numerous occasions over the past weeks regarding this, and we both agree that it is the right thing to do at this juncture.”

King also announced that former assistant coach Jack Stein would act as interim manager for the time being. Stein has been an assistant with SSFC since the club’s inception, and has been primarily responsible for the team’s strikers and their development.

“We have full confidence in Jack [Stein] and his ability to focus the club for the last couple weeks of the season,” stated King as he introduced Stein to the press. “He has a difficult task ahead of him, but we are quite confident that Coach Stein is up to the task.”

Stein answered a few questions from the press, and implied that fans would see a much more aggressive game plan on Sunday than they were used to seeing.

Ken Brown is reportedly “in seclusion” for the time being, and was unavailable for comment.

Ivan Phillip Freely is an Associated Press reporter for the Chicago Soccer Enquirer.


Jack Stein

Age: 40

A poor (3) coach who is fond of attacking.
A pleasant guy who is temperamental and honest.
Has solid (7) experience and inadequate (5) leadership abilities.

Truth be told, Jack doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of becoming our permanent coach. He is strictly temporary, and will be fired at the end of next week, so as to reset our team spirit once again. We actually paid $20,000 for Jack, as our first coach pull was disastrous, and I had no intention of losing that much from our training this week.

Up Next: Our youth pull and weekly financial update. Stay tuned!