[The Afoci]

The Crawfish don't play well with others...

A week after the evil North County Raiders slip by with a 5-1 heartpounding affair, the Crawfish friendly/party squad loses again 4-0. Hopefully the offseason stamina training which is ironicy done by Marmel. I say ironically because he could use some work on his stamina according to Chavez "the dope finding" Dog. And as Andy Dick says in Old School, that is now why Chavez "the dope finding" Dog has a lazy eye.

The Sun Over Fargo

With the sun rising over Fargo and The New Fighting Crawfish Arena, the men approach the playing field. Coach is already out there with Number Two and new assistant coach and head of the Peanut Butter distribution portion of Crawfish Enterprises, INC, Marmel. The team can sense that the attitudes have changed around here. Especially since beating the Cheesecake. To go with that, The Orcs, have finally started to develop a midfield and have go inadequate ones 2 games in a row. If they are able to beat the Cheesecake at their place in two weeks, the unimaginable could happen. The Fighting Crawfish could be in division IV. This would definately be a year too soon, but the team is excited about the possiblity.

The new young midfielders are practicing some playmaking drills on the newly bought blowup dolls when The Afoci calls Marmel, Coach and Number Two over.

"As you all know" starts The Afoci "We are facing one of the biggest chances that the Fighting Crawfish have ever had. We could actually move up. This would mean more funding towards projects that currently aren't recieving the funding necassary for advancement in it. But either way, I have started a topsecret project that I want to inform you all about. Marmel."

"Yeah" he replies.

"I am going to give you the lead position on this new project" The Afoci continues. "You will have to guide them and watch to make sure nothing goes wrong. What I am proposing is the first offensive phase in the battle to take over the world with Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. By the end of next season, whether we are already in DIV or about to promote, the world will know of the Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws and they will fear them. My life long dream is nearing completion and with its creation, the offensive will begin."

The Afoci continues to tell them about his idea of the Year of the Crawish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws and that they are nearly complete with the first fully functional Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. He tells them about a top secret mission that they will be carrying out today. They are going to invade a rural location and test out the capabilities of the test Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. They will each have 4 Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws and will have to overcome 4 different, but equally challenging tests set up by The Afoci's top military advisors, the drunk bum who is 28 who claims to be a WWII vet.

Let the battle begin

With the sun at there backs, The Afoci, Marmel, Coach and Number Two walk over a hill flanked by the most beautiful sight in the world, Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. These massive beasts are each 6 inches tall and walk nearly upright. Two things that Coach wishes he had. The mission was simple, get to the farm house. Once there, secure it, handle the "locals" and begin the process of propaganda that would cause them to fall in love with the idea of following The Afoci and his Army of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. Coach was to go first. His mission the easiest, but one of the most important. He was to scan the surronding area to ensure their were no reserves waiting to sneak attack and to ensure that the main attack force could focus on the house.

"Men..." starts Coach "Urrr, um, I mean Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws, move out."

The travel down the hill and begin to approach the woods to the east.

The Afoci has now lost visually contact and tries the radio.

"This is Grand Master of Funk and Fury" says The Afoci, "Status update?"

"This is Mr. Bagel" says Coach "All clear, about 50 yards from the trees."

The radio goes silent. But only for a moment. "INCOMING!!!!!!" screams Coach into the radio as the remaining three now look around "We got Black Birds, at least 50 of them coming right for us. ARM YOUR LASERS BOYS, GIVE THEM HELL!!!!"

The sounds of Laser Blasts can be heard and seen in the distance. "I am hit, I repeat, I am hit, Mr Bagel has been wounded!" screams Coach "One of the Black Bird Bombers got me on the head and I have been shot in the ass by a Laser. It is very painful, but I am okay. We lost one Crawfish to a malfunction and one to me stepping on it after it shot me in the ass. But the black birds have been defeated and retreated away. All clear here, proceed with caution boys, Mr Bagel out.

The Afoci addresses the other two and tells them to clear their minds of what has just happened and to stay focused on the goal. Number Two was up next, his mission was to focus on the barn and do some recon on the house from his new found position.

As he started, flanked by 2 Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws on each side of him, he approached the barn. Again as he went out of sight, The Afoci called for a status update. "All clear here" says Number Two "Mr. Stinky Finger out."

A few more minutes pass and The Afoci calls for another update. "I am just about done interrogating this donkey, I don't think he knows anything" says Number Two "Even the Mr. Stinky Finger finger of death didn't do anything to break his silence."

After the all clear is given, Marmel heads out and is to get to the house and wait outside. He is to inspect all perimeter defenses and insure that the only threat that remains is in the house. As he approached the house, Marmel say the sign he had hoped to see the entire mission. BEWARE OF DOG!. A feisty one, he liked them feisty. He checked his pocket and the peanut butter packet was secure.

"Captain I do it the really doggie style because it involves dogs not humans, status report?" asks The Afoci.

"All clear so far" starts Marmel "I think my name be to long, I will work on that for the next mission."

"CRAWFISH DOWN, CRAWFISH DOWN, WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!!!!!" screams Marmel as the radio is dropped and all you can hear is him screaming commands and the blasts distinctively from Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws.

The Afoci begins to run to the house and calls in the others to support the attack on the house. By the time he arrives, it is a grim scene. Number Two forgot to pull his pants up and tripped coming out of the barn and knocked himself out. Coach too injured from taking one in the ass, was too far out to lend any support, so The Afoci knew it was up to him, and only him to save Marmel. He ready his men and lead the charge around the house and towards Marmel's last known position. All he say was the bodies of Marmel's 4 fallen soldiers. He knew what had happened and he was the only one that could remedy the situation. Marmel had been captured. He was being held in the house and he had to force them out. The Afoci found the entrance to the house and sent in 2 Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws to scout the place out. Within minutes the sounds of Laser Blasts could be heard and then they went silent.

What had happened? Where the dead? Did they defeat who ever was holding Marmel?

The tension was building in The Afoci. He then charges into the house to discover his two Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws guarding the room Marmel is being held in. Marmel curled in the corner crying uncontrollably and tuns to The Afoci.

"I was just trying to get some quiet time after we were attacked by a pack of dogs" starts Marmel "I had fought off the first round of attacks with 3 losses and when the turned to come finish us off, we set up in the wounded duck formation and prepared to hold our ground. But as they were only 10 feet away, this wonderful dog scared them away and nearly was able to save my last Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws, but couldn't. Out of gratitude, I offer it some peanut butter and then your thugs killed her. I actually had a female dog!"

The Afoci hugged Marmel and tried to calm him down. They gathered what they had and returned to the top secret hide out not so far from The New Fighting Crawfish Arena. In review, they lost 6 Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws, Marmel lost someone he thought could be the future Mrs. Marmel, Number Two knocked himself out after trying to expose himself to chickens figuring he would "look huge". He was wrong. Coach had bird shit on his face and took one in the ass. Overall, I would say the mission was a success. Keep up the good work boys!