[DataKing]

News and Notes from Screamin’ Seamen-Land

(Author’s Note: This is the first installment in what I hope will be a weekly or bi-weekly installment in this dynasty report. Here I will present some small “human-interest” type stories and such, which will hopefully provide more of an element of realism to the exploits of this completely fictional team.)

Making A Name For Himself

If you’ve been following the Screamin’ Seamen Football Club this season, then you already know all about the horrible slump striker Johannes Henriksson finds himself in. You also probably know about Guido Metman, the “half-million dollar man” that was brought in to boost the club’s ailing offense, but has only managed one goal in his first three games with the club.

But there is one bright spot to the SSFC offense that has been overshadowed this season, and his name is Forrest Tobias. “Gump,” as he is affectionately called by his teammates, has very quietly provided steady offense for the struggling Seamen. His six league goals thus far this season means that he is tied for third in the series scoring race, behind Tomas Leijonstal (8 goals, Sweden Heights) and George Herrmann (7 goals, Croats in Miami). The 21-year-old has accounted for nearly half of the club’s 16 goals this season.

So the next time you’re at The Docks to catch a match, pull your eyes off of the defense for a moment and take a good look at young number 15, Forrest “Gump” Tobias. This young man certainly appears to be making a name for himself.


Playing Through The Pain

No player has exhibited more toughness on the pitch this season than Chuck Scales. The 24-year-old center-back is one of the club’s most valuable members, and is the quarterback of the team’s formidable defense. On no less than four separate occasions this season (three in the last six weeks), Scales has been hurt during a match. But every time, he has refused to come off of the pitch, despite the protestation of the team’s physiotherapists.

“They don’t pay me to sit on the bench,” was Scales’ comment after his most recent disagreement with club physios, which occurred during the club’s 3-1 loss to Neon Genesis Evangelion this past weekend. “They pay me to play.”

The likable young man with the bright blond hair and the perpetual five o’clock shadow recently spoke with reporters regarding his injuries.

“It all started with the game against the Samurai, way back at the start of the U.S. Open Cup,” stated Scales. “That idiot Vega came in with a tackle that was way late, and I ended up rolling my ankle something fierce. Truth be told, it’s never fully healed. Every time I think the ankle is all right, I get dinged in a match or on the pitch, and it flares up on me again. But I don’t plan on letting something like this slow me down. So long as I can walk, I’m going to play.”

While fans must certainly admire Scales’ dedication, they have to be concerned about the possibility of long-term damage to the star defenseman. Some of those concerns have been alleviated, however, as Dr. Kay Vorkian, the head physiotherapist for the Seamen, recently confirmed that Scales will have surgery on his ankle as soon as the season is over.


Fabulous!

Data King, the owner and general manager of the Screamin’ Seamen Football Club, recently announced that SSFC has received the official support of another team. Fabulous!, under the owner- and leadership of BillyMadison, have become the 35th member of the Official SSFC Support Association. The club is currently placed in Series V.44, and recently earned their first victory, a 5-1 clubbing of The Polish Moose. Congratulations Billy, and thank you for your support.