Madden '04 Empty Cupboard
 

Based partly on polls and partly on my own desires, I have decided to begin my Madden 2004 dynasty. I have always wanted to run an FOF empty cupboard dynasty, so I thought that I would try that tactic with the Cardinals.

The Cardinals stink. And they have stunk for a long time. I was born in 1976, but at the end of the season in December. Therefore, I have been alive for all football seasons 1977-2002. In my ENTIRE LIFE the Cardinals have had exactly THREE WINNING SEASONS.

1983 - 8-7-1 (As close as you can probably get to the line and yet still have a winning season)
1984 - 9-7
1998 - 9-7

Generations upon generations of draft picks have been selected by the Cardinals thinking that they will be the ones to turn around the team, or that the Cardinals are just a year or two away from greatness. Only to have their hopes dashed upon the hard Arizona ground.

Somebody once told me that football is a pendulum, that every team has up years and down years, but the pendulum swings changing karma instantly. The Jaguars were blessed, and now cursed. The Cowboys, once ordained, are now ugly. The Rams, once scorned, are now elite.

If so, then the pendulum in Arizona must have swung out so far that it achieved escape velocity, never to return.

They have never even finished a season more than one game over .500 in my life!

How can one franchise be so incompetant? Surely even a janutor could run the team better.

As such, the Cardinals make the perfect team to try an empty cupboard strategy with.

-Anxiety

To: Steve Winter, Editor, PFW
From: Abe Sargent
RE: Possible Financial Support

Message originally from [email protected]:

> which leads me to ask several questions of you:

Ask away my friend

> Where does the money come from?

I have no intention of revealing my income sources

> What is this vendetta against the Cardinals?

No vendetta, just facts. Face it, this team has been at the bottom so long that it can barely claim to even have fans. It hemmorges talent faster than the Expos. The Cardinals have ugly uniforms, ugly players, an ugly stadium and an ugly future.

> What is there to gain from such a venture?

What is there to lose?

> When will you make the offer?

Ideally, within the month. I still need to secure additional finances from investers and philathropists. Truly, investing in the Cardinals should count as a charitable donation to a 401(c)3 organization.

> Why reveal your plans to PFW prematurely?

I have no problem with you circulating a rumor about mysterious buyers being interested in purchasing the Cardinals. I want the public to start having wistful thoughts about the possibility of new management.

> I wish you luck.

Of course you do. It'd make a great story....


Signing off,

Anxiety

ProFootball Weekly Rumors of the Week

We hear that some mysterious buyers might be interested in buying the Cardinals. Apparently, the possible investors are huge football fans and are targeted the Cardinals for purchase because of the Cardinals woeful history.

But, the price for the Cardinals would be expensive. Current ownership is not ready to sell the team for market value, and only a significantly higher offer would warrant a sale.

In these uncertain economic times, is purchasing a dead franchise for too much money in anybody's interest?

Bill Bidwell: Alright, I have called this special meeting of the Board of Directors to order. We have received a bid offer for the Cardinals. Here to explain the offer is Abe Sargent.

Abe Sargent: Thanks you. Gentlemen, you have before you a document that tracks the balance sheets of the Cardinals for the past 25 years. As you probably know, the only time that the Cardinals made money was shortly after the move to Arizona.

I have cross referenced the Cardinals' financial data with its football data. In the same span of time that attendance has dropped, fan support has decreased, player salaries have increased, our revenues have held relatively constant in real dollars. However when you account for inflation, and put all numbers in 1978 dollars, what you see is that our revenues have greatly decreased while expenses skyrocket.

Simply put, the Cardinals is the football equivalent of throwing pearls before swine.

I know that each of you must be a tremendous football fan to have had to endure years of failure both on the field and in the wallet. No one else would even be here except for fans of the game.

What you have before you is our proposal to purchase the Cardinals. Since the Cardinals do not own their stadium, the value of the team is lessened.

The latest NFL auditors have placed the value of the Cardinals at 374 million. This is an offer for 400 million even. Considering the economy, the value of the team, the poor fiscal outlook for future seasons, and the crumbling stadium, we think that this is a very generous offer.

I ask that you seriously consider it.

Bill Bidwell: Have no fears, we will. However, I must admit that since this team has been in my family for years, it has a special place in my heart and I do not wish to sell.

Abe Sargent: I can certainly understand that. Are there any questions?

Michael J. Bidwell, VP and General Cousel: Mr. Sargent....

Abe: Call me Abe. Mr. Sargent makes it sound like I have two titles and no name.

Michael: Very well, Abe then. Do you plan on keeping the Cardinals in Arizona?

Abe: I will not commit to leaving the Cardinals in Arizona. This team needs to be where fans will cherish it and attend football games. I want to sell out every game, and if I can do that in Arizona, great. If not, then I am comfortbale finding a place that meets our needs.

Nancy J. Bidwell, VP: What about the logo? The Mascot? The uniforms or helmets?

Abe: I would immediately redesign the uniforms and helmets. I might redesign the logo if I ultimately decide to keep the Cardinals mascot. However, I have no plans to do either as of right now.

William J. Bidwell, Jr.: What about increasing your revenue? Anybody can say that they want to increase attendance and revenue. What plans do you have for accomplishing such a goal?

Abe: I plan on winning. That will increase advertising as columinists and press create a buzz. Attendance will increase, thus increasing parking fees, concession sales, and so forth. My plan for increasing revenues is to win.

Nicole Bidwell: What about the staff? Rod Graves? Coach McGinnis?

Abe: No staff would have their job guaranteed beyond a one season observation hiatus that I would grant to all staff.

Bill: I am still hesitant to sell to somene outside our family..

Abe: I want to express my understanding and sympathy of your decision. However, which would honor your father better - that you and your family own the Cardinals, or that the team succeed on the field? I imagine that your father, that indeed each of you, has a passion for the game. I intend to ignite our performance on the field.

Bill: Thank you for your interesting offer. I would ask that you return home to Michigan now, so that we can peruse your information and make a decision.

Abe: Of course. Thank you for your time. Please take my offer seriously.


-Anxiety

No Bid for Bidwell

John Clayton
ESPN.com


Earlier today an anonymous official high up in the Cardinals organization confirmed a rumor that a bid had been officially placed before the Cardinals Board of Directors.

"It was a generous bid," our source stated. Forbes' last estimate as to the value of the Cardinals was 374 million.

However, Bill Bidwell earlier today announced that he would never sell the team and that his father's legacy would continue to live on through the Bidwells.

"My father created this football team. Our family and children are all about football. I could never leave the business and call myself a Bidwell," responded owner Bill Bidwell.

The Arizona Cardinals have lost money in most recent years, yet despite this unsettling financial trend, the Bidwells are standing firm to their commitment to remain Cardinals.

Abe Sargent picks up the receiver of an old vantage office phone and is seen dialing several numbers while pretending to read the number off a clipboard in his lap. A voice answers and can be heard talking to Abe through the receiver.

Voice on Phone: Hello?

Abe Sargent: It's Abe again. The Bidwells shot down our offer.

Voice: As expected.

Abe: Of course. Now it is time to initiate our primary contingency plan.

Voice: Have you discovered what the Bidwells want? What might be a good price for the franchise?

Abe: It was easy. Listen to their public comments. You can read behind the lines and see what they truly value. Especially Bill the Senior.

Voice: I hope that you are correct.

Abe: I am confident that this plan will work. And it should cost less than we had initially hoped.

Voice: Excellent. Fill me in on the financial matters later.

Abe: I'll have someone fax them over tomorrow. For now, I'm off to bed.

Voice: Have a pleasant slumber.

Abe returns the phone to its resting place. He turns off the lamp light, creating darkness

END SCENE

Rumors of NFL Team Ownership Abound

John Clayton
ESPN.com

Maybe there is just something in the water. There have been few major owner changes in the past few years. A minority owner will take over the Raven next year. Dan Snyder picked up the Redskins a few years ago. But that has been pretty much it recently.

This is despite record prosperty in our nation, record breaking numbers for NFL clubs, and the like. Now, however, when the financial climate has chilled, after Minnesota Viking owner Red McCombs has had a huge for sale sign over the team for several years, the fish bite.

Within the past three weeks there have been no less than three teams in the rumor mill. Each has a different story.

Tampa Bay - The Bucs, coming off a Super Bowl victory, are possibly in flux because owner Malcolm Glazer was approved by Major Lease Baseball for purchase of the LA Dodgers. NFL rules state that an NFL owner cannot own clubs in other sports in cities other then the one in which they own their NFL club. As such, this leads some to suspect that the Bucs may be available for purchase. Or relocation to LA.

Minnesota - Red McCombs is reportedly in talks with an unknown agent for a financier for the Vikings. Minnesota was recently valued at 346 million. It is unknown what Red would actually sell the club for. However, considering that he has been actively looking for buyers for a while, one might imagine that the price would be lowered.

Arizona - Lastly, the Cardinals received an official offer earlier this week from an unknown source that was labelled as "generous." Why anybody would be interested in the Cardinals, valued at 374 million, when the Vikings are available for less baffles this reporter. Since the Vikings have a better on-field product and a cheaper price tag, it seems the better buy. However, the Bidwells rejected the offer.


It remains to be seen as to whether any of these rumors will amount to ownership changes, but you have to wonder at what exactly is going on.

are you going to play the game some too?

Excerpt from "Minnesota Sports Live!"

Dave Sharkly: The top story on our show tonight is the sotry of ownership changes with the Minnesota Vikings. Red McCombs has reportedly agreed to sell the team to an undisclosed buyer, pending league approval. Is this good or bad for the Vikings, Sean?

Sean McCrimmon: Definately good. McCombs has been spining th wwheels of the team for the past few years, trying to keep things stable and cheap. Mice Tice as head coach is the best example of this behavior. He continued the old coaching guard plus he;s cheap and affordable. Any new owner can fire him with ease, or keep him as they see fit.

Dave: So then, where is the good? That an owner won't spin the wheels?

Sean: Right, a new owner could come in here and shake things up.

Dave: Would you buy the Vikings if you could?

Sean: Absolutely. There's no better team than the purple.

Dave: On other news, University of Minnesota basketball team retruns from a hard season where......

I am laying a foundation :)

-Anxiety

I think that I will be lurking....nice read so far.

I think I see where this is going... keep it up!

NFL Receives Information on Vikings' Deal

Steve Atwater
NFL.com


Earlier today the NFL received information regarding the sale of the Minnesota Vikings.

The deal is estimated at 398 million dollars, which is around 50 million more than the worth of the team. However, sources indicate that there are a few unusual wrinkles in this deal that will take the league a bit longer to certify.

Red McCombs, who purchased the Vikings seven years ago, was said to be ecstatic at the purchase price, which is over double what he initially paid for the team.

Paul Tagliabue is supposed to spend the afternoon meeting with these unknown buyers and analyzing the unusual deal. More details will follow as they emerge.

Press Conference, Sun Devil Stadium, 5:17 pm local time


Abe Sargent: Alright, you've been brought here today for a press conference regarding team ownership changes. I have been the unidentified source that tried to purchase the Cardinals and was just approved to purchase the Vikings a little over an hour ago. However, this deal is not like one you may normally be familiar with.

I approached the Bidwells to purchase the Cardinals out of a sense of football loyalty. The Cardinals have been so lousy on the field for so long that I felt obligated to purchase it as opposed to any other team.

However, Bill Bidwell was not interested in leaving behind the sport that his father loved. As such, it first appeared as though we were at an impasse.

However, a solution loomed on the horizon for any who sought fit to look out that far. I recognized that the Bidwells were interested in football, but not necessarily the Cardinals.

My purchase of the Vikings was approved for 398 million dollars. I then presented the Vikings and 75 million to the Cardinals ownership.

Essentially, we swapped teams, and I gave the Bidwells enough cash to make it worth their while. Please recognize that the Cardinals are a more valuable franchise monetarily than the Vikings, so a straight up trade would be unfair to the Bidwells.

Bill Senior gets a new team with a winning attitude. Essentially the Bidwells get a mulligan on the Cardinals funk. And the Cardinals get a new owner who will clean house in a most thorough manner.

Welcome to Arizona. Welcome to the future.

I'll take questions now.


Sam Somerville, Arizona Sun: What are your plans for the Cardinals?

Abe: I intend on changing the entire ethic of the team. We will play hard, and work hard, and bleed hard. You can also expect some personnel changes, but I cannot comment on that more fully at this time. As I just purchased my team, I need a chance to review the player and coaches before making decisions.

Sarah Albertson, Channel 7 News: What about players? Are you going to cut or sign any players?

Abe: This is the official new Arizona Cardinals Cardinal Rule for reporters - Do Not Ask Me a Question That Has Already Been Answered. Next time it happens, I'll ask Channel 7 to send a real reporter. I don't have time for footsie. To read back my comments, "You can also expect some personnel changes, but I cannot comment on that more fully at this time. As I just purchased my team, I need a chance to review the player and coaches before making decisions."

Fred Sanders, Arizona Weekly: Where did you receive financial backing?

Abe: Now that is a highly intelligent question, unlike its predecessor. Unfortunately, I am unable at this time to divulge my sources. I acquired my wealth prior to making an offer, and as such, I do not have to reveal my tax information as per NFL rules. Although it is certainly possible that my financial backers will not mind me revealing their identity later, I cannot even predict that that will ever be so.

Astra Horvaling, ESPN Correspondant: When will you take over ownership duties?

Abe: Tomorrow morning after all of the paperwork is completed. Red McCombs and Bill Bidwell, Sr will be having their own press conference from Minnesota at noon tomorrow local time.

I intend to be a very visible owner. Imagine me more like Jerry Jones and less like Bill Bidwell.

I have to leave you now. You will have ample time to ask more questions in the next few days. Our public relations coordinator is available at the rear of the room to schedule more intimite one on one interviews. Have a great evening!

Like Jerry Jones but not as stupid, and hopefully less plastic surgery!

Great stuff so far!:D

From an internal scouting document:


The Arizona Cardinals Roster, sorted by position and ability:


QB Jeff Blake, 78 Ovr
QB Josh McCown, 64 Ovr
QB Preston Parsons, 48 Ovr
HB Emmitt Smith, 81 Ovr
HB Marcel Smith, 78 Ovr
HB Damen Anderson, 62 Ovr
HB Travis Prentice, 61 Ovr
FB James Hodgins, 85 Ovr
WR Bryant Johnson, 75 Ovr
WR Anquan Boldin, 71 Ovr
WR Kevin Kasper, 71 Ovr
WR Jason McAddley, 70 Ovr
WR Bryan Gilmore, 69 Ovr
WR Larry Foster, 63 Ovr
WR Marquise Walker, 61 Ovr
TE Freddie Jones, 82 Ovr
TE Steve Bush, 62 Ovr
TE Mike Banks, 54 Ovr
LT L.J. Shelton, 81 Ovr
LT Kendrick Rogers, 56 Ovr
LG Pete Kendall, 88 Ovr
LG Cameron Spikes, 63 Ovr
C Frank Garcia, 67 Ovr
C Jason Starkey, 65 Ovr
RG Leonard Davis, 95 Ovr
RG Chris Dishman, 65 Ovr
RT Anthony Clement, 77 Ovr
RT Raleigh Roundtree, 63 Ovr

LE Fred Wakefield, 70 Ovr
LE Dennis Johnson, 66 Ovr
RE Kyle Vanden Booch, 73, Ovr
RE Calvin Pace, 72 Ovr
DT Wendell Bryant, 76 Ovr
DT Russell Davis, 71 Ovr
DT Marcus Bell, 65 Ovr
DT Barron Tanner, 64 Ovr
DT Kenny King, 60 Ovr
LOLB Raynoch Thompson, 75 Ovr
LOLB #45, 68 Ovr
MLB Ronald McKinnon, 80 Ovr
MLB James Darling, 68 Ovr
MLB Tony Gilbert, 58 Ovr
ROLB LeVar Fisher, 73 Ovr
ROLB LeVar Woods, 52 Ovr
CB Duane Starks, 85 Ovr
CB David Barrett, 73 Ovr
CB Renaldo Hill, 67 Ovr
CB Coby Rhinehart, 62 Ovr
CB Robert Cromartie, 53 Ovr
FS Darrell Jackson, 83 Ovr
FS Michael Stone, 65 Ovr
SS Adrian Wilson, 87 Ovr
SS Justin Lucas, 66 Ovr

K Bill Gramatica, 79 Ovr
P Scott Player, 94 Ovr

Abe Sargent: I don't believe that I ever truly appreciated how absolutely horrid the Arizona Cardinals are. That is why I have summoned you here this evening. It's time we had a chat about our problem. Coach, you wanted to say something?

Dave McGinnis: Thanks, sir...

Abe: I told you to stop calling me that. Call me Abe.

Dave: Yes sir, uh...Abe. Anyway, I wanted to say that these guys play their hearts out and their butts off. They may not have the talent, but football is about teamwork and emotion. These guys have the desire and drive. They have heart.

Abe: Coach McGinnis, with all due respect, football is about ability and execution, not emotion. Mad, happy, crying, in love; I don't care, so long as you catch a ball and wrap up when you tackle. These guys cannot execute. Most of these receivers couldn't catch a cold in a rainstorm. These defensive linemen couldn't find the ball carrier if it was pitch dark with a spotlight on the guy. And these quarterbacks couldn't find due north with a compass and a flashlight. Let alone try to find downfield.

And Rod, to be frank, I place a lot of blame for this situation on your shoulders. We have two good football players. A punter and a guard. And you cannot build a team around a guard and a punter.

We've had contract snafus, extended holdouts, and we've exported talent like Cuban Cigars. Our drafts look anemic, and when we do strike gold we lose the player to injury, free agency, or poor coaching.

Rod Graves, Vice President of Football Operations: Sir, I cannot take all of the blame...

Abe: Rod there is enough blame here for everybody. From the waterboy to the previous owner, from the quarterbacks to the rookies, this entire organization has bought into the ideal of mediocrity. What have you folks done to build a better franchise? Drafting, negiotating, coaching and playing have all suffered under the previous regime. Now it changes.

Everybody's job is up for review this year.

The Bidwell exodus left the following positions open, four generic Vice Presidents and the General Counsel. It's time for some organization here.

Rod, as of today you supervise only the scouting and contract negotiating staff. I will now supervise the head coach. Dave you are the direct supervisor of your coaches, but I will hire and fire them, with your advice of course.

I will make the personnel decisions here regarding players. For too long the Cardinals have been rudderless. I am your rudder.

One of the open VP positions will become an Administrative VP position who will supervise clerical staff and support staff. Another open position becomes the public relations VP. This means the Director position is no more, sorry Luis, but you will assume the role of VP in the interim, and that's a promotion, with a corresponding increase in pay. The third VP position will be the VP of Health, supervising the cooking, medical and training staff.

I am cutting the fourth VP position. I will post the General Counsel opening and VP openings tonight. Interviews will begin after the season begins, except for cousel which we will hire immediately.

This ship has just been tightened. Thanks for your time.

I'm reading!

Be kind to Emmitt please. Maybe you could find it in your heart to send him back to the 'Boys...

Rod Graves gingerly knocks on Abe Sargent's open office door. Abe looks up, his face not registering anything at the sight of Graves.

Rod Graves: Do you have a minute?

Abe Sargent: Sure thing, Rod, have a seat. How can I help you?

Rod: Well, you have taken away so many of my job responsibilities. The coaches, trainers, medical staff all report to others. Only the scouting staff still reports to me. In addition, you have taken away personnel decisions. So all I am now is a glorified scouting director.

Abe: Can I ask you a question, Rod?

Rod: Sure...

Abe: I took away 80% of your power and authority three days ago in front of everybody else. Why did you wait three days to come to me?

Rod: Well, I wanted to be sure that I was about to do the right thing.

Abe: If I am not going to be the de facto GM round here, then whoever is must have the assertiveness necessary. You have proved to me that you haven't.

Rod: I have my resignation here.

Rod hands Abe a white envelope

Abe: Thanks you very much. I'd like your office cleaned and available in three days.

Rod: Yes, sir.

Abe: And Rod....?

Rod: Yes?

Abe: This was never about you, it's just business.

Rod: Certainly.

Rod Graves turns and walks out of the office

The New Arizona Cardinals Organizational Chart:


Owner - Abe Sargent

Reporting to Abe Sargent:

General Counsel - Vacant
Head Coach Dave McGinnis
Director of Scouting - Vacant
VP of Health - Vacant
VP of Public Relations Luis Zendejas, Interim
VP of Administration - Vacant



Owner Abe Sargent also makes all personnel decisions regarding players.

Reporting to Coach Dave McGinnis:

All assistant coaches, position coaches, and assistants.


Reporting to the Director of Scouting:

All scouts.


Reporting to the General Counsel

Two paralegals


Reporting to the VP of Health:

All trainers, all medicial personnel including doctors, interns and nurses, team cook.


Reporting to the VP of Public Relations:

All community relations staff, sales and marketing staff, public relations staff, player relations and video director.


Reporting to the VP of Administration:

All equipment staff, groundkeeper, front office staff, information technology staff, accountants and administration assistants.

Interview Script from 1080 AM, Sports Talk Phoenix

Matt Winslow: And we're back with Abe Sargent, the brand new owner of the Cardinals. Good to have you Abe.

Abe Sargent: Good to be here Matt. I like the Arizona air.

Matt: You've never lived in Arizona before, have you?

Abe: My first time in Arizona, ever, was when we arrived to offer to buy the team from Bill Bidwell that first time.

Matt: Gotta tell you that it's great to see Bidwell gone. That man was a curse on the franchise. I have no idea how the Vikings will respond to having him at the helm, but I doubt it will be good. I have heard that Rod Graves resigned as the football operations chief, correct?

Abe: Correct. I have assumed all of his duties except I will hire a new Director of Scouting position to supervise the scouting staff.

Matt: I'm a bit leary with a brand new owner with no football experience taking over the Cardinals GM role.

Abe: The easy answer to that is to think of Bidwell. How could anybody do worse?

Matt: A good point to ponder. What's next on the agenda?

Abe: Arizona's players have bought into this culture of failure. I am about to correct that problem.

Matt: How so?

Abe: I am not at liberty to say right now, but trust me, it'll be huge. Maybe the biggest football story of the year. I'll keep you posted, don't worry.

Matt: Alright, tantalizing tips fom the new owner of the Cardinals. Next up is Diamondbacks scout Carlos Mendez. We'll ask him just exactly how the D-backs have identified and grown such tremendous talent in such a short span of time....

Cardinals and Vikings Trade Good for Everybody

Len Pasquarelli
ESPN.com

When the new owner of the Arizona Cardinals, Abe Sargent, broke the news that his purchase of the Vikings was merely to gather collateral to trade for the Cardinals, many of us in the sports writing business wore a collective puzzled look.

This is not the time of economy to purchase major sports franchises, especially to trade a decent on field team for a lousy one. The Cardinals may be the ultime fixer-upper, but this is football not real estate.

However, in the past few days, we've begun to think that maybe this isn't such a bad deal for all sides.

Red McCombs, the previous owner of the Vikings, sold the team for a tidy profit, more than doubling his initial investment.

The Vikings traded an owner who viewed the team like a stock option or a CD for an owner who truly cares about the sport and grew up in it. Already, Bill Bidwell has taken steps to distance himself from his previous failed administration in Arizona.

Bill Bidwell is able to excise himself from a cursed team. If he can bring sucess in Minnesota, then every element of the Cardinals will have changed, including the location and fans. Bidwell has a chance to start over.

Abe Sargent was able to acquire the team he truly wanted from the beginning. His attempts to scour the team of its previous stench have already resulted in a massive reorganization of the team and the resignation of Vice President of Football Operations Rod Graves.

Arizona staff and players know that a new owner has come to roost who can help them rise from the muck. Abe Sargent appears cut from the same cloth as the current reigning triumvirate of team owners that keep power for themselves and excerise bold moves - Jerry Jones, Al Davis, and Dan Snyder. The league needed another vivacious, charismatic and quirky owner. Especially in the land fo the sun.

And lastly, Arizona fans have reason to hope for the first time in....well...ever.

This looks to be a win-win situation for everybody.

Press Conference from Sun Devil Stadium, 10:07 am local time


Abe Sargent: I have called you all here this morning to make a major announcement. I expect that it will take everybody by surprise. It may be the largest sports news item of the year, or at least the biggest football story.

For my entire life, the Cardinals have had 25 seasons. During those 25 seasons, the Cardianls have had exactly three winning seasons where they were, at most, one game above .500. That is not a winning attitude. That is abject failure.

This is failure that simply cannot be tolerated. An atmosphere of failure, of acquiescence has permeated the team. There is only one way to remove this disease from our team.

When a limb becomes this infected, the doctor amputates, severing the limb from the body. As of today, right now, we are handing walking papers to every player in an Arizona uniform except for two. Emmitt Smith will remain our HB and Leonard Davis has been traded to the Detroit Lions for their first round draft pick next year.

I know that this action may seem extreme, but this is a team that hasn't been within a gasp of a winning season in ages. This team has forgotton how to play football.

I intend to bring in players who know how to win, who want to play football, who will go that extra mile necessary. We have lined up a large number of interviews and workouts today and the over the next week. No Cardinal, or rather, ex-Cardinal, will be elligible for the team.

Any questions?

Astra Horvaling, ESPN Correspondant: Whay would you cut rookies or free agent signings that had yet to play in a Cardinals uniform?

Abe: Except for Emmitt, I was unsure about any plauer's desire for football. WHy would a player take $500,000 more to play for a bad team? Obviously the money. I don't want money grubbers, I want football players.

Astra: But how does that apply to the rookies?

Abe: Rookies have already given in to the concept of losing, based on my discussions with them and staff.

Fred Sanders, Arizona Weekly: Why not trade more players than just Leonard Davis and recoup draft picks?

Abe: This time of year, most teams are up against the salary cap. Most teams are not able to make large deals. Detroit was interested in our best player for their offensive line, and we made a deal with them.

Sarah Albertson, Channel 7 News: Why do you feel that such a drastic measure was needed?

Abe: Why do you feel the need to ask dumb questions?

Sarah: There is no such thing as a dumb questions becau...

Abe: Did they teach you that at journalism school? There certainly is such a thing as a dumb question - namely asking a question that has already been asked. I don't shy away from teh hard questions, justt the dumb ones. You've already been warned. Channel 7 news will need to send someone with intelligence if they want to get a reporter in this room again.

Jason, Jamar, please escort Sarah out of the building. Now, where were we? Ah yes, questions...

Sam Somerville, Arizona Sun: In addition to winners and players, what other qualities will you be looking for in your new team?

Abe: We will be looking for several things. Experience. Hunger. Drive. We will also be making several high profile signings.

Arizona fans have had to watch substandard teams play ball for far too long. This year they will be rewarded for their patience.

I would like to announce the newest signings for our team at this point. Gentlemen, as I speak your name, would you come out?


Wide Receiver Antonio Freeman! We wanted a name receiver. Antonio was one of the best receivers in the league, and we still believe that he can suceed at the highest levels of competetion.

Kick/Punt Returner Desmond Howard! We expect to use Desmond, not just as a returner, but as a backup receiver. He has always been one of the top echelon of returners ever in the game.

Kicker Gary Anderson - The league's highest point scorer of all time joins us as a Cardinal.

Cornerback Eric Davis - One of the most eilite corners of all time will bring a veteran experience in our secondary along with....

Cornerback Deion Sanders!!! Hey Deion. Joining our team is of the greatest football players ever! Deion Sanders will be lining up for the Cardianls in the fall.

We will also be looking for other big name veteran talent. This afternoon we have Leon Searcy, Richmond Webb, Qadry Ismail, and Chester McGlockton coming in for workouts and physicals. If they pass, each will be signed to a contract today.

Folks, it's the beginning of a brand new Cardinals team.

Welcome aboard!!!

If I had the money, I'd give Anxiety the money to buy a team, just to see him talk to the press this way. Funny suff!

I wonder what the record is for the most posts in a dynasty without actually playing the game? :D

I was wondering the same thing.

Go Emmitt! (Damn traitor that he is... :mad: )

Cardinals Release Entire Team

Steve Stowers
Arizona Sun, Sports Editor


In a startling move, new owner Abe Sargent released almost every player of the Arizona Cardinals. It was a move he termed the "sports story of the year."

He may be right.

Never has an owner cleaned house so quickly and thoroughly. Every player was given walking papers save offensive guard Leonard Davis, who was traded to the Detroit Lions for their 1st round pick next year and Emmitt Smith, who will remain the starting HB in the Fall.

The reverberations of this move might be heard for years to come around the NFL. However, we know one thing for certain - this owner wants to sever all ties with the past of Arizona, a past that includes way too many loses.

In the short term, he has announced the signings of severl older free agents who have impressive resumes and the drive to keep playing. Suiting up for the Cardinals this fall will be Emmitt Smith, Deoin Sanders, Eric Davis, Gary Anderson, Antonio Freeman, Qadry Ismail, Leon Searcy, Richmond Webb, Chester McGlockton, Chidi Ahanotu and Bryan Cox. So at least football fans will recognize the players.

But truly, Abe Sargent has decided to rebuild this team like an expansion team - starting with nothing. Considering all of the patches and rebuilding years this team has had, maybe its about time someone had a plan. But what a painful plan this is.

The Cardinals are forever changed. So is football.

Dude, I'm not even a Cowpies fan, and I can tell you Emmitt was the betrayed, not the betrayer. All he did was shoulder the load for a couple of Super Bowls and become the all-time leading rusher in history, and, basically, Jerry Jones patted him on the head and offered him a nice cozy spot on the bench and a pathetic contract. You can't blame a modern legend for refusing to be the backup for Troy Hambrick. :rolleyes:

Selected Posts from a Front Office Football Central Forum Post entited "Cardinals cut Everybody!!!"


Marmel: About time someone scoured out the infection in the Cardinals and replaced it with clean bandages.

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Airhog: Whoa! I haven't seen turnover this bad since I opened that spoiled egg for breakfast two years ago.

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Fritz: Now they just need to change their name, city, and coach.

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JeeberD: Emmitt Smith will have to bear the load. Go Emmitt!!

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John Galt: Remember that Abe didn't cut everybody, just most of the players. When a limb becomed infected bady, you cut it off. But the rest of the body remains healthy. It's the same concept here, the players were amputated, but the staff remains.

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Godzilla Blitz: Maybe Abe Sargent has played FOF or writes here, because he must have gotten the idea for an Empty Cupboard from somewhere! ;)

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Bee: That's funny, a real life FOF player/owner. Wonder if he'll avoid using the franchise tag because its too cheesy?

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Kodos: I herby move that Skydog make Abe Sargent an honorary member of FOFC!

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Skydog: I have created an account for Abe Sargent and given him the title of "The Official FOF Player/Cardinals Owner."

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tucker342: With a guy this random running the Cardinals, I wonder if he'd want us FOFC guys to work for him?

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Anxiety: I have sent off my real life resume to him. I figure that he might actually want one or two of us for his real life Empty Cupboard Scenario. After all, we have more experience than anyone else!!!!!!

Not one colossal trout reference in that entire exchange... hardly realistic.

ARIZONA CARDINALS PRESS RELEASE

Cardinals Seek Resumes


The Arizona Cardinals, an Equal Opportunity Employer, are looking for individuals with the drive, energy, and ability to take on new administrative roles with an exciting new employer. Several VP positions are open, including:

VP of Administration - Must have administrative experience, accouting experience a plus.

General Counsel - Must have a law degree, negotiating experience a plus.

VP of Health - Must have trainer or medical experience, working with football players a plus.

VP of Public Relations - Must have public relations training and experience, sports relations a plus.

Director of Scouting - Must have scouting experience, football experience required.

Post any and all resumes to this thread. The Arizona Cardinals are entering a new and exciting era, and you can be a part of the team!!!

Sincerely,


Abe Sargent, Team Owner and President

I submit the following as evidence of my qualifications for VP of Administration:

http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/%7Efof/f...&threadid=9261

http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/%7Efof/f...threadid=12990

I expect to be paid handsomely for sitting on my ass and making sarcastic coments all day long.

I don't have a law degree, but can BS with the best of them. Can I be General Counsel?

Kevin

Oh, and if it helps, I can stay at a Holiday Inn Express.

From the Arizona Cardinals Web Page


Your new Arizona Cardinals!!!


QB Jamie Martin, 69 Ovr, 3.06 mill/2 years
Danny Wuerffel, 67 Ovr, 2.99 m/2 years
Jim Druckenmiller, 59 Ovr, 790k

HB Emmitt Smith, 81 Ovr, 8.03 mill/2 years
Terry Kirby, 69 Ovr, 1.89 m/2 years
Terrell Flecher, 63 Ovr, 1.50 m/2 years
Delvin Joyce, 57 Ovr, 450k

FB Larry Centers, 88 Ovr, 1.9 mill/2 years

WR Antonio Freeman, 76 Ovr, 2.24 mill
Qadry Ismail, 73 Ovr, 1.68 mill
Scottie Montgomery, 66 Ovr, 950k
Desmond Howard, 64 Ovr, 1.91 m/2 years
Mac Cody, 54 Ovr, 680k

TE Pete Mitchell, 73 Ovr, 830k
Damon Jones, 59 Ovr, 1.32 m/2 years
Mike Lucky, 57 Ovr, 680k

LT Richmond Webb, 77 Ovr, 3.74 m/2 years
Jeremy McKinney, 59 Ovr, 1.28 mill/2 years

LG Wally Williams, 80 Ovr, 3.99 mill/3 years

C Bubba Miller, 72 Ovr, 1.94 m/2 years
John Romero, 64 Ovr, 870k
Zack Quaccia, 58 Ovr, 570k

RG Leon Searcy, 77 Ovr, 1.18 mill
Kipp Vickers, 64 Ovr, 830k
Kerlin Blaise, 59 Ovr, 720k

RT Earl Dotson, 71 Ovr, 2.42 mill/2 years
Waverly Jackson, 69 Ovr, 1.05 mill

LE Chidi Ahanotu, 73 Ovr, 2.55 mill/2 years
Stalin Colinet, 58 Ovr, 700k

RE Kendrick Office, 68 Ovr, 1.88 mill/2 years
Grant Irons, 61 Ovr, 870k

DT Steve Martin, 81 Ovr, 2.2 mill
Chester McGlockton, 78 Ovr, 1.74 mill
James Lee, 56 Ovr, 570k
Nate Hobgood-Chitt, 49 Ovr, 680k

LOLB Canute Curtis, 70 Ovr, 2.42 m/2 years
O.J. Brigance, 58 Ovr, 810k

MLB Bryan Cox, 77 Ovr, 3.74 mill/2 years
Tony Gilbert, 58 Ovr, 620k

ROLB John Thierry, 72 Ovr, 2.64 m/2 years
Corey Moore, 59 Ovr, 640k
D.D. Lewis, 55 Ovr, 550k

CB Todd Lyght, 83 Ovr, 8 mill/3 years
Deion Sanders, 78 Ovr, 2 mill
Eric Davis, 68 Ovr, 900k
Emmanuel McDaniel, 64 Ovr, 800k
Ray Green, 59 Ovr, 550k
Davis Sanchez, 58 Ovr, 550k

FS Marcus Robertson, 81 Ovr, 2.93 mill/2 years
Kevin L. Williams, 58 Ovr, 720k

SS Blaine Bishop, 78 Ovr, 2.46 mill/2 years
Anthony Dorsett, 69 Ovr, 950k

K Gary Anderson, 83 Ovr, 990k
P Matt Turk, 81 Ovr, 830k

Nice to see you bring Larry Centers back. At least there will be one player there that the fans will know well...

Press Conference from Sun Devil Stadium, 12:09 pm


Abe Sargent: You should have had time to pickup and review a copy of the new team roster. Today is mainly reserved for questions, and I have no real statement to begin us with. I assume that there are a lot of questions out there....

Sandy Alderman, Channel 7 News: Who will be your starting quarterback this season?

Abe: Let me start off by thanking you, Sandy, for coming today to represent Channel 7 News. Your intelligence is in another time zone compared to the last person your station sent. To answer your question, we will head into Training Camp with Danny Wuerffel as our starter because he has the most starting experience, but all of our positions are very open. There are no given starters heading into camp.

Sam Somerville, Arizona Sun: Do you have reservations about the new player's cohesion? How will they come together as a group?

Abe: They will have all of training camp together. That's as much time as any rookie or new free agent acquisition has, so I don't see much of an issue here.

Sam: But they are creating a new team dynamic, instead of being grafted onto an existing one.

Abe: True. And with most teams, that would be an issue. But do you really want the old Cardinals to stick around despite all new faces? I sure don't.

Fred Sanders, Arizona Weekly: How many of these players will be lasting beyond this year?

Abe: However many are good enough to.

Astra Horvaling, ESPN Correspondant: I've noticed that you have very few rookies. How do you expect to build a team for the future without the potential for growth?

Abe: That's a very astute question, Astra. The simple answer is that we don't, not this year. There simply were not many good unsigned rookies around. I promise you that next year you'll see a lot of youth.

Harvey Weistein, Channel 4 Sports: Will Deion Sanders be a headache?

Abe: All of our guys are here to play. None will become a distraction, that I promise. If they do, you can be assured that I will end the distraction.

Shalonda Harlest, Sports Illustrated: Was the bringing in of major players with old and illustrious careers an attempt to sell more tickets with a bad team?

Abe: It was a chance to sell more tickets, sure. I'll admit that happily. But we may not be as bad as some pundits think. Besides, Arizona fans deserve to see Hall of Fame players in Cardinals uniforms in their lifetime.

Jamar Jenkins, Freelance Sportswriter: You graduated from West Virginia University. What are your plans for fellow ex-Mountaineer Canute Curtis?

Abe: We'll work him hard. He may very well start for us, but that remains to be seen in camp.

Shalonda: Akthough most of these players have one year contracts, I see that several have two or three year contracts. What does that mean for your long term plans for this franchise?

Abe: All players with muliple-year contracts can be the backbone and foundation of a team. For example, FB Larry Centers signed a two year deal with us. Larry is a great FB, so we wanted to lock him down for two years. Even if they are moved down a depth chart, they still represented great value.

Alright folks, that's all the time I have. Keep asking those good meaty questions.

Centers is an amazingly good FB and we are glad to have him on our team. He suffered for so long on the bad teams, and he proved to us in our interview that he had fire and passion - qualities all too often missing in ex-Cardinals. I am truly surprised that Centers was still available in free agency, and he may be our most talented player.

-Anxiety

What is your estimated cap penalty for the 2004 season?

I am right up against the cap. You'll note that I have no high priced agents and such. My accountants gave me a balance sheet somewhere, but I can't find it as my desk is cluttered. Been on the job for a couple of weeks and already my desk is a mess. There's a lot of paperwork to being an owner.

I hope that we don't need mid-season help in an area.

-Anxiety

This isn't an NFL Franchise. It's an Arizona retirement home!!!! That's the only way they would come to Arizona is to retire! :D

Abe Sargent: Coach, how are the fellas?

Dave McGinnis: They look fine. You asked me to bring you the traing camp report?

Abe: Sure did. Let's see the report.

Dave McGinnis: Here ya go!

Report on Training Camp Improvements

QB Jamie Martin - We focused heavily on Jamie Martin. He improved his throwing accuracy by 3% after a lot of precision passing drills.

QB Danny Wuerffel - Despite heavy attention in pocket presence drills, Danny failed to gain any skills.

OLB Canute Curtis - After heavy work in the Chase and Tackle drills, Canute showed the greatest improvement of any player with an increase in his Awareness of 4%.

CB Eric Davis - An increased focus on his ball swatting skills gained Eric a 25 increase in Acceleration.

K Gary Anderson - Gary spent the camp working on his kicking skills. His kicking accuracy increased by 3%.

P Matt Turk - Matt spent a lot of energy working the coffin corner kicks all camp. His kicking accuracy increased 2%.

FB Larry Centers - Larry was our focus in the ground attack drills as a ball carrier. His Agility increased 3%.

WR Antonio Freeman - Although Freeman was our focus in cathing drills, he failed to increase his abilities.

LG Leon Searcy - In the trench fighting drills, Loen Searcy worked really hard but failed to increase his abilities.


That sums the players that we focused on this traininc camp.


- Coach Dave McGinnis

ARIZONA CARDINALS PRESS RELEASE

Cardinals Unveil New Home Uniforms

One of the first initiaves of the new owner, Abe Sargent, was completed today as the Cardinals unveiled the new home uniforms.

Modeled by Deion Sanders, Emmitt Smith and Qadry Ismail, the new uniforms sport a modern look to go with the new era of the Cardinals. Owner Abe Sargent has promised a seperation with the history of the past with this franchise, and new uniforms are the next step.

The new home uniform features the new red of the Cardinals used on all marketing and official products. The new red is darker. The old red was quite bright, often blindingly so in the Arizona sun.

The new uniforms also have one of the latest trends in uniform design, a white stripe across the shoulders from neck to mid-arm that seperates the front and back sections of the jersey. The new numbers are an old style look, and black and grey trims have been added in several areas to highlight the new uniform.

Many players and fans have already complemented the new look. Defensive Back Deion Sanders said that, "This new uniform makes me look even better than before." And an old school Cardinal in Fullback Larry Centers agrees, "This new home uniform is only the most recent symbol of change with the Cardinals."

The Cardinals are expected to debut new away uniforms during the preseason. These uniforms will be in line with the new style, and will also feature the trim and highlights, along with the new Cardinal red.

The Cardinals hire Celeval as new General Counsel. The other positions will be filled closer to the season opener.


-Anxiety

Sweet! I'll do my best to make sure we're not sued.

Oh, uh, I do get my own personal box, right?

To: [email protected]
From: Abe Sargent
Re: Preseason


Ticket prices were lowered across the board by three dollars, except for boxes which were lowered by $300 dollars.

I decided not to get involved in the preseason playing at all. I let Coach McGinnis and his staff make all of the calls, substitutions and so forth.

We finished the preseason 1-3. Of course, pre-season doesn't mean much of anything, but I think that we began to make progress towards the end of the preseason as the team came together for a win against Chicago in the third week.

We had several people get better as the preseason went on, but not too many because our team is old, not young. According to Coach McGinnis, they are:

C John Romero, +1 Overall
RE Grant Irons, +2 Overall
DT James Lee, +2 Overall
MLB Tony GIlbert, +2 Overall

As you can see, there's not been a lot of imporvement in skills during this preseason. However, considering that our team had a lot of team to get to know each other, I think it was still highly valuable.

-Abe Sargent

To: [email protected]
From: Abe Sargent
Re: New Hires


After some conversations, I have come to an agreement with Mike Ackerley to be our new Director of Scouting. Mike was currently the Director of College Scouting at Tennessee but here he willl also control professional scouting as well. With an suitable increase in remuneration as well. Mike has been with Tennessee for three years as their head College scout, was with the Rams for a season as their Director of Pro Scouting, and spent 8 years with Tampa as their West Coast College Scout. Mike was a perfect candidate. He's been both College and Pro top dogs, he has worked with some of the best franchises out there and been very powerful. The Titans and Bucs have both built Super Bowl teams with the draft under his guidance. And the Rams did very well with free agent acquisitions under his watch as well.

All other positions will remain open for the present time. They are not essential and I want to make sure that our search is thorough.

-Abe Sargent