Simpsons Quotes
 

Salesman: But surely you can't put a price on your family's lives.
Homer: I wouldn't have thought so either, but here we are.

"Okay Mr. Nibbles, now chew through my ball sack."

"Mr. Simpson, that is vapor rub and blood you are licking." ... "Part of me knew that."

"They call that a soccer riot, let's take em' to school boys."

Homer: "Victory?!? Were French, we don't even have a word for victory!"

Or something like that...

Another one:

Homer: "No beer and no t.v. make Homer something something"
Marge: "Go crazy?"
Homer: "Don't mind if I do! Ba daod asldfe asdlfiujaelkfj!"

"I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T....I mean S-M-A-R-T..."

"Remember son, it's not whether you win or lose....it's how drunk you get."

"Awwww....the Denver Broncos....."

"That sounds like rock and / or roll."

"I look like cable TV"

"To alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems."

Homer and Bart are over at Flander's making a prank phone call to Marge as Chad Sexington, the man on the Brawny paper towels.

Flanders: "Pulling a bit of a prankaroni, are we?"
Homer: "I was having a private conversation with my wife, thank you!"

Milhouse: It started off like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended in tragedy!

Rod and Todd: "Yay, Imagination Christmas"

"Hmm, increase my killing power."

"You don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day and do it really half-assed! That's the American way!"

"Stay calm, remember your training! (Opens bag, reads note) 'Dear Homer, I owe you one emergency donut, signed Homer.' Bastard! He's always one step ahead!"

"Take this object, but beware, it carries a terrible curse!"
"Ooh, that's bad."
"But it comes with a free Frogurt!"
"That's good!"
"The Frogurt is also cursed."
"That's bad."
"But, you get your choice of topping!"
"That's good!"
"The toppings contain Potassium Benzoate. (Silence) That's bad."
"Can I go now?"

Lisa: "Dad! We did something very bad!"
Homer: "Did you wreck the car?"
Bart: "No..."
Homer: "Did you raise the dead?"
Lisa: "Yes!"
Homer: "But the car's okay?"
Lisa and Bart (dejected): "Uh-huh."
Homer: "Alright, then."

Grampa: "Happy birthday, Bart!" (hands Bart cash)
Bart: "Thanks, Grampa!"
Marge: "Where did you get all the money?"
Grampa: "The government. I didn't earn it. I don't need it. But, if they miss one payment, I'll raise hell!"

Flanders' Hollywood girlfriend: "You guys are jammin'!"
Rod or Todd: "Daddy, she swore."

Ya used me Skinner, ya used me.

13. Be intamit with Marge.

Smithers doesn't even know the meaning of the word gay.

"What are you doing tonight Smithers, something gay no doubt."
"What?!?!"
"Oh you know, light hearted, fancy free. Mothers, lock up your daughters, Smithers is on the town."
"Haha, exactly sir."

Dola:

Thought I'd throw in a Family Guy quote from an episode I was watching the other day

Death (while playing The Game of Life with Lois): You know, I suppose this should feel kind of ironic, but actually I'm just bored as hell."

'' The Government gave it tome . I didnt want it , I dont Need it But if the government misses one payment I'll raise Hell!''
Grandpa simpson.

Lisa: Grandpa, didn't you wonder where all the free money was coming from?
Grandpa: I thought the Democrats were back in power.

Or something like that.

You're not going against the goverment, are you?
Well, no...
Good, cause we make the laws, we print the money, and we breed the supersoldiers

Oh, and forget that part about the supersoldiers

From the Mel Gibson episode:

Don't sell your husband short, Mrs. Simpson
She's always doing that Mel.


If I don't pay my taxes, the IRS pays them for me.
Oh, you poor thing.


Movies mean that much to you?
They're my only escape from the drudgery of work and family...

Lou: You know, I went to the McDonald's in Shelbyville on Friday night.
Wiggum: The McWhat?
Lou: Uh, the McDonald's restaurant. I've never heard of it either, but they have over 2,000 locations in this state alone.
Eddie: Must've sprung up overnight.
Lou: You know, the funniest thing though, it's the little differences.
Wiggum: Example.
Lou: Well, at McDonald's you can buy a Krusty Burger with cheese, right? But they don't call it a Krusty Burger with cheese.
Wiggum: Get out! Well, what do they call it?
Lou: A Quarter Pounder with cheese.
Wiggum: Quarter Pounder with cheese? Well, I can picture the cheese, but, uh, do they have Krusty partially gelatinated non-dairy gum-based beverages?
Lou: Mm-hm. They call 'em, "shakes."
Eddie: Huh, shakes. You don't know what you're gettin'

One final today before I head out:

Homer - That's it, I could just make up the news!
Lisa - At least take off your Pulitzer before you say that...

Grandpa: "My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star."

Milhouse: "This dog is way better then your old dog. Remember when your old dog ate my goldfish, and then you lied and said I never had a goldfish? Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? Why did I have the bowl?!?"

"Hello, I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true, and by true, I mean false. It's all lies, but they're entertaining lies, and, in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is no."

Marge - why are you supporting a negative itallian stereotype? you could be a pizza man, or a leaning tower builder, or.. uuuh, did i say a pizza man?

Fat Tony - you have just listed all my broken dreams


Homer - Its like Vince Lombardi said. You lose, you're out of the family.

Homer- There's three ways to do things kids . The right way , the wrong way , and the Max Power way .
Bart- Isn't that the wrong way ?
Homer -Yes, but FASTER!!!

Lisa is in a raft, and obviously hunger and thirsty:

"I'm so hungry, I could eat Arby's"

"I have here the only working phaser ever built. It was fired only once, to keep William Shatner from making another album."

- The Collector

Heh...I had this one in my sig for a bit recently. Great quote.


Actually this was said by one of the twin girls, and it was around the campfire on the Lord of the Flies episode (great epsiode). But, point taken--it's a funny-ass quote.

CR

Posted by Chief Rum:



My bad, I often misquote. You give me too much credit. :D

Marge: Homer, you do remember your promise to the children?
Homer: Sure do! When you're 18, you're out the door!

Marge: No knife games on the kitchen table.
Homer: I didn't hit your precious table!

Esquared I often notice that your quotes come out different. If you'll notice, near the post you want to quote, in the bottom right hand corner is a picture of quotes " ". Click that to get the quote, it's alot easier than clicking the quote button and pasting in the reply box.

Homer: Hello I'm Chad Sexington.
Marge: How did you get my number.
Homer: I don't know.

A couple from an episode on local syndication I saw today:

Lenny: You know, I always thought a guy with two wives would be really happy
Carl: No, it's a guy with two knives.
Moe (standing behind the bar holding two knives and laughing): Oh man this is great.

Drunken Homer: Well, the thing about my family is that there's five of 'em. Marge, Bart, girl-Bart, the one that doesn't talk, and the fat one. Oh how I loathe him...

Gabriel: I did a good job today, I really earned my Wings.
Homer: AH-HA! I knew you were an angel!
Gabriel: No, this CD (Best of Wings)

And some other random ones:

Lisa: I'll never take a stupid risk like that again.
Homer: I don't ever want to hear you say something like that. Stupid risks are what make life worth living.

Homer: Woohoo! In your face imaginary guy!

Marge: Homer, you can't pray to God for every little thing.
Homer: Can and will.

Homer: Who made you Judge Judy and Executioner?!?
Lawyer to Homer: Now you're my first client who actually is injured, and according to this book (law) that really help.

Flanders: I've got my twinkies and ding-dongs all mixed up
Homer: I mix twinkies and ding-dongs all the time. In Europe they call it a dinky.

Homer: I don't get it! I finally did a job where I was neither lazy, stupid, or corrupt, and I'm gonna get killed for it!


That's all I got now. Izout yizzo fo shizzo.

Old man to wife, while watching Smithers' 'Malibu Stacy' play: "And this is better than a movie...HOW?"

Lionel Hutz: "Mr. Simpson, don't you worry. I watched Matlock in a bar last night. The sound wasn't on, but I think I got the gist of it." {combs hair with fork}

Lisa: "Where are the dice?"
Todd: "Daddy says dice are wicked."
Rod: " We just move one space at a time. It's less fun that way."

Comic Book Guy: "Those are prescription pants!"

Troy McClure, re: Selma's pet lizard: "Selma, Jub-Jub is fantastic . He's everywhere you want to be."

For some reason, I also get endless joy out of Sideshow Mel bellowing "He's kicking it, old school!!" as Bart attempts to liven up church. with some Tae-Bo.

Thanks for the head's up. I nominate you to be "Chairperson for the FOFC Welcoming Committee." It was very big of you to help out a Steelers fan. :)

Krusty the Clown to newfound daughter:
"I'm not the kind of father who does things, or says stuff, or looks at you... but the love is there."

Homer to his lawyer after being convicted: Play the race card, the race card. Playyyy ittt!

It's craptacular!

I'm Troy McClure, and I'll leave you with what we all came here to see: hardcore nudity!

I'm Troy McClure, you may remember me from such nature features as Man Versus Nature: The Road to Victory.

That one had me laughing for a while yesterday.

Homer: Weaseling out of work is what seperates us from the animals, except the weasels.

Alcohol; the cause of, and solution to all of lifes problems.

Wiggum: Where's Sideshow Bob?
Prisoner: I think he escaped.
Wiggum: Oh no... Alright, if anyone asks I beat him to death.

Your location deceived me... had I known, I doubt I would have had anything to do with helping you. :p

Kent Brockman: Hordes of panicky people seem to be evacuating the town for some unknown reason. Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it's time for our viewers to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside?