!@#$% Moles
 

No, not the ones on my back, the ones chewing up my !@#$% yard. Had a minor problem with them late last summer, and gave them a dose of The Poison Peanuts. Problem solved, supposedly.

But now they're back with a friggin vengeance. Back yard, side yard, and now virtually the entire front yard. I'm waiting for Kenny Loggins music and Bill Murray to show up. Oh wait, that was a gopher. :p

Anyone have any brilliant home-spun mole remedies? Pouring molten lava down the little SOB's tunnel comes to mind... :mad:

My gramma killed a gopher with an air rifle

you need to introduce some mole HIV into the population.

to get started, I suggest getting a few of them to share dirty needles. the more promiscuous ones will do the rest.

I see. Since they're used to ploughing dark tunnels?

Yeah, Corbin Bernsen and Stephen Baldwin get on my nerves too.

My grandma kills gophers with a 410 shotgun.

Remind me never to mess with FOFC grandmas.

But they're moles, not gophers. Focus, people, FOCUS!

I suggest you send scooper after them.

Call Kickstand. If I remember right, he is the reigning East Coast Champion at Whack-a-Mole.

I hired a go-for to kill my moles.

I don't think that was a mole he was whacking:D

Why not take one of the moles out for a $50 dinner? Guaranteed you'll never see it again...

LOL :)

I suggest grabbing some tennis balls running out onto the lawn, and throw them at the moles screaming "lightning bolt! lightning bolt!" at the top of your lungs.

note: golf balls don't work on moles, only on ogres. That's why you need tennis balls.

Of course unless its wants more dinner, proceed with caution when the mole wants dinner and a movie.

moles can't even use the little rackets.

The Cardinal in the Kremlin was a mole, but Jack Ryan saved him. I doubt he can do it twice, Coug, so just sick the KGB on them.

KGB+No Jack Ryan=Dead Moles

KGB + no USSR = drunk unemployed russians. dumbass

They're probably looking for work. Not all of them can become overnight Russian mafia kingpins.

great, you are suggesting someone hire a drunk unemplyed russian to do pest removal on some the size of your big toe.

400 years ago I imagine you would have been the same idiot who would have strapped wooden feathers to your arms and jumped off a cliff.

155 views of this thread, and still no mole experts. You guys can play IWS 81 times, and can solve Quik's 2/3 puzzles, but you can't solve my !@#$% mole problem.

Maybe I should be cocky and funny to them.

That would have worked if you hadn't stopped me, Ray.

The only thing that I have ever seen work was our family cat that was a pretty adapt hunter. She moved from mice to moles to birds depending on what was around. It was funny because we couldn't stop the moles either until she decided that they would make a good target. She was hunting from when she was a kitten though so don't expect a house cat to have much success.

This had me in stitches for at least a minute.

SI

Gold.

:D

Fill a propane tank.
Attach a hose.
Find a mole hole, and insert the hose.
Wait, light a match. You might want to work on the method of ignition actually. Propane explodes.

We had moles one year and our next door neighbor gave us his traps which you put over their tunnels. Then when the mole runs under the trap, three metal stakes come down and stab the mole, leading to its death. I never had to clean up the mole corpse though, so I'm not sure if you want to do that. However, the worst animal problem came when a squirrel decided under the hood of our SUV was the best place to build a nest and chew wires...not once, but twice.

Having similar problems myself. I took the hose, dropped it down the hole and let the water run. And run. And run. Finally, i hear a sloshing sound and this tiny nearly drowned (well duh) chipmunk bolts out of the hole and into a mulch bed (that he is now devastating). I think he is pissed at me. Well, I would be if I were him.

In the winter, i found some tiny trails in the grass where some creature had worn away little paths under the packed snow. Little fuckers ruined a large section of grass. I found their holes and kept back filling and finally I think pieces of shit little trench makers went away. Though, it could have been the chipmunks that simply moved farther back in the yard.

I just can't kill the little bitches. You have to be a heartless prick to kill a chipmunk.

I thought this thread was going to be about Balldog's girlfriend's left boob.

You mean scoopers? (girlfriend, not boob...well I don't know about his boobs maybe he has a mole too I don't know)