Favorite funny movie quotes
 

Kate and Leopold

"Behold, rising before you, the greatest erection on the continent," the "greatest erection of the age" and the "greatest erection on the planet"

Clerks

"MY GIRLFRIEND SUCKED 37 DICKS!"

"In a row?"

"Looks like I picked the wrong time to quit sniffing glue"

Airplane

Spaceballs

"I bet she gives great helmet."

History of the World, Part I

Roman soldier: "Seize him!"

Josephus (Gregory Hines) "Oh seize this honkus!"

"Go that way. Really fast. If something gets in your way, turn."

Better Off Dead

Spaceballs (which has way too many to just pick one):

(after President Skroob tells them to comb the desert for the Princess)

Dark Helmet: "Found anything yet?"
Two white soldiers with giant comb: "No sir."
Dark Helmet: "And you?"
Two more white soldiers with giant comb: "Nothing yet sir!"
Dark Helmet: "What about you guys?"
Two black soldiers with giant afro pick: "We ain't found shit!"

The only, and I mean, ONLY redeeming quality of the movie Surf Ninjas...this line.

"Money can't buy knives."


And for a less obscure great quote.

"You fool! You fell for one of the classic blunders. The most commonly known being never get involved in a land war in Asia. But only slightly less well known is this! Never mess with a Sicilian, when death is on the line!"

Ah The Pricess Bride. Good stuff.

The best moments come out of the situation, though. Like my favorite part in Swingers


"How about if I wait six weeks to call. I could tell her I found her number while I was cleaning out my wallet, I can't remember where we met. I'll ask her what she looks like and then I'll ask her if we fucked. How about that? Would that be money?"


It is much funnier in context than it is just by itself. But since you know the characters so well, and because the joke has been set up by the whole movie up to that point it is much mopre effective. One of the problems with many comedies today is that it's just a collection of one-liners. Comedy has to come out of character to be funny. (End of comedy rant)



DOLA

"Inconceivable!"

"That word... I do not think it means what you think it means."

Funny one from Liar, Liar:

Max Reid: My teacher tells me beauty is on the inside.
Fletcher: That's just something ugly people say.

"Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?"

"The Germans?"

"Never mind. He's on a roll."

Neal Page: Del... Why did you kiss my ear?

Del Griffith: Why are you holding my hand?

Neal Page: Where's your other hand?

Del Griffith: Between two pillows...

Neal Page: Those AREN'T PILLOWS!!!

Hitchhiker: You heard of this thing, the 8-Minute Abs?

Ted: Yeah, sure, 8-Minute Abs. Yeah, the excercise video.

Hitchhiker: Yeah, this is going to blow that right out of the water. Listen to this: 7... Minute... Abs.

Ted: Right. Yes. OK, alright. I see where you're going.

Hitchhiker: Think about it. You walk into a video store, you see 8-

Minute Abs sittin' there, there's 7-Minute Abs right beside it. Which one are you gonna pick, man?

Ted: I would go for the 7.

Hitchhiker: Bingo, man, bingo. 7-Minute Abs. And we guarantee just as good a workout as the 8-minute folk.

Ted: You guarantee it? That's -- how do you do that?

Hitchhiker: If you're not happy with the first 7 minutes, we're gonna send you the extra minute free. You see? That's it. That's our motto. That's where we're comin' from. That's from "A" to "B".

Ted: That's right. That's -- that's good. That's good. Unless, of course, somebody comes up with 6-Minute Abs. Then you're in trouble, huh?

[Hitchhiker convulses]

Hitchhiker: No! No, no, not 6! I said 7. Nobody's comin' up with 6. Who works out in 6 minutes? You won't even get your heart goin, not even a mouse on a wheel.

Ted: That -- good point.

Hitchhiker: 7's the key number here. Think about it. 7-Elevens. 7 doors. 7, man, that's the number. 7 chipmunks twirlin' on a branch, eatin' lots of sunflowers on my uncle's ranch. You know that old children's tale from the sea. It's like you're dreamin' about Gorgonzola cheese when it's clearly Brie time, baby. Step into my office.

Ted: Why?

Hitchhiker: 'Cause you're fuckin' fired!

Charlie Jensen: Is it the frank or the beans?

Ted: I don't know, both I guess.

Warren: [from outside] Franks and Beans! Franks and Beans!

one more SAM quote

Pat Healy: What the hell is Brett Favre doing here?

Brett Favre: I'm in town to play the Dolphins, you dumb ass

LOL :D :D :D

"I don't even have a piece of sh*t; I have to envy yours."

"My nuts are halfway up my ass, but other than that I'm perfect."

And anything from the Holy Grail.....

Hmm, I could waste hours here....

Dola -

And another:

1> Shit man, that honky mus' be messin' my old lady... Got to be runnin' cold upside down his head. Ya know?
2> Hey home, I can dig it. You know he ain't gonna lay no mo' big rap up on you man.
1> I say hey sky, s'other s'ay I wan say? Pray to J I get the same ol' same ol'.
2> Eh. Yo know yourself a pro slick, gray matter live performas down now take TCB'in man.
1> Hey, you know what they say... See a broad, to get that booty, yak 'em, leg 'er down 'n smack 'em yak 'em.
2> Cold got to be! You know? Sheeiiiiiiiit.

"No fuckin' shit, lady!! Does is sound like I'm ordering a pizza?"

Die Hard


"But I'd like the pie heated, and I don't want the ice cream on top, I want it on the side, and I'd like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it, if not then just whipped cream but only if it's real, if it's in a can then nothing."

When Harry Met Sally

"Never rub another mans rhubarb"


The Joker

Batman (1989)

David Mills: "I've been trying to figure something in my head, and maybe you can help me out, yeah? When a person is insane, as you clearly are, do you know that you're insane? Maybe you're just sitting around, reading "Guns and Ammo", masturbating in your own feces, do you just stop and go, "Wow! It is amazing how f**king crazy I really am!"? Yeah. Do you guys do that?"

NSLFW

"What the fuck is this?"
"Obviously you're not a golfer."

A few movies with to many to quote:

Airplane, Blazing Saddles, Spaceballs, and Liar Liar.

I always though it would be hilarious to pull up to someone at a light with blue written all over your face and yell

"The Godamm pen is blue!!"