I did offer to make my famous air-fried home-made pizza rolls

Also I will add that as a Xmas present I gave the people in my office (including her) lottery tickets. I hope she won something big because then I can say that she owes me a dinner :p

are we really letting this potentially epic thread die?!?!?!

i have been happily dating someone that started off as a co-worker for over 10 years (we arent married because of our various kid situations from each of our first marriages).

we had known each other for years before i ever "hit on her"...when i finally did, i started out very simple...just made up an excuse to call her and chat with her about random social crap.

eventually got to the point of inviting her to group social outings with some common friends and told her to give me a call if she was interested in meeting up with us.

later that day, i stopped by her cubicle unannounced, grabbed a pen and a post-it pad, and when she asked what i was doing, i said that i told her to call me, so i needed to give her my number, smiled, and walked away.

she emailed me multiple times before i even got back to my own desk because she thought it was so charming that she was still smiling and blushing.

we started formally dating a few weeks later and have been together since.

its all about the approach and not being pushy or creepy...i let her make the calls about what we did and when we did it so she was always comfortable with the situation (work and private).

We all would be remiss in our duty if no one asked, so I'll do it: "How's Lathum taking the news?"

SI

some jokes just never get old, lmao!

I'm moving my terrible social life to this thread instead of the mental health thread. I feel that thread is for more serious problems

The last walk I had was actually pretty good. I talked with the centaur man "Ted" for most of the walk and it was good. He's basically the guy in the upper 60s guy I want to be. He's a retired CPA and seems to do what he wants to in life. But at the tail end of the walk I was able to talk with an "addiction therapist" Amber (not real name) who I think I may have a connection with. She was the first person to sign up to next week's walk.

Also I was at a coworkers house last week. She (lets call her Corrina) asked me if I was interested in dating the other coworker (lets say Barbara)that this thread was started about. So wonder if Corrina and Barbara have talked about me.

Also Barbara is on vacation this week for her birthday. I was thinking of getting her a gift card for her favorite lunch places and texting her on her birthday.

Any player ideas for me?

ETA: The Trumper didn't talk much this last walk. He was pretty subdued actually.

Is Corrina friends with Barbara? Assuming yes, it seems Corrina is the key. She seems will to "coach" you so somehow followup with Corrina and get her thoughts?

Now if Corrina is just a busy body and no real connection with Barbara, then pass.

They work in the same department. Their desks literally face each other so they can talk to each other freely. My office is across a hallway so I can't hear casual conversations.

Also I will say that I asked a coworker (lets call him Andrew) about having an intellectually handicapped woman hit on you.

He said to "take the easy lay-up".

Is that good advice?

So my vote is have another discussion with Corinna (but don't be creepy).

Just go with "Hey Corrina, I was thinking about what we talked about last week. Yes, I would like to ask Barbara out. What do you think?"

Be prepared for "No, she's not interested in you, you're not her type" and have the "okay, no problem" ready.

If she says "Yes, that may be a good idea", I'd say start with dinner (not at your place on first date) and have a couple suggestions in mind for Corinna to react to "You think she likes Italian/Sushi/Thai etc."

Glad you're getting a second shot at this ...

Personally I think Corinna wants Barbara and I to date. The problem is that both Barbara and I are both extreme introverts. I will add that Corrina and her husband recently bought a home and I think they want to host large gatherings.

I've worked with people like Corinna before. They like the idea of matching their friends, not sure they have any special insight other than in their own desire to match.

The direct approach is best - both from you and from Barbara. My sense is that if this hasn't happened by now, neither of you is all that into the idea and would only be dating out of a desire to be dating someone. Fine in the short term, not so fine in the long term if that's what you're ultimately looking for.

I think you already know the best answer for Andrew.

Yes, it's a good sign that Amber signed up before anyone else. Direct approach there. If you think there's something there, it sounds like she will make it easy for you to spend more time with her on the next walk.

The Trumper belongs at Corinna's next party. If you're feeling particularly iniquitous, tell him she was asking you how you felt about voting irregularities in 2020.

This is a great idea, get into hobbies and make connections with people that way. Also, the more connections you make, the less "desperate" you will seem, and that actually makes you more desirable. There's nothing a woman likes less than a guy who cares "too much". I know because I've been that guy before. Then when i would start casually dating, all of a sudden people's attitude to me would change. I guess I must have been projecting something different.

Just to update you on my sorry social life:

This weekend my group walk was just me, the Trumper, and another woman. Lets call her Sarah. Usually there are about 8 people but there was thunderstorms in the area and it was a new location so I think that scared people away. I know Trumper showed up just because he shows up to anything. I'm more curious about the motivations of Sarah showing up though. I'm going to show some unusual hubris and say that she wanted to spend more time with me. She is definitely more left-wing politically wise so I doubt she showed up to walk with the Trumper. Honestly though I thought it was a good walk despite the light rain and just the 3 of us. We walked three miles and everyone seemed in good spirits by the end. There were some moments were Sarah got to talk to each other without the Trumper around and we seemed to get along.

Unless someone thinks it's a terrible idea I will invite Sarah to paddle with me on one of the local lakes in my inflatable kayaks. I got a single person kayak and one that can be used for tandem or single.

Too soon! Too soon!


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Ugh, I was afraid this was the case. But I'm willing to listen to other arguments :p

Along with a walk next Saturday I'm trying to set up a group kayaking session on Sunday. She signed up for it. She is the shy type so it's been kind of difficult to talk to her group setting.

Yeah, bring it up next week one on one first before discussing with group and see what she says?

I was going to ask her over meetup app to she what she says. In a group it is kind of hard to isolate her.

My personal George(Seinfeld reference) says to do what you guys are suggesting. But honestly I think I need to be more aggressive.

Don't know all the interactions you've had with her but timing/pace seems okay to me.

If you do get her on a kayak, ask her out to lunch or dinner (not to your apartment!).

I live in a condo!(which I own)

No it isn't. Gotta be the alpha. Chicks dig confidence.

If she is in to you, it is never too early.

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Honestly, this. For all the bullshit rules about tImInG, it's essentially she's either interested or not. And that determines everything.

100%! I'd just suggest you plan things in public areas for the first 1-2 dates, just to make sure they feel comfortable.

I've been married 4 years. Last night while watching tv together our hands accidentally touched. Thought about a kiss, but didn't go for it.

Agree with the assertive plan. Even just suggesting grabbing coffee to continue a conversation or low stress hang isn't a bad idea. Lunch/coffee meetups are a great way to feel each other out. It tends to be a little looser (less pressure than dinner) and better suited for good conversation.

When I was last single, three dinner dates never amounted to much - but I met my current wife on what turned out to be a 5-hour lunch date/meetup.

Been married to a woman I met at work for almost 24 years. She came in after a couple bad relationships, and I had my own baggage. We were married in 6 months. Been a process, but we have survived.

Be yourself and go after what you want. But remember, you are in the marrying years, so shit or get off the pot.

This seems a bit hasty. Let's have a real date before worrying about getting off the pot! :p

I guess Im saying if you know what you want grab it. I was 31 and ready to get married and start a family and I found a woman who wanted that as well. We learned about each other on the fly and it caused turmoil, but we have come out the other end happier than ever.

So I organized a 5 mile kayak trip on my meetup group today.

The only people that showed up were 4 women.

Apparently kayaking is an activity that attracts women that I'm also interested in?

Er, you left out the most important piece of info/update?

Did Sarah show up?

Yes she did. She also had her (adult) daughter with her. So I felt it wasn't great flirting time.

Maybe bringing along a trusted person for an unbiased opinion before moving forward?

I will also add that Corinna also convinced me to buy Barbara a gift card as a late birthday present.

I bought it and gave it to her but honestly I've given up on Barbara because I just don't know how to get through to her. I've invited her on my group walks but she just says "Thats sounds like a great idea and I'll think about it" but she never shows any more interest.

So either she just hates groups or she is just not interested in me. Maybe I'll suggest something more one on one.

Do you think Corinna has already hinted about you to Barbara?

If so, then think the direct approach is best and just ask her out to a weekend lunch?

How to (successfully) hit on a coworker.
 

I don’t agree with E64 about much and can go on and on SO it should mean something that I agree with his above post.


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I tend not to agree with "I rarely agree with..." posts, but I don't agree with either in this case. This is her workplace, too. It sounds like you've done everything but stand on your head to indicate interest, and Corinna's been pushing this as well. I'd leave her alone, imagining that there's a similar "how to (successfully) deflect a co-worker's interest" item on another board somewhere. Unless it's normal for you to give people birthday cards and gifts, I don't think that was a good idea.

The meetups sound much more promising. I doubt someone who took a daughter along, though, is looking to date. That just doesn't parse. The ones who like you will find a way to give you the opportunity to ask them out. And take that opportunity. There's no "play it cool for three meetups before asking" rule. Women signal interest by making it easy to talk to them, then men have to take that initiative. I think it's harder for the women, especially once you're alert to the signs and recognize what they're doing.

And yes, kayaking, for whatever reason, is a female activity. Women know this and I think they're not ideal for finding dates because women who are looking don't want to stand out. We had a lot of varied events in our group - most really weren't for date-seeking, but the ones that tended to draw new people, people who seemed to be looking, were the ones like dinners and wine-tastings and lighter activities where conversation is less interrupted.

I will add that the daughter was visiting from out of town.

Btw I suggested to go tubing at the end of the month to Corinna and she is on board with it. (She's has shown interest in doing this since the spring). I asked Barbara and she said she was interested as well.

I haven't been to the place but Corinna has. I guess the place is called Argo Park in Ann Arbor Michigan. Is any FOFCer have any familiar with the place?

Argo Park is on the Huron River, north side of town - long, winding access through the part of town where you'd find the rich and the famous. The city rents out kayaks and such. The river is a little skinnier there, you'd probably tube into some minor rapids. It's a good rec area, not too strenuous. You can always suggest a dinner at Zingerman's afterward. Fairly close, a bit expensive, but a huge menu of sandwiches and lots of room to have a group either indoors or outdoors.

Corrina suggests that we bring our own tubes. Right now they start at $25 on Amazon. I guess there are some trips that are free if you bring your own equipment.

Dang, I was going to message Sarah over the meetup app but she's apparently turned off messaging.

Hopefully not because you were texting her so much?

I have yet to send her a private message of any kind.

Not a good particular week for my walks. Only one woman walked with me. She is a bit older but I did thank her for the "impromptu date". I will add that she is one of the fellow organizers in the meetup.com group.

Okay, so it's pretty clear Barbara is not AT ALL interested. She's being strictly polite.

Corinna strikes me as a bit of an Emma here. Although it'd be hilarious if she was actually interested in you, and not doing this horrible matchmaking attempt for her own sport (which I suspect it is entertaining for her and the whole reason she's doing it - not that she thinks it has any real hope of succeeding)

Sarah probably isn't looking. I concur with Solecismic there.

The ones who make it easy for you are the ones who might be signalling some interest. Women don't do that by accident.

I wouldn't read much into the low turnout this week - the weather has been miserable during the last week. I don't even set foot outside unless absolutely necessary. Women want to be their cutest, not sweaty and swatting away an entire aviary of pests.

No on Barbara. I think Corinna is trying to get you fired. Not sure about the others, but a definite maybe from the Trumper.

Honestly I think there are aspects of me that Corinna likes, such as the fact that I have a calm demeanor and that I don't worry about money. There are also aspects she probably doesn't like (which I'm not going into here).

Also it sounds like her marriage is about to explode. She says her husband is an alcoholic and is verbally abusive. And to top it off they recently bought a home that is a bit of a money-pit. I know Barbara wants her to divorce. I think she needs to also. I have met the guy and he's been extremely nice to me when we've met. However I've never met him when he's had more that 5 beers in him.

So she's basically super-stressed at home and is also stressed at work.

At what point should a person interfere in a suspected abusive relationship, what actions should a person take?