Ouch! Elderly gardener survives after impaling eye socket on pruning shears

Doctors save Arizona man's eye after he falls face-down onto the handle



Ouch! Gardener survives after impaling eye socket - US news - Life - msnbc.com

Cops On The Hunt For Duplicitous iPlank Scammers | The Smoking Gun

Another foot with a running shoe washes up in British Columbia

Another human foot washes ashore in B.C. - Yahoo! News

WTF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN

It means fishermen who drowned.

Maybe the exchange rate on commas isn't that great right now in Canada?

What I want to know, why is it only feet with running shoes? Are the joggers in BC that hard core where their feet just go flying off into the water?

A federal judge ordered lawyers to a kindergarten party after they kept wasting his time. Here's a bit of his order:

This one is bad:

Father of Two Decapitates Himself in Yorktown, Virginia - ABC News

"I was just shocked. Why would people do such stuff," said Merlyn Keefer, another neighbor. "We can't ask him what really went through his head."

I know. I can't believe they put that in there. It's like a purposeful macabre joke or something.

It does make me wonder if it's intentional.

It means no ducks or geese are being investigated.

"He's diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder and has abused his medication, she said. "

I wonder if she meant he abused his medication like he did that raft?

Best story I have read in a while...

BBC News - Canadian workers ill after cannabis brownie mix-up

Canadian workers ill after cannabis brownie mix-up

Three office employees in the Canadian city of Victoria fell ill after a colleague unwittingly gave them chocolate brownies laced with cannabis.

Police were investigating a possible case of poisoning at the workplace after the three were taken to hospital feeling dizzy and disorientated.

The woman who brought in the cakes said she simply found them in her freezer.

But her son later admitted to police he had baked the cannabis cakes some time ago and forgotten about them.

Canadian media reports said police decided not to press charges because there had been no criminal intent.

But the son is expected to be ordered to take part in community work, said the Vancouver Sun.

All three affected colleagues were released from hospital after a few hours.

Strange and outrageous.

Samurai on I-65 Identified

But only one is worthy of ice cream:

Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream - Schweddy Balls

Schweddy Balls: Ben & Jerry’s Newest Vermont Export - TIME NewsFeed

I just read that article. Yummers!

State trying to seize five high-end cars involved in Canadian street race – This Just In - CNN.com Blogs


WTF

Maybe it was a slow speed race?

OUCH

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/875317-...ing-beauty-spa

Not surprising that the eel found a way into his urethra. Look at the size of that thing!

Raising the bar...

BBC News - Dutch woman 'called boyfriend 65,000 times'

He did say there was a sharp pain when it first entered.

Just noticed that eel man's surgeon's name is Wang. Ha!

Well, I thought the Palin/Rice thing was going to take the cake for WTF celeb news stories today, but...

The star of X-rated movie Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, It's Up Your A**e We Go (again, seriously) was discovered partially eaten "deep in an underground chamber."

UK Ministry of Agriculture experts running a planned badger-gassing program near Tregaron, Wales, happened upon the 3'6" actor, reports indicate.

So who is going to do the porn version of the Hobbit then?

Rice eating beavers and midget eating badgers. It's a hell of a day here on earth.

Don't forget the Scarlett pics. September 14th, 2011 has been epic.

Mother of the Year candidate from New York... come on down!

Mom admits stealing son's cancer benefit money

Billy, you have cancer.
Billy, you're mom has gambling.

Nicolas Cage awoken by naked man with Fudgesicle - Yahoo! News

I think the title of the article speaks for itself.

A Fudgesicle is a frozen, ice cream-like snack.

I think this is really what happened between Sarah Palin and Glen Rice.

Yeah, I laughed at that, too. As a former journalist, I recognize the need for that line, but it still made me laugh.

Hell Atlantic must be smiling on this.

Five 8 year olds vs 1 Badger, who you got?

Depends, are the 8 year olds eating fudgesicles?

Yes. But the badger LOVES fudgesicles.

8 year olds....there is only 1 badger, and have you seen five 8 year olds hopped up on fudgesicles? Not a pretty site!

http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/nation/re...qVEAI.facebook

MANILA, Philippines - Women ended armed clashes in 2 Mindanao villages by not having sex with their husbands unless the men laid down their weapons, according to the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR).
The success of the "sex strike" allowed families to start rebuilding their communities, the UN's refugee agency said.

I'll take my lone 8 year old with a fudgesicle in here over any number of badgers you wish to provide...

What if it's this guy?

I think the morale of a group of eight years olds would break pretty quickly when confronted with the sight of a badger ripping the intestines out of one of their friends.

Don't ever let your wife/girlfriend ever see this. E.V.E.R.

Funny as hell though.

Within a week? Pfft.

/makes dismissive wanking motion

http://www.9wsyr.com/news/local/stor...s9PtWJuVw.cspx

Two accused of running up bar tab on corpse's ATM card









DENVER (AP) - Two men accused of driving around with a dead friend, using his ATM card and visiting a strip club are charged with abusing a corpse, identity theft and criminal impersonation.

Robert Jeffrey Young and Mark Rubinson are free on bond but they couldn't be reached for comment Thursday.

It's unclear how Jeffrey Jarrett died, but the men are not charged in his death.

The Denver Post reports that in a less amusing real-life version of the film "Weekend at Bernie's," an affidavit accuses Young and Rubinson of leaving Jarrett's body in the car while they drank at a bar on his tab Aug. 27.

Investigators allege the men stopped at a restaurant, returned Jarrett's body to his home, used Jarrett's ATM card and withdrew $400 at a strip club before reporting Jarrett's death.

What kind of a host invites you to his house for the weekend and dies on you?

Bernie does.

I would hope my friends do this when I die. Maybe I should put it in writing somewhere - but I don't know if that would protect them from the "abusing a corpse" charge.

I gotta wonder if that is a felony. In general, I have no trouble calling corpse abuse a felony, but for these guy's sakes, I'm pulling for a misdemeanor.

That would be a helluva thing to have to show up on background checks for the rest of your life. "Corpse Abuse"...Well we're not hiring him.

And then they say, "Hold on a second. Have you ever seen Weekend at Bernie's? Don't pass on us just yet until you've seen that movie".

Woman Dies After Injecting Face With Hot Beef Fat - ABC News

Woman Dies After Injecting Face With Hot Beef Fat


ABC News’ Mikaela Conley reports:

An Illinois woman who injected hot beef fat into her face died Thursday of a bacterial infection soon after she administered the homemade cosmetic surgery. Oddly, doctors say the questionable injections had nothing to do with her death, which was deemed natural by Illinois’ Cook County Medical Examiner’s Office.

Janet Hardt, 63 of Homewood, Ill., boiled beef, extracted the fat and injected it into her face before she went to the hospital complaining that her face felt as if it was burning, according to ABC News’ Chicago affiliate WLS-TV.

The Chicago Sun-Times reported that Hardt had infections and scarring in her mouth and on her lips, but an autopsy declared her death was a result of peritonitis, an inflammation of the abdomen’s inner wall.

This bizarre story does not come without lessons, experts say.

“There are a lot people out there doing self-injections for wrinkles, but I don’t know of any medical associations that would recommend this,” said Dr. Phillip Haeck, president of the American Society of Plastic Surgeons. “It’s not worth taking a chance with your face to try to save money when it could ultimately cost you a lot more money.”

Hardt reportedly injected her face with the beef fat several times, and she also underwent several legitimate plastic surgery procedures. Because she injected herself multiple times with the animal product, Haeck said she was at risk of developing an allergic reaction.

“One of the injections could cause the skin to erode or ulcerate,” said Haeck. “We know that injections of animal proteins do not cause systemwide failure, but it tends to cause local reactions. A lot of people who have allergic reactions to animal proteins will say that their face is burning like this woman did. That’s probably what was going on here.”

There's no way that's real!

She died giving herself a hot beef injection. NO. FUCKING. WAY.

POW! Right in the vagina...

Wow. This thread did not show up in the first 5 pages. Odd.

Anyway...

Sperm bank: Redheads need not apply - Health - Pregnancy - msnbc.com

"Our stock is about to explode..."

"I'll have two chicken fried steaks, a triple-meat bacon cheeseburger, fried okra, a pound of barbecue, three fajitas, a meat lover's pizza, a pint of ice cream and a slab of peanut butter fudge with crushed peanuts." Texas says, "that's it - no more last meal requests, you've ruined it for everyone".


Texas prisons end special last meals in executions - Yahoo! News

How come nobody asks to eat the electric chair?

Man Details Sexual Relationship With Dolphin

Your money quote:

Holy crap, that reads like an Onion interview/story.

I know I'm having a hard time getting laid, but, I think I'll stick to the internet, some slow jams and some Lubriderm.

I bet his book is selling like salmon cakes.

My friend noticed that the linked Amazon store, which is just an awful thing, says, "Customers who bought this item also bought: Chicken of the Sea Tuna Chunk Light Water, 5 Ounce Tins (Pack of 48)"

I heard it's a real page flipper.

If a dolphin ever came on to me, I imagine I'd have to tuna down.

Thank you thank you, I'll be here all weekend.

I thought most dolphins kept their emotions bottled up.

I heard that dolphins have bush now

You know the old saying... Blow hole or no hole.

Thanks, I almost got fired for laughing too loudly at work. :(

Ping Mr. Csonka.

He had bush on his face.

The headline isn't great, but the video is great


Hampton Couple Fights Off Intruder With Wrestling Moves, Statue - News Story - WPXI Pittsburgh

Found a better video from another station, must watch full screen

Is that like two in the bush?

'Toe Suck Fairy' arrested on new charges

http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/...78Q38420110927

Some of my favorite parts (non-toe parts, that is):

Why?

Naked man harassing hikers in Mill Creek Canyon




I bolded my favorite part....as if that had any precedence here....


"Yes, he was almost naked...he had on a pair of 1984 Air Jordans.."

It's going to start getting pretty cold in Salt Lake City here real soon. I think shrinkage will be a factor.

Chilli contest leaves two in hospital | Pakistan | News | Newspaper | Daily | English | Online

I hope everyone who entered got a fresh pair of underpants just for signing up.

Dwarf tossing in Florida?

Lawmaker Files Bill to Repeal State Ban on Dwarf Tossing in Bars | NBC Miami

A Florida lawmaker has filed a bill that would repeal a state law prohibiting dwarf tossing in bars.

Rep. Ritch Workman of Melbourne filed House Bill 4063 on Monday.

"To me it's an archaic kind of Big Brother law that says, 'We don't like that activity,'" Workman told the Florida Current. "Well, there is nothing immoral or illegal about that activity. All we really did by passing that law was take away some employment from some little people."

The cringe-inducing activity was outlawed in 1989, when national controversy over dwarf tossing prompted the Legislature to ban it in bars for safety reasons, the Current reports.
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House Bill 4063 would repeal Florida Statute 561.665, which bans establishments who sell alcohol from activities "involving exploitation endangering the health, safety, and welfare of any person with dwarfism."

While at least one previous lawsuit filed by a little person sought to repeal the law for employment reasons, others including the president of Little People of America are opposed to the new bill.

"In general, if HB 4063 does threaten to undo the protection afforded people of short stature against dwarf tossing, we are concerned, and we would be against legislation," said Gary Arnold to the Current. "The ban on dwarf tossing protects the entire dwarf community."

Under the current statute, the state can fine or suspend the liquor license of bars that host dwarf tossing.


BTW, the rules for dwarf tossing. http://www.minbu.connectfree.co.uk/dwarf.htm

It really isn't possible to parody some tea party types.

Depending on the jurisdiction, that might actually be relevant to what charges the fella would face if captured.

Goddamn dwarf-tossing nazis!

I like this article from a few days before the contest. The foreshadowing is amazing.

http://news.scotsman.com/edinburgh/C...ing.6845939.jp

Garry: The generator's gone.
MacReady: Any way we can we fix it?
Garry: It's "gone", MacReady.

The scrap metal industry really needs some cleaning up...