I met my wife at work and got married 6 months later and have worked in the same building with her for the last 24 years.

I got a secondary plan:

1. Go to a local bar
2. Admit that I root for the Lions
3. Roll in the sympathy sex



Foolproof right?

So I'm basically George Costanza: a short chubby balding guy. But at least like later George I have a semi-respectable job.

Remember that episode of Seinfeld where George realizes that he should do the opposite of his instincts? I think I need to do that here.


Fun Fact: I once even drove the same type of car that George did.

You have John Voigt's LeBaron?

Not the LeBaron, but since I can't say who owned any of my former cars, they very well could've been owned by John Voigt.

I had a '79 LeBaron in high school.

I didn't know this thread was about your pathetic life.

I thought it was about mine.




(Sorry, just doing the opposite of what I would normally do)

No, that's good. Girls dig the Bad Boy.

That's it! You should take up bootlegging.

Is that your orthopedic back pillow?

See above

Have the people at work start calling you T-Bone.

Can confirm this works for getting a first date. After that, you're on your own.

I would like to hear more of this story

ETA:

I've always been against someone giving themselves a nickname. But in the opposite George Costanza theory, I'm willing to listen to idea.

Oh, it was given to me. My name is one that lends itself to the T-Bone nickname. It, coupled with my taciturn nature, made me seem badass and appealing. Got the date with the coworker. It bombed because we ultimately had very little in common, but was still fun.

Ok, this whole smallish thread has been interesting but from post 53 onwards it got down right hilarious.

So I finally decided to check out her facebook page. And I gotta admit it's filled will more political diatribe than I expected since she never speaks of these things in the office. She's what I shall call a "Millennial Democrat" (I created this term). So basically her page has weekly postings of LGQT rights and abortion. Lots and lots of posts about abortion. And this is before the news about Texas. I can work with this except I'm not a fan of the anti-capitalist posts. But if the future sex is good then who cares. She did have Seinfeld and Futurama memes which is an insanely huge positive in my opinion.

Inquiring minds want to get a progress report. And ...?

Let me ask you this. Do you think you're sponge-worthy and if so, why?

Save both of your time now and move on to some other interest. This will not end well for either of you.

Unless she is really hot.

Well I thought I had a group invite to a restaurant after Friday, but unfortunately my company decided to have a pizza party and I didn't get a chance to push it. I'm trying again for next Friday.

Well then you tell me what will work for me. Because everything else I can think of will only end like a Detroit Lion's season.

Go to a bar and be cocky and funny. Easy.

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And despite the passive-aggressiveness of this answer I would actually like a suggestion.

If you do want to seriously have a chance, I think you need to make something happen sooner rather than later. These windows of opportunity don't last forever. In my younger years, I've seen those sparks of interest disappear if they aren't nurtured. An ex could always come back into the picture, or she could be internet dating, and all of a sudden that flirty look she gives you becomes a co-worker look, and you'll always think back and wonder what could have happened if you had made your move.

And if you do make your move and it doesn't work, move on.

Hey, I'm taking a wine tasting class on Saturday, did you want to come with me?
Hey, there's a cool play that opens this weekend, did you want to come with me?

I would get away from the group activity thing altogether. I've never been on a successful date that also had 6 other co-workers along with me.

I can't explain why but I'm kind of Gaga over her

How does this forum feel about a cold facebook friending?

My instinct is to say that it is wrong but my instincts haven't worked out for me so far.

I have zero successful experience but I think it's a situation where I would agree with Mota. I suggest to do something, or don't, but pick one and then move on if it doesn't work out. I wouldn't go the facebook route, I don't see where that would lead anywhere good.

This thread is now 4 weeks old. Grow a set already and do something.

Oh, don't forget Plan B and C. If she refuses you, need to think of the next thing you'll say e.g. how about next Sat (depending on how she refused)

and plan D find a new job

Attraction is a funny thing that's hard to explain. I didn't figure out much about dating until I understood that it doesn't work very well if the attraction isn't there.

I'll agree that her facebook page doesn't matter - that's just a function of how she interacts with a small friend group. It's weird that it's all public like that, but social media is still in its early stages of evolution.

I would not try to friend her, though. A friend request accomplishes nothing while giving her an opportunity to view you critically while you're not present. It takes attraction out of the equation.

If this weren't a work setting, you'd just go up to her and ask her out for dinner or something. I get the "how else am I supposed to meet someone" argument, but work is somewhat sacred because she has to be there and it makes people feel unsafe to be approached, one-on-one, at work.

I think the group approach is a good one. Be early. When she comes in, make eye contact and say something to her. If she makes it easy for you to sit next to her (or if you're already there, sitting, and she chooses to sit next to you), then you can probably suggest a later dinner date when she's leaving.

If she doesn't give you a good opportunity to sit and talk during the event, she's probably aware of your interest and doesn't want to encourage you. In that case, you're going to have to let it go.

One of the hardest things to accept about dating is that it's not like a job application. It's a convoluted, mutual dance and if a woman is interested, she'll give you opportunities to ask her out. They're not the mysterious creatures of lore that we build them up to be when we're inexperienced.

If you're feeling hopeless about it, read This Side of Paradise (F. Scott Fitzgerald). Great insights from someone who came to the most ridiculous conclusions (he wrote most of it when he was barely 20).

This should be part of Plan A.

All of this, pretty much. I'll also add that figure out your strengths/talents and play to them. Every relationship I've ever had, the girl fell for my writing first - whether it was online, in role-playing chat rooms, or in conversations via email or a messenger app, or in the simple passing back and forth of notes in some tedious situation (a speaker, sitting in the university computer lab, etc.)

My sense is that a one-on-one situation to start will be an epic tank - the kind that winds up in a Reddit subgroup or a listicle. Keep it low-key and no-pressure with a group event first. Be the one to organize it and get people to go. Wait until you've got a few yeses from other people first (including some other women). Then ask her and say, "Hey, a bunch of us are going to do X. Person A, B, C, are all already going, and I wanted to see if you wanted to come, too."

What's the fun in that?

How about the stealth date?
"Hey, I'm organizing a "blah blah blah" night. What do you think?
If she agrees, then you ask her, should we invite some other people from work?
If she says yes, it's not a date. If she says no, then it's a date.
This would be a way to test the waters. You did mention earlier in the thread that you think she is interested, so I would personally try to advance it based on that. Remember that interest is not an unlimited thing, if she is interested and feels that you're not pursuing her, she may move on emotionally.

How is this 4 weeks old and there's no update.

Maybe this "I'll send her a note at the perfect time in 2 months after a feeling out period" shit works in high school, but when you're in your 40s (or 30s or 50s or whatever you're in), by the time you do anything about it, she'll be taken.

Do something

This thread reinforces my thought that if I'm ever single again, I'm just going full-on hermit until I die. Ain't no way I'm wading back into the dating swamp 30+ years later.

Okay, since you don't seem to like our other ideas, I do have a game changer for you.
Hey, I am starting a new Front Office Football multiplayer league, did you want a team? I'll give you the pick of any franchise you want.
That way you show her that she is a priority for you, and also shows your amazing FOF skills.
The first time my then-girlfriend slept over at my house, she woke up at 7:30 am and saw that I was in my computer room, playing Icewind Dale 2 and Diablo 2, both of which had just released that week.
She married me.

I have a good friend, mid 40s, divorced 10 or so years, very attractive woman. The stories she has are horrid. I can't imagine trying to wade those waters. she has basically given up.

Over the last 10+ years, I have known a few folks through my kid's sports who divorced and a few of them ended up hooking up with other divorced parents within those sports.

I don't think it would be that hard if you were active socially.

Heh. Yeah, that's the piece right there that would get me. Now that the kids are out of school, I am home all the time. Now, part of that is because I am not looking and don't need to socialize. Would my habits change if I were "looking?" Who knows. I know wooing the ladies wasn't something I was particularly adept at when I was young.

edit: hell, I'm not really successful at wooing the one who is contractually bound to me!

Agreed. My last kid is 6 months from HS graduation so there are no obvious social situations for me without inserting myself into something I'm not part of now.

The sports parent dating thing reminds me though - there was a team about 2 or 3 years below my daughter that was run by the stepfather of one of the players. Mom dropped divorce papers in April and completely blew up not only her marriage but the team. Those poor parents were scrambling to try to keep it together or find new teams right as everyone was starting to play.

This is the best advice you will get. Just do it next time you see her and you will have your answer. If it is a no, it doesn't make it awkward.

Now, having said that, I would never do this to a co-worker if it is any kind of professional job. (Disclaimer: I met my wife when we both worked at a grocery store and I basically told her I have tickets to a Hartford Whaler game this Saturday and asked if she would like to go, but grocery store is not a serious job and I was 22).

That's my story too Marmel, except we were 20 and she asked ME out.

I would be extremely careful about dating around a job I wanted to keep just in case things went sideways (either immediately or down the road). Although in my specific case, my current boss married a direct report (but he owned the company, so you know...) so I'd probably have a bit of wiggle room.

This describes me after my 26 year marriage ended 8 years ago. I "tried" online dating apps but never got anywhere. In the end, I am happy being on my own.

So the first time your wife slept over, you got up at the crack of dawn to play video games instead of snuggling that body? What in the hell is going on here?