I always imagined that that old lady in the Clapper commercials had the Clapper hooked up to her pacemaker the way she fell asleep when it was "lights out"

i think capitalism nurtures the worst aspects of humanity and i eagerly await the collapse of modern civilization.

I miss the white McDonald's cake, McDonald's poutine, and McDonald's pizza. Kind of weird how the three things I've liked the most on their menu are gone.

There's a muscle in my left leg that is twitching all on it's own. I'm sitting here watching it...completely involuntary. WTF is up with that?

Also, I learned recently that an ex-gf of mine recently got a breast reduction, which is a f*cking travesty. Those things were magnificent!

Can't see shit captain.

I had a similar experience. Such a waste. They were near perfect... :(


---------


At some point, I realized that I usually picture myself as looking like I did when I was 20, rather than how I actually look just a couple months short of 40.

Who created the concept of making your signature as illegible as possible?

I also had an ex-girlfriend cut off her beautiful long blond hair after we broke up. It was kind of like when Aslan had his mane cut off.

I like frozen Ding Dongs.

:spock eyebrow:

You Devil!

I'm wondering what McDonald's poutine tastes like

Sometimes I can feel that "incoming call" cell phone buzz in my pants pocket, even when I've forgotten my cell phone on the charger at home. Why is that?

I always wonder who was the taste bud challenged moron who invented Miracle Whip.

I think this world would be a much more interesting and fun place if the dinosaurs from 65-250 million years ago still roamed the Earth.

Is tired of ESPNs east coast bias, but, still think the commercials are funny.

I want to know what Dodgerchick thinks of her friends new boobs after she cops a feel and let her know that I'm available for a second opinion.

I wish Picnic & Chicken was still around

I see that the batting gene skips a generation in the Gwynn family.

I still hate Bob Seger.

Currently in a poking war I refuse to lose.

Is there an actor out there with two more iconic roles than Harrison Ford?

Every time a Sarah Mclachlan song plays, a puppy gets tasered, thrown to the ground, or shot.

I have Sarah McLachlan on my Ipod.

I will taser 11 puppies this afternoon.

Ditto to a., not to b.

How do you get her to stay?

This was on a lesbian pictures forum, so they're both girls.

I hope there were more pictures, or that's the lamest lesbian forum in the world.

"Hey, check out these completely clothed David Spade-looking elfs hugging each other!"

I have a crush on A.J. Cook, but she doesn't know it.

Leukemia is a bitch and will take away people you love.

Kidney stones suck. 7 Kidney stones suck more.

Pawn Stars is a great show. Chumlee rocks!

"Yeah, I bought this version because I don't like it when they cut off the top and bottom of the screen."

This is why I don't own guns.

I got this shirt the other day:

Yeah, we'd be back to back shooting at hoards of infidels. "Why is the side of my picture cut off" was another favorite. Duh, you have a widescreen tv and the show is not widescreen.

+1

Bob Seger and John Cougar Mellanchump should fight to the death.

Should they fight during a "Hollywood Night" or in a "Small Town"?

It took me a long time to be able to tell the difference between Foreigner and Journey.

Kind of like Kirk and Spock, but instead of the 'da da daaaaaaa da daa daa buu-waaaaah!! buu-waaaaah!!' in the background it would be the background of Jack and Diane.

I think a peanut butter and salsa sandwich would be unfortunate.

Probably better than sardines with onion, garlic and hot sauce.

In one of the few cases where this would actually be related to anything, a friend of mine growing up would bring peanut butter and ketchup sandwiches for lunch. His mother was Canadian, so I chalked it up to being a Canadian thing.

(admittedly, the sandwiches weren't half bad)

Love it.

You've given me new fodder for the evening when she feels the need to tell the world she has to go get gas and swing by Burger King.

You mean AJ Hawk? I thought he was a dude?

But not better than homemade pancakes from scratch.

I am looking forward to the 30th anniversary of Empire Strikes Back screening at work.

:)

But not better than wine, burger and truffle fries.

But not better than Chicken and Waffles!

Nope, A.J. Cook and I love her.

That damn muscle in my leg is still twitching...W...T...F...

So eh, what's the big deal about chicken and waffles? Never tried them so I dunno.

Your body is probably rejecting the alien transplant.

It's one of those odd combinations that you wouldn't necessarily think of, but actually go quite well together.

Not much is my friend.

I'm all out. None left.