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This brings a whole new level to "It wasn't me."
BBC News - Malawi row over whether new law bans farting |
I always enjoy the "animals get revenge" stories.
http://www.idahostatesman.com/2011/0...-by-armed.html DELANO, Calif. — A Central California man who was at a cockfight died after being stabbed in the leg by a bird that had a knife attached to its own limb, officials confirmed Monday. Jose Luis Ochoa, 35, of Lamont, was declared dead at a hospital about two hours after he was injured in neighboring Tulare County on Jan. 30, the Kern County coroner said. An autopsy concluded Ochoa died of an accidental "sharp force injury" to his right calf. Sheriff's spokesman Ray Pruitt said it was unclear if a delay in seeking medical attention contributed to Ochoa's death. "I have never seen this type of incident," Sgt. Martin King, a 24-year veteran of the sheriff's department, told the Bakersfield Californian. Ochoa and the other spectators fled when authorities arrived at the scene of the fight, King told the newspaper. Deputies found five dead roosters and other evidence of cockfighting at the location, he said. No arrests were made at the cockfight. Cockfighting is a sport, illegal in the United States, in which specially bred roosters are put into a ring and encouraged to fight until one is incapacitated or killed. According to Kern County Superior Court records, Ochoa paid $370 in fines last year after pleading no contest to one count of owning or training an animal for fighting, according to the newspaper. Attending or organizing a cockfight, or training an animal to participate in one, are all misdemeanors under California law, although a second offense is a felony. |
Fatally stabbed in the calf? Sounds like Hitman Monkey has some competition.
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This is a little different...
Bless me iPhone for I have sinned | Technology Headlines | Comcast.net |
I guess we don't have to ask if she spits or swallows....
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I wonder if "I jizzed in some lady's yogurt container and tricked her into eating it" gets you more respect in prison, or if it gets you beaten up in prison.
I could honestly see it going either way. |
dola.
Maybe both. "Props to you man, and I am laughing at that dumb bitch that you made drink it. That's awesome. But I am still going to shiv you in the spine because that could have been my sister you sick weirdo fucker!" |
On second reading, maybe she shouldn't have been surprised:
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Unfortunate choice of words for $1,000, Alex. |
now that's a crazy ass story.
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“she told me was a Greek yoghurt. People love it has lot of protein on it.”
LMAO! |
Well, the manager was being truthful about the protein part!
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And maybe that guy was Greek.
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Nice job for those cops to follow up on what must have seemed like an insane story.
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To pick something like semen in the flavor of yogurt, she must have quite a bit of experience with the other.
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Surgery in an airport hotel? |
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Another interesting factoid: 2:46 a.m.? |
I like big butts and I cannot die.
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That's why I never go any cheaper than the Mariott for my ass surgeries.
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Nice. |
Raccoon 1, Carrington Wrestling 0
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Apparently rabies can be transferred from thumb to butt, so they decided not to risk it.
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:nono: |
Holy crap this one is great! Especially the headline. Quote:
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This title pretty good too
Fort Wayne officials refuse to slap Harry Baals on public building • The Register |
I wonder if they would have found that as hillarious in the 30s and 50s too - maybe that's the reason he was elected to all those terms in the first place.
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They just really liked Harry Baals back then.
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There's a female attorney in my firm with the last name Fuchs. She pronounces it fox. I could see fukes, and obviously fucks, but not fox. |
I would have guessed 'fukes'. Like from the movie The Thing with Kurt Russel.
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But Harry Baals is probably better than Schweddy Balls.
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Nice!!
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The Harry Baals story has kindof made me chuckle most of today
SI |
What I want to know is: How fast did he throw the hot dog??
Court: Baseball Fan Did Not Assume Risk Associated With Hot Dog Toss - Lowering the Bar |
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
So now no more hot dog toss because guy wasn't paying attention and decided to sue SI |
Someone posted these summaries on another board and I thought of this thread:
The Key Underwood Memorial Graveyard near Cherokee, Ala., is reserved as hallowed ground for burial of genuine coon dogs, which must be judged authentic before their carcasses can be accepted, according to a December report in The Birmingham News. The Tennessee Valley Coon Hunters Association must attest to the dog's having had the ability "to tree a raccoon." (In March, a funeral for one coon dog at Key Underwood drew 200 mourners.) [Birmingham News, 12-30-2010] Safety Harbor, Fla., trailer-park neighbors Joe Capes and Ronald Richards fought in December, with sheriff's deputies called and Capes arrested for assaulting Richards. The two were arguing over whether the late country singer Conway Twitty was gay. [BayNews9.com (St. Petersburg), 12-3-2010] |
At least you weren't dubbed:
Richard Trickle when you were born. Thats right, some poor bastard grew up being called Dick Trickle his entire life. He was a stock car driver for decades. I still giggle when I watch the classic races and teh announcers mention "Dick Trickle slides to the inside and makes his move!" |
I love that there are two people that passionate about Conway Twitty's sexuality and that they managed to find each other.
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Need I remind you of my nephew Otto Maddock Pilotte (automatic pilot) or my high school classmate Richard Handler III (yes, Dick Handler) /tk |
How could a solid plan like this go wrong?
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Is that a chainsaw in your pants, or are you just happy...? (from MSNBC)
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And properly disinfected, one hopes...
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Who puts a candy bar down the front of their pants?
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I think I might have found the original guy that the semen yogurt guy copycatted. The best part of this story is the fact that they managed to capture a pic of the woman that makes her look like she just took a drink of a semen-flavored water bottle.
Man Found Guilty In Semen Assault Case February 24, 2011 3:45 PM Print Share 157 ![]() SANTA ANA (CBS) — A Fullerton man has been found guilty of ejaculating into his female co-workers water bottle. Michael Lallana, 32, was found guilty Thursday afternoon of assault and battery. Jurors also found true the allegation that he did it for sexual gratification. Lallana admitted in a taped interview submitted to jurors that he ejaculated into an “attractive” co-worker’s water bottle because “her lips had touched it,” but told detectives he never thought she would drink it. Lallana and the woman — identified only as Tiffany G. — began working together at Northwestern Mutual Financial Network in Newport Beach. They were both later transferred last year to the company’s office in Orange. “It was the closest I could ever get to someone as good looking as that without tampering with my marriage or hurting anyone,” Lallana said in the interview with Orange Police Department detectives in explaining why he ejaculated into the woman’s water bottle twice last year. When the detectives quizzed him on why he didn’t just throw the water bottle away when he was done, Lallana said he figured she would dump the water and was afraid of leaving anything out of place on her desk. “Can I honestly say I wanted her to drink it? No,” Lallana said in the taped interview. “Why I left it there, I don’t know.” Tiffany testified that she left her water bottle on her desk in the Newport Beach office on a Friday in January of last year. She said that when she returned the following Monday and drank from the bottle, she tasted what she believed to be semen. “I had a hunch that’s what it was, but I wouldn’t dream in a million years that’s what it was,” she said. After being transferred to the company’s office in Orange, the woman said she again tasted semen in her water last April 6. Up to that point, she had been more careful with her water, dumping it when she left, she said. Tiffany testified she threw the water bottle away that January. But after the second time in April, she kept the fouled liquid and asked her fiancee put his semen in a water bottle to see if that’s what she had tasted at work. “At the time, I had no idea how else to figure out what this was,” she testified. Convinced it was semen in the water bottle she had at work, the witness said she approached Orange police but was told they could not do anything based on the suspicion of a crime. She then went to human resources officials at her workplace. “They heard me out, but they didn’t know what to do,” she testified. The woman said she was told the company’s legal representatives would be consulted but decided on her own to seek out an independent laboratory to test the water. When she found a lab and got the results back, she had a friend, whose husband is a former Orange police officer, call the department’s investigators and they picked up the case in June, she testified. Tiffany and Lallana did not have much to do with each other than small talk or an occasional greeting because he did much of his work outside the office, according to testimony. When pressed by detectives, Lallana said he found his co-worker attractive and that part of the allure was that “her lips had touched” the water bottle, according to the tape played for jurors. Lallana also gave investigators a DNA sample, and Deputy District Attorney Brock Zimmon told jurors the evidence showed it was Lallana’s semen in the water bottle. |
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a classmate of mine in HS was Brian Hole, yes, his father's name was Richard... |
Met a guy once named Richard Head.
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There was a guy in my hometown named Harold Richard Head. He preferred to be called Harry Dick.
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He's no Harry Baals
SI |
Charleston Police Blotter | The Post and Courier, Charleston SC - News, Sports, Entertainment
"Charleston Police Blotter EDWARD C. FENNELL, Thursday, February 24, 2011 Tweet Punch unexpected for 'cartoon' character A man walking downtown at 2 a.m. acting like the "Futurama" TV show's cartoon lobster character, "Dr. Zoidberg," was punched in the face, according to a Charleston police report. The 22-year-old man, who had a chipped tooth and possible broken nose, drove himself to a hospital, the report says. The man told police he was "just playing around" Feb. 11 near King and Calhoun streets when he began imitating Zoidberg. The report says the 22-year-old described Zoidberg as "a lobster doctor that walks sideways with his claws out and makes noise." When "Zoidberg" passed another man on the street, the other man reportedly asked, "What did you say to me?" The 22-year-old's friends pulled him away from the man, "telling him, 'keep going, he said nothing to you,' " according to the report. The man reportedly followed for about 20 feet and threw the punch. The alleged assailant, who is known by the 22-year-old, reportedly ran away, the report states. The report says the 22-year-old told officers he wants to press charges." |
You would think these women would be smarter than to say in the public record that they thought they recognized the taste of semen.
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Apparently the local pizza shop competition is heating up:
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Because an adult should be ashamed of that? |
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Well, you could write them a note and see if they're enjoying the attention and reaction they're getting to their comments. I'm guessing they're now wishing they hadn't said it, but YMMV. |
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Gotta love Europe!
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Tot wanders into street while mom's at parenting class
The story not so much, but the title made me laugh |
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Looks like a fake news site
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Or a science news site. |
OMG. Even if it's made up it's horrific.
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http://www.usatoday.com/sports/preps...ont-boys_N.htm
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World's Youngest Grandmother
Woman, 23, Becomes World's Youngest Grandmother - FoxNews.com
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Yes there are 3 events at every renaissance faire. Jousting, dueling, and grandmother-killing. The winner gets the honorary title of dumbass.
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Maybe I'm just bleary eyed and tired, but WTF are you on about with this post? I don't understand any correlation to much of anything in what you just posted. |
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Spartanburg Police: Crack Found In Man's Buttocks
http://www2.wspa.com/news/2011/mar/1...ks-ar-1584174/ |
Man in zombie mask attacks with stun gun
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Maybe this isn't that strange...more like a horror movie gone bad. |
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Oh man, sometimes the headlines just write themselves. |
Taco Rage: Man upset at burrito price rise fires shots.
http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/...72K4A920110321 Quote:
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Ah, memories:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/foo...as_chalupa_ap/ Quote:
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Hugo Chavez theorizes that capitalism might have ended life on Mars.
http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/...72L61D20110322 |
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Stupid people cause me anguish. If he wins, I want $2,000,001 and a kick to his nuts from a little girl. $2M goes to charity, he owe me a dollar, and he gets what he deserves
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haha the Youngquists were members of the "nation of Kansas" and that "outlying minion islands" did not have dominion over them |
The American Pickers guys just had a coronary.
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Kappa Sigma suspends University of Southern California student over sex photos on campus roof
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BBC News - Puppy thrown at German biker gang
Puppy thrown at German biker gang A German student "mooned" a group of Hell's Angels and hurled a puppy at them before escaping on a stolen bulldozer, police have said. The man drove up to a Hell's Angels clubhouse near Munich, wearing only a pair of shorts and carrying a puppy. He dropped his shorts and threw the dog, escaping on a bulldozer from a nearby building site. He was arrested later at home by police. The 26-year-old is said to have stopped taking depression medication. After making his getaway on the bulldozer, he had driven so slowly that a 5km tailback built up behind him on the motorway. After driving about 1km, he had abandoned the bulldozer in the middle of the motorway, near Allershausen. He continued his journey by hitchhiking. "What motivated him to throw a puppy at the Hell's Angels is currently unclear," a police spokesman said. The puppy is now being cared for in an animal shelter. |
I don't know where to start with that story, but I like it
SI |
I don't live in Texas. I'm not from Texas. And I don't hunt. But this is still awesome.
Texplainer: How Real Is the Feral Hog Menace? — Texas Legislature | The Texas Tribune |
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HA! |
MY NEW HERO!
BBC News - Naked soldier smashes window to stop Salford car thief Any bloke who takes on three burglars, chases one stealing his car, punches through the glass & beats the masked thief at 6am without caring that he is in fact naked... I'll buy him a beer! |
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Kid was probably just trying to figure out why there are two La Granges in Illinois. |
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An April Fools day prank at Wal-Mart on March 31st. Awesome.
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Maybe the idea was for the dude to be stuck there overnight, and found in the morning on April 1.
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Curiously, most males' research indicates that the distance between penis and vagina is a far greater factor in failed reproduction. |
Anogenital Distance would be a great name for a band.
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Ha, I said the same thing on another board!
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Didn't Dave Barry popularize that phrase?
SI |
America gets a bad rap nowadays, and China is almost willing itself towards world acceptance through a quickly growing economy - so it's always nice have a litttle reminder, that in a lot of ways, America rules and China is run by weirdo crazies:
China bans time travel on the tube - The Source - Latest news and updates from Boston.com If you're living in China right now and want to enjoy a nice quiet evening on the sofa watching the classic 1960 film version of "The Time Machine," you may be out of luck. The New York Times recently reported that China's State Administration for Radio, Film & Television has issued new guidelines as to how TV shows should treat the issue of time travel, saying that shows that involve rocketing through time and space lack meaning and promote an unhealthy belief system. The Times reports that a press release in Chinese says that these shows "casually make up myths, have monstrous and weird plots, use absurd tactics, and even promote feudalism, superstition, fatalism and reincarnation." While plots involving time travel have been part of western culture for centuries – from "A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court," to "Back to the Future" – TV dramas with plot twists involving time travel have apparently been on the rise in China. One such show, "Palace," involves woman traveling back in time to the Qing Dynasty and falling in love with several princes. Such shows are deemed by the Chinese media administration as insulting because they are "treating the serious history in a frivolous way, which should by no means be encouraged anymore," according to a Time magazine article. This news comes as no surprise considering China's recent history with censorship. Besides flagging some keywords and blocking certain topics on the Internet, the country's government has also banned online games featuring mafioso and has blocked popular websites like Youtube and Twitter on quite a few occasions. What else has the Chinese government censored? See a list of just a few of the items restricted and monitored by the government. |
Read that this morning. Don't let their economic status fool you (ubiquitous you) into forgetting they are still a dictatorial communist government and are not supporters of free speech, workers rights, human rights, etc...
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[Insert Chicago Cubs winning the WS joke here]. |
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Hey, it could happen. They've got until 2015...well, that and the Marlins would have to switch leagues and turn their mascot into an alligator, but still.... |
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One of these?
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In other !SHOCKING! news...
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Ha. There was a snl weekend update bit about this a while back: "It was reported this week that Los Angeles County health officials discovered the bacteria that causes Legionnaires’ disease at the Playboy Mansion. [ sarcastically ] Oh, did they find a weird old-timey disease at that bastion of health and cleanliness? The home of the world’s oldest man and his stripper collection, its grounds crawling with weird zoo animals that you know aren’t being looked after by any kind of a zookeeper? Just a bunch of sick peacocks and gimpy llamas running around, using the badminton court as a toilet while a 19-year-old runaway in a bikini Googles what you’re supposed do when a spider monkey has a cough? And they just found Legionnaire’s disease? Keep looking, county health officials, that’s probably just the tip of the petri dish!" |
It's a Jersey thing, you wouldn't understand...
NJ woman chides NYC smoker, gets stabbed with pen - Yahoo! News |
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